Your Daddy Smells Like A Girl

[Sara Jessica]

I've mentioned before that one of my best friends has made a comment here and there that gives me pause, as if he sees the elephant in my room much more clearly than others do.

Well yesterday evening, he did it again and it was my own d*#% fault. He and I were heading out to see a concert up in Los Angeles. He comes by my house to pick me up and I'm kind of scurrying about, grabbing stuff to get out the door. Now I'm presenting in typical concert gear, dark blue jeans and a black concert t-shirt. Oh yeah, I had just spent an hour getting ready and chose to wear nylons (yeah, I underdress, so shoot me), no-show socks (tempting fate of detection at the ankles whenever I sit down) and most importantly, the perfume that I wear daily. This is not to mention Secret (again, daily) and Bath & Body Works lotion applied to my skin when I got out of the shower. My hair was flat-ironed to perfection as well. Despite the "dude" presentation, I was feeling pretty darned good about myself when during my scurrying, literally squeezing by him on the stairs a couple times as I ran back and forth to get stuff I kept forgetting (tickets, check; iPod, check), I overhear him saying to my kids "your daddy smells like a girl".

Awwww crap!

Immediate response, just acted like I didn't hear it.

But it was odd what he said right afterwards to them, something along the lines of "now don't you go saying that to him, I can say stuff like that, you shouldn't".

Hmmmmm, makes me think. In the meantime, the elephant in my room will continue to smell fresh as a flower!!!

[Gerrijerry]

obviously he knows that you have a feminine side. How far you go he most likely does not know. Since he has told your kids. I would suspect your wife will know shortly if she does not know already. Other then that. He does not seem to care so just let it go. Enjoy just remember that sooner or later people will know that side of you and 95% will not care. The few that do will simply seem to move out of your life. Unless of course you take it to a higher level. Where you dress totally out side. That can change things.

[PretzelGirl]

That is interesting. I suspect your kids already knew how you smelled, it is just a matter of if they know it is out of the norm. How old are they? If they are pretty young, will they repeat that to your wife and will that be an issue?

And that also means your friend may know even more like seeing the socks or on the off chance, the nylons. It doesn't seem like it matters though, does it? Sounds like a really good friend.

[Aylineira]

All of my life the women in my family has bought the soaps and shampoos I've ever used so I've always smelled like a girl. It's really not a big deal.

[Marleena]

Sara I see two ways of looking at this. The positive side is he is a good friend and notices things and it doesn't affect your friendship. On the negative side not sure why he would need to tell your kids that. Maybe he wanted it to get back to you. Not a big deal anyways as far as I'm concerned.

[Persephone]

After years of my friends wondering why I had long hair, etc. I came out to most of them and none of them has really given a damn. After I told them, the most common question they asked me was "We're still friends, right?"

But I do have a concern about your friend, and that is him telling your children that their Daddy "smells like a girl." Each of us has our own way of relating to our friends, particularly our best male friends, taunting back and forth and so on; normal "guy" behavior. But his saying what he said to your children is, in my mind, a bit of a red flag concerning trusting him with your secrets and with your children.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[emmicd]

I believe your friend is just noticing something about you which is a good thing and expressing it. You should stay true to who you are. It is wonderful to smell like a girl. I will see that I douse myself with more feminine sprays and lotions to achieve that desired feminine feel but not over due it. I also have been overwhelmed by a woman who tends to use too much of it. Be subtle with it and keep doing it. Your friend seems ok with it.

emmi

[Sara Jessica]

obviously he knows that you have a feminine side. How far you go he most likely does not know. Since he has told your kids. I would suspect your wife will know shortly if she does not know already. Other then that. He does not seem to care so just let it go. Enjoy just remember that sooner or later people will know that side of you and 95% will not care. The few that do will simply seem to move out of your life. Unless of course you take it to a higher level. Where you dress totally out side. That can change things.

I left out that important detail, my wife was right there when he said that.

That is interesting. I suspect your kids already knew how you smelled, it is just a matter of if they know it is out of the norm. How old are they? If they are pretty young, will they repeat that to your wife and will that be an issue?

And that also means your friend may know even more like seeing the socks or on the off chance, the nylons. It doesn't seem like it matters though, does it? Sounds like a really good friend.

As for the family, and my wife in particular, I've been wearing women's perfume of some sort or another for at least 3 years now, maybe longer. Strangely, she has not said a word about this to me which says either 1) she hasn't noticed (doubtful) or 2) it's a battle she chooses not to fight. I think the latter is the case.

As for my friend, he is a really great friend and is an absolute smart-ass. He'll never fail to take an opportunity to say something like this if given a chance. He would have noticed my ankles at all unless he was to look under the table at dinner. My jeans are long enough that when I stand, you cannot tell at all.

All of my life the women in my family has bought the soaps and shampoos I've ever used so I've always smelled like a girl. It's really not a big deal.

That was my fall-back if the issue persisted, good ole Bath & Body Works product.

Sara I see two ways of looking at this. The positive side is he is a good friend and notices things and it doesn't affect your friendship. On the negative side not sure why he would need to tell your kids that. Maybe he wanted it to get back to you. Not a big deal anyways as far as I'm concerned.

Again, he's a smarty-pants. No ill will intended on his part, I can guarantee that.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes, I sometimes smell like a girl, the perfume lingers just toooo long sometimes.

[Sheren Kelly]

Just last night I was out in drab to see "The Artist" with a friend. I wore a cabel necklace and just enough perfume to suit me. When I feel femme but can't dress femme, I want to at least smell nice. Oh and underdressing is something I normally don't due, but the laundry is backloged, and I had plenty of clean panties.

[lingerieLiz]

I once knew a guy who was sooo afraid of femininity that he wouldn't wear any deordorant that had a fregrance, even old spice. Some fregrances have a sweet smell that most guys would not wear. Was he just saying that because he has a disdain for smelly guys?

Had a gal one day at work exclaim, who has on White Shoulders? I did and left before she could single me out.

[Organza]

I guess Persephone and I are in the minority but I think it's wrong to take even the slightest chance of humiliating a father in front of his children. Even if he meant no harm, it was poor judgment.
Lisa

[Eryn]

The friend had no business making that statement to the children. I can see no positive or neutral intent in a statement of that sort.

i would think twice before letting that guy near the children again. At best he's clueless and i hate to think about what the worst would be.

People who cannot control themselves and blame it on being "smart-asses" can be dangerous.

[Jill Devine]

Sara I see two ways of looking at this. The positive side is he is a good friend and notices things and it doesn't affect your friendship. On the negative side not sure why he would need to tell your kids that. Maybe he wanted it to get back to you. Not a big deal anyways as far as I'm concerned.

I also question why he would say something to the kids. Not a good move.
Maybe I'm being sensitive but I see it as him belittling you in front of your kids. Trust me there's nothing positive about what he said (from the child's perspective).

[Sara Jessica]

Hmmmm, common theme in bashing my friend. I didn't convey the tale as being something that I was upset about. Rather, it was kind of an "oh s#$@ moment that I take full responsibility for.

I didn't take his comment in a negative way, neither should anyone else. This is one of my best friends who I have known for nearly 25 years. He was in my wedding, I was in his. Our children are friends, etc etc etc.

Fact of the matter is that he probably didn't have 2 seconds to even think about it. I'm sure I smelled way too much like a girl. My mistake was flying about so that my scent would scatter with me, you know, like when you get the wind of someone who passes you by quickly.

So perhaps he's guilty of having little or no filter but on the other hand, there are so many other qualities in people, or lack thereof, which are much more of a danger to our children.

Besides, maybe he did me a favor.