My shrink says about being TG, it's their problem!

[Marleena]

So I had an appointment with the psychiatrist that got me off of Cymbalta because my doctor wouldn't. I broke the news to him with pictures I brought as proof of being TG. The good news is he's happy I'm okay with it, seems he's okay with it too. I guess I made his job easy.

Anyways he asked if I was comfortable going out dressed and I said I was working on it even if others didn't like it. His answer was it's their problem.

Oh I asked if he had others admit to him they were TG. He said 4 others so far have come out to him and he has a relatively new practice and does not specialize in gender issues.

NOTICE: This thread is not about going out. It's about being yourself, if somebody isn't okay with it, it's their problem.

[Kate Simmons]

I pretty much agree with all of that Marleena.

[kimdl93]

I agree entirely with your psychiatrist. Other people don't like it - fine, i don't need to concern myself with their opinions.

[Alicia_lynn419]

That was my experience as well!

[sissystephanie]

Your psychiatrist is absolutely right. Otherr people's opinions don't count for you, unless you let them count!! Be yourself and be happy!

[Katesback]

Hmmmm so the large number of us that have stepped out into the world were right. Sadly I fear that many will still make excuses for not having pride, self confidence, and resolve to be who they are. Oh well.

Katie

[Foxglove]

Sadly I fear that many will still make excuses for not having pride, self confidence, and resolve to be who they are. Oh well.

Katie

Right. So I come out. And in the town I live in, it would be known to everyone by nightfall. So my landlord puts me out. So I'm homeless. But, by God, I'm proud.

Now, do I know for certain that he would in fact put me out? No. But, knowing him as I do, I think the chances are pretty good that he would. So should I take the risk so that I can avoid being taunted by Katesback? I mean, I wouldn't want her thinking poorly of me, would I?

Is there a possibility that I could move to some other town? Yes!!! So all I need to do is find a landlord who's TG-friendly. I haven't seen any advertising lately, but I'm sure there must be some out there somewhere.

So, Katie--I am aware that I have options. But I'll look into those for myself. I'll arrange my life as I think best. And to be honest, I do have some doubts about your ability to advise me.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Marleena]

Ughh... I added to my original post. This is not about going out into public, it's about accepting yourself. If somebody can't accept you, it's their problem.

That was the point.

[ReineD]

Right. So I come out. And in the town I live in, it would be known to everyone by nightfall. So my landlord puts me out. So I'm homeless. But, by God, I'm proud.

Now, do I know for certain that he would in fact put me out? No. But, knowing him as I do, I think the chances are pretty good that he would. So should I take the risk so that I can avoid being taunted by Katesback? I mean, I wouldn't want her thinking poorly of me, would I?

I suppose the "Who cares what people think" applies to everyone, Annabelle, even members in this forum.

Getting back to the doctor, I think the advice is valuable for the people who need to experience interactions with others, yet feel frozen, so they're unhappy. It would be good for these people to at least find support groups or other safe places to attend, and then they could see if their confidence might grow enough to eventually be able to go out in the mainstream without jeopardizing career, etc.

I honestly don't think the advice applies to people like my SO, who does go out frequently, does know and does interact with people who have no clue who he is in guy mode, yet manages to keep the potential stigma outside of his work zone. "Who cares what my SO's employers, or his parents think?" My SO cares, that's who. lol. She's not interested in transitioning, so now the question is, "Who cares what some people in this forum think?"

Besides, the suggestion from Kate, that CDers who do not go out (in her words) "make excuses for not having pride, self confidence, and resolve to be who they are" seems contradictory to advice she gives other TSs to go stealth and not tell anyone about their pasts (almost as if in a witness protection program). Living in fear of others discovering a transition must not be any fun either.

[Piora]

Ughh... I added to my original post. This is not about going out into public, it's about accepting yourself. If somebody can't accept you, it's their problem.

That was the point.

I'm pretty happy with who I am. I'm closeted, and the only person who knows about this side of me is my daughter. She's very accepting of my female side. But even if she was not.....I would not be dissuaded from what I want to do. I simply would not talk about it around her. But, since she does accept this part of me, it's good.

[kimdl93]

Getting back to the OP, we really cant live our lives based on the approval of others. That doesn't mean we have to make impulsive decisions but it does place the responsibility squarely upon each of us as individuals to live in accordance with our real selves to the extent we feel its possible. That ceertainly changes as we mature and to the extent that we make change that work for us. Or in other words we control our own destiny.

[Marleena]

Getting back to the OP, we really cant live our lives based on the approval of others. That doesn't mean we have to make impulsive decisions but it does place the responsibility squarely upon each of us as individuals to live in accordance with our real selves to the extent we feel its possible. That ceertainly changes as we mature and to the extent that we make change that work for us. Or in other words we control our own destiny.

Thanks Kim we know better than to put our jobs and family etc. in jeopardy. You said it much better than I.

[whowhatwhen]

It sounds like you got a very nice doc, I take it he's on the younger side then?

[Marleena]

It sounds like you got a very nice doc, I take it he's on the younger side then?

Probably 40ish. He was very careful in his wording things when asking me questions.

[Katesback]

Reine there is a huge difference between going stealth and having pride, self confidence, and resolve. The latter three do not suggest or require anyone to walk around talking about what they are, or wearing a T shirt that says I am trans whatever. To add to it I doubt most people would want to hear from a CD talking about what makes them a CD. More importantly if most people see a CD carrying themselves out in public doing normal activities and exibiting pride, self confidence, and resolve public perception will change. My dear that is by far the best activism one can EVER hope for.

[JessHaust]

Right. So I come out. And in the town I live in, it would be known to everyone by nightfall. So my landlord puts me out. So I'm homeless. But, by God, I'm proud.

Now, do I know for certain that he would in fact put me out? No. But, knowing him as I do, I think the chances are pretty good that he would

Just out of curosity, on what grounds would he evict you? I see that you are in Ireland, which I visited in 2010 and loved very much, beautiful counrty. The laws in the U.S. require certian grounds for eviction, and we have laws to protect against discrimination. But having spent a week in the middle of Ireland, I can back you up on everyone knowing. We went to the local pub, and the people who ran the small castle (really a keep) we were staying in, knew before we got back! Most of the towns we visited were small, but the people were all very friendly and helpful. And no, I was not en femme, this was before I became liberated.

[whowhatwhen]

Right. So I come out. And in the town I live in, it would be known to everyone by nightfall. So my landlord puts me out. So I'm homeless. But, by God, I'm proud.

Now, do I know for certain that he would in fact put me out? No. But, knowing him as I do, I think the chances are pretty good that he would. So should I take the risk so that I can avoid being taunted by Katesback? I mean, I wouldn't want her thinking poorly of me, would I?

Is there a possibility that I could move to some other town? Yes!!! So all I need to do is find a landlord who's TG-friendly. I haven't seen any advertising lately, but I'm sure there must be some out there somewhere.

So, Katie--I am aware that I have options. But I'll look into those for myself. I'll arrange my life as I think best. And to be honest, I do have some doubts about your ability to advise me.

Best wishes, Annabelle

I understand how you feel, it's like being backed into a corner which makes us closeted folk a ton more defensive.
Things will come around naturally but pressure isn't going to make it any easier, just more defensive.

[Alice Torn]

In one way, it is being kind and considerate, to truly be concerned how we are coming off to others. A dose of humility, being able to laugh at ourselves some, goes a long way! I think all of us, would like it, if others took our feelings and thoughts into consideration. Behind the wheel of a vehicle, this matters, to life and death extents. As long as we are not "in your face" arrogant with our presentations, it is their problem how they react to us.

[ReineD]

More importantly if most people see a CD carrying themselves out in public doing normal activities and exibiting pride, self confidence, and resolve public perception will change.

This is true and I agree. Any CDer going out in the mainstream and interacting with people helps to expand minds.

There is, however, a difference between going out in the next town and interacting with strangers who are quite ready to accept people they don't know as long as they don't try to date their daughters, and coming out to people who are not arms length such as employers, elderly parents who can't possibly be expected to come to terms with this a few short years before their passing, perhaps landlords who would make life difficult for the rentor, the parents of the young daughter's friends who might disallow their daughter from sleeping over in the future, etc.

Far away from home and out and proud? Yes. Out to liberal-minded friends? Yes. But to expect CDers who have no intention of transitioning to be out to everyone is a bit much IMO. Society as a whole is simply not ready for that, as is evidenced by a TSs need to be stealth.

You didn't specify in your post exactly what you meant, and as you can see, at least one person in this thread felt you were saying that she should come out close to home where she has a chance of experiencing negative consequences as the result.

[Vickie_CDTV]

While it might technically be someone else's problem,when it comes to some people their problem can become your problem; few of us are not beholden to at least someone for basic survival, be it a landlord, employer, clients, family etc. (and basic survival is not exactly getting easier in this world.) One always has to use common sense, good judgement and try to cover their behind.