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Thread: Achieving peace with TG/TS

  1. #1
    Senior Member emmicd's Avatar
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    Achieving peace with TG/TS

    For those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?

    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.

    How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?

    Are you now where you should be?

    Do you feel regrets?

    Are you happier?

    What are your plans now for the future?

    emmi

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member Anna Lorree's Avatar
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    No, I'm not at peace. I'm a lot closer to acceptance than I have ever been. I have identified as TG now for over 2 years. It looks as though I could also wear the TS label. I tend to look at TG as a noun, and TS as a verb. A TS is a TG who decides to do something about it.

    I have been wrestling steadily with this for over three years. It was on the back burner since 1988.

    My wife is still with me. Things were pretty strained and tense for a while, but have calmed a bit recently. However, I know she will not stay through SRS. I'm not out at work.

    I regret that I didn't deal with this when I was a teen. I'd probably be a lot prettier right now.

    I am happier in that I'm not lying to everybody in my life. Yes, I still live a lie, but it is better than it was.

    Muster the courage to get a consult with a Dr. who does HRT for TS people in my area.

    Anna
    "If you're going through Hell, keep going."
    -Winston Churchill

  3. #3
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Very much at peace with myself. Married with children, great job (accountant CPA,notary, presently working as Controller for a big concern) non-issue with friends, and my mom finally GOT IT. Never even think about being trans anymore except in here. Future plans.... adopt more kids, be a stay at home (work from home) mom, stay involved with my church, the school and the community that we call home. Happier? Happier than I have ever been in my entire life! Time lime I began living f/t at 20 and I just had my 30th birthday.

    Kel
    Last edited by kellycan27; 04-11-2012 at 12:12 AM.
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  4. #4
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    For those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?
    Hi Emmi, I'm not very far along the path, but I am at peace with myself and do enjoy the journey, for the most part. Sure I have a cycle of depressions and highs, but that is normal and a part of life.

    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.
    For me, the vast majority of my work in accepting myself took place during the nearly 8 years I spent in weekly individual and group therapy, during the 90's. I had a lot of issues to work through in trying to get to the point of self-acceptance. Back then it was crossdressing and just trying to break free of the chains of an unhealthy fundamentalist religion and learning about being in relationships. I finally came to the point of being OK with myself no matter what. After my Angel passed last year and my life's situation changed, I realized my life long identity with females is exactly what it is and I am at the very begining process of transition and want to live the rest of my life as female.

    How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?
    So far my relationship with the ones I have shared with, my bosses at work are the most supportive. My parents are totally against it and my step-daughter who still lives with me is very upset, but at least she is in therapy herself and in the part of the session where I am in with her, she lets me know in no uncertain terms how angry she is about it. But at least we are talking.

    Are you now where you should be?
    I'm one that believes that things happen at just the right time and place on our path in life that helps us through. A part of me certainly wishes I could have been in a place where I could have made the decision to transition much earlier in life, but I also believe I wasn't ready to cross that stream until now. So yes, I believe that I am exactly where I should be in my life.

    Do you feel regrets?
    My biggest regret is that I couldn't have been in a place of self-acceptance as a child and that I had to go through horrible depression and fear and not being able to be just me for most of my life. Not knowing I was loved and accepted all this time, but living in fear of always being condemned.

    Are you happier?
    I am so much happier now. Life is still a hard struggle and I go through the normal up's and down's of life, but it's so much easier to endure the realities of life when you feel good about yourself and know you are loved. (for the most part, because there are still times when the cycle of depression puts me in a sad/tired place)

    What are your plans now for the future?
    To each day bring my daily life more in line with who I am and want to be. To inform the rest of the key people in my life my desire to transition, to continue electrolysis, to go out more and more and interact with others as myself, Joni, to get my weight down. My therapist wants me to wait until a year has passed after my Angel died before she will give me the letter to start HRT and has reccomended I go to the VA hospital to register and get started with a full checkup, bloodwork and baseline. That will save a lot of money rather than trying to go through what little my insurance will pay for. So that is my next step. After that, I've already talked with my bosses at work and they have said that they will work with me, so going full time within the next year is hopefully where I will be. It's scary sometimes, but I have never identified as a "man" and I can't imagine living out the rest of my life as one.
    Joni

    "Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    For those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?

    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.

    How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?

    Are you now where you should be?

    Do you feel regrets?

    Are you happier?

    What are your plans now for the future?

    emmi
    I'm of two minds right now. I'm OK intellectually with being TS, but still struggle with the emotional baggage from growing up fighting it.

    Relationships are strained with a lot of people right now.

    I'm not where I want to be, but haven't fully dealt with the question of where I can or have to be.

    My only real regret is inflicting my identity issues on my wife. I don't look backwards a lot.

    No plans, just possibilities.

    Lea
    "Wow, if I had to live in that head I would slap the bitch and tell her to shut up."

  6. #6
    Gold Member Jorja's Avatar
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    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others?
    I am at peace with myself and have been for a long time. Once the turmoil that transition and srs cause I felt at peace. That is a really difficult time but you can survive it if you really want it.

    How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?
    Today, all of my family and friends are ok with my decision. Some never left me. It took a lot of work to regain all of them. Once they saw that I was truly happy and became a different person. A happy, open, helpful, loving person, most of them came back into my life. There is one who I would like in my life but isn’t. He knows I am willing to talk if he is. You may not win them all back but those you do are true friends.

    Are you now where you should be?
    For the most part, yes. I should be a rich Diva. Well a girl has to have something to work for!

    Do you feel regrets?
    No, no regrets here. This was the best thing I could have ever done. It is certianly better than the alternative.

    Are you happier?
    I can’t begin to explain how much happier I have been. Once things were set straight, it was like life was the way it was supposed to be.



    What are your plans now for the future?
    At my age I am looking towards retirement. Maybe moving to some place warm 24/7/365 and having naked beach parties. All are invited!


    Timeline: I transitioned when I was 25. A few years later I had SRS. I was a sucessful Architect when I met the man of my dreams. He passed away after 15 years of bliss. Now days I just enjoy life and continue to work like everyone else. I just am not as serious about it all like I was in my younger days.
    Last edited by Jorja; 04-11-2012 at 07:30 AM. Reason: Eye kan't sppel foer chit ta dey, Sew eye'm soory
    Jorja

    I may not be perfect, but parts of me are pretty damn awesome!

  7. #7
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    Emmi

    All of this, from a ts perspective
    It takes a long time, and its hard, but you can achieve peace..

    I have great relationships with people from my past. My kids and exwife spend tons of quality time together.. It took time, patience, compassion and alot of bad days to get here..There is no short cut

    I transitioned. I felt it was necessary to survive. I felt that my quality of life was so poor (despite outward appearances to the contrary) that I had to bet on transition.

    Although I certainly wish I had been blessed with just a plain old male or female life..I can't change that! I got over the whining, and moved on..I have not regretted any of the progress I made

    My best description of my "peace" from GID is that I find the concept of "switching genders", (something that i obsessed about 25 hours a day) to be eradicated..its gone... in fact, gender seems unimportant, it doesn't occur to me that I'm a woman, or that i was a man or that i lived as a man...it doesn't matter anymore....it just is...

    I personally believe that this the key benefit of my transition
    If you are transsexual, this is something you are not feeling right now.
    and as you are finding out now, its an unsustainable situation unless you find outlets to express your gender identity..

    I feel that people who express regret over transition have been either unlucky, or they executed their transitions poorly, and they feel like they lost so much in transition its not worth it..many people dig a very deep hole for themselves in their family, work and personal relationships to escape gender dysphoria...and they cannot get over the bitterness of being cursed with the ts card..

    So you are well served to be smart and brutally honest with yourself..and act accordingly ..

  8. #8
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    Hi Emmi,

    I had to transition to avoid death. I didn't have a choice in the matter which to this day makes me extremely upset and very very angry.
    I lost everything and everyone. I rebuilt my life but the pain continues and always will.
    Success in most aspects of my life now have been attained but the overwhelming loss from five and a half years ago keeps a constant damper on my life.
    I've had many many people tell me to get over it and move on which I have on most fronts but I cannot justify allowing myself to heal from what I had to do.
    I feel somewhat less a person and more of a monster if I accept all aspects of my actions from 2006.
    Out of many family members that I lost I now have two cousins that are now speaking with me again.

    Transition will always be something that I will drill into peoples heads as something they must do if they find themselves in a consistent downward spiral of depression and self abasement.

    Those of you that read my words should not have their transitions effected by them.
    My experience in transitioning is exactly that; My experience not yours.

    For me there is no real peace because I feel I don't deserve it and if I did allow peace in that regard to enter my life I would feel it was in rather bad taste.

    As for what the future holds; I will continue with my life that seemingly appears quite nice on the outside and is filled with a well deserved turmoil on the inside.



    Julia

  9. #9
    Senior Member emmicd's Avatar
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    Thank you all of you for sharing your experiences and being so honest about it. I am very much appreciative as i am embarking on my own personal journey which started as a 5 year old wearing my sisters clothes. i know what i feel and who i am. i also know my responsibilities and the people who are so important in my life. If I could explain in a way that would give insight to others what ts means i would simply say this:
    For most of us when we face the day we get dressed, we freshen up, we eat our breakfast, kiss our spouse and kids and go off to work with no worries. For me I wake up, i put on a beautiful dress which i adore, I then put on my male clothing which absolutely sickens me but I am not free to dreass how I feel. This is my "prison". I freshen up, I skip breakfast, I kiss my wife and son and off to work I go crying on the inside wondering why I must live this charade of being male when my inner core says female.

    emmi

  10. #10
    Super Moderator Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    For those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?
    I am definitely at peace with who I really am. The path towards becoming whole is long and I am only part way there - I need to lose a lot of weight before I can be considered for Gender Confirmation Surgery, but I am making progress.

    I am also making progress with my voice which started off about 10 Hz below the bottom end of the normal male pitch range but is now up into an acceptable female pitch provided that I concentrate and don't get too tired.

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.
    Achieving peace with myself was relatively easy once I gave myself permission to admit who I am and began to act upon that.

    I have been extremely fortunate in that my transition has not caused any friction with my friends and family and has largely been supported where I work.

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?
    Family: Never been better. My oldest brother and his wife had the hardest time understanding, but their children helped them.

    Friends: I have been very pleasantly surprised by the quiet support from several friends who I did not expect to "Get it". Some of my favourite comments were:

    1 (from someone who I only know slightly) "When I read about your transition, I showed the article to my husband and told him 'That's my friend'..."

    2 (from an 80 year old ex-army gent) "In my day we didn't talk about that sort of thing, but I wanted you to know that you have my full support"

    3 (from a neighbour a few doors down) "I would like you to promise me that if anyone gives you grief over this you will let me know"

    4 (from a very good friend) "You know Rianna, you are a much nicer person than Robert ever was"

    Co-workers: All my immediate team-mates and managers accept me fully. Some people from other departments have gone out of their way to be friendly since my transition.

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    Are you now where you should be?
    Not quite where I should be yet, but definitely getting there slowly but surely

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    Do you feel regrets?
    I have regretted that I spent so many decades fighting who I am, but now my main source of regret is that I will never know the joy of being a mother.

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    Are you happier?
    I am much happier and apparently it shows. I have been variously described as "flourishing", "Blossoming" and "Radiating happiness".

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    What are your plans now for the future?
    Lose about 20 - 30 kg, drop 5 dress sizes, improve my voice, go for Gender Confirmation Surgery, continue to support others.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven

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  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Kristy_K's Avatar
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    For me also Emmi it was either transition or die. It turn out to be the best choice I ever made.

    I was willing to give up everything but loss only my males clothes and savings from it.

    My friends love me more and most of my coworker accept me fully. My company supports me. I have more friends than ever in my life now.

    I have no regrets on my transition at all. I am only 7 months into my transition and it been has been so very wonderful so far for me. I am happier then I ever been before in my life.

    I am not where I want to be yet because I still have to remind myself that I am female yet. I am also still working on the voice.

    My plans are to get a orchie and then a SRS if and when I can afford it to complete my transition. Also to have a complete attitude of a female and to keep enjoying life as myself now.

    Life is so short and for once I am enjoying it because of taking the chance to be me.
    Kristy
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  12. #12
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Id like to respond from the TG perspective...at least my own. First. I have to acknowledge that I'm still a work in progress...and while I'm comfortable today with defining myself as aTG I'll be the first toadmit that it could change. How long did it take...wellthe first several decades just to perceive myself as something other than a perverted. When I came out to my then GF almost 14years ago, I began the process of making peace with others. I'm still at it all these years later.

    My relationships, I think, are pretty good. I was outed to my sons, many friends and family members by my angry ex but with few exceptions ive rebuilt or retainedmost of these.

    Any regrets ...lots. I wish I would have come to grips with being TG much earlier. During my first marriage it was really only a problem because I made it a problem...through my behavior...pent up anger a d acting out in inappropriate ways.

    I am comfortable where I am today. I live perhaps 75% of my life as a woman and that's ok for now and works with my other obligations. But who knows what the future holds.

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    A wrong has been righted.

  14. #14
    New Member StacieJayne's Avatar
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    For those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?
    I do feel, that since I realised that time was passing me by, I am more at ease with myself and peace is starting to be a reality.

    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.
    I have worked all my life to attain peace with myself and others.

    How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?
    Funnily enough, this time I know that I have the support of my Parents, my Son and his girlfriend and my neighbours as well. What more could I wish for?

    Are you now where you should be?
    I will only be where I want to be, when the transition is complete.

    Do you feel regrets?
    The only regret is, Why didn't I do this years ago????

    Are you happier?
    I have bad days, but on the whole, I feel much happier now I realise the decision I have made is the right one.

    What are your plans now for the future?
    To attain complete transition and live the rest of my life as the person I should have been from birth.

  15. #15
    Unexpected Woman Empress Lainie's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post

    for those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?

    I must actually consider my transition as complete as i can be. I don't even identify as trans to myself anymore. But age and health and finances prohibit surgery.


    How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.

    I had complete peace and happiness with myself on july 2, 2007, the day i transitioned to full time female. I had peace with the others in my life except my friend of 17 years, who at the time was not speaking to me because she saw me turning into a woman two months before. After 4 more months she came to terms with who i am, and hs since been my best friend and supporter. She knew Christine Jorgensen, worked in her lawyer's office in ny.

    How are your relationships with family? Friends? Coworkers?


    Family: My kids accepted me as the woman i am immediately. My parents are deceased.

    Friends, my friends were actually my tg group, one of them is now my so and lives with me.

    Coworkers: I was fired for being trans, and the school supervisor was the instigator, even though every one in the office claimed to understand where i was coming from, since they had several tg shows on tv just before that time. They lied


    Are you now where you should be?

    One hundred per cent except for having a female birth certificate. I refuse to get one that has my name and says "male."

    do you feel regrets?

    Only that i didn't know sooner and do it sooner. OH YES...that I wasn't born in the body I should have had!


    Are you happier?

    Unbelievably so. I used to never smile before, now I smile nearly all the time.

    What are your plans now for the future?

    Keep on trucking! Hope my next death is as easy as the first one on Dec 12, 2004. I am on HRT and would like a double orchie, but it is a maybe.


    Emmi
    thanks emmi
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