my wife found out about me crossdressing and now she is concerned about me. she has helpd me to dress once but since then she has not let me. she thinks my fetish is wrong but i find it fun. i want to know how to get her support and let me dress and have my fantasy ive always dreamed of. i wish she was like some of the crossdressers wives on here that are supportive of their husbands. i would like any help i can get to get her to support me.
For most of us, it didn't happen over night. It took my wife a long time to accept this part of me. She did give me my girl time though. When she came to accept this was when I asked her to go a Emerald City (Seattle crossdresser group) Christmas party. When I initially asked her she was unsure and then was on the fence for several weeks. After the party, she came up to me and gave me a big hug and said that she had a great time and now understood. Since then she has gone out with me in other cities and events around here. We are selective where she goes out with me. If someone recognized her, most likely they would recognize me.
Dana Ryan
I would work on marriage first, counseling for you and her.This statement to me is vital, she is concerned as opposed moved out to mothers /family. So a base line is established for a stronger viable relationship. Good luck, crawl, walk, run and watch out for the pink fog... I do wish the best of luck and write your priorities down and work them....now she is concerned about me
Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.
Understanding hopefully comes before support , if you can get your wife to understand why you like to do it then maybe in time she might support you in the way you would like her to .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
There is no sure answer for getting your wife to accept your CDing. Communication and education on CDing is the best place to start for the both of you.
Good luck,
Kristy
I told my gf after 6 months and now she buys my panties and lingerie to keep me happy.I wish you were in my situation xoxo
i want to know how to get her support and let me dress and have my fantasy ive always dreamed of.Not to be too confrontational, but your attitude sounds a bit selfish the way you express it here. You say you want us to give you the tools needed to get your wife to do what you want her to do. Well, she is not your property and her desires and wishes are equally as important in your marriage as yours. You can always discuss your desires with her, and try to find a way to work them into your marriage together. But her wishes must be satisfied too, and if she's not into what you're into, you're out of luck.i would like any help i can get to get her to support me.
Relationships only work when both partners make an effort to listen to each other, and try to give each other what they need. It is not the wives that are special, it is the relationships. Both partners work hard to make this happen, both partners have to give and take, and the result will be a compromise. Maybe your wife is exactly like the wives you are so impressed by, but you spend too much time focused on your own needs, and too little on hers?i wish she was like some of the crossdressers wives on here that are supportive of their husbands.
I agree with what others have said. It takes time and a lot of talking. Your wife may never accept it so be prepared to deal that possibility. I would suggest that you guys find someone to talk to.
Yes, I do like to dress
What Noortje said may seem a little harsh but it is reality and needs to be carefully considered. Note that most are urging caution and going slowly. This really is not about you but about both of you. You may not get all that you want. Can you live with that? Many here did not get what they wanted but have learned to accommodate. Accommodation is not frequently used in these issues but should be. Also, go read the post about worst idea ever. Do you want that to be you?
Jeremiah, be careful of what you wish for... the more CDing you do and the farther you go, the more you will alienate your wife and destabilize your marriage if she is not willing to accept your trans behavior. My wife has always known about my dressing and initially thought it was fun and helped me shop, dress and do my makeup, but after a few years, she really began to resent me for it. Now, I've only been out publicly for six months now, going out fully dressed and making friends in the TG community and our marriage has never been under more pressure. I can't imagine going back and "killing" that part of my life as I've made lots of friends and Christina has a life of her own now. My wife absolutely hates it and it's really hurt her respect in me. But it's like "once you open Pandora's Box, you can't close it"... Had I not gone out publicly and created this "double life" for myself, I would have probably still been content to dress andro, which she accepted much more readily. You do have a choice and you can and should prioritize both your wife's and your needs together, assuming your wife is like most and resent this behavior. Good luck!
I couldnt agree more - Noortje's post is realistic and fair. There is no magic formula to make your wife accept and even participate -I can add nothing further to the very honest and sensible posts before mine.
I accept my husband's CD'ing and he doesnt try to push the boundaries which I might add he has set for himself - its a loving compromise and mutual respect for each other
all i can say is take it slow, dont rush it and try to meat in the middle.
My only advice is to love and respect your wife. Try and put her needs first and just take tiny baby steps. If you haven't already, try and establish a real relationship with her. If there is real love it will work itself out over time. Share and enjoy common interests with her, spoil her.
Stop! Remember it is your dream or desire to change the way you dress. You have to face the fact that you are asking your wife to accept that she may be losing the man she married and having this man replaced by a woman. There is the possibility that your wife looks at CDing as aform of cheating. You are really having an affair with your self. It took many long nights of tears and confessions before my wife and I came even close to any real plan for us to move ahead. Think how you would feel if she wanted to have another man in the bedroom. There is a lot time to work thru all of this. go slow and show her the respect and love she is due,
Best to you and go slow. Wonderwho
.... and someday I too will become a butterfly screamed the catapiller!!!
As others have already said, this can't be solely about you getting to enjoy your fantasies. Its really about your relationship with your wife. You need to talk with her, learn to understand her concerns and her feelings. Don't minimize or negate anything that she brings up, but rather listen and let her know that you will seriously think about what she has shared. Then at some agreed upon time, have another conversation to talk about how you can try to alleviate her concerns.
Don't expect her to be transformed into a different person. At this point, you should simply strive to helping her put her fears to rest. That may be as good as it gets.
i want to know how to get her support and let me dress and have my fantasy Ive always dreamed of.
There is no magic button, Some raised in Conservative involvementnt may never be able to accept it, some may be able to accept part of it, if not pushed to do things they are bothered by participationon) and then some learn to tolerate it. But either you are lucky or your not, there is nothing you can do that will make her like it, if she doesn't want to like it. For a few of us, we got lucky, and found a women that can accept it, finds it to be no big deal because it's about clothes, not what we mean to each other. Then you get a women that treats you like you want, buys nice femininene gifts for you, known to show up with flowers, and all that good stuff, but it doesn't mean that we did anything other than pick the right women, and got lucky and found out she was as great as we thought.
There is just no way you can control what a person thinks, but honesty can help, make it work for her, (help do the "women's work") and treat her special, after all that's what you are asking her to do for you. Make yourself so special in her eye's, by treating her as a princess, and then maybe, just maybe she just might want to make you a little extra happy!
Tina B.
Last edited by Tina B.; 03-21-2012 at 09:46 AM.
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
jeremiah,
If you ever find out......let me know
I just couldn't wear my big girl panties today.
Best way is to find and meet other CD's and their wives in person. The best forum is just words on a screen. She needs to see others to understand that you are not some strange freak. Often maligned here, Tri-Ess is one good place to start. Local meetup groups are another. Oh, please don't confuse meetup groups with hookup groups. I have seen the two quoted on this forum as the same, they are not. Meetups are just social groups for friends, no sex involved, hookup groups.... Well you know.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
As other's have said go very slow and tread very carefully on these waters. When I told my wife I could not have asked for a more accepting or supportive response. Keeping that in mind on the night I told her, she did not immediately respond by suggesting I change into girl mode, and we go shopping, etc. It was more of a she needed time to take all of this in, and realize she did not know completely everything about the guy she had been dating for the past year currently. Consider your coming out much in the same speed as a first date at a coffee shop, there will be a lot of talking and learning about each other before moving on to more serious things.
[SIZE="3"]MUSCULAR GIRLS ARE PRETTY!!![/SIZE]
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If there were a tried and true way to get our wives to accept our crossdressing than we would probably all have done it by now. Every situation is different so you need to first understand what it is you want out of the crossdressing, ie; how much, how often, do you want to go full time etc..... Once you can honestly say what you want then you can let her know where you want to take this to. Ideally you should have brought this up before you got married, I'm not one to talk since I told my wife after 19 years. I wish that I would have known all the things I know now because I would have told her everything and my life would probably be entirely different since ultimately I would have wanted to go full time enfemme. Times are much different now so decide what it is you want otherwise neither one of you will be happy.
I want to be this girl!
Talk, talk, talk...be open and honest about what it means to you, how it began and where you want it to go.
My wife's biggest concerns were that I might be gay....NO....and that this was in some way compensation for things she lacked...NO AGAIN!
Your wife needs to hear your thoughts, be able to ask her questions and get open, honest responses from you.
This site helped us very much. After my wife would read the threads we would talk about what others had said. It helps to see that we all have different likes, needs and reasons for being here, but one thing we all want is support.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Once she flopped to the negative side.... Very few if any flop back to be supportive... At best you can hope for her to ingore it as long as you keep it out of her face.... And you can do the "baby steps" crap but that's just going to prolong the agony.... imho. So either go back into hiding.... Or quit now (like you can). Or go find a good divorce lawyer before she does...
I agree with the others. It takes time for a GG to understand what this is all about, let alone accept and support it (if she is willing to veer from traditional gender views). And there is a lot of confusing information online, for example the umpteen sites devoted to CD/TS porn, gay dating & meetups, etc.
I'm assuming your fantasies do not center around having sex with men or solo while you are dressed?
You could begin by giving your wife some resources to read, and then explain to her that the CDing is a need and not a choice. And ask her to work with you in order to allow your feminine expression in a way that will not violate her comfort levels, even if this is eventually blocking out some time during the week when you can dress while she is busy doing other things. You can also ask your wife to join this site. We do have a support section for the wives (the FAB forum). She'll need to register under her own name, and she can find instructions on how to access FAB on our index page.
This is the link that my SO sent me in the very beginning, when he first told me about the CDing:
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
This is another good resource:
http://www.chi-chapter.org/chi_chapter_perspective.html
And last, two posts written by a GG who was a member here years ago:
How To Tell Your Partner
Now I Like It, Now I Don't
Last edited by ReineD; 03-21-2012 at 02:45 PM.
Reine
Have there been any divorce cases where crossdressing has been defended as a genetic predispostion?Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
It would be interesting to see this issue presented in court as a wife abandoning her husband, over a genetic condition he can't adequately control, since we all know how the most advanced thinkers in the psychiatric community have come to view crossdressing.
First, let me state that YOU can not "get her to support you.". She has to get there on her own. Your fantasy is not hers. What you can do is talk to her openly and try to address all her fears and/or misconceptions. Only she will decide if she is ok with your crossdressing. If she is not, you two still need to work out a "truce" where you can be what you are and you do not offend her. Discussion is the only path to nirvana.
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