What hurts us?

[Briana90802]

So I'm leaving work yesterday and I saw a CDer and it was fairly obvious due to the 6 or 7 "O" clock shadow, the unshaven legs and the over lack of anything feminine except for the dress and shoes. It made me think that when other people look at this person they are disgusted and that it hurts us when we go out.

Just so I don't become a community embarrassment what are some things I should avoid while out in public? Are there any tips I need so I don't end up being the center of attention?

EDIT:
As a crossdresser when I go out there will always be things that give me away. My QUESTION IS what are some of the "Tell-tale" signs that I should avoid so that I don't stand out like a Jack Sparrow on Hollywood Blvd?

I'm looking for helpful and supportive commentary here not sarcasm.(isn't that why we are all here?) Thank you.

[MandyGG]

What is the difference between you two besides more personal attention to detail? Does it make him "gross" in your eyes even though technically you are the same? I am confused by this logic. You are both CD. Why compare? Maybe he doesn't have a support system that will allow him to present more femme, yet he still had the desire to go out.

[Katesback]

I can say this. The guy actually has the balls to go out into the world which is pretty rare for CDs now isnt it?

[Secret_Dresser]

I can say this. The guy actually has the balls to go out into the world which is pretty rare for CDs now isnt it?

I would have to disagree, while I cant say that I myself have went out en femme, alot of CD's do tend to make the trip out into the "big bad world". While yes it is indeed rare to see an actualy CD on the streets there will more than likely be a decent portion of us out there.

[Jonianne]

Also, unless you know the situation, consider there may be a reason. Now that I am doing electrolysis, I have to let my face go unshaven for several days. I am not full time, so I can deal with that. But, I know some who are full time and they have to go out with unshaven faces anyway. They don't like it, but they have to do it anyway.

[KimberlyJean]

I would have to disagree, while I cant say that I myself have went out en femme, alot of CD's do tend to make the trip out into the "big bad world". While yes it is indeed rare to see an actualy CD on the streets there will more than likely be a decent portion of us out there.

+1
I like to think I could be standing right next to you and you wouldn't know I am not a woman.

[Badtranny]

I would have to disagree, while I cant say that I myself have went out en femme, alot of CD's do tend to make the trip out into the "big bad world". While yes it is indeed rare to see an actualy CD on the streets there will more than likely be a decent portion of us out there.

Not true. Read through the posts on this very site and you will see that the vast majority here are deep in the closet. Some will go for a drive, some will go to a park in the middle of the night, some will go to TG only events, but VERY few will step out into the world. Even fewer would speak up for LGBT issues for fear that their dirty little secret would be exposed. I'll even bet you a dollar that there are closet cases on this very forum that have participated in gay or trans bullying because they were too afraid to openly dissent.

This "embarrassment" that you speak of actually looks remarkably like many CD's as far as I'm concerned. It's awful hard to make a man look like a woman so maybe this cat thought he was as good as he was gonna get? If you don't think that's the right image for your "community" then pull up your panties and go show 'em how it's supposed to be done.

+1
I like to think I could be standing right next to you and you wouldn't know I am not a woman.

Yeah well, that's what we ALL like to "think".

[MandyGG]

If you don't think that's the right image for your "community" then pull up your panties and go show 'em how it's supposed to be done.

I think I just fell in love with you.

Honestly, most CD's look like a "Dude in a Dress". Very few are 100% passable, and the ones that are the most passable are on their way to becoming full time females, a la TS. I have to give him credit for going out. No matter his appearance.

[KimberlyJean]

Yeah well, that's what we ALL like to "think".

I don't "think" it is as hard to pass as you make it out to be, most of us would never pass a close inspection but just browsing in a store or walking down the sidewalk most people aren't paying that close of attention. I have been in situation where I know I passed and others where I think they were just being polite.

[Katesback]

Secret you make me smile. Why do you make me smile? Well because you disagree with me and then you go on to say you have been out dressed. Ok......... CDs have a reputation of being picture addicts. I would think if you in fact went out in the real world you would have a picture of you in the real world. Ahhh but crap you dont even have a picture of your legs on here. Under your profile you got a pic of a corset. I mean girl who are you trying to kid?

Katie

I would have to disagree, while I cant say that I myself have went out en femme, alot of CD's do tend to make the trip out into the "big bad world". While yes it is indeed rare to see an actualy CD on the streets there will more than likely be a decent portion of us out there.

[Marleena]

I'm seeing the replies I expected to see. I think I'll just opt out of this one.

[Rachael Turner]

I myself am what i consider to be a "7 iron" I look good from about 150 yards away

[STACY B]

GEEZ ,,,,,,, I could have sworn no body would clock me ,, Crap ,, Thought I was off the chain ,, Back to the drawing board I guess ,,,, To be cont ....

[Badtranny]

I myself am what i consider to be a "7 iron" I look good from about 150 yards away

...and that my dear is the attitude that will get you ever closer to actually passing someday. First you accept the impossible, than you make it inevitable.

[Briana90802]

Ummm. Isn't there a difference between a "dude in a dress" and a crossdresser? Kinda like that old debate between a CD and DG. I don't know if I admire his bravery or his apathetic attitude. I'm just saying that it seems harder for people(the public) to take us serious about CDing when this guy, and other "characters", soil the term Crossdresser. For example: it would seem that many people think that Mormons are all polygamist. Of course this isn't true. It's only a few extremist that seem to be in the public eye who assist in forming false public opinion about a group of people.

In my line of work I've come across quite a few CDers and whether they were passable or not I was given the impression that they cared about themselves and the community that they represented.


BTW the discussion being persued here isn't the answer to the question that I originally asked. I was using this guy as an example.

[whowhatwhen]

I think turtles are pretty cute, but sometimes they don't get along and they all fight and um...
I admire his balls (lol) to give no ****s and do what feels good/right, anyone who doesn't care likely supports LGBT to begin with and the others weren't going to be swayed anyway.

Moral of the story: Stop fighting like turtles?

[Miranda-E]

So I'm leaving work yesterday and I saw a CDer and it was fairly obvious due to the 6 or 7 "O" clock shadow, the unshaven legs and the over lack of anything feminine except for the dress and shoes. It made me think that when other people look at this person they are disgusted and that it hurts us when we go out.

were you dressed when leaving work and showing how a person can live their life out and about or were you in mens clothes and hiding?

[KellyJameson]

That actually could be a good thing. I have a friend with a full beard who often wears skirts and dresses out and about all the time. He is 6'4, 350lbs with a huge barrel chest and has more hair on his knuckles than I do on my whole body. I love his energy and booming voice and his courage is inspirational. I have to look absolutely perfect before I allow others to see me enfemme and it is purely from fear. When I go out in public with him they are to busy staring at him to notice me and many people actually stop and tell him how brave they think he is, of course this is a town where people ride their bicycles naked so they are probably thinking the dress is an improvement.

There is a company in Seattle called "Men in Kilts" that does exterior cleaning work like pressure washing and like the name states everyone wears a kilt. Pushing the boundaries makes the box larger for people like me (who are so cautious) to live in. I often feel guilty about this because it is like others fighting a war for my freedom but I'm glad they are out there and I try to add to the fight in my own small ways when I'm able.

There was a time when women felt the pressure to always look perfect before they left the house and I think it turns something that is fun into drudgery, the artistic elements should not be lost in the need to look perfect (beautiful), keep it creative (I say this but still trying to practice what I preach). I hit a bucket of golfballs today in an exclusive area of town and I stand out for a mile with my hairless arms & legs wearing shorts, hair to the middle of my back and painted fingernails but otherwise presenting as a male and the only thing anyone said to me was to compliment me on striking the ball well. They look at me sideways but I have a very soft persona so they do not see me as dangerous and it gives them something to talk about when they get home. It is going out looking 100% female that things seem to get complicated because it adds a sexual element with all the risks. From what I have experienced not passing actually could be safer.

[Barbara Ella]

Was gonna stay out, but cant cause I like turtles, just dont want to dress like them.

WIthout knowing the exact situation it is only generalities that we can comment on , and one should not comment on generalities, in general.

Remember some cross dressers prefer to maintain a male appearance even while wearing women's clothes, and there is not one thing wrong with this. I want to look femme, and when i go out (eventually) I want to be the best I can. pass? not likely, but I want to enjoy myself and the experience. How can I put this nicely, but I hope other CD will not see me to pass judgement, cause you are some of the hardest critics going, and I love each and every one of you.

So lets not judge this one poor fellow too harshly, and realize we are comprised of a great variety of members with widely varying situations and capabilities all trying to enjoy the same thing and that is simply wearing female clothes.

Barbara

[Briana90802]

were you dressed when leaving work and showing how a person can live their life out and about or were you in mens clothes and hiding?

I was leaving work in a gender nuetral uniform and this was a town center shopping facility. Besides my real questions was about how to not be the center of attention while out dressed.

[MandyGG]

It was a bad example, Brianna. I have no clue what DG, so if anyone cares to shed light on that for me, it would be most helpful.

To answer your question....The only way to shed the stigmata that is CD, you have to do what all of the previous generations did. You HAVE to get out there. Interact. Fight for what you believe in. Making yourself look more femme and expecting all others to as well doesn't do anything more for you. The bear in the dress is doing more for you than that. If you simply want to blend, then 6 inch stilettos and mini dresses are not it. GG's wear jeans. Flip flops. Etc. yes, they go out in their mini dresses at night, but if you are talking Walmart, you are lucky to see one with lip gloss. It's probably Chapstick anyway! Anyway, there is blending in and being incognito, but that is going to do absolutely nothing for your group.

[kellycan27]

In my line of work I've come across quite a few CDers and whether they were passable or not I was given the impression that they cared about themselves and the community that they represented.

You should just worry about you and how you present,represent this so called community. Since tg people don't tend to run in herds ( save for the occasional TG venues) people who see you are going to form an opinion on the individual not the group. And to be perfectly honest I would think that this would be more important to you. Beside that.. him getting read like a drug store novel, might take some of the heat off of you.

Kel

[AllieSF]

I am on the side of dress as you please, regardless of what others think. Those that have that special courage to do just that are leading the way for those that do not have the courage to go out. Please do not criticize the flag bearers just because they do not meet your standards. Brianna, to avoid standing out, you could stay at home, which I do not think is what you want to do. So, dress for the venue in something that makes you feel good. It may be overly conservative, or overly risqué. You do not need to please anyone besides yourself. I totally agree with those that have said that the attention getter's makes it a lot easier for us who try to blend in. I don't think you meant to talk down about the person you observed, however, your comments are typical of many here, when they, like you, seem to think that the other should dress according to what they and you think is a better way. So, some of the responses you are getting here, mine included, are just trying to point out that we should support all of our members here, and not judge them, just was we do not want to be judged by others. If you have the right attitude and self confidence, you will do your best according to your tastes and abilities and not worry about others. Let your great personality and character carry you to where you want to go and be. I do the best I can trying to do that and am loving every minute of it.

[Sophie_C]

I know I'm going to sound un-pc, but there's typically too much patting people on the back here. We've got to make an effort to improve the general perception of us, and it's everyone's responsibility to actually make some effort. Basic grooming should be the BARE MINIMUM. I'm not saying everyone should glam it up (just be yourself) but have some level of decency.

Yes, people like the one you crossed paths with bring us down, since they fulfill everyone's expectations of us being the "bearded lady" from the circus. 1000%.

[Cynthia Anne]

[QUOTE=Katesback;2809478]Secret you make me smile. Why do you make me smile? Well because you disagree with me and then you go on to say you have been out dressed. Ok......... CDs have a reputation of being picture addicts. I would think if you in fact went out in the real world you would have a picture of you in the real world. Ahhh but crap you dont even have a picture of your legs on here. Under your profile you got a pic of a corset. I mean girl who are you trying to kid? KATIE QUOTE!
I'm proud of who Iam! I have no pictures on here either! Due to the fact that I can't afford a camera, nor can I afford to update my cell phone! I went out fully dress today and went grocery shopping and bought me a dress! If you come to my hometown you will see me! Being poor doesn't make me a liar! Hugs!