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Thread: Looks Like I've Been Outed

  1. #1
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    Looks Like I've Been Outed

    Just got some upsetting news. It looks like I've been outed.

    I've been a member of a women's group for the past two or three years. The Chairlady invited me, but at first she made the mistake of telling some of the members that I was a guy. Not all the members, just some.

    Well, over the years I've been very well accepted and treated as just another woman. Noone has ever asked me anything. We go out to dinner once a month and have events - trips to places, things like that. I've been an active member, and, a couple of months ago was responsible for hostessing one of the dinners.

    Not only has nearly everyone been very sweet, but my spouse (also a member) and I have developed some friendships with some of the women. We shop together, go out together, things like that.

    Well, there is this one woman, I call her The Nemesis, who is the leader of a small clique within the group. She has been a long-time friend of the Chairlady. Knowing that she wasn't exactly on my side at the beginning, I always tried to be nice to her. I gave her a gift for her Birthday (I was the only member who did so) and was pleasantly surprised when she gave me a gift for mine.

    A couple of months ago I'm told that she had even said that she had warmed up to me and that we had become friends.

    A few days ago there was the monthly dinner meeting. As it turned out, my spouse and I were unable to attend, and, at the last minute, so was the Chairlady. Apparently Nemesis took the opportunity to dis me, letting everyone know that I was "really a man." There were members that did not know and they have been terribly shocked.

    The Chairlady, long my defender, is very angry about this, but we haven't yet figured out quite what to do.

    Tonight I'm feeling pretty awful for the pain to the Chairlady, the group, and myself.

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  2. #2
    Gold Member Cynthia Anne's Avatar
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    That is so sad! I'm really sorry for you! I know that group means so much to you for you have written about it several times! I hope everything works out for you! Hugs!
    If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:

  3. #3
    Silver Member Babeba's Avatar
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    Sweetie, I'm so sorry! That's horrible! :-(

    I'm slightly boggled that it was okay for you and your wife to be there together but not your wife and her 'husband.' ugh. Hopefully they'll decide it don't make no never-no-mind whether you are the L or the T, and get back to normal and enjoying your company, Persephone!!

  4. #4
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cynthia Anne View Post
    That is so sad! I'm really sorry for you! I know that group means so much to you for you have written about it several times! I hope everything works out for you! Hugs!
    Thank you, Cynthia Anne. You are right, the group means a great deal to me. I'm not going to run from this, I'm going to fight back, woman against Nemesis. But I am also not going to tear the group apart.

    Quote Originally Posted by Babeba View Post
    I'm slightly boggled that it was okay for you and your wife to be there together but not your wife and her 'husband.' ugh.
    My spouse and I attend as sisters-in-law.

    Hugs,
    Persephone.
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  5. #5
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Next meeting just ask if anyone has questions or concerns (don't even mention anything to do with TG or male...just say "I have herad that there may be an issue and I would like to resolve it). Thank everyone for their friendship Then go on with the meeting because Nemesis won't have the guts to confront you face to face
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  6. #6
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    On the grounds that she is gossiping or breaking a privacy rule or just being plain mean to another member of the group should be enough to ask her to go. If I were the chairperson, it doesn't matter what the issue is, if one member of the group is acting in a way to discredit another member, they would be asked to leave. Sorry about the situation.
    Chickie

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jacqueline Winona's Avatar
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    That's so sad to hear. Perseph, you have my fondest wishes for a succesful meeting. Take your time, think out your response, and stand your ground. My bet is you're not the only one who doesn't really care for her, and the group obviously is something worth fighting for to you.

  8. #8
    New Member lilith.comunera's Avatar
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    Its really sad to hear this. But I second what others have said, you should still go to that meeting and see if she confronts you, I think most people will see that regardless of weather you are a "real" woman or not, you are waaay nicer than her.

  9. #9
    New Member StacieJayne's Avatar
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    Hi I am new to Crossdressers and was just reading this post. I live in the UK and if this happened over here, Privacy laws would take affect. As I don't know the laws over there, I can only say, I hope you manage to resolve the issue with The Nemesis, in a way that makes her feel 2 inches tall, whilst making you out to be a hero I am sure that there will be something you can do, to make you come out of it smelling of roses My thoughts are with you in this trying time. Love StacieJayne.

  10. #10
    Member sue ellan's Avatar
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    with friends like that who needs enemys. it is so sad that some people are not happy if they are not tearing some one down.

    please keep use informed how every thing worked out.

    sue ellan

    life is like a roll of tp. the closer to the end the faster it goes.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Mean girls grow up to be even meaner women sometimes.....I am with the suggestion that you go and "put it out there" next meeting...Bet you have more friends in the group than she does!!!
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member
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    Sorry ...

    Sorry to hear about your problem Persephone but it was really only a matter of time. Unfortunately there are people who make it their 'business' to cut other down just to make themselves 'seem' superior. This happens from the time kids start playing together and continues through their lives.

    I'll go with Lorileah's suggestion and bring it up at the next meeting. You apparently have a favorable history with this group and many friends too. They should back you up on this. Hopefully they will.

    Hugs and good luck,
    Sandra1746

  13. #13
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    At the beginning of the next meeting, watch the other ladies and see how they react to you. If you feel you are being shunned, etc. then stand up and inform them you'd like to say a few words.

    "Hi everyone. I heard that there was quite the meeting last month, and I'm sorry I missed it. I heard it was quite informative, and that you've all been told that I am a man.

    I'm sure some of you were shocked at this revelation, and I'm sorry if some of you are offended, but I hope that is not the case.

    Several of our group have known about me for quite a long time, isn't that so (The Nemesis)? If anyone had questions regarding my gender we would have been honest with you, because I'm not ashamed of who I am. But since it didn't appear to be an issue with anyone, then we just let sleeping dogs lie.

    But, apparently someone just couldn't let them sleep quietly, and decided to cowardly inform everyone while I was not present. I guess she thought it was a secret, but just could not keep that secret any longer. I don't know who spoke out, but those who do, I'm sure, won't be telling her secrets any more.

    If any of you have questions, please feel free to ask them now. If not, then let us proceed with having fun."
    DonnaT

  14. #14
    Gold Member
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    People LOVE to out CD and TS. It bites.

    If a TG person is wanting to be part of a social group, it is best to stick with other TG. Preferably one led by TG.

    See with non-TG people, they might act accepting and all that crap but when it comes down to it, they don't want their bigoted friends or family to know they are friends with people like us.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  15. #15
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    You do know that you just can't fix STUPID some things never change.

    Please keep us advised I'll bet it comes out in your favor.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  16. #16
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    GOOD NEWS ! Now its all out in the open they can LOVE ya or just leave you alone . Now they already know that you can dress an present yourself as a woman an they have all liked you anyway so your the same nice person . Dont you dare let a few BAD APPLES spoil your fun hobby . You just hold your head up high an get right back in there . An if you have any trouble just call me Ill put on my plumber costume an plug up her sewer pipes an she will be to busy to bother you for a while .
    Yull Find Out !!! lol,,,,

  17. #17
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    I wish I knew what to say, but I really dont. Now the awkward part is that you have fibbed to them "My spouse and I attend as sisters-in-law" and this may well be held against you even by those who otherwise might not have had an issue with your gender

    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
    GOOD NEWS ! Now its all out in the open they can LOVE ya or just leave you alone . Now they already know that you can dress an present yourself as a woman an they have all liked you anyway so your the same nice person . Dont you dare let a few BAD APPLES spoil your fun hobby . You just hold your head up high an get right back in there . An if you have any trouble just call me Ill put on my plumber costume an plug up her sewer pipes an she will be to busy to bother you for a while .
    Gotta agree with Stacy - the good news is that you no longer have anything to hide or worry about. With any luck, the majority will be fine with you.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, Persephone. Just keep being yourself, no matter what. Maybe your Nemesis was trying to get some attention (I know something you don't know!) through shock effect more than she was trying to hurt you, since she already knew and had given you a gift. I like Lorileigh's suggestion. Just keep going and maybe this worst disaster may turn in to one of your "finest hours". Now that it's in the open, wouldn't it be wonderful if the ladies accept you just as another lady, even knowing your history. Please keep us informed. I'm excited to believe that will be the case.
    Joni

    "Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan

  19. #19
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
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    Sorry for your outing, seems no matter how hard you work to fit in, there is always someone that has to mess it up. Unfortunately once you have told anyone, it is no longer in your hands. I hope the ladies can over look your little deception and go on enjoying your company.
    Tina B.
    Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.

  20. #20
    Member Brenda79135's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear about your troubles. There are control freaks out and about all over the place. These people have to be the center of attention and control everything. Eventually this will come down to a conflict between the chairwoman and this person. How the rest of the group reacts is anybodies guess. If you are brought to the floor about it, just say that you have been sent by the secret male disruptor squad to find out the secret handshakes and how to get the secret decoder rings for female communications. The squad itself is planning to take over the world one women's group at a time.

  21. #21
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Persephone, Nemesis is a biotch. What she did was disgraceful. The fact you've been a member for about 3 years should help. They had a chance to get to know you and you've made friends.

    I have to agree with the members that say you should adress the group. Chairlady is on your side so that's a bonus. Perhaps challenge the other ladies to see if they have a problem with TG's. Everything is in the open now so you'll know pretty quickly anyways.

    Good luck!

  22. #22
    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TxKimberly View Post
    I wish I knew what to say, but I really dont. Now the awkward part is that you have fibbed to them "My spouse and I attend as sisters-in-law" and this may well be held against you even by those who otherwise might not have had an issue with your gender.

    Gotta agree with Stacy - the good news is that you no longer have anything to hide or worry about. With any luck, the majority will be fine with you.
    Gotta agree with both Kimberley and Stacy here. Hopefully the others will understand why you represented yourself the way you did, and will accept you for who you are. I was curious about your observation that they were "terribly shocked". Do you think they were shocked because they had accepted you as a woman [that says a lot about how you present yourself!] and then found out otherwise, or were they shocked because Nemesis would act the way she did, or maybe for some other reason? You'll doubtless have the support of those who already knew about you, and that should be a big help.

    As others have said, do keep us posted.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club

  23. #23
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Beginning with Lorileah, several have suggested handling this with calm and dignity which will win for you and your wife in the end. Address the group briefly and allow time for questions. And smile the whole time...especially at Nemesis.

  24. #24
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Technically "Sisters in law" may not be a lie. They can be "sisters" in the "Every woman in the world is my sister" and legally they are related by marriage thus "In law" So, I am throwing out the complaint due to technicality
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  25. #25
    Gold Member
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    What that person did was just horrible. She might be jellos of you, and was trying
    to get you out of the group.
    Be carefully, you can not change your sex overnight, and the rest of the group just
    might have trouble with you not being a GG.
    I hope for the best for you, but go slowly, and be prepared for the worst, that way what
    ever they come up with, you are prepared.
    Rader

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