delusion.....friend or foe?

[Inna]

I remember looking at the mirror some years ago, dressed and full of denial, but this time was different, this time I really set out to look into my eyes, like I never looked before. I stood up, walked up to the mirror and looked at the face of a man. I stared at it for a moment forcing my eyes from escaping the truth, finally I shouted “what the hell are you doing”

In that moment I realized that I truly never looked at person in the reflection, that somehow I always missed that spot and as a whole when assessing my look I just assumed, I delusion my self to seeing what I wanted to see.

I believe that moment was my undoing, but not my defeat; I finally looked into the face of reality and didn’t like what I was seeing. I also understood the overwhelming need to express the inner desire for her presence in the world. But she wasn’t there in the reflection, however much I tried I got close, I wanted her to be there so much, but not close enough.

I suppose some may have lesser need to express her in the daylight and then some will go to extremes of uprooting life as we know it, just to be able to glimpse into her reflection and be reaffirmed, one body, one sole.

So here is my question to you: [SIZE="4"]"have you ever, really looked at the reflection in the mirror?"[/SIZE]

[Lorileah]

Every time. Sometimes I look at a really homely person. More often I like what I see. If others don't then so what? You have to like you and you cannot be perfect every time. If I don't like what I see, I go and change until I find what I like. I will never be a supermodel or a movie star. I will be me

[SusanCACD]

I have, and I hate it. But it is the reality for me, so much has to change, so many people affected, can I ever be so selfish to be happy? Don't get me wrong, I am not saying TG people are selfish, but like the song says "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose". Being like I am sucks, but at the same time I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Susan

[suzy1]

If you allow yourself to move away from reality for to long then it can be a shock when you have a moment like that.
I feel for you Inna, it must have been unpleasant to say the least!

It takes courage to be a realist in all areas of your life. But it’s the only way in my opinion. [And it’s done me no harm, quite the opposite!]

They only way to live in my opinion is to accept yourself as you are. And like yourself or better love yourself. [As I love me]

Anyway, I think you’re super!

Look after yourself,

SUZY

[ReineD]

I believe that moment was my undoing, but not my defeat; I finally looked into the face of reality and didn’t like what I was seeing. I also understood the overwhelming need to express the inner desire for her presence in the world. But she wasn’t there in the reflection, however much I tried I got close, I wanted her to be there so much, but not close enough.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

... and thus began your journey to a physical transition?

I've no doubt my SO has at times noticed that the mirror did not reflect her inner feelings of the moment. I wonder how she came to be at peace with this. I rather think she had instead decided to do what she could physically short of HRT, and also focus on her inner feelings rather than the reflection.

It isn't all or nothing for her. Nor do I believe she is under any delusion.

[elizabethamy]

Great question, Inna. I never used to look in the mirror except when I had to. Now I look often -- trying to see who is looking back, is it a man, a woman, do I know that person, what is in his/her eyes, what does he/she want?

It is not one moment for me, but a process of a series of mirror moments that I hope will offer answers.

[Crissy Kay]

I do not like looking too close in the mirror. One of the main reasons for me to remain a part time closet cd.

[Kate Simmons]

Well Inna, when I look in the mirror these days I don't see a man or woman but my core being, which can be one or the other, both or neither as needed. I wear a lotta hats. In your case though when I see your pics I see nothing but a beautiful woman Hon.

[diannecourtney]

If your avatar is your reflection than you are misled by the mirror. You have nothing to hide. And, oh Kate Simmons can easily join you.

[Inna]

If your avatar is your reflection than you are misled by the mirror. You have nothing to hide. And, oh Kate Simmons can easily join you.

Thanks girls, I have just added couple words " years ago" LOL

[Kathy Smith]

Oh yes. I know who I am and am realistic about the image that I see. It doesn't bother me in the least - I'm not attempting to "pass" to myself and never have. I'm perfectly happy to be a CD, that's the perfect description for me.
Having said all that, sometimes I've looked in the mirror or at a photo that I've taken of myself "dressed" and quietly congratulated myself on appearing so feminine. Now _that's_ delusional! I doubt very much if others would think so, even on the opposite side of the road on a dark night! It's nice to have those occasional thoughts though ...

[STACY B]

Not me its weard ,,, When I look in the MIRROR all I see is a SMILE ! Cuz weather Im dress in A or B ,, Im still smilen ,, Cuz I be loven to smile ,,, Smiles make people happy ,, But not all people some people are imtimated by smiles ,, Thats weard ,,HUH,, Always freaked me out when someone looked at me an said what you smilen about >? I always give the same response ?? Hell dont blame me I didn't give ya that hair cut !!!!!! DOH,,!!!!!!

[Marleena]

Hi Inna! This is another thought provoking post. For you there is no illusion you look beautiful! So no delusion I would think.


I'm like Elizabeth I've never liked mirrors, but that has changed. When I see the guy staring back I see some anger and get challenged to go away. He doesn't like me looking at him. When the girl appears I see a calmness and happiness. I look closer into her eyes and her eyes smile. She lets me know everything will be okay.

[ArleneRaquel]

IMHO mirrors are best if they are turned toward the wall.

[kendra_gurl]

As I get older it's becomming more and more difficult to not see traces of Ken in the mirror. Ken has never been a handsome man but Kendra can most of the time be a very attractive Woman making her mirror a really good friend.

I've always told myself and my wife that when I do not like what I see in the mirror that will be the day I stop crossdressing. Thankfully I am not there yet. I really think I can look at my reflection with a keen eye and see what others see, not just the illusion I want to see.

I am very critical of Kendra, a lot more so than my wife and I think that helps when applying makeup accessories and clothing

[kimdl93]

When I first attempted dressing full en femme, I tried to avoid the mirror because I invariably saw a man in a wig. Certainly, I had no delusions about what I saw those first few times. Now, I'm much more comfortable with what I see, perhaps more accepting of myself, pluses and minuses. I've also accepted that what people see of me is largely in the eye of the beholder, and I'm OK with that.

[ReineD]

Now, I'm much more comfortable with what I see, perhaps more accepting of myself, pluses and minuses. I've also accepted that what people see of me is largely in the eye of the beholder, and I'm OK with that.

Bravo, Kim.
..........

[Laura912]

When I look in the mirror, there is a happy, contented person looking back. Not too sure if that person could pass although wife says I could pull it off. I guess the mirror helps with the illusion.

[Ally 2112]

I have become more acceppting of myself when i look in the mirror in the last 5 years or so (both sides) To me my everyday appearence has become a little more femine and after hiding and guilt for 30 yrs this is way better .I am calmer and more relaxed .The only drawback is not enough clothes lol i want to shop all the time

[Sheila11]

I am confused when I look in the mirror. I see the transformation from him to her, but the second glances, the hushed giggle, the bemused stare, tell me that I am the only one.

So when I face off with the the mirror I look to see someone of good character, who loves, cares, and goes outside of themselves to make sure someone else can look in the mirror and reflect good character, love and care.

Of all the silliness that was Michael Jackson he got it right at least once.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

[Badtranny]

So here is my question to you: [SIZE="4"]"have you ever, really looked at the reflection in the mirror?"[/SIZE]

Yes indeed I have and I didn't like it one little bit.

I'm lucky though, it's nothing that a few hours of surgery can't fix. ;-)

[Inna]

Yes indeed I have and I didn't like it one little bit.

I'm lucky though, it's nothing that a few hours of surgery can't fix. ;-)

isn't that a blessing!

[ReineD]

isn't that a blessing!

It certainly is, for people committed to transition. But what of people who are not ready to go down that path? Why focus on the reflection rather than happy internal feelings?

[Badtranny]

It certainly is, for people committed to transition. But what of people who are not ready to go down that path? Why focus on the reflection rather than happy internal feelings?

It's my own weakness RD. I admit it. I can probably justify it fairly rationally, but the truth is I'm not strong enough to continue my transition while looking suspiciously like a man.

[ReineD]

Well, truth be told Melissa, I'd love nothing more than to have a nip and tuck myself. It's no fun being in my 50s.

But you or me having facial surgery is different than a CDer. We're both committed to being female. It's hard for a CDer who identifies with both genders (or who feels a mixture of both), to make a decision to do this without having the ultimate goal of living as a woman full time. Our society is just not ready to see blended genders in people. And so why put the focus on the mirror's reflection with people who would need to commit to transition if they wanted to significantly change their appearance?