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Thread: Anyone considered TS that abondons the idea of transition?

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  1. #1
    Senior Member emmicd's Avatar
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    Anyone considered TS that abondons the idea of transition?

    I realize my feelings are intense as I become older. I have been TG my whole life and I always identified as female. I often wonder if there are TG and TS individuals out there who feel these same feelings I do but for one reason or the other have made the decision that they will never transition.
    I have many reasons why I would transition and equally as many reasons why I wouldn't.

    I am just trying to understand life and choice.

    I agree I did not make the choice of TG/TS and I klnow I would be much happier as a woman or I feel that way. I crossdress every day of my life now but it is always concealed underneath male clothing. I feel trapped but have no way right now of being free. Has anyone just felt so in pain about it but never pursues transition and still goes on in their life and try to find some measure of happiness.

    For me my measure of happiness would be to forge a strong and loving relationship with my son. In fact I am keeping my fingers crossed hoping he will enjoy playing baseball in a league setting. He needs to learn and adapt. I can certainly teach him these things. He is always my pride and joy.

    I also have a wife who does not understand me in my feminine life and it would be so very difficult for her to underatand transition.

    Transition for me seems like the dream I will never ever experience because I have a life forged to strongly as a male and the sad thing is that I am and always felt I was a female and my most favorite clothes in the whole world are dresses. I wear them every day but secretly.

    I wish all who feel the way I do hope and happiness and a sens of love for themselves and all the people important to them.

    emmi

  2. #2
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Emmi, we are all different, EVERY possibility is on the table..

    it is your life...

    I'm sorry but what I did, what she did, what he did and what others did is going to have zero impact on your quality of life.

    We can all share our experience to help others, but then its up to you..

    ...you should assume that the answer to every question that starts with "Has anyone ever....." is yes...

    Check this wiki out...it describes where you are in life quite well..

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buridan%27s_ass

  3. #3
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    That was a very good wiki Kaitlyn. I saved it for later use.

    In answer to your question Emmi, yes, there are TS's that never transition. Their reasons are as numerous as their excuses. We can't fault them for their decision though. They made a decision in their life and have lived by it. What more can anyone ask for?

  4. #4
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jorja View Post
    That was a very good wiki Kaitlyn. I saved it for later use.
    Thanks..

    I recall in my group everybody would always say..it's a catch 22...or its a hobson's choice...as a mathematician, i'd say no...it's a buriden's ass!!..and they'd all look at me like i was psycho..which of course i was...

  5. #5
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    Hi Emmi, I have faced similar challenges to what you describe and can empathise. My life choices have created a world that whilst offering the potential for some considerable change is nevertheless complex and I am not willing to give this world up to live as a full time female. My responsibilities to others outweigh my own feelings... that is just who I am. I also have age and early onset male pattern baldness working against me. I would always need a wig, even if I went for the full package, and then I would never feel really female (well as far as we can with surgery and HRT)...

    So I am resigned to where I am and am just trying to make the most of it and figure out to make it work whilst giving Kaz more 'air time'...

    I really do believe there is 'space' in between TS and TG that needs to be explored, and too heavy a focus on categorisation tends to cut off the dialogue and exploratory rhetoric that help many of us figure out who we are..
    Kaz xx

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    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  6. #6
    New Member StacieJayne's Avatar
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    I too have faced this crossroads on many occasions in my life. Do I go on with what I feel I want or do I stay keeping the peace for everybody else???? At the end of the day, you have to go with what you feel is the right choice for you. The word to look at closely is ' choice '. We all choose different things to do in our lives every day. Some may be right and others disastrously wrong. Only you can make those choices I'm afraid Sorry to tell you that, as I know how difficult decisions are to make. But would I be right in saying, "stay as you are" ? That could make your life worse. Or should I say, "go on do what you want/need from life", that could be even worse. I don't know, as I am not you. At this moment in time, I am taking an assertive course and the optimum word they keep reiterating is 'choice'. We all have a 'choice', it is up to us how we 'choose' to use that 'choice'. I wish I could make choices for you and help you out in your dilemma Sorry that I am not being much help, but maybe one day the right choice will show itself to you and you can then make your decision. Love Stacie.
    Life is what we make it....and I am making my life to be the best I can

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    Check this wiki out...it describes where you are in life quite well..

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buridan%27s_ass
    Very good, I've never seen it before. I'll have to bring this up at my transition group on Tuesday since it encapsulates where I was a for a long time. IMHO, being deeply unhappy while not being able to make any decision is a pretty poor place to be in.

    It's not easy, but just making decisions and acting on them has started to bring about a sense of peace.

  8. #8
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    Emmi,


    No one would blame you if you feel the road of transition is too difficult.
    A person transitions because they have no other choice.
    It sounds like the need to transition does not stand out as a do or die proposition for you and that is a very good thing.
    The statistics are that only one out of every ten trans people will transition to full time.
    You my sister have to come to a peace and understanding of your circumstances and either live with the probable loss that you would suffer from transitioning or remain as you are and keep what you have.
    You are in understandable pain but you have to either live with it and forge a balance or roll the dice and move forward with transition.
    Both are wrought with pain but the latter is much more painful for most in the long run.
    Be brave and be strong for you Emmi.


    Julia

  9. #9
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    There are many Transsexual persons that do not transition for a variety of reasons.

    You know this question of staying the course or taking the plunge is a very legitimate question. If, however, you cannot take the plunge because of someone other than you or because the fear is too great, it will forever haunt you and be a burden on your life. If you resile from steps to and thoughts of transition because of your own choice made and stood by then I would say to you what I said to a friend recently:

    [SIZE=2]"On this post I want to just let you know how much I understand and appreciate the position you have found yourself in. I take from your comments that your spouse is fully aware of everything going on and it seems that certainly your decision not to transition is yours alone and not generated by a fear of losing your spouse.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I eventually hit a point in my life where all the stars converged to permit me to take my step into life affirmed. [/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Hang in there, giving way is not always the right response and staying the course in your life is so fundamentally human it's heartening."

    Staying the course can be a show of strength just as much as transitioning. But do it for the right reasons.

    My best

    Kathryn
    [/SIZE]


    Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
    I realize my feelings are intense as I become older. I have been TG my whole life and I always identified as female. I often wonder if there are TG and TS individuals out there who feel these same feelings I do but for one reason or the other have made the decision that they will never transition.
    I have many reasons why I would transition and equally as many reasons why I wouldn't.

    I am just trying to understand life and choice.

    I agree I did not make the choice of TG/TS and I klnow I would be much happier as a woman or I feel that way. I crossdress every day of my life now but it is always concealed underneath male clothing. I feel trapped but have no way right now of being free. Has anyone just felt so in pain about it but never pursues transition and still goes on in their life and try to find some measure of happiness.

    For me my measure of happiness would be to forge a strong and loving relationship with my son. In fact I am keeping my fingers crossed hoping he will enjoy playing baseball in a league setting. He needs to learn and adapt. I can certainly teach him these things. He is always my pride and joy.

    I also have a wife who does not understand me in my feminine life and it would be so very difficult for her to underatand transition.

    Transition for me seems like the dream I will never ever experience because I have a life forged to strongly as a male and the sad thing is that I am and always felt I was a female and my most favorite clothes in the whole world are dresses. I wear them every day but secretly.

    I wish all who feel the way I do hope and happiness and a sens of love for themselves and all the people important to them.

    emmi
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  10. #10
    Senior Member Kelsy's Avatar
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    Hi Emmi,

    You need to ask yourself "can I be happy and fulfilled by maintaining the status quo?" Will the what ifs dog you for the rest of your life? Fear of the unknown can keep you frozen in your tracks. Moving forward with transition offers no guarantees of happiness or of relationships preserved. What can you live with!? What can you live with out? Ultimately if you do not have stength of drive and the need is not a matter of do or die then don't. If you tend to hold regrets and get mired in depression
    because of personal loss then don't. Keep in mind that transition presents incredible new experiences, friends and choices. you discover that so many people will truly love you for who you are. My experience with all of my troubles has been very positive and life affirming and I'm happier now than I have ever been!


    Kelsy
    Last edited by Kelsy; 04-15-2012 at 07:54 AM.
    Born female intended

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  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Kristy_K's Avatar
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    Emmi I could not imagine anyone wanting you to leave the forum.

    Accepting one self is I think harder than transitioning in some ways.
    Kristy
    This is my Facebook page

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Pamela Kay's Avatar
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    Emmi, please understand that most of us are dealing with our TS issues and confusion is often the norm. The other thing to remember is that when you ask everyone for their opinion, you get it. Sometimes passionately.

    No one here has the exact same situation as the someone else and all we can do is let you know what we are doing, thinking, and have done. You have to sort through that and consider how it would apply to your situation, then you use what works for you and leave that which doesn't.

    Nobody wants you to leave, you just have to remember that we aren't all experts on your situation and take our advice as just that. This forum is a great resource with lots of opinions and information, only you can decide how you can use that or apply it in your situation.

    So please stick around.
    Pam

    "I am a stronger woman than I ever was a man." Living full time since Oct 14th 2012.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Marleena's Avatar
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    Emmi, I have to ask too, are you seeing a gender therapist? It sounds like you are dealing with gender dysphoria IMHO. I have a feeling you will keep spinning about this until you find some relief from it. GID can be overwhelming at times as everyone copes differently. A good gender therapist can help you come to terms with what is going on, in other words clear answers you can't find here or anywhere else.

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