What secret are you keeping from your SO?

[suchacutie]

I have to say that the kind of games the involve secrets from a spouse cause me to worry for your relationship. Communication is really the only way.

Please, talk with your spouse ...

tina

[MandyGG]

I love how you ladies and gent's can smack me back into reality. I put the clothes back, SANS Booby Trap! He had no idea. So I am in the clear except for the massive amount of guilt for hiding them in the first place. I feel shame.

I promise, from here on out, that I will let this take it's own course and I will not try to rush or push things! It's just soooo hard!!! I want to be "OMG! Audrey! Come looook at these new shoooooooes!!! Check out this BLOUSSSSEEEE!!!!! Want some?!?!?! Do ya?!? Do ya!?!?!" and he is more like...."There's a new Titanic show and the lawn needs to be mowed."

P.S. - Brandy, I love you more!

[ReineD]

I'm glad you decided to not rush things. He really does need to go at his own pace, even if it means trying on the clothes alone the first few times, in order to increase his confidence in showing himself to you. Also, I gather that it is challenging for any CDer to strike a balance with all of this and if he feels reticent right now, it is his own attempt at balance. Maybe he's just not ready to jump right into it. But have no fear ... if he's like most CDers, he'll get into it soon enough!

One suggestion is to have your kids stay elsewhere overnight and suggest a nice, quiet dinner at home with just Audrey and you.

[Bree-asaurus]

I don't have any secrets that I keep from my BF. We've both lived lies our entire lives and we just can't do it anymore.

I know that there are many that are keeping a huge one from them, but this is geared toward the ones that are "out" to their SO's...

Here is my big secret at the moment:

I hid Audrey's clothes from her. Not because I want her purged, but because I want her to include me in it. I don't want her dressing behind my back, so I hid them so that when she has the urge to dress she will have to ask me where they are.

I know it isn't fair, and I do feel bad.... but I just want to be included, so I am making sure that I am!

Is anyone else being secretive?

I see where you're coming from and this isn't an argument against what you're doing, but simply a suggestion from someone who knows absolutely nothing about your relationship: Have an honest discussion about the cross dressing. I'm sure if you two can talk openly about it, you can make it clear to him that you want to be a park of his cross dressing.

[Eryn]

I want to be "OMG! Audrey! Come looook at these new shoooooooes!!! Check out this BLOUSSSSEEEE!!!!!

Nothing wrong with that, but crank it down a couple of notches!

Do you two go shopping together? That can be fun, commenting on all the stuff you see, particularly the "what were they thinking" items. Your SO can be in either mode, depending upon comfort level.

[rachel_rachel]

I don't have secerts when it come s to my dressing.. it's open for all to see in our bedroom. The only secert i am kinda keeping is that i'm texting another woman who is a fan of my dressing, She's seen more photos of me dressed than she has not, and i've only actually meet her once... Even then she had 3 bags of clothes, shoes and underwear for me as a present.

Call it an affair if you like... I don't think it'll get to that point personally, I've spoken to a friend of mine about it who was having a 'digital' affair and he seems to of come out of it OK.

[CINDYO]

well a good question would be, if you have a SO and she was texting secretly and actually met up with that other person, would you mind? I always say, if you are doing something secretly and would prefer that you SO not find out then...... it is probably not going to enhance your relationship in the long run. IMO.

[ChrisP]

I try to make honesty my best policy in relationships, especially an intimate one.
However, I'm guilty of hiding a few things myself.
I didn't tell her that I have a wife and family in another state, nor that I have a career in a clandestine quasi-governmental security agency.
This causes me to be away from home at times, which I explain away as “business”.
While we struggle a bit with the bills like everyone, through arms sales to Middle Eastern consortiums I was able to purchase an entire island in the Bahamas, where I sometimes bring super models or aspiring actresses. My personal jet brings me there, which makes me feel bad since my S.O. wants a new car to replace her 2001 Camry.
For me, it's ability to be open that really is the glue of a long term relationship.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mandy, I don't really keep secrets it's just that it's a don't ask don't tell kinda thinggie my wife knows all about everything.

[catriona36]

mmmm i hate the secrets, how ever, in time they will not be needed in my case.
Some of my friends know some of my secrets and one or two know the whole story of what i do..
some ppl need to know while others have no need to know be it sexual or the cd'ing.
my next so will prob know all the secrets..

Mandy.
Heres a lil game you can play, depending on a number of factors.
I dont know if Audrey is out or not. I dont know how many outfits Audrey has. BUT.
What you can do is set aside a saturday night.
take a number of boxes, put a outfit in each box. ie formal/ semi formal. through to a lil sexy but not over the top.
Then you line the boxes up and get Audrey to pick a box. each box would all so correspond to a outing.like, semi formal might be a play at a theater or a musical, anothe box might correspond to dinnerand a movie. you get the idea.
oh and no, nothing on the box to give the night away

[MandyGG]

It is so great to be able to come here for advice! I usually am a controlling person out of the need for someone in the home to take charge. I control the finances, the housework, the kids.... All because Audrey is so laid back that it would never get done. I guess, bottom line, I am totally wanting to take over HIS thing! I am wanting full access and full knowledge, when in reality this isn't mine. I am sure it is hard to share something like this when you lived all of your 42 years trying to hide it, and here is your wife coming in with ideas of her own and wanting to be a part of it too. I will just have to keep my mouth and ideas hushed until I am asked for it. You ladies know more than I do, and I appreciate all of your advice! I heart you to the moon and back!!!

About the texting. It is an affair. Virtual or not, you are intimately revealing yourself and making yourself available to someone else. What works for the goose doesn't always work for the gander. Just because it was easy as pie for someone else, doesn't mean it will work out as smoothly for you. Is this other woman really worth losing your SO for? If not, let it go. If so, then you need to reexamine your relationship as a whole. Be fair to each of you.

[GingerLeigh]

Yes, I have a secret! I'm a double knot spy, and my secret hideout is under my ceeeement pond! Nyuck nyuck...

Sigh..

Secrets stink. I've lived with them for too long and they took their toll on my sanity. Yes I have a couple little ones left, but my wife now knows ALMOST everything now. The relevant stuff anyway. What secrets I have left are nothing of any consequence.

Ginger

[Karren H]

I secretly went out and bought a new pair of ice skates.... Used. Normally $550 but these were almost brand spanking new for $190. Rebok 9k pumps!! amazing skates! She thinks I spend way to much on my hobbies so I didn't tell her... Used the money I was saving for a new corset..... And I gave my old skates to the daughters boyfriend! Yeah I feel guilty.... Till I step on the ice! Lol.

[Stephanie47]

Hi Mandy,

I'm glad you put the clothes back and did not 'booby trap' the location. I am in a DADT relationship. My wife knows I cross dress, although I am almost 100% sure she does not know the extent of my cross dressing. Why, because she does not want to know anything about Stephanie. What am I keeping from her? I choose not to use the word 'hide' because I am more than willing to let her know the extent of my cross dressing, when I am ready. I am very comfortable with my cross dressing, and, to the extent I cross dress. Do I want her to participate? I am not comfortable with the idea of dressing in front of her. How will she react? Will she cry? Throw a fit? Purge my clothing? Open Pandora's box? So, you really need to consider whether or not Audrey wants to meet Mandy.

If you really want to meet Audrey, ask your husband. If Audrey wants to come out and play, do it at her speed. What Audrey does in private may not be what Audrey wants to do in public. I'm not a gambler, but, there is a very good possibility Audrey will like to meet Mandy.

Would I have like it if I had come home from work one day and found a brand new dress, heels, hosiery, slip, undergarments and an apron spread out on the bed with a note asking Stephanie to cook dinner tonight? I would have loved it. Maybe Audrey would like it too! Good luck. And, if Audrey likes watching the Titanic, maybe Audrey would like to ride the "Love Boat" instead. Bon voyage!

[Jessica86]

None. I let her know everything that one night. The clothes, history, and the events leading up to it. Other than that, I am proud to say my wife knows all of my secrets. Maybe that's why we never fight? We know everything about each other, and that gives us no "ammo" during an argument. I definately found a keeper!

[sometimes_miss]

Well, as this forum is open to public reading, if you post your secret here, it will be secret no more should your SO or anyone else who suspects anything about you comes here and puts 2 + 2 together.
Just sayin'.

[meganmartin]

I keep no secrets and she knows of my cross-dressing, however just like in my GUY life i do not volunteer information...especially information that will get me into trouble. LOL
After being married for 20 years now....she has wised up and asks a bunch of questions.

[Ally 2112]

I have learned the hard way secrets are no good be honest and open right from the beginning

[Kerigirl2009]

I don't tell my wife about my dressing times, she figures I do it everyday anyway, I admit that I underdress nearly everyday and that really helps me relax, even if I can't see it, I know its there, but it isn't really enough. I guess My secret would be is that I want to dress more often and not worry about what others think about me. I dress age appropriate and this is how I intend to continue. I want to have a life too.
I would LOVE if my wife would be more OPEN to this side of me, but that is not really a secret.

[Miriam-J]

I need to correct my previous reply that I'm not keeping anything secret. I just bought her birthday present, and it'll be a secret for 8 more days.

Miriam

[kimdl93]

hmmmm, I thought long and hard about this one. I suppose if I'm keeping a secret its that I have a growing desire to go full-time. I still consider that somewhat unrealistic...so I think I'll sit on that one for a while.

[Kathi Lake]

I was secretive, now I'm just . . . waiting, I guess.

My wife and I had a DADT relationship for years. She knew I did it (if not the extent) but didn't want to be told. I kept my part of that commitment. Well, that came back to bite me (as it often does) in that she found out the extent of my goings out. Cue anger, tears, and accusations! We talked and talked (mostly through e-mail, but later face-to-face) and I believe I have her firmly-convinced that I'm not going to fly off the handle, leave her, and fly off to Thailand in a haze of estradiol. Our marriage is wonderful.

My secret? How much I want to get dressed and go out again.

I don't know how to approach her about dressing. Since I always did it "under the radar" in the past, transitioning to asking her has become incredibly difficult. I just can't find the stones to swallow my embarrassment and just ask her. In the interest of our marriage, fairness, and information-sharing, I feel that I must now ask first. However, I just can't get past that gulf of embarrassment. Neither, it seems, can she.

Both of us have definitely benefitted from this new arrangement so far - she has the perfect manly husband, I have the perfect womanly wife. Our marriage, as I have said, is wonderful. And yet . . .

Her perfect husband, under the surface, is sad. I feel that part of me has been ripped away. Not by her, mind you. I am the one that is preventing my dressing. I have not dressed since October of last year. This may not mean much to the newer members here, but those that remember my adventures of what is now long ago can probably understand how I'm feeling. Sure, the solution is easy, you say; I just have to ask. Yup. That's all. I just have to ask, and she will say yes, and life will once again be a bowl of (very stylishly dressed) cherries. Except as many here know, that's not what will happen. I will ask, she will start thinking about it again, her doubts about me will once again start, and once again we will be in pain because of me and how/who I am.

So, my secret? My secret is that I'm in pain.

Kathi

[Eryn]

Kathi, my heart goes out to you. It sounds to me like your wife has a "perfectly manly husband" who is secretly in pain. Yes, hiding pain is a very manly trait, but one that is self-destructive in the long run.

Flip the situation around. Would you like it if your wife was agonizing over something and hiding it from you? If you later found out about it would you consider yourself to be a good husband to have not even considered the possibility that something might be bothering her?

IMO, marriage is about sharing each other's life, warts and all, not damaging your own life in order to create the illusion of perfection for one's spouse.

[MandyGG]

Kathi,

I agree 1,000,000% with Eryn on this!! You cannot hold this kind of pain in! What good is that going to do but make a facade! You have to respect yourself just as much as you respect your wife! You cannot put yourself in turmoil just to please someone else. I get that she doesn't like it, I truly do. At times, I don't like it either. But it is part of the person that we chose to love through thick and thin, good and bad, beautiful and ugly. I can't pick the times to choose to love my husband. I love him through his CDing as much as I love him when he is not. I even love him when he is a pain in the a$$! Give her a chance to make her own mind up on this. Feel her out. She may just love you enough to love you through it. Then you could both be happy. Not just one of you.

[Jenniferathome]

That's odd in my book. Why not just talk to your husband and ask to be included? He'll be thrilled.