Gay Clubs?

[AliceMeetsTheWizard]

So, I'm in the process of working out a timeline towards my "adventure" on Halloween. Budgeting time, money, practice etc. (Ps, thanks to everyone who suggested not just going out as a girl but as a girl in a costume. Much better idea.) Anyway, my GG friend who is helping me with all of these things to get ready suggested maybe I should try first going out to a local gay night club on drag night.

Her theory is that there will be other guys and girls there in various ranges and degrees of dress of both sexes so maybe it would be easier for me to get used to being in a "more receptive" crowd that way.

I am not a gay man and while I have no issue with sexual preference (again, you do you, I'll do me) I have never been to this particular club. So my question is while I realize straight men can go to gay clubs, do straight men go there dressed as women? My other question (and this one is to fix what I'm afraid is just ignorance on my part as I've never seen a drag show) is it wrong to think a drag show is more aimed towards gay male participants? Thoughts about either or both questions?

[Katesback]

Look babe your thinking to much. The fact is you want to go to a gay bar go. You will probably find it interesting. Nobody is really going to give a rip wether your gay or straight or dressed or not dressed as a girl. They just dont care. Hopefully ya get the point.

Katie

[Josie M]

Actually, back when I used to go clubbing as Josie, I felt more comfortable a gay clubs. I don't know how it is today but, back then Sundays were usually reserved for the "TG afficionado's"....so, if you're just looking to go clubbing but not looking to get picked up....just don't go on Sundays...although I can't say I've never been hit on....but it's always been cool to just say "I'm not wired that way"

[AliceMeetsTheWizard]

Look babe your thinking to much. The fact is you want to go to a gay bar go. You will probably find it interesting. Nobody is really going to give a rip wether your gay or straight or dressed or not dressed as a girl. They just dont care. Hopefully ya get the point.

Katie

I wasn't really trying to be any whichaway about it. And I will be the first person to admit that I over think everything. I was really more interested in whether or not that environment would be preferable for initial experimental trips out of my house and less as to whether or not the people at the club would "care". I am the only MtF crossdresser I know, so I have nobody to ask advice from on this (or any) matter except through this site.

[DeeDeeB]

Generally speaking, gay clubs are more accepting of divergent lifestyles (like us), so I say "go for it". My wife and I visit Provincetown, MA yearly (a gay vacation hotspot) and she and Dee have been welcomed openly. Going in feminine costume to a club on Halloween is an excellent opening. I've done a flapper, Elvira and Natasha (from Rocky and Bullwinkle). Last time I dressed at Halloween for work, I followed the dress code for the first time - pencil skirt, blouse, shoulder length hair, etc. I was a hit.

My sincere hope and what I work for is that crossdressing will become "normal" but until that time, do what you can and be who you are whenever you can.

Dee

PS: I've been hit on by men in ski chalets, police bars and other places. A simple no thanks has always been sufficient.

[Launa]

Straight men go to gay clubs dressed as a woman, I have done it twice and there are others that do it too. I don't think it matters if your straight or gay and you want to participate in a drag show. I want to give it a try someday and in a contest where the prize is a big purse full of cash!!!!

[JessHaust]

You can go to a drag show at a gay club, we do it all the time, but we spend far more time at the lesbian clubs. They are more relaxed and accepting, at least here in Dallas. The gay crowd really is not that friendly with crossdressers, they aren't hostile, we are just not what they came to the club for. The girls at the lesbian clubs are much more friendly.

Im not sure where you are from Alice, but I would try meetup.com and search for your area and transgender. We have a group in meetup called Dallas Feminine Expression. its member only, but easy to join. We post where and when we will be out. For example I was going to dinner, and then to the local lesbian bar for drinks with one friend last Saturday, so I posted on our site at 2:00 sat afternoon. We ended up with 5 girls at dinner and when we got to he club there were 2 more.
If you do go and see us, you can't miss us, please just come up and talk. We don't bite, and love the compnay of anyone like minded.

[Alice Torn]

[SIZE="3"]Alice, I feel the same way. There is only one gay club in this area. It is in a very rough part of downtown. I am not really a clubbing type, too. Would rather go dressed to the symphony! But, I have considered going once, to see how it goes, good , bad, or whatever. I have no GG friend, or gay friend, to go with, so solo is it. It is a bit scary.[/SIZE]

[Chickhe]

If she goes with you then why not...at least you won't be alone. You don't have to do anything you don't want. A lot of these clubs have a complete mix of people and a lot of straight girls go to them to avoid getting hit on... just go and enjoy the show. One thing I noticed, gay people know how to have fun and live it up in a bar.

[Debglam]

So my question is while I realize straight men can go to gay clubs, do straight men go there dressed as women? My other question (and this one is to fix what I'm afraid is just ignorance on my part as I've never seen a drag show) is it wrong to think a drag show is more aimed towards gay male participants? Thoughts about either or both questions?

Alice,

Doll up, go out and have a great time! Don't sweat it. This is a beautiful world with lots of interesting friendly people. I have been to gay bars a number of times en femme and other than the occasional creeper looking for trans women, nobody bothers you and nobody cares what you are wearing. I really get a kick out of talking to people be they gay, lesbian, whatever. You meet some pretty cool folks.

I almost never go to regular bars (in drab or otherwise) because of all the douche bags you run into BTW. Gay bars - people are just out having fun.

[NathalieX66]

Straight guys go to gay clubs dressed as women.....not really exlusively a gay club, is it? .....it's more like LGBT-all inclusive.
The ones I've been to, the guy's don't get trans folks, except for a handful of guys I call tranny-chasers. You'll see 75% of young guys on the dance floor, some bare-chested doing their thing. As effeminate as some of them may be, they like the muscles & tattoos.........but guys in dresses, not so much.

I've seen a very sharp delineation between gays & trans folks.......birds of a feather. Plenty of straight guys as women, plenty of bisexual transgender......gay TG, the number gets much smaller.

[Beverley Sims]

I thought a gay club was one that you wen to to have a good time.
I have been to a couple dressed and had some interesting social intercourse usually among the gay men.
They don't pat me on the behind, usually a great conversation and none of the other either.
That way we remain friends and leave each other to our own interests.
I have been to a couple of lesbian clubs when I was single and all the girls were most receptive of me.
I had a GREAT time.

[ReineD]

So my question is while I realize straight men can go to gay clubs, do straight men go there dressed as women? My other question (and this one is to fix what I'm afraid is just ignorance on my part as I've never seen a drag show) is it wrong to think a drag show is more aimed towards gay male participants? Thoughts about either or both questions?

Yes, and yes.

Most CDers are straight and it's common in the beginning to go to places where the patrons don't freak out over seeing a man in a dress. I say "man in a dress" because it does take some time and practice before you'll be able to navigate under most people's radars.

And yes, it is wrong to think that drag shows are just for gay men. I live in a college town. The local gay bar is actually an alternative bar that attracts all manner of open-minded people: gays, lesbians, straights, guys, girls, in-betweenies, and maybe even a martian or two. Everyone enjoys the drag shows, the costumes are great!

My biggest issue with the venues where there are drag shows? The age group of most of the patrons. It's mostly a younger crowd, at least in my town. Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur there.

[ashleymasters]

One thing to bear in mind is to be outgoing. Introduce yourself and very openly say why you're there. The first time I went out in femme I was standoffish and a guy came onto me so strongly it actually became an argument. With more experience I realized maybe it was just as much my fault for not letting the people around me know what I was there for. I may have sent mixed signals just by not knowing the norm in a place like that. Dressers, gays and lesbians anyone who lives an "alternative" lifestyle knows the anxiety of coming into the public with thierry trueselves and there is comoradery in it. Good luck

[Beth Mays]

My first real trip out as Beth was to a gay club..
I did have a good time and end up with a group of 12 GGs that told ne they were Lesbians, only 2 were not overly supportive but they all ask 100s of questions as they say they had never really had a chance to talk to a CD as much as they had with me.

It is far more important how YOU feel when out than how others feel about you...

I did get hit on twice, but I had enough body guards around the "not interested" message was very clear!

[Beverley Sims]

I did have a good time and end up with a group of 12 GGs that told ne they were Lesbians, only 2 were not overly supportive but they all ask 100s of questions as they say they had never really had a chance to talk to a CD as much as they had with me.
I did get hit on twice, but I had enough body guards around the "not interested" message was very clear!

Beth you are spot on here I was with a party of 8 GGs all the questions, jokes etc were free flowing and may have sounded tasteless to others but within the group that night it was a blast. I have even seen some of those 10 years later.
I had enough bodyguards too.
I remember one comment made to a rather striking six foot male...FO! Hairy Legs.
Made him look about two inches high.

[kimdl93]

You are definately over analyzing the situation. Gay people go to drag shows, straight people go to drag shows, straight people go to gay bars. The target demographic is diverses.

But to your Your GF's suggestion - you can get out and experience an evening en femme, in what is likely to be a hospitable environment. What a great place to start.

[Nikki A.]

There is a gay resort by me that has CD weekends. Never had a problem, just be yourself. It's funny but the only times I was hit on was by another CD.
I don't think gays have a problem with us, it's the lesbians who have a problem w/ straight crossdressers, we're both interested in women. Seriously though, I've been friends with lesbians and they are cool with us and sometimes they are the most supportive of all.

[shoelover80]

I'm glad you're progressing in your CD journey, but I agree that you might be over-analyzing. Chat with some local gurls, read some reviews, and make sure you know what kind of club and environment. I know you're working up to Halloween - it's both very soon and pretty far off. If you're looking for total transformation by then, that's a lot of pressure. On the other hand, if you can just take all these new changes in stride and admire the landscape along the way, Halloween is just another blip on your CD timeline. 1 Halloween won't make or break you, so there's no need to rush and no need to build up an event that could turn out very differently than you imagined it! As a compliment, I definitely appreciate your action-oriented attitude and focus!

[Lorileah]

I have never been asked as I entered the club what sexual side I was on. I really don't know any clubs that are exclusively gay (and the straight ones are only straight because no one asks what sexual orientation you are and it can be difficult to tell a straight male from a gay male when the gay male does not want to be seen as gay).

So anyways this is about you going out and being in public. Then the straight scene may be less tolerant but the gay bar usually does not care one way or the other. I get more attention from the bi and lesbian women who just want to to talk. Yes there are guys who think the dress is an invitation to have sex, but so far all I have had to do is say, "No thank you" and they go away. Some even remain friends. It does not even have to be Drag night (in fact I would go on a NON-drag night unless you just like Drag queens).

I don't remember if you mentioned age but you could even go to a younger club and just wear make up and skin tight jeans and be perfectly welcome.

IF you want to go out, just do it. Have fun.

[VickysBFF]

[SIZE="3"]Alice, I feel the same way. There is only one gay club in this area. It is in a very rough part of downtown. I am not really a clubbing type, too. Would rather go dressed to the symphony! But, I have considered going once, to see how it goes, good , bad, or whatever. I have no GG friend, or gay friend, to go with, so solo is it. It is a bit scary.[/SIZE]

Louise: My first big night out was to the local symphony. It was a wonderful evening. I went to a local salon to have my hair styled and a professional makeover, then came home and got dressed. I had no problems or issues and even interacted with some of the musicians during a meet-and-greet in the lobby before the performance. I highly encourage you to go if you get the chance.

[renaej7]

I prefer going to "gay" clubs because everyone is 10x more friendlier than going to a "straight" club. I recently went out club hoping with a new friend and we end up going to a "straight" club and I couldn't really enjoy myself due to the childishness of some individuals. This may not be that case in all cities, but this was the case in this one. I say go for it. Be you. Have fun!

[reflections-of]

I have been going out more lately and I have been going to gay clubs, either lesbian ones or mixed, never just male clubs. It has been interesting. I have had both positive and a few negative experiences.

There are some people who are very kind, friendly and accepting. They have treated me, as well as my girlfriend with kindness and courtesy. I have been hit on or just offered a kind smile or a friendly word.

I had one negative experience and that was when I went to a lesbian bar with my girlfriend. We were looked at like we were not wanted or welcomed by some. We did feel out of place that night, so after our drink we left and returned home. It was a bad night to go, the ladies that night were not really friendly. It was how I was dressed, in fem attire and a short skirt. It was a night when the ladies who frequent are more of the lets just say butch lesbians; some of them were none to friendly of a “girl’ like me.

It can be fun, just look at the nights and what is happening that night at the club, that way you can dress appropriately for the occasion.

[sherri]

I echo the over-analyzing sentiment. Just do it, you'll learn as you go along. A gay/lesbian club makes sense cuz the lgbt community is generally more tolerant than the straight world, but you will discover that by and large, they care way, way less about the crossdresser in their midst than you think. That can be both a blessing and a disappointment, by the way.