Looks Like I've Been Outed

[Persephone]

Just got some upsetting news. It looks like I've been outed.

I've been a member of a women's group for the past two or three years. The Chairlady invited me, but at first she made the mistake of telling some of the members that I was a guy. Not all the members, just some.

Well, over the years I've been very well accepted and treated as just another woman. Noone has ever asked me anything. We go out to dinner once a month and have events - trips to places, things like that. I've been an active member, and, a couple of months ago was responsible for hostessing one of the dinners.

Not only has nearly everyone been very sweet, but my spouse (also a member) and I have developed some friendships with some of the women. We shop together, go out together, things like that.

Well, there is this one woman, I call her The Nemesis, who is the leader of a small clique within the group. She has been a long-time friend of the Chairlady. Knowing that she wasn't exactly on my side at the beginning, I always tried to be nice to her. I gave her a gift for her Birthday (I was the only member who did so) and was pleasantly surprised when she gave me a gift for mine.

A couple of months ago I'm told that she had even said that she had warmed up to me and that we had become friends.

A few days ago there was the monthly dinner meeting. As it turned out, my spouse and I were unable to attend, and, at the last minute, so was the Chairlady. Apparently Nemesis took the opportunity to dis me, letting everyone know that I was "really a man." There were members that did not know and they have been terribly shocked.

The Chairlady, long my defender, is very angry about this, but we haven't yet figured out quite what to do.

Tonight I'm feeling pretty awful for the pain to the Chairlady, the group, and myself.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Cynthia Anne]

That is so sad! I'm really sorry for you! I know that group means so much to you for you have written about it several times! I hope everything works out for you! Hugs!

[Babeba]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry! That's horrible! :-(

I'm slightly boggled that it was okay for you and your wife to be there together but not your wife and her 'husband.' ugh. Hopefully they'll decide it don't make no never-no-mind whether you are the L or the T, and get back to normal and enjoying your company, Persephone!!

[Persephone]

That is so sad! I'm really sorry for you! I know that group means so much to you for you have written about it several times! I hope everything works out for you! Hugs!

Thank you, Cynthia Anne. You are right, the group means a great deal to me. I'm not going to run from this, I'm going to fight back, woman against Nemesis. But I am also not going to tear the group apart.

I'm slightly boggled that it was okay for you and your wife to be there together but not your wife and her 'husband.' ugh.

My spouse and I attend as sisters-in-law.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Lorileah]

Next meeting just ask if anyone has questions or concerns (don't even mention anything to do with TG or male...just say "I have herad that there may be an issue and I would like to resolve it). Thank everyone for their friendship Then go on with the meeting because Nemesis won't have the guts to confront you face to face

[Chickhe]

On the grounds that she is gossiping or breaking a privacy rule or just being plain mean to another member of the group should be enough to ask her to go. If I were the chairperson, it doesn't matter what the issue is, if one member of the group is acting in a way to discredit another member, they would be asked to leave. Sorry about the situation.

[Jacqueline Winona]

That's so sad to hear. Perseph, you have my fondest wishes for a succesful meeting. Take your time, think out your response, and stand your ground. My bet is you're not the only one who doesn't really care for her, and the group obviously is something worth fighting for to you.

[Dawn cd]

If you are put in a position of defending yourself in the larger group, you can begin with Nemesis' allegation that you are "really a man." It is not precisely true, and it gives you an opening to explain who you are "really."

The whole gossipy event serves to prove that Nemesis is really not a lady.

[lilith.comunera]

Its really sad to hear this. But I second what others have said, you should still go to that meeting and see if she confronts you, I think most people will see that regardless of weather you are a "real" woman or not, you are waaay nicer than her.

[StacieJayne]

Hi I am new to Crossdressers and was just reading this post. I live in the UK and if this happened over here, Privacy laws would take affect. As I don't know the laws over there, I can only say, I hope you manage to resolve the issue with The Nemesis, in a way that makes her feel 2 inches tall, whilst making you out to be a hero I am sure that there will be something you can do, to make you come out of it smelling of roses My thoughts are with you in this trying time. Love StacieJayne.

[sue ellan]

with friends like that who needs enemys. it is so sad that some people are not happy if they are not tearing some one down.

please keep use informed how every thing worked out.

sue ellan

life is like a roll of tp. the closer to the end the faster it goes.

[Rogina B]

Mean girls grow up to be even meaner women sometimes.....I am with the suggestion that you go and "put it out there" next meeting...Bet you have more friends in the group than she does!!!

[Nicole Erin]

People LOVE to out CD and TS. It bites.

If a TG person is wanting to be part of a social group, it is best to stick with other TG. Preferably one led by TG.

See with non-TG people, they might act accepting and all that crap but when it comes down to it, they don't want their bigoted friends or family to know they are friends with people like us.

[BLUE ORCHID]

You do know that you just can't fix STUPID some things never change.

Please keep us advised I'll bet it comes out in your favor.

[Marguarite]

Hopefully, You will be pleasantly surprised when you get a warm welcome at your next meeting. Your friends will know your true heart.

[DonnaT]

At the beginning of the next meeting, watch the other ladies and see how they react to you. If you feel you are being shunned, etc. then stand up and inform them you'd like to say a few words.

"Hi everyone. I heard that there was quite the meeting last month, and I'm sorry I missed it. I heard it was quite informative, and that you've all been told that I am a man.

I'm sure some of you were shocked at this revelation, and I'm sorry if some of you are offended, but I hope that is not the case.

Several of our group have known about me for quite a long time, isn't that so (The Nemesis)? If anyone had questions regarding my gender we would have been honest with you, because I'm not ashamed of who I am. But since it didn't appear to be an issue with anyone, then we just let sleeping dogs lie.

But, apparently someone just couldn't let them sleep quietly, and decided to cowardly inform everyone while I was not present. I guess she thought it was a secret, but just could not keep that secret any longer. I don't know who spoke out, but those who do, I'm sure, won't be telling her secrets any more.

If any of you have questions, please feel free to ask them now. If not, then let us proceed with having fun."

[kathy chelan]

i agree with miriam most of all.

[Barbara Ella]

I am continually amazed by people who will be so kind to you face to face, but lack any kind of a moral fiber in their entire being, and will throw you to the dogs behind your back when they think you will not know. I do not wish to offend anyone, but I would bet money this woman goes to church every sunday, thumps her bible, and sings in the choir, and is still one of the most immoral people I can imagine.

You have the high road, and I am sure that given time, your true friends in your group will see her for what she is, and reject her for what she is. Be honest. At your meeting, if you feel an uneasiness from the other women, address the group as mentioned by others. You have the upper hand. You know what was done, and who did it, and you can work your words to emphasize the good that you and your friends have experienced through your membership. You have been an asset to that group. I think most of them know that, and given the chance will say so and support you.

Love, Barbara

[DCChris]

Thunderdome, just saying ...




also ... just kidding. Hope it gets resolved peaceably

[vetobob9]

I am continually amazed by people who will be so kind to you face to face, but lack any kind of a moral fiber in their entire being, and will throw you to the dogs behind your back when they think you will not know. I do not wish to offend anyone, but I would bet money this woman goes to church every sunday, thumps her bible, and sings in the choir, and is still one of the most immoral people I can imagine.

You have the high road, and I am sure that given time, your true friends in your group will see her for what she is, and reject her for what she is. Be honest. At your meeting, if you feel an uneasiness from the other women, address the group as mentioned by others. You have the upper hand. You know what was done, and who did it, and you can work your words to emphasize the good that you and your friends have experienced through your membership. You have been an asset to that group. I think most of them know that, and given the chance will say so and support you.

Love, Barbara

That reminds me. Where I work, in a restaurant. Everyday these women come over straight from church services. The first thing they start doing is abusing the waitresses, then when they are done doing that they try to walk out without paying their tickets. It's the same women over and over again.
There is also a pastor at a church here that comes in and uses his church's funds to buy meals for his friends and mistresses. A pastor of all people.

FTR, both men and women are coming around to accepting TG's. But women will be quicker in their acceptance. Men might take a while but they will accept eventually, depending on where you are.

[Sandra1746]

Sorry to hear about your problem Persephone but it was really only a matter of time. Unfortunately there are people who make it their 'business' to cut other down just to make themselves 'seem' superior. This happens from the time kids start playing together and continues through their lives.

I'll go with Lorileah's suggestion and bring it up at the next meeting. You apparently have a favorable history with this group and many friends too. They should back you up on this. Hopefully they will.

Hugs and good luck,
Sandra1746

[STACY B]

GOOD NEWS ! Now its all out in the open they can LOVE ya or just leave you alone . Now they already know that you can dress an present yourself as a woman an they have all liked you anyway so your the same nice person . Dont you dare let a few BAD APPLES spoil your fun hobby . You just hold your head up high an get right back in there . An if you have any trouble just call me Ill put on my plumber costume an plug up her sewer pipes an she will be to busy to bother you for a while .

[Marleena]

Persephone, Nemesis is a biotch. What she did was disgraceful. The fact you've been a member for about 3 years should help. They had a chance to get to know you and you've made friends.

I have to agree with the members that say you should adress the group. Chairlady is on your side so that's a bonus. Perhaps challenge the other ladies to see if they have a problem with TG's. Everything is in the open now so you'll know pretty quickly anyways.

Good luck!

[reb.femme]

Hi Persephone,

Nicole Erin says it as it is, people can be accepting to the face but duplicitous behind your back. However, I think Lorileah's advice is quite possibly the best method to utilise in this situation.

It doesn't name names, doesn't point the evil finger, but it does at least open the floor to those that may harbour worries and have so far kept their counsel. It is such a slap in the face though.
Easy for me to say though sat on the couch in the UK. Hope it goes well.

Rebecca

[SherriePall]

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I have to go with Lorileah and others who advocate taking the high road. Don't try getting back at Nemesis because some of the other ladies may be put off by that. Just be honest and answer any questions calmly without pointing fingers.