Are you okay with being transgendered?

[Rachel Renee]

My path to acceptance started about eleven years ago, but it wasn't always easy and guilt-free. I always knew there was something different about me, but I was too afraid for the longest time to even consider the word transgendered. Those thoughts would surface, then be stuffed back into the deep recesses of my conciousnes, just as quickly. I tried to maintain like that, compartmentalized for many years. I found myself experiencing gender dissonance, but I didn't, or was perhaps not willing to acknowledge what it was. I just knew that the feelings were increasing in both frequency and intensity.

It wasn't until last August that I experienced what was the strongest, most disorienting dysphoria I had ever known, and it freaked me out. Lasted damn near the whole month, too. It was like a deluge of feelings that I'd suspected we're there, plus some other feelings that I wasn't immediately prepared to process. But the more I thought about it, the more everything made sense. It was like I was finally getting to know myself. The most shocking thing? How right it felt to admit to myself that I am transgendered. I still deal with dysphoria but at least now I know what my deal is. The weight is gone and I feel much more happy and sure of myself. The only thing that is still in question is how far will all of this go? I don't know but I'm going to try my hardest to enjoy the ride.

TL/DR; Admitting to myself that I'm TG has given me an inner peace and confidence that was never there before.

[AllieSF]

I am OK with it. Unfortunately, I started at an older age where the ravages of times have left their mark on my skin and looks. However, I am also very fortunate that I started this at an older because with that corresponding maturity, experiences, et al, I do not question who or what I am, I just accept it and, more importantly, enjoy it with or without a glass of wine.

[girlygirly]

I think I have too many questions about it to actually be fully content and happy about it, but that hasn't really been enough of a reason for me to ever purge or stop. Instead, I have slowly purged all my male clothing over the last ten years.

It has changed the way I live my life at times, and I still live my life 99% closeted, while wearing only female clothing, and admitting little to almost everyone who knows me. It is the best compromise I can come up with, leaving myself as the only person I really have to answer to. I realize the compulsion, and don't understand why being "normal" isn't a more easy choice. I also believe it is really a choice in the end, as much as some may insist that isn't true. I have no problem toning it down when I really have to, I just don't like to.

How does this all happen to us? Is the "gay gene" the same as the "crossdressing gene"?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers or troll, and I have looked for a sticky thread on this. I do understand that for many this is the elephant in the room and that discussing it generally causes mayhem, but one of the main reasons I came here was for answers, and many of my questions tend to cast me as a denier.

I don't understand this genetic thing at all, somebody's got some splainin' to do before it genuinely makes sense to me! Is crossdressing an extension of what some might call "denial of gayness", or is it a separate genetic trait altogether?

For me, there are enough things that happened to me as a child to make me think crossdressing could be some sort of programmed behavior which resulted from playing doctor and dress up games with girls when I was very young, but it also started for me at a young enough age for me to understand it can be a genetic trait, along with my fascination in everything which is girly.

What is actually known and scientifically proven about crossdressing, and why are we always lumped in with the gay community? That tends to make crossdressing seem like an act which is purely motivated by sexual needs, rather than an actual life path that we can't seem to avoid taking. Are the two that closely related? I have no problem staying away from men, there is no emotional attraction to men as a potential partner for me, but I am totally lost in tighty whiteys! I haven't worn anything but girl undies for years. I am much happier dressed like a girl, the girlier the better, but at the same time I would be mortified if I were caught in a dress. The compulsion and basic instinct to dress like a girl is unexplainable for me, but there are also limits to how far I can go and still feel comfortable.

If it isn't going to turn into a big fight I would be interested to see what anyone has to say about it. I realize this all has probably been said before in a different thread, but I'm sure there are many here who have researched this extensively, as well. If it one of those things that can only be debated, then quarreled over, just delete my post. I won't be offended.

[Marleena]

I think I have too many questions about it to actually be fully content and happy about it, but that hasn't really been enough of a reason for me to ever purge or stop. Instead, I have slowly purged all my male clothing over the last ten years.

It has changed the way I live my life at times, and I still live my life 99% closeted, while wearing only female clothing, and admitting little to almost everyone who knows me. It is the best compromise I can come up with, leaving myself as the only person I really have to answer to. I realize the compulsion, and don't understand why being "normal" isn't a more easy choice. I also believe it is really a choice in the end, as much as some may insist that isn't true. I have no problem toning it down when I really have to, I just don't like to.

How does this all happen to us? Is the "gay gene" the same as the "crossdressing gene"?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers or troll, and I have looked for a sticky thread on this. I do understand that for many this is the elephant in the room and that discussing it generally causes mayhem, but one of the main reasons I came here was for answers, and many of my questions tend to cast me as a denier.

I don't understand this genetic thing at all, somebody's got some splainin' to do before it genuinely makes sense to me! Is crossdressing an extension of what some might call "denial of gayness", or is it a separate genetic trait altogether?

For me, there are enough things that happened to me as a child to make me think crossdressing could be some sort of programmed behavior which resulted from playing doctor and dress up games with girls when I was very young, but it also started for me at a young enough age for me to understand it can be a genetic trait, along with my fascination in everything which is girly.

What is actually known and scientifically proven about crossdressing, and why are we always lumped in with the gay community? That tends to make crossdressing seem like an act which is purely motivated by sexual needs, rather than an actual life path that we can't seem to avoid taking. Are the two that closely related? I have no problem staying away from men, there is no emotional attraction to men as a potential partner for me, but I am totally lost in tighty whiteys! I haven't worn anything but girl undies for years. I am much happier dressed like a girl, the girlier the better, but at the same time I would be mortified if I were caught in a dress. The compulsion and basic instinct to dress like a girl is unexplainable for me, but there are also limits to how far I can go and still feel comfortable.

If it isn't going to turn into a big fight I would be interested to see what anyone has to say about it. I realize this all has probably been said before in a different thread, but I'm sure there are many here who have researched this extensively, as well. If it one of those things that can only be debated, then quarreled over, just delete my post. I won't be offended.

This is a great opportunity to you to find out. Simply start a new thread asking for the information.

[Rachel Renee]

While there are many theories out there, no one's definitively certain why we are. I've heard about estrogen wash in the womb, certain environmental factors, etcetera, etcetera. I like to think that it's a remnant of a past life that is bleeding over. Perhaps that's why femininity is so familiar and comfortable. Our souls remeber being women in a previous incarnation, but our conscious minds are left out of the loop. Maybe I've just read too much Edgar Cayce. We may never know the actual root cause of CD/TG, but at least in my case, it was not a concious decision to be transgendered. I just am.

[Barbara Ella]

I am still new to crossdressing, but am rapidly evolving my emotions and thought processes toward myself. I readily accpet what I am, and am working on the who part. A good portion of sorting out the who part of this is beginning to feel like there is really more to this than just putting on women's clothing, which is where I started 7 months ago. i can recognize that I do have a female component to my being. i am seeing that more as time progresses. No "ah ha" lightbulb moment, just a gradual realization, or enlightenment coming through my living with my two selfs on a daily basis and recognizing that the me I refer to has two very distinct and wonderful parts to it.

The female part is becoming less and less dependent on dressing to make herself present in my mind. I dont need to dress to feel like her, it is becoming more natural every day, and this can be frightening a little bit. I dress simply because it is natural now. I dont need the makeup and wig when dressed now, but I do need them when i have to look at myself. Male self does not disgust me, but is incongruous with my feelings, so I need them to level out.

So, in a short finish to a too long babble, Yes, I am okay with being transgendered, I am just a bit uncomfortable with not knowing how it will work out in the long run, and not having a real long run left to work with.

Babes

[Marleena]

By accepting my transgender as part of me leaves me free to live my life happy and free of any guilt. And that is such a wonderful way to live.

Kristy

I never commented myself but Kristy nailed it for me. The is what is comment also works.

[Inna]

Happiest girl in the world!............... transgender...........what's that????

[KellyJameson]

I have a love hate relationship with it. I love the gifts that come with it in my relationship with myself, the intuition, sensitivity, creativity, spiritual insights, connection with all things, one with nature and all things living, peace of mind from holding both halfs (feminine/masculine energies and perspective) within one mind but I suffer from how I affect others who experience cognitive dissonance in my presence from seeing a man and feeling/experiencing a woman (masculine absence based on their past experience).

Often people react with distaste because subconsciously they experience my energies as weak,submissive,passive,child like, which they are not and than project onto me their own fears while justifying their attacks on me by giving motives to my behavior that are untrue.

For me being what I am has given me the gift of insight but at the cost of having to protect myself from the hostility that being different causes. I love being me but hate the consequences imposed on me by others, it is an unnecessary burden born from their fears not mine, it is unjust.

[Badtranny]

and why are we always lumped in with the gay community?

CD's are not lumped in with the gay community at all. They choose to go to our bars because we're not openly hostile to the expression but I can tell you for sure that the gay people that I know have very little interest in straight men who dress like women. They don't understand it anymore than the straight dudes do and they sure as hell aren't attracted to such a thing. To be perfectly honest I don't understand straight CD's and I am actually transitioning so you'd think I would a little bit, but I can't understand it anymore than your wives do. Not to say I don't think it's cool and interesting, cuz I do but I can't imagine being straight (even though I pretended for so long) much less wearing a bra that I don't need. To each their own though. Taste the rainbow baby.

Back to the OP's question. I spent a literal lifetime wishing and hoping that I would wake up "normal" one day. My light-bulb moment came in 2010 on the side of a two lane highway just outside of Bakersfield. My totally cute new FJ was almost totaled and the dude I T-boned was lucky to survive based on his mangled pickup that was upside down in the weeds. The realization that my life could have been over washed over me and I made the decision right then and there to stop running from the truth. That night I cried blood almost and accepted the fact that I was a woman and I had some things to do starting tomorrow. Since then I've been happy like I've never experienced before. No more depression, no more doubts, just joy from each minute of living without secrets.

It has been a long strange trip since that fateful January and I've been scared, and impatient, and angry, and disappointed, but NEVER unhappy. Each day is a gift now instead of a curse and I love being alive.

[elizabethamy]

It (TG) just came upon me suddenly a year or so ago, and I'm intrigued by it, learning from it, sometimes excited, sometimes happy, usually fearful, still not accepting. I'm a lot closer to accepting it (which is NOT the same as knowing what to do about it - melissa, i hope i don't need a car wreck to figure out what to do!)...but the opposition at home and the prospect of losing my family and friends over it keeps me from being accepting. In fact, I'm still looking for a medical answer, given the late appearance of it, the strength of it, and the lack of clues in childhood. I suspect there is no medical answer other than a lot of repression/suppression, but accepting it, I think, happens in several phases and on several levels. Unlikely to be resolved in a short time. I think about it constantly, positively and negatively...

elizabethamy

[Andie Elisabeth]

I have made list of rules (4). Number 1 is "Take a good care of yourself.". It simply means to me that if I am not okay with myself then I can not follow that rule and I will be on downward spiral. And I don't want to be there. Whether I am or I am not TG it doesn't really matter if I'll follow rule #1

[kristinacd55]

I've absolutely accepted it as a part of me, it's the drinking I'm getting rid of! DUI last Saturday morning, and now AA for me. Oh, and I was dressed when I got stopped too.....

[Marleena]

I've absolutely accepted it as a part of me, it's the drinking I'm getting rid of! DUI last Saturday morning, and now AA for me. Oh, and I was dressed when I got stopped too.....

Ouch! I hope you can take care of that, Kristina!

[drushin703]

Ime ok with it,for it certainly has been one fantastic ride. But unless my selfeshness makes me totally forget about the people around me, I know
they will never be ok with it. I imagine sometimes, all my good buddies,my friends from childhood, my work partners, those who know my mother and
my father, how they would react if they knew their homeboy, their partner, their ace-boom-coon, their schoolmate-playmate dresses in womens cloths?
But I cant help it. It feels too good and I look too good while doing it. Crossdressing balances me and demilitarizes my desposition. Being transgendered
makes me a better person.Though I know, full well, that the conservancy of decorum, those around us that regulates the fitness of all society, will
disapprove of me.


Any man, who can crossdress and doesn't, is a man without dreams.........dana

[Frédérique]

Are you okay with being transgendered? There have been a lot of threads lately dealing with what others think of us, now it's our turn. It doesn't matter if you're TS/IS/CD/TG this is just to see if you've accepted who are you are. We all have struggled with it at some point. Have you accepted it, if so was there a turning point or "lightbulb" moment?

[SIZE="2"]Yes, I have accepted who I am – a long time ago, as a matter of fact. I can honestly say I never struggled with it (letting crossdressing transport me to the “other” side, I mean). Normally I would balk at being called transgendered, but in this case I’ll just play along – I’ve already dissected words and their meanings ad infinitum, so I know that anything with the prefix "trans-" does not accurately describe what I do in CD terms. In short, I dress for pleasure, for a quick excursion to my favorite Earthly paradise and back, whenever I can...

If there was a “lightbulb” moment, it was when I first tried on a wig, but I thought it was really fascinating, not cause for concern or evidence of a “storm” of difficulties headed my way. I just kept going, or kept accepting my “self,” no matter what I did – I figured I wasn’t the first male who ever dressed as a female, or entertained thoughts at odds with what he was SUPPOSED to think, so I just rolled with it, and I continue to do so. BTW, I really don’t care what others think of “us,” consciously avoiding negative thread material, even though “not caring” goes against my inherent effeminate nature. I’m OK with being TG, if you insist I’m TG – I’m really just Freddy the crossdresser, MtF variety, long-established and untroubled...
[/SIZE]

[monica.missil]

I would say at this point in my life, I would say no. Mainly because of my family, l have to stay deep in the closet. Thiseans I can not expres my feminity the way I desire to. So I would rather not have these feelings and desires, and also frustration.

[TGMarla]

I've accepted it. All told, I'd rather have not had to deal with it all. There are times when I really envy those persons, male or female, that seem so comfortable in their own skins. On the one hand, it might have been nice to have never had to deal with transgendered issues. On the other hand, I cannot imagine having missed the pleasure of experiencing my own femininity, of wearing pretty dresses and things, and getting the opportunity to at least kind of experience life as it can be for women. So there's a part of me that regrets having this in my life, and another part that is very grateful for it. Those two sides have struck a peace with each other, and life is much easier and better as a result.

[Stephanie-L]

Am I Okay with being Transgender? Define Okay. Have I accepted that I am TG, yes, years ago. Have I stopped fighting the fact that I am not a "normal" male, yes. Have I started to embrace and enjoy the female that I am, YES, finally. Do I wish I did not have to face all of the problems that I have had and I expect to face because I am TG, yes, of course. Am I looking forward to transition, and am I working as hard as I can to make it happen, yes, I certainly am. Am I frustrated at times, both with the external and the internal problems that come with transition, oh yeah, you bet I am. Do I wish I could make it all happen NOW, YES, YES, YES. So, am I okay with being transgender, yes, I guess I am.....................Stephanie

[Jonianne]

It took years of terrible struggle to accept myself. I went through nearly 8 years of weekly individual and group therapy to get to the point of self-acceptance. That was over 15 years ago.

The day I finally came to full acceptance was when it really dawned on me that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, "I" WAS THE ONE WHO WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, NO ONE ELSE WAS! The moment that dawned on me, my depression lifted and NEVER returned.

One saying from Dr. Joy Browne helped me immensely was "Accepting Yourself":
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...elf&highlight=

[Marleena]

It took years of terrible struggle to accept myself. I went through nearly 8 years of weekly individual and group therapy to get to the point of self-acceptance. That was over 15 years ago.

The day I finally came to full acceptance was when it really dawned on me that NO ONE WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, "I" WAS THE ONE WHO WAS MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF, NO ONE ELSE WAS! The moment that dawned on me, my depression lifted and NEVER returned.

One saying from Dr. Joy Browne helped me immensely was "Accepting Yourself":
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...elf&highlight=

Thanks for the link Jonianne! I hope others read that.

It is also nice to see so many people okay with accepting themselves right here in this thread!

[RenneB]

Not much more to add that hasn't already been said. The topic was "Are you okay with being transgendered?" and my first response was "like I had a choice?".

I mean being born this way isn't easy as y'all know. So basically, I've accepted the fact that I have to live deep inside the closet to keep my other life in a nice house with a great family.

So that's 'bout it for me..... but havin' a blast

Renne.....

[Jacqueline Winona]

Yes, i'm ok with it- I actually like the feminine side of me, very much. I guess discovering this palce bakc when I was lurking was as much a light bulb moment for me as anything else. For years I was isolated, and just thought dressing was a fetish. When I started reading others, it really hit me that it's much more than that, I'm really not alone, and thee's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I've grown more in the past three months or so since I accepted and embraced my inner Janice than at any other time that I can remember.

[NathalieX66]

Marleena,
All this is a learning experience for all of us.
You can always take the old adage "when you have lemons, make lemonade"......yeah, that works.
I can honestly say that I feel better about myself as a person, and not feeling constrained like I see many guys that do.

Not caring what others think has freed my mind up immensely. I also have some weird fetishes that is an offshoot of my transgenderness too.....goes with having a creative imagination.
But the image you see before you is the social side that is truly me, and the side that everyone knows. I'm glad I've spread my wings and met others, and let a bunch of frioends and family know.
I don't want to be on my deathbead not having experienced something I could have experienced. We are all snowflakes, snowflake. Every single one of us is different.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Marleena, Oh Well, It's who I am and it's what I do if they have a problem that's just too bad.