Ok, there are a couple of threads going about DADT and a very strong feedback about why did you not tell before you got married, and why did you tell now. Here it is for me:
When I met my current SO, she and I both had had a couple of rough years. She was getting over a divorce from a 15 year marriage. I had lost my dad and lost my way about the same time. I found a good counselor I could talk to about a lot of things. CDing was only part of it, but mostly about why my dad was an SOB and why I had always hated myself. Short story: I'm actually a cool dude, and the only person that hated me was myself. I lost a bunch of weight and was for the first time in my life in a really good place.
Then I met my SO at jury duty. We went back a year and a half later to the same court room and had the same judge marry us. It even made the papers. And life was wonderful. I became a husband, step dad, dog owner and mortgage holder all in one afternoon. I purged all my things and was pretty sure the CDing thing was behind me. I had a wonderful wife, and wouldn't need it again. This was still before the internet and forums like this. There was very little information, if any, about what this is and what the long term effects are. Was this even a thing? I wasn't sure.
23 years later, I now know that it will never be behind me. My choices were to man-up and forget this exsited, which I can't. Or finally come clean with her, in hopes that we can move past this. Turns out, she has been blocking repressed anger from when she previously found my things 12 years ago, and she needs to deal with that. I have made no demands of her, and have asked for nothing. I told her that I only wanted her to know that I am being honest with her, and she means the world to me. And I am sorry for doing this to her because she is the last person on the planet that deserves this.
We are talking, but trying to find a couples therapist without any agendas, for or against CDing. I want to work this out with her and finally have an open and honest relationship that I don't think we have ever had. My fault not her's.
Comments?