concerned wife of crossdresser

[Miriam-J]

i want to know how to get her support and let me dress and have my fantasy ive always dreamed of. i wish she was like some of the crossdressers wives on here that are supportive of their husbands. i would like any help i can get to get her to support me.

Perhaps this was just a bad choice of words, but I agree with a few of the others that this smacks of selfishness. It sounds as though you want to manipulate your wife into choices she never would have made otherwise. Any relationship requires both parties to move forward to a shared position that both can accept. You can only discover your common endpoint by frequent, open communication and a lot of (that unholy word) compromise by those involved. If you can't find a common endpoint that's acceptable to both, then you have much deeper problems than just crossdressing. Keep talking, and figure out where you want to go in your lives. Then figure out how the crossdressing fits into your shared life, anything from Don't Ask Don't Tell to full sharing.

Miriam

[CdD Janessa]

i appreciate everyones advice on how to slowly work through this with her. we are taking things slowly i have gotten to dress once since i completey came out of the closet to her. i am also seeking counseling which is going good i think. just myself is going to counseling at the moment but eventually i will be bringing her with me. I am trying to take baby steps to gain her trust and support for me and doing my best to stay patient. Does anyone know of any local support groups in the southwest kansas area, such as dodge city. I really appreciate all of your replys it is giving me more respect toward my wife and her views on this. I think with time she may come to accept it, we keep a very open relationship about this and i try to only talk about it with her if she wants to.

[Barbara Ella]

The posts here just echo what I would/have said, as a result of my situation with my loving wife. What Karren says may be true, that if you piss her off enough to make her totally negative, she will never come back. Your issues are to forget yourself right now. Your crossdressing is not the issue, and if you dont get to do it for a few weeks, suck em up girl. It is your wife's life that is changing, not yours. At most, yours may be modified a bit. Hers is under assualt. Now, this assault is not as dire as she may think, but that is usually because she is so uncertain and hasnt had the answers she needs to assuage her fears. This takes time, and is not designed to convince her you are right and can do whatever you want. It is for her to learn about who you are, and why you need to do this. Now is not the time to be talking about what you might or might not want to do in the future. keep it real, and in the present. Love her, respect her, and trust her.

Babes

[ReineD]

Jeremiah, when I read your first post I took it you wrote it quickly, and it wasn't all about fantasy for you and also (please don't take this the wrong way), you are young maybe in your 20s?

I'm glad you're taking it slowly and also given the age I suspect your are, your chances of working through this are greater than if you were in your 40s or 50s and your wife was finding out for the first time. I'm also happy that you and your wife will be seeking counseling together. They may or may not be able to give you any answers, but at least you will both be placed in a position of having to talk about this. I hope your therapist is familiar with transgender issues, although it boggles my mind that any therapist in our day and age wouldn't be.

As to support groups in your area, check this out, if only to call them and get more resources:

http://www.kansasequalitycoalition.o...f903f60a792f6e

Also, please do read the links I gave you in post #23 and share with your wife what you feel is appropriate, and also consider inviting her to join this forum.

[Karenmarie]

My 1st. wife seemed to be OK with it as long as I agreed to see a profesional so that I could be "cured". She passed away from cancer, but at least I had a decent start, but I told her that the doctor would not give me a pill and I would be all better. As it turned out, she got the cancer and of course, all converstions as to my CDing stopped.
Good luck and TAKE IT SLOW like everyone is telling you too.

[sometimes_miss]

Tread carefully. At first, my ex was horrified. Then we went through therapy, and she tried to be accepting. A few years later, she realized she couldn't really deal with it, hated that I wasn't 'who she thought I was' when we got married, became furious, and blackmailed me with the crossdressing during the divorce.

[Jessica86]

You say that your wife is concerned. She participated once.....so part of her has to be at least a little okay with it. This is not something that can be forced on someone, just as no person can force it from you. If it is not what she wants, she should be able to express it, and you should understand. However, when I told my wife, I went through the same thing. She dressed me, then stopped, and then came back with questions. Now, we dress together all of the time. She is probably going through those thousands of questions that flood a wife's mind when they find out their husband is different. Does he want a sex change? Is he gay? Am I good enough for him? Etc...just talk to her and find out what is on her mind. Time is key, even though it's hard not to rush such a subject.