Hi everyone,
Im new here and very much in the closet. I have come out to an old girlfriend who exploited Jennifer. She was accepting at first but soon used Jennifer as a way of abusing me and having something over me. Unfortunately she was like that which took all the fun out of dressing up.
I told my wife years ago and initally she was alright but she has now retracted and dug her heels in (no pun intended) to say that I want to do it because Im self- destructive. She will tell me Im in denial of my upbringing which was full of abuse. I was sexually, physically, emotionally abused and neglected. I found my sisters panties on the bathroom floor and tried them on when I was about 12. Everything felt right and off to the races I was. I loved it and I used every opportunity to dress when I could. I told myself I could stop anytime.
My sexual orientation has been questioned by my family and myself. I havent had a same sex experience. I have had fantasies while dressed about being with a guy but deny thoughts of me being with a man in guy mode. My family was your typical gay bashing, they should all be shot group. My wife says its cool if Im bisexual just be me and not "a woman". She tells me that by wearing something Im just letting all the negative comments people have said regarding me to be true. If I was told I am a sissy or a pansy which I was then I become that to hide the hurt feelings of beng called that. I thought it f I just started doing more typical guy stuff it would help. I joined the Air Force and have worked in male dominated professions but it didnt help.
I still think of dressing up. I look fantastic as a guy. I gets loads of attention from women. Men look up to me especially being 6'4. I am successful. My wife will say just ditch the dressing up and you are fine. She tells me Im addicting into the clothes to avoid the pain from my childhood.
Any thoughts and comments would be appreciated.
Love,
Jennifer