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Thread: self-SRS, MTF (not me!)

  1. #1
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Unhappy self-SRS, MTF (not me!)

    On another system, a MTF whom I barely know emailed me a few days ago indicating that they intended to do SRS on themselves live on the internet a couple of weeks from now. Looking around, I see they had been cleared for SRS a decade ago but had been unable to afford it and unable to find any financial assistance. I gather they went ahead and made the attempt the very night after they sent out the email.

    By the time I noticed the message and read it tonight, the incident was about a week past. It appears the medical services reached them before they bled out. The person has posted a few times since, including an update with a promise not to do it again. They appear to be sane but not able to find any way to proceed with what they need.

    A hoax? No, there is too much fine-grained consistency for me to think so. For privacy reasons I will not be posting quotes from what they wrote or posting name or URLs or other identifying reasons. As much as I don't like posting important matters without giving verifying information, this kind of information is too personal to post in a public area. I will say that this incident was not in Canada or USA -- though I would think it likely that similar things have happened in both those countries in the past and will probably happen again in the future.

    I'm just sitting here and shuddering, with a lump in my chest, thinking of the tragedy of the situation and the despondency that led this woman to make the attempt. Life is not fair at all.
    Last edited by sandra-leigh; 04-10-2012 at 05:37 AM.

  2. #2
    Audrey Michelle's SO
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    OMG! What a horrible feeling of despair to lead to such a tragic outcome! Were they able to repair it for normal urinary function? Was she hoping that doing this would cause the medical team to do an emergency SRS? I can imagine how shaken you are. I am shaken just hearing about it!

  3. #3
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ErinsWife View Post
    Were they able to repair it for normal urinary function?
    I think so. Based upon what she posted afterwards, I think she managed to avoid hitting that.

    Quote Originally Posted by ErinsWife View Post
    Was she hoping that doing this would cause the medical team to do an emergency SRS?
    She had a pretty complete list of instruments she planned to use, right up to dilators, so her plan was to do it all herself. At least her posted plan. It's a bit more complicated and more ambiguous than that, though. I have the urge to post the links, but I think that's the shock talking.

  4. #4
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    All I can say if true or not it's quite a tale of desperation.


    Julia
    Last edited by Julia_in_Pa; 04-10-2012 at 08:09 PM.

  5. #5
    Psyco Roller Derby Doll. Katesback's Avatar
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    People do all sorts of interesting things. If it is true it does not surprise me. What does surprise me is the number of people I have talked to that claimed they dont have the money for SRS. Never mind that some of these people werent working, or actually owned a lot of very expensive things. Wonder if it crossed thier mind to sell some of the stuff.

    Oh well no big deal to me, its all cool.

  6. #6
    Audrey Michelle's SO
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    Kate,

    Maybe they held on to the "Don't have the cash flow" excuse, for exactly what it is. An out. They didn't have to go all the way, when everyone was asking when the big day was. I could imagine a few men getting cold feet there, as it is irreversible. Maybe they weren't ready.

    I am not saying that I believe this is the case for everyone! Just a few, if at all. I am sure there are many who would have SRS in a heartbeat if money were no issue. Down to selling everything they own to see it happen. This story, real or fake, tells the tale of someone who was truly without the means to fulfill their dream. This is a story of desperation. It is heartbreaking to think that people contemplate this. Let alone go through with it!
    Last edited by MandyGG; 04-10-2012 at 07:54 AM. Reason: Misspelling

  7. #7
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
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    Even if this person has a letter for SRS I'm sure it doesn't say anything about a do-it-yourself job. This is such a dangerous thing. No matter how much you read about SRS there is no way you could do it on yourself. The amount of pain meds needed even if you stayed awake would make doing and procedure impossible. I've seen people having surgery under local anesthetic and even though they are awake they weren't all there.
    Plus the risk of bleeding out is enormous.
    I thing any person willing to be so self destructive should be under psychiatric care.
    Don't give me anything about how that means I think all TS's should be in a mental hospital, most TS's are quite rational and do things the right way.
    And of course it's really can't be that difficult to pay because people in Australia do get SRS quite legally.
    Stacey

    I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wob7zmvVTb8

  8. #8
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    Wow! I had a cyst that I had to "operate" on (poke with a sewing needle to get the junk out) and I almost pass out! It is hard to believe that in 10 years time one could not save the money for SRS. It sounds like they are in Australia which is pretty close to Thai Land where SRS can be had for Around $8000+travel and living expenses, let's say around $10000. Even if you can't save a $1000 a year and it takes 12-15 years, is that not better than basically commuting suicide or ruining your chances to have the surgery later? I would think that a person as desperate as her would use that resolve to single mindedly pursue the saving of money to do it properly.

    P.S. @ Erin's wife, I'm sure you didn't mean it but calling a M2F TS a man is hurtful.

  9. #9
    Audrey Michelle's SO
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    I am so sorry! No hurtful intentions were meant! I promise! I am still learning my PC. I was in the mindset of "genetalia" and I know how protective of it some can be! Please forgive! I feel like an a$$.

  10. #10
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ErinsWife View Post
    I am so sorry! No hurtful intentions were meant! I promise! I am still learning my PC. I was in the mindset of "genetalia" and I know how protective of it some can be! Please forgive! I feel like an a$$.
    Ha! If one is protective of his male genetalia he might want to reconsider SRS! That's for sure!

    No need to feel bad, just letting you know. I think it takes time to wrap ones brain around it and responded to a persons contrived gender cues, clothes, hair, makeup, situational context, etc. We are hard wired to respond to physical cues like precieved genetalia! Which we glean from secondary sex characteristics. Facial features making up the vast majority of said cues.

    Ugh! Was I being PC?? Yuck! Lol

  11. #11
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    Just a reminder that the self-hack job has been practiced throughout human history. That's not SRS, of course, but it lends some credence to the story.

    Lea
    Lea

  12. #12
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    Many TG/TS folk express a loathing of their birth genitals and the pressure to have those hated parts removed can be enormous. While I sincerely doubt that anyone could successfully perform their own SRS there are those who can, and do, perform deliberate acts of genital mutilation. A very graphic film version of this occurs in the 1972 film, "I Want What I Want" staring Harry Andrews, Jill Bennett, and Anne Heywood.

    Also, just because someone is transgendered doesn't mean that their thought process can't at times be a bit illogical. Believe it or not, there are probably transgendered folk who also quaiify for labelling under various psychological terms, or even the casual use of the word "crazy."

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  13. #13
    Be free - overcome fear!
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    This story is very real & if you are wondering why I have hardly been posting lately, but after this
    those of you who are not my Facebook friends will now know why I have been so quite here lately.

    I am also very disgusted at some of the ignorant comments here about someone many of you don't know.

    Sandra, the person you are actually talking about is a friend of mine called Jessica. Now I
    know she would want me to post the link to the article here you are talking about because
    she wants her story out there to show the public the level of despair & desperation we go
    through. She actually broadcast this attempt at DIY SRS live on Earth Cam so she does
    want the whole world to know about her plight.

    If anyone wants to see the screen captures of this incident and read her statements feel free to PM
    me for a link to the article hosted on my support group domain. But beware the images are graphic
    and might disturb some people. I could not function well enough to even respond to this issue for
    over 24 hours because of the shock I was in after I got the email & I have cried everyday since then.

    I contacted Jessica and spoke to her about the incident and it was at this time she then
    released the retraction of her original media statement and a very stern warning to others
    not to attempt this. So she realises the gravity of what she has tried to do. But Jessica's
    situation is one of sheer despair & desperation, she was approved for SRS 15 years ago!!!

    I have seen all the official documentation that proves that Jessica was locked up in an institution at the
    age of 5 years of age simply for being transsexual. She has also been given electro-shock treatment in
    |a vain attempt to cure her transsexualism. Jessica spent her entire childhood in places like Boystown and
    Westbrook Youth Detention Centres. She has been in jail years ago as an adult for armed robbery trying
    to raise money for her SRS. I have to admit I have even felt this same level of despair & desperation had
    some very crazy thoughts where I considered doing something similar, but mostly I think about just giving
    up & committing suicide if I cant get SRS soon. I feel very sick to the stomach every time I go to the toilet,
    have a shower and get dressed all because of having mismatched genitalia. So I know how Jessica feels.

    The real reason this hits home with me so much is that Jessica was institutionalised in the very same places that
    I was constantly threatened with by my parents & the Queensland Police. There was an incident when I was about
    14 years old when my gender issues started to get really bad & I was starting to rebel. My parents took me to the
    police station in Toowoomba and I was told by a police officer that if I didn't obey my parents then I could be deemed
    an uncontrollable child and placed into either the BoysTown or Westbrook Detention centres under the Children's
    Services Act 1965
    . I brought this issue up yesterday for the first time with my father & now he is sorry they did this.
    He also started crying because he has long since retired & there is nothing he can do now to help me get my SRS.

    But Jessica was raped, sexually abused, bashed for many years by inmates as well as staff in these institutions. If you want to
    know how bad these places were just do some research on Google, but here are a couple of examples to give you some idea:

    SANDRA FRY: Despite its long history as a success story, BoysTown has also come under fire at times for the treatment of its boys. In the 1970s a report criticised the institution for its preoccupation with conformity, its regimentation, the use of corporal punishment and what was described as a 'reluctance' on the part of the staff to deal with the social and emotional needs of the boys.

    More recently a number of former residents gave evidence at the 1998 Ford Inquiry into abuse at Queensland institutions. I asked Trevor Carlyon whether he believed such bad publicity could be the reason places like BoysTown aren't deemed appropriate anymore. Read more at: http://www.abc.net.au/pm/stories/s346272.htm
    In March 1994, a serious incident which resulted in major damage to its facilities occurred at Westbrook Youth Detention Centre. An investigation was conducted and a report tabled in Parliament on 12 April 1994. The Westbrook Youth Detention Centre was closed on 30 June 1994. Source: http://www.archivessearch.qld.gov.au...px?AgencyId=48
    So now I am flying down to Brisbane next week on the 18th until the 23rd to spend time with
    Jessica & my Dad because I have a number of meetings & possibly TV News interviews to attend.

    Additionally I have also booked a conference room for Friday the 20th to conduct a crisis meetings
    with a number of support group leaders, professionals & organisations regarding the mental health
    issues that transsexuals experience when not being able to raise funding for SRS. I have established
    an action group in my online support network and also have the full support of a Federal politician &
    some other very influential people who are totally horrified at what has happened with Jessica.

    Jessica is not alone, there are many transsexual women who do self harm, mutilation & commit
    suicide all the time because of these issues, but the real reasons why they hurt themselves or
    take such desperate action as taking their own lives is never completely understood. But the
    risk of this is much higher with a transsexual with a long history of abuse & forced repression.

    Due to long term anxiety & depression issues, Jessica and I are both on a Disability Support Pension
    which is a welfare support payment we get every fortnight. I was also diagnosed in 1998 as having a
    "Personality Disorder with severe anxiety & depression & tendency for self harm or suicide" because
    I never come out to mental health staff about my gender issues so they had to guess the cause of it.
    Jessica on the other hand was diagnosed with a more specific diagnosis "Transsexualism with severe
    anxiety & depression & tendency for self harm or suicide
    ", but I am sure you can see the patterns to
    this.

    I have appeared strong to most people because that is how I am, but the truth is that the whole time I
    been in transition and I have had to deal with some crazy thoughts myself, my friends here in Facebook
    already know something about this. However since the change of government here in Queensland a few
    weeks ago.a more conservative government now in power. So what is happening is that many transsexuals
    who are on welfare payments & live in the state of Queensland are in fear of losing what little support we do
    have, but this will become a national issue after the next Federal Election. We also feel like there is no hope
    in ever being able to save the money or get funding to complete our transitions. Jessica is in the exact same
    boat & has no way to afford surgery. I have saved $2000, but I still have a long way to go before I can afford
    surgery, but the situation is now starting to feel very desperate.

    The good news is that a post op woman who has a very successful business I talked to tonight wants to start
    a foundation to help trans girls like Jessica & myself as well as other low income earners in Australia get enough
    money for surgery. She has pledged 10% of her income to this foundation. Trans men also help each other out
    this same way. But I now believe after some of the crap I have seen that the MtF Transsexual community is far
    too catty and this is why they have never been able to do this. And this is a shame really because everyone here
    can do their part to save another Transsexual woman's life.

    Kate, the next time you want to run pre-op transsexuals down, maybe you might like to think twice next
    time because the truth is your crude comments really do cut deep into my heart like a razor sharp knife.
    Last edited by Melody Moore; 04-10-2012 at 03:35 PM.
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  14. #14
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    Wasn't there a 70 year-old retired marine that did this? He'd been hiding it all his life but finally couldn't anymore.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    I agree with Julia this is quite a tale of desperation.

    Let's see, I set up a camera, assemble a scalpell and various other instruments such as clamps, sponges, retractors and the like. I then sit on the kitchen table ensuring that the camera hits the right angle, after administering some sort of anesthetic, maybe a spinal block, I bend forward and cut open the underside of my penis, stem the blood flow which is significant because of my lack of knowledge I have actually pieced the sponge tissue in the penis.......... after waking up from a fainting spell......... my god I cannot believe a person can produce this much blood.... **** I am bleeding to death, where is my ****ing phone....

    Really, really!!!!!

    I am very sorry people. I asked several medical professionals about this and every single one said that it cannot be done. Any attempt at self mutilation on this scale needs treatment for a serious mental disorder.

    This is bullshit and not even worth having a discussion over. SRS is expensive but not that expensive that it could not be earned in 3-5 years let alone 15. If you have difficulty saving this amount then other things are going on that have nothing to do with the need to have SRS. So that is my take. I cannot take this seriously, sorry.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    I am very sorry people. I asked several medical professionals about this and every single one said that it cannot be done. Any attempt at self mutilation on this scale needs treatment for a serious mental disorder.
    Of course it cannot be done, but still that did not stop Jessica cutting into herself.
    And you are wrong to assume that Jessica has a serious mental health disorder.
    Police eventually came and took Jessica to hospital & she was assessed by the mental
    health and was found to be in a very normal and sound mind. There goes your theory.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are - it defines who you are"
    "
    Don't be so Serious, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me....... I'll laugh at you!"
    "
    Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you are a reflection of what they want to be"
    "The most happiest people in this world don't need the best of everything, they just make the best of everything"'

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  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    This is bullshit and not even worth having a discussion over. SRS is expensive but not that expensive that it could not be earned in 3-5 years let alone 15. If you have difficulty saving this amount then other things are going on that have nothing to do with the need to have SRS. So that is my take. I cannot take this seriously, sorry.
    Wow, did you even read Melody's post?

    This is very sad, I can't imagine the state she must be in right now.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kerstin View Post
    Wow, did you even read Melody's post?

    This is very sad, I can't imagine the state she must be in right now.
    Sad fact is that people like Kathryn, who I believe is also a lawyer who has the financial means
    to pay for SRS cannot appreciate or know what it is like to really have to struggle all your life.

    Those who have tried to attack Jessica on Facebook in a similar way have enraged many other
    people. It is one of these people who now feels so guilty after realising the gravity of what she
    has said who has offered to start the foundation to support transsexuals who cannot afford SRS.

    So it is great to see some people like this taking some responsibility for their actions when
    they decided to bash someone who is a lot less privileged in life than they have ever been.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are - it defines who you are"
    "
    Don't be so Serious, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me....... I'll laugh at you!"
    "
    Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you are a reflection of what they want to be"
    "The most happiest people in this world don't need the best of everything, they just make the best of everything"'

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  19. #19
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    Someone I know has personally removed one of their own testes and almost bled to death from it. (she has been in a psych ward for a while after).

    People are always capable of trying some things out of sheer desperation and what-have-you.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Melody, the sad fact is that you have not the foggiest idea what my life was and is like at all. You presume. Having reached reasonable financial comfort through very hard work is not a curse as you try to make it out but a blessing.

    Unfortunately, if what we are being asked to believe is true, this woman tragically did something that was outright insane.

    If this woman is a personal friend of yours Melody, maybe you need to take a step back to a less involved more objective viewpoint. I am not bashing anyone. I just find this whole story contains too much drama and too little credibility.

    Quote Originally Posted by Melody Moore View Post
    Sad fact is that people like Kathryn, who I believe is also a lawyer who has the financial means
    to pay for SRS cannot appreciate or know what it is like to really have to struggle all your life.

    Those who have tried to attack Jessica on Facebook in a similar way have enraged many other
    people. It is one of these people who now feels so guilty after realising the gravity of what she
    has said who has offered to start the foundation to support transsexuals who cannot afford SRS.

    So it is great to see some people like this taking some responsibility for their actions when
    they decided to bash someone who is a lot less privileged in life than they have ever been.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  21. #21
    Just Saying Hi Traci Elizabeth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katesback View Post
    People do all sorts of interesting things. If it is true it does not surprise me. What does surprise me is the number of people I have talked to that claimed they dont have the money for SRS. Never mind that some of these people werent working, or actually owned a lot of very expensive things. Wonder if it crossed thier mind to sell some of the stuff.

    Oh well no big deal to me, its all cool.
    Since I know you really care, do you want to contribute to my SRS fund that I am doing exactly what you are saying...selling everything of value to get the total funds for SRS 2012.

    I didn't think so (lol).


    Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"

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  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    this woman tragically did something that was outright insane.
    Really? Duh!

    The only thing lacking in credibility here is your lack of knowledge about what this girl's life
    has been like and your comments assuming that she has a serious mental health disorder.

    What Jessica needs right now is real support which also consists of compassion & empathy for what she is going
    through. But what she does not need your type of comments because this approach nearly pushed her over the
    edge again yesterday. You have no idea of the despair and desperation this girl is experiencing right now.

    Some people really are better off keeping their opinions to themselves in
    situations like this because they do far more damage than they do good.
    Last edited by Melody Moore; 04-10-2012 at 10:31 PM.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are - it defines who you are"
    "
    Don't be so Serious, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me....... I'll laugh at you!"
    "
    Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you are a reflection of what they want to be"
    "The most happiest people in this world don't need the best of everything, they just make the best of everything"'

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  23. #23
    Member Sophie_C's Avatar
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    I really don't get this. A person can work at McDonald's for 10 or 15 years and save up for SRS, and not just SRS, but premium SRS. It isn't $100,000. I've seen it as low as $3000. ( baht to dollars conversion: Site here: http://translate.google.com/translat...Fsexchange.php ). Not that I'd do that, but it's still a billion times better than a literal self-hack-job. If or when I'll ever do it, I'll save up for a very long time and get the best of the best. But, that's beside the point.

    I do feel sympathetic, but please get your friend's mind in order. There's way more to this than transsexualism. She's got tons and tons of serious issues. There were ways to get this done that she blatently ignored. Get that in order first and she'll get much better. It's great you're going out to help her. She needs that right now. Good luck.
    Last edited by Sophie_C; 04-10-2012 at 10:08 PM.

  24. #24
    Be free - overcome fear!
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    Sandra, who posted this thread has a much clearer understanding now of all the dynamics involved that
    affected her life & led to her being put on a Disability Support Pension and not able to afford her surgery.

    So if anyone has any doubts about the authenticity of this cry for
    help, then I am sure that Sandra can now clear that up for you.

    Thanks Sandra for posting this and anything else you do to help Jessica and others in her predicament.
    "Judging a person does not define who they are - it defines who you are"
    "
    Don't be so Serious, if you can't laugh at yourself, call me....... I'll laugh at you!"
    "
    Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you are a reflection of what they want to be"
    "The most happiest people in this world don't need the best of everything, they just make the best of everything"'

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  25. #25
    Member Felicity71's Avatar
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    Committing armed robbery, to pay for it, makes me less sympathetic
    ... [SIZE="2"]One perfect day[/SIZE]

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