counseling

[Kelly Greene]

I have come.to the conclusion that it is time to talk to some about my feeling that my body and gender don't match, this has been on my mind 24/7 for more than a year now and would like to not have this as the major focus of my thoughts all the time. So after calling the insurance company and tlking to my wife, I called to make an appointment with a counsoler for this Monday.

Can anyone tell me what i can expect for my first counseling visit?
Is it possible to reach a point where gender stuff is not the major focus of every thought every day?

[Regan]

I do not know what to expect but I am about to start the same thing in a couple weeks so would love to hear how it goes.

Regan

[StaceyJane]

The first appointment is an intake session. You usually fill out a bunch of paperwork and then spend a little time discussing your situation and what you are looking for in counseling. It doesn't sound exciting and rarely are there major breakthroughs on the first day but it's a start and from that you will build. Sometimes there can be a big emotional release in just saying out loud what you have hid inside of you for your whole life.

I'm really happy for you taking this first step.

[Stephanie-L]

First, find a counseller that has experience with transgender issues, or at least gay/lesbian issues if a transgender specialist is not available. Second, personally I would avoid those who take a faith based approach, they are more likely to try to "cure" you of your gender issues (not certain, but much more likely). Third, decide what other issues you are dealing with. Do you have depression, marital issues, etc. Often it helps to deal with both at the same time as you progress in your counselling. Fourth, decide what kind of counseller you want, there are many, psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, marriage counseller, nurse practicioner, etc. Some can prescribe medications if you need them, and psychiatrists are the most likely to prescribe. I know you already have an appointment but these are things to think about.
As to your appointment. As others have posted, the first one is really just an assessment, for both of you. You will get to know a bit about them, and they will get to know about you, and your problems, or at least what you think your problems are, sometimes the problem is something we don't even see. They will ask you why you are there, and explain the ground rules. Most important, be honest, they can't help if you are hiding something or lying. If at some point you do not feel comfortable with them, find someone else. This is a very personal thing and going to someone you don't feel comfortable talking to does you no good at all. Good luck and I hope things work out well for you..........Stephanie

[Barbra P]

Not sure what this tread has to do with the Beauty Club; this thread will probably end up getting moved.

It is absolutely imperative that you are completely honest with your Counselor or Therapist and don’t hold anything back. Like anyone else in the medical field they are there to help you and in order to do that they must know ALL of the facts. If you don’t feel at ease and comfortable talking with your Counselor you have the wrong Counselor. Your Counselor should be unbiased and non-judgmental, he or she is there to help you, not judge you.

This time last year I mentioned to my Physician that I had a gender issue and she referred me to a Counselor working in the same Family Practice Module as she works. I spent a pleasant two hours with the Counselor, at the end of which she said she was referring me to the Psychology Department as she thought I needed to talk to a Licensed Therapist.

At my first visit, Kelly my Therapist, already knew that I had a gender issue. She explained that she could not “cure” me as there was no known cure for crossdressing, but she could help me accept myself and hopefully better deal with my own personal conflicts. She explained that she did not have a lot of experience with transsexuals and if I wanted to transition she could refer me to another Therapist, but she would prefer to work with me to explore what my actual wants and needs are first.

I liked Kelly from the start and I have no problem talking with her and I have chosen to remain with her. I’ve been to some of my sessions en femme as Barbra and the rest in drab as my male self. The first time walking into a large Medical Center, checking-in, and then sitting in the waiting-area waiting to be called was a bit scary. I notice that I do feel different when talking to Kelly depending on the gender I’m presenting and I must make a note to ask Kelly if she detects a difference depending on the gender presented.

[sandra-leigh]

Is it possible to reach a point where gender stuff is not the major focus of every thought every day?

Yes, it is possible for some people. Getting to that point involves different amounts of angst and personal effort and personal change for different people.

For some people, the key is the long time build up of feelings -- and that once one feels free talking to someone about them, and feels free going to support meetings (providing an outlet and a reinforcement that really it is fairly normal), then it no longer becomes an all-consuming passion.

Some people need to dress publicly most of the time, but are fine if they do that.

But there are others, such as myself, for whom therapy helped but real substantive reduction in preoccupation did not come until we started HRT. (If your brain itself is conflicted then that can lead to anxiety and preoccupation, and reducing the conflict by changing the hormone balance can end up largely removing the preoccupation.)

[WanabJulie]

I think StacyJane's response was spot on. I was just visiting a long time friend and for the first time I spoke out loud my fears and desires about dressing and dating dressed. She was able to put my dressing in a better perspective for me but most of all I felt so unburdened, so much lighter just having talked about my situation to another person. Best of luck hun.

[Janelle_C]

I'm been to four therapy sessions so far. The first one was with her telling me a little about her self and the way she does therapy, and I talked a little about my self and why I was there. And at the end of the first session she asked if I thought it was a good fit and if I want to make more appointments and I see her every other week. I do think it's very important to have a therapist that has transgender experience. I don't know how long it takes before you don't think about it 24/7 . I do know it's been so great to have someone to talk to about my transgender issues I told my wife after my last visit that I can't believe the things that I'm telling her. I decided in the beginning that I was going to be open and honest with her or why bother going. I go to number five on Tuesday and I can't wait. I hope this helps a little I know when I was about to start mine I reached out and got lots of support.
Hugs, Janelle

[sandra-leigh]

I pretty much jumped right in when I started what I now refer to as "life therapy" (I am also going to gender therapy). I had a focal question in mind when I first went, a seemingly achievable goal. (My particular question never really got answered, but it stopped mattering to me.)

Gender therapy: as I was already "out" to my wife and was already going out in public, and had already been discussing gender issues with the other therapist, again I pretty much jumped right in. But I didn't have a specific question; it was more like "What do I do, how do I handle this?" If I recall correctly, I spent a fair bit of the first session with the gender therapist in describing my earlier life, establishing the history of where I was (and was not.)