LOL.Originally Posted by Violetgray
I am OFFENDED!You stop being realistic right this instant!
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LOL.I am OFFENDED!
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Reine
Passing is not overrated, it is a worthwhile goal but one that is nearly impossible for the part-timer to achieve.
Somewhere out there is a 40 year old guy who can shave his beard and rock your socks off with his passing skills, those people are one in a million. Your average CD is not thin enough, not graceful enough, not feminine enough, to pass within a hundred feet. I said AVERAGE so please don't pic nits, and I believe a few hours of scanning thousands of photos on this very forum will prove this. I know a 40ish CD who is a lovely person and incredibly polished. She's done with facial hair removal and she's done a few other things too and I think she passes just about as well as can be expected. Her wig is fantastic, her body language is unquestionably feminine and her voice is even totally acceptable. She goes out a LOT but she has not undergone any HRT and she is not full time so she qualifies as pretty much the top of the heap of CDs as far as I'm concerned, yet she still does not pass 100%. Nobody looks twice and nobody cares because she's polished and poised but her male body and features give her away if someone were to take a second look. She blends wonderfully, but it doesn't take long for the male cues to be noticed. She's a man after all and testosterone has done its damage.
What I'm saying is I can't imagine anyone doing a better job than she does, (Lord knows I can't) and if SHE can't pass as female up close, then that should tell you it's indeed nearly impossible with hormones and surgery. There is nothing wrong with trying as hard as you can, but don't let your effort devolve into delusion.
Thanks for all the interesting thoughts and takes on the situation. A few things from my perspective:
1) I'm under no illusions that I 'pass' any more than the quick glance test, I'm sure I have way too many giveaways that show up to someone looking for them. (The pics I post are usually the 'best of the best' considering my cheapo camera has a great feature that lets it take any number of shots after the timer goes off.)
2) #1 being said, now that I've started going out I won't let the reads stop me.I'm having too much fun even if I am still very nervous at times.
3) I'll try to be friendly and smile to anyone as long as they aren't rude to me.
4) I didn't take offense from what he did. I assume it was either he was genuinely trying to help or that he was drumming up business for a place he enjoyed working at. Either way, no big deal, and it was done discreetly.
Anyways, thanks again for all the great comments and especially the compliments on my looks. Not much feels better than having your ego boosted! However, my wife would tell you all that my ego is far too large as is.
All the best,
Bree
Bree, IMHO the gentleman was tactful and discrete and had good intentions so not taking offense or not being embarrassed or discouraged is the right way to go. That is a great attitude to have.
I agree with the previous comments that it is rare for a part-time CD to "pass" 100% of the time and in every situation. You can fool some of the people, some of the time, but...... As for passing being over rated, I'm in the middle on that one. I would twist that into saying passing 100% of the time is over rated. Expecting to be 100% passable in every case is not realistic for 99%+ of part time CDs. The fear of not passing is real and understandable, but it can also be used as an excuse to never go out. For most, it is easier to go out among the masses when you feel you are not as easily read. It is part of building your confidence and attitude which when present makes it less likely to be read. Passing, or more importantly your sense of passing, is important since it may influence your ability to go out into public and your comfort level. How well you have to "pass" before venturing out is a personal decision and measurement. How you react when you get read is also up to you.
Above, I used "pass" in the more generally accepted manner; however, I use the term "pass" in a different way than most. For me, passing is nothing more than not getting read with a quick glance. It is the short time (i.e., lack of attention) and distance that makes passing possible. A minimum standard was met which is another way of saying you were not obviously a man dressed as a woman upon a quick look and some distance. "Blending" is the next stage which is not getting read upon longer observation and with moderate proximity. This would be like observing someone two or three tables away at a restaurant for a few minutes. It is secondary clues such as some physical features, overt mannerism and sometimes attire that makes a CD fail to blend in. IMHO, it is a lack of convincing blending that gets most CDs thoroughly read upon observation. Only a few CDs I know blend in well enough not to get read or, at a minimum, arouse suspicion. "Presenting" is the final and most difficult stage. This is where there is close proximity and personal interaction with others in mainstream venues and events. Secondary clues become even more scrutinized and important. Vocal patterns, thought processes, behavioral patterns, less obvious mannerism, and other very refined details are all part of presenting. Presenting as a woman is very rare for a part-time CD and many post-op TSs I know also have difficulty or totally fail at presenting. Passing, blending and presenting is based on my opinion and observations over the past few years. It is my way of breaking down "passing" into more discrete and defined parts. Presenting as a woman is way more than dressing (looking like) as one. It is way more than wearing the clothes, shoes and makeup.
...and that settles that. ;-)
I hang out with some REALLY passable (is that a word) sisters, so I've resigned myself to be the funny one.
Melissa Hobbes, of the terrifyingly scary avatar, may be referring to who I am thinking of in particular. Anyway, for this middle pather, passing IS over-rated. Don't get me wrong, I would love to breeze into a room and have jaws drop at my feminine loveliness! I happen to live in what we call the "real world" however!
Six foot, broad shoulders, and no laser or electrolysis (yet), limited time and limited resources mean that I will NEVER be able to progress beyond a certain point. Don't get me wrong, I keep trying to improve, observing and learning from the GG's and drop dead pretty sisters I know. But. . .
Appearances aside, my voice is something I will only be able to take so far. I figure if I'm not read by appearance, I'll get read by my voice. If not by my voice then when I show my ID to make a purchase, etc. So what? The sky hasn't fallen yet.
For some brief, delicious periods of time I get to be the "woman" I want to be.
Go forth, be yourself, and have fun!
Debby
I would totally agree Bree.
Kristy
He probably gets a bonus for every new customer he brings in, lol.
Honestly, don't feel bad if an expert reads you. I can clock all trans girls, unless they fully transitioned before puberty, and were naturally way, way, petite, even beyond that. Like people say, it's a finely tuned antenna. But, as I've said before, unless you're going 1000% in on transition, don't put 'passing' as a realistic agenda. Every single day your body has testosterone coarse through your veins, the more masculine it makes your body, from head to toe. And, that is impossible to miss. So, just enjoy yourself, EMBRACE being a "tranny" and you'll have a fantastic time.
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