Anyone considered TS that abondons the idea of transition?

[StacieJayne]

I too have faced this crossroads on many occasions in my life. Do I go on with what I feel I want or do I stay keeping the peace for everybody else???? At the end of the day, you have to go with what you feel is the right choice for you. The word to look at closely is ' choice '. We all choose different things to do in our lives every day. Some may be right and others disastrously wrong. Only you can make those choices I'm afraid Sorry to tell you that, as I know how difficult decisions are to make. But would I be right in saying, "stay as you are" ? That could make your life worse. Or should I say, "go on do what you want/need from life", that could be even worse. I don't know, as I am not you. At this moment in time, I am taking an assertive course and the optimum word they keep reiterating is 'choice'. We all have a 'choice', it is up to us how we 'choose' to use that 'choice'. I wish I could make choices for you and help you out in your dilemma Sorry that I am not being much help, but maybe one day the right choice will show itself to you and you can then make your decision. Love Stacie.

[emmicd]

Thank you to all of you for your insight and advice. I have been down this road before and have raised the possibilty of transition as early as my mid 20s's but family illness and my own need to make a living made me abandon the idea. I have identified as female all my life. In fact I am so very feminine in the types of clothes I like to wear but I am trapped and can not wear them other than in the house. I have never had a feeling of being accepted for who I am and deep down that is all I am asking for. I just want to be the girl I always knew I am and finally wear all the beautiful dresses I own that adorn my closet. I only wear them at night in my loneliness when my family sleeps. This is such a difficult existence and leads me to depression, anxiety and probably eventually to an early exit.

I love my family and I am very much conflicted.

Being TG is a real pain!

emmi

[Badtranny]

In fact I am so very feminine in the types of clothes I like to wear but I am trapped and can not wear them other than in the house. I just want to be the girl I always knew I am and finally wear all the beautiful dresses I own that adorn my closet.

Emmi,

You keep saying things that raise the eyebrows of a lot of the TS girls. I read your posts and I want to offer something but I cannot relate to your situation. I believe your turmoil is real, such as it is, but the only advice I can muster is to find a qualified therapist. My sense is that your gender issues are quite possibly not entirely gender related. But then again, I'm not qualified to advise you on much of anything other than what kind of pain meds might help with electrolysis, and maybe a few other things you might encounter when actually transitioning.

[Raquel June]

It is like Buridan's Ass, because you're going to starve to death standing in the middle not being able to make a choice. You have to make choices that actually give you the opportunity to be happy. If your wife doesn't understand you and doesn't think your crossdressing is cool, are you really going to be happy with her? Choose her or choose transition. But staying with her in a non-relationship while you're still crossdressing everyday is not choosing your wife. It's torturing both of you. I mean, seriously, is it something you have to do every day? That just seems mean. Maybe if you cut way down on the crossdressing, like every other weekend (and then every other weekend actually go out with your wife), you would eventually find out that she resents it even if you're not actively demonstrating it. I think that's often the case (because women who are disgusted by guys with gender issues are still disgusted by them even if they're not wearing a dress). My ex called me a fag in a dress when I hadn't worn a dress in a year. Regardless, my point is that you can sit there being unhappy or you can make a choice. Maybe your choice will not work out. Maybe you'll choose your wife and realize (as I'm sure is the case) that's it's not a good relationship even if you don't crossdress. Maybe you'll transition and regret that. Maybe there's a third choice -- not transitioning, but finding someone who does understand you. But you know you'll regret doing absolutely nothing. Unless these are truly feelings you can forget about. But I kinda doubt that seeing as you've been on this forum longer than I have. Of course, you can always get divorced the day your son graduates high school.

I'm just saying you need to have a plan that actually gives you the potential to be happy, and it sounds like you don't. It sounds like you've accepted being unhappy. And that'll mess you up and the people around you.

[Vivian Best]

There are many of us that made the "hard choice" to not transition! For me, I thought marriage would "cure" me, it didn't! I thought being a parent would change me, it didn't! So now I've got a family that I love and don't want to hurt so I live with my inner hurt. I've been able to live a good life and have a good career and retire but being TS never changed and never will. My kids are grown and gone and I've been married 50+ years. This is one time I put family and their feelings first. Easy, absolutely not! At least I'm past the stage of wanting to end it all. As I've aged my knowing I'm TS hasn't lessened but I've learned to live with it. Here's hoping any that make a choice to not transition can come to a point of acceptance in their life.

[darla_g]

I don't think I've shared this before but I do know someone that has gone through the transition , twice!

They were originally a fairly typical male, dated and had relationships with women.

One day they announced that they were TS and over the course of a few years had a series of surgeries (implants, FFS etc) and became a legal trans woman. She even ended up meeting and marrying a TS male and they lived together for a few years. (don't remember the specifics)

Eventually they divorced and had a series of setbacks , loss of job etc. Eventually she met another woman GG and they began to live together. Over a period of time this person convinced her that she as not Trans and should be a male. This happened, the implants were removed and she went back to being a male except that all the other surgeries had been completed. Needless to say it was less than a year and then they broke up.

This is probably over 10 years ago, and I haven't seen she/he since we had a falling out over something entirely unrelated. Last i heard maybe a year ago she went back to being a Trans woman.

and so i mention this as part of this thread not because i am trying to convince anyone not to do this, but be aware that it can go terribly wrong for some people.

[Stephenie S]

Emmi, Emmi, Emmi. You are not transition material. You are not a woman. You just want to wear the clothes. That's great. That's great because you CAN. Yes, dear. You can. And for not a whole lot of money, pain, or turmoil.

Look dear, people who transition do so because they HAVE to transition. For many, it's transition or death. You are no where near that situation. I have read your posts. You want to present as female and wear female clothes. Simple. Just do it. You don't ever have to transition. You don't ever have to go through the pain and expense of transition. You don't ever have to tear your family apart. Just wear the clothes.

Middle aged ladies are boring. They wear boring clothes. They do boring things like knit and go to meetings. Nobody will care. Just do it. If you can hold your end up in the bedroom, your wife will likely stop worrying that she is gonna lose her husband. In a relatively short time, people will accept that you are that slightly weird guy who wears woman's clothes. Stop worrying about transition. It's not for you. Honest. Own up to your weirdness. It's SO much easier (and far cheaper) (do you have a spare $50,000 laying around?) than transition.

You can do this, dear. Yes you can. You can have it all.

Stephie

[Kristy_K]

Emmi if you really needed to transition you would not be asking us. You would just do it. Period.....

[emmicd]

yes, you are right and everyone here is helpful because transitioning is not such an easy decision and i wish to understand. i have cried many tears and always wondered why i always felt this way. i even had bouts with depression and have contemplated suicide. i come here as a resource because i feel all alone. it is very painful and i am having a very difficult time. if you want me to go away then i will. i am sorry for putting my feelings out there. good bye!

emmi