What hurts us?

[Kristy_Iowa_CD]

Besides my real questions was about how to not be the center of attention while out dressed.

I'll try and give my 2 cents about your question.

My advice to not be the center of attention is to try and have everything about you be feminine. Not just your clothes, accessories and makup, but the way you speak, the way you move, the way interact with others, everything! Kudos to the person you descibred going out in public in feminie attire but with masculine body hair - if that is what makes him/her happy then more power to him/her! But what was it that made that person stick out to you? It was more than likely the combination of male and female traits.

Most people have very simple views of the world. They like men to look and act like men and women to look and act like women. When I go out en femme I concentrate very hard on having everything about me be feminine (and I practice things like speaking and mannerisms when I'm in drab too). At 6 feet 4 with a football players chest I am not passable and I never will be. However, I can honestly say I have never not been accepted. I have heard a few snickers and the occasionally "oh my god", but when I act like a woman and speak to them like a woman (notice I say speak and not sound - there is a difference) people's preconcieved notions of a man-in-a-dress quickly dissappear (at least in my experience).

If you don't want to be the center of attention - be a woman - not just a man acting like a woman. That probably sounds a little cliche but thats been my experience from my little corner of the world

[Secret_Dresser]

Secret you make me smile. Why do you make me smile? Well because you disagree with me and then you go on to say you have been out dressed. Ok......... CDs have a reputation of being picture addicts. I would think if you in fact went out in the real world you would have a picture of you in the real world. Ahhh but crap you dont even have a picture of your legs on here. Under your profile you got a pic of a corset. I mean girl who are you trying to kid?

Katie

Actually I said that I havnt yet went out en femme, the original post reads initially "while I cant say that I myself have..." that somewhat says to me that I havnt been out into the world dressed. In regards to picsm i do in fact have pics of my legs on here, try looking at my fist pic thread attachments, fair play they are encased in nylon but they are still up here.

Sorry if this sounded harsh, it wasn't intended just trying to make my point clear.

[Lorna]

I am in no position to be judgemental or harsh. One reason I don't go out dressed is because I know (believe) I would attract unwanted attention - I'm just being realistic. I'm not very observant, anyway, and in most of the places I frequent I am not aware of seeing any cross dressers. On the other hand, perhaps I do see them and because they do it so well (like some of the members of this forum) I am not even aware that they are men dressed as women. I have had the experience of working with a man who underwent gender change procedures and I had no difficulty accepting her in her new identity and as far as I know, only those of us who knew her before her change would have realised that she was once a man. I and colleagues treated her as a woman in every respect.

However, on just two occasions (both on train journeys as it happens) I found myself standing close to a man dressed as a woman. One was on a crowded local train out of Waterloo and the other was on Salisbury station. In both cases, it appeared that the individual had tried hard to look female but had fallen a very long way short of achieving it. Also in both cases, people around commented adversely but not aggressively about what/who they had seen once the individual concerned had moved away.

I suppose in some bizarre way this suggests that both extremes are widely acceptable: the cross dresser who has achieved total credibility as a woman and the one who makes a statement that he is a man but chooses to wear female dress. People might laugh at the latter but probably acknowledge his right to wear what he likes. Those in between, though, deserve some empathy. Despite obviously trying hard, their efforts leave them looking like men in dresses and that probably makes them unhappy, too. I know that I would be in that in-between category but (I hope) I am avoiding the hurt by dressing in private just to please myself. Each to his/her own.

[Briana90802]

Sometimes it really depends on what you are trying to accomplish. That having been said, there are always others whose main purpose in life seems to be criticizing others for whatever reason. The bottom line is Hon that whatever does not destroy us makes us stronger.

Tell that to the two gay men who were killed walking down the street(two blocks from my house)! Two separate occassions both attacked just because they were gay. A scary thought for a CDer.

[Jacqueline Winona]

In Long Beach, Briana? Wow, that is surprising. It seems like a pretty progressive place.

[5150 Girl]

I don't know, I think SOMETIMES a little tell tail is good. I have said it before a milon times, The more comon place we make ourselves the more comon pl;ace we become. Ok, so every detail is perfect, exept, maybeI have a 5:00 shadow peaking out. If people see "the boy in a dress" behaving /acting just a normal as everyone else in Kroger's, then hopfully they'll get the idia that "those people" really aren't that much difrent after all....

[charlie]

I don't "think" it is as hard to pass as you make it out to be, most of us would never pass a close inspection but just browsing in a store or walking down the sidewalk most people aren't paying that close of attention. I have been in situation where I know I passed and others where I think they were just being polite.

I think that for most of us it is a matter of feet. I think that I do well passing as long as people are 10 to 15 feet away. Everything gets more iffy the closer people are to me.

Hello Briana!
What I have found is that dressing to be the best girl that you can be helps. If you are somewhat shy and don't want to be seen immediately....dress like a conservative girl (GG) on the street. Wearing 5" heels and a mini is great fun,but will draw attention fast. Wearing a long sleeve dress that comes just above the knee may not be as much fun, but it may save embarrassment or worse.

[Mikaela]

I lived in Long Beach (now in the Valley). Yes, the city is pretty gay friendly but that's not the same as saying everyone there is.
My former in-laws, who live right on Ocean, downtown, used to say some pretty nasty things come time for Pride about all the f**s and boxlickers and stuff. And, of course, there's some more 'urban' areas as well.

I'm going to the zoo on Monday with my girlfriend. Other than a trip to the mall last year, it's my only other time out during the day. I needed to accept myself and need to stop caring what other people think.

[BillieJoEllen]

As I've reported previously over the last four years I have seen four CDs out and about. Three have been bearded. The first one I saw out walking the streets. Clothes were very decent and she had long hair. She did have a long beard though. She came walking through our church parking lot one night after services were over. Nobody notices? Nobody cares? She came under a lot of criticism and I couldn't believe the comments people were making after they saw her. The second one was trying her hardest to present as a woman. There were a few things that gave her away to me. The third one I saw I followed into a consignment shop. She had her hair done in a very fussy manner, very nice jewelry and a miniskirt and a top to go along with it. Again, she was bearded. Last fall I once again saw a CDer in a local thrift store. She was loaded down with feminine attire and jewelry. She wasn't fooling anyone, even from four miles away. She had a very unique hairdo with lots of little bows and ribbons in it. Once again - she was bearded.

[kellycan27]

As I've reported previously over the last four years I have seen four CDs out and about. Three have been bearded. The first one I saw out walking the streets. Clothes were very decent and she had long hair. She did have a long beard though. She came walking through our church parking lot one night after services were over. Nobody notices? Nobody cares? She came under a lot of criticism and I couldn't believe the comments people were making after they saw her. The second one was trying her hardest to present as a woman. There were a few things that gave her away to me. The third one I saw I followed into a consignment shop. She had her hair done in a very fussy manner, very nice jewelry and a miniskirt and a top to go along with it. Again, she was bearded. Last fall I once again saw a CDer in a local thrift store. She was loaded down with feminine attire and jewelry. She wasn't fooling anyone, even from four miles away. She had a very unique hairdo with lots of little bows and ribbons in it. Once again - she was bearded.

Dang! What are the odds of you randomly running to like what 3-5 cross dressers and ALL of them sporting beards? Do you live in a Mennonite or Amish community or something? I lived most of my life in Las Vegas, Nevada, and Los Angeles, Ca. and Don't think in my 30 years I have encountered more than 2 or 3 cder's just by happenstance. Just saying........................

[Silentpartner GG SO]

As I've reported previously over the last four years I have seen four CDs out and about. Three have been bearded. The first one I saw out walking the streets. Clothes were very decent and she had long hair. She did have a long beard though. She came walking through our church parking lot one night after services were over. Nobody notices? Nobody cares? She came under a lot of criticism and I couldn't believe the comments people were making after they saw her. The second one was trying her hardest to present as a woman. There were a few things that gave her away to me. The third one I saw I followed into a consignment shop. She had her hair done in a very fussy manner, very nice jewelry and a miniskirt and a top to go along with it. Again, she was bearded. Last fall I once again saw a CDer in a local thrift store. She was loaded down with feminine attire and jewelry. She wasn't fooling anyone, even from four miles away. She had a very unique hairdo with lots of little bows and ribbons in it. Once again - she was bearded.

Crikey, so the law of averages must be about 1 in 100 CD'ers actually have beards - which means that if you saw 3 or 4 there must be at least a couple of hundred out and about in your area? but they must all be so well presented that nobody notices them. I can only recall seeing maybe a dozen at most in my long years that I've absolutely 'clocked' and I used to work in London.

[BillieJoEllen]

I do not normally see CDers. I did think it was very peculiar to see not only one but three bearded CDers in a very short space of time. The first one I had seen around town on a number of different ocassions while the other two I have only seen once each.

Funny thing is that I don't know ANY CDers in this city personally. I hope to eventually make contact with a few but for the longest time now I have been laid up with a serious injury. While stationed near Franfurt in the early 70s I saw hundreds of CDers. Saw quite a few in Munich also.

I have seen a number of CDers in Milwaukee. They have all been in shopping malls.

[Stephanie47]

I just had to skip down to the last page. Briana was asking a valid question. I'm an in-home cross dresser. I am not closeted because I do not live in a closet. I live in a home. My semi public outings have been limited to the dark hours of the evening. I am 200 pounds and six foot without heels. I know up close and personal I will be identifiable as a guy in a dress. So, what do I do to make myself look like a tall women from afar. I make sure when strolling I do not walk like a man. I've watched the YouTube/Internet videos on female deportment. And, I make sure I wear dark hosiery, either black on a dark neutral color. I also make sure I am freshly shaven. I also wear a wig with long tresses which I can arrange around my face and neck to partially obscure my facial features. I make sure my arms are covered. I usually wear a jacket or long sleeve dress for nightly strolls.

As to Brianna's visual of the obvious "man in a dress," I'd say he needs some fashion help. Not everyone can be a size ten. And, being a size ten will not necessary conceal the manly face-six o'clock shadow and angular features. There are many feminine choices for a plus size woman to really look attractive. I wear a size 18/20 and have a wonderful assortment of dresses (80). That being said, I see many many GG's who lack fashion sense and could definitely use an "ambush makeover." I also see a lot of guys who are total slobs with baggy, ill fitting pants that reveal the crack of their ass, a beer belly, ratty hair, etc. They probably attract as much attention as the cross dresser Brianna noted.

From my time on this site I get the impression most of us want to blend in and not stand out. To that extend I personally think cross dressers should do their best to look womanly. I'm waiting for the day for GG's at the mall to make comments that the cross dresser they are observing should be wearing a more age appropriate dress rather than make a comment that a man is wearing a dress.

[ReineD]

I seldom, very seldom see any CDers as well. But, this is because I'm like 95% of the people out there. I really don't focus on other people when I'm out & about unless I'm interacting directly with them.

I have noticed a few CDers over the years but this was only when they were right next to me looking in the same section of clothing racks in stores. I suppose I'd notice more if I were an avid people watcher, sitting at a café watching people go by, or if I paid attention to the other patrons in a restaurant while I'm eating.

Once a young TS came out to me though. My SO and I were at a restaurant and she followed me into the ladies room. She made a comment about my outfit, I returned the compliment, and then she told me she was a birth male!! I said, "GET OUT!" (Ã* la Elaine Benes). There is no way I would have known. She was in her 20s, long blonde hair, and about 5'5" or 5'6". She was just so tiny compared to me. I'm 5'9" plus I was wearing heels. We started talking and I told her that my SO was a CDer and invited her to come sit with us for awhile. She did and we all had a lovely conversation. This was quite a few years ago, before I was involved with this forum.