I feel like I shouldn't be here...

[GBJoker]

I really do.

Every one seems to have things going on and are doing random junk to either advance their interests/lives concerning CD'ing, TG, or TS. Buying new clothes once a month, or going out on adventures with friends and so forth. People are making friends and having random conversations on here about whatever pops to the top of their heads.

Meanwhile, I'm still in the basement trying to figure out what exactly happened to make every one's life seem so perfect and happy, while I'm... blah'ing it up. I feel like I'm learning nothing here except a constant and repeated, "Go see a therapist, and stop buggine me." Simultaneously, I've nothing to offer. I don't know how to do hair, or make up, or nails. And obviously, I can't compliment people at all about how they look (there seems to be a tendency to take what I say the wrong way, or to not comprehend what I'm attempting to say).

I dunno anymore. I just feel sad and depressed whenever the subject of transgenderism comes up lately, and I'm beginning to wonder if either I'm doing some thing wrong, or missing something here, or what. I'm trying to be nice and all to every one who responds directly to any post I make, but clearly, nothing is working.

[Kate Simmons]

The secret my friend is to just be yourself and enjoy who you are, appearance notwithstanding.

[NathalieX66]

The secret my friend is to just be yourself and enjoy who you are, appearance notwithstanding.

I agree with Kate.

Life is a journey, and we take the road that suits us best. We are all in a different place, metaphorically speaking. I do not judge others by their looks, situation, or whatever. This is NOT a contest of who can pass the most, or goes out the most. This is about finding our own happiness. We all have to make compromises of what we can accept or achieve, every single one of us does. It's up to us ourselves to accept those compromises.

[Lorileah]

First understand that the majority who are members here are not doing all the things you read. The people who post are most likely at each end spectrum. The highs and the lows get posted. Most people are in the center like you, wondering, reading, maybe hoping.

Next very few have it figured out. It may look that way but we are tap dancing as fast as we can also. That is the way of life in general. Many times those who try and make you believe they have it figured out are all using smoke and mirrors. There are no true answers to any of this.

The go see a therapist thing I think is over used. Having gone that route once for a different issue, I found that other than having someone to bounce things off of, it was a waste. Especially when they asked what I wanted them to do. Some people will use this, others figure it out for themselves. You do what you need to do.

Make up, hair, walking, whatever is overrated also. When you try and fit a box, you often end up getting frustrated. Most of these things can be overcome with hard work and practice. But when you do get that then what? Life doesn't become rainbows and unicorns.

I know it is frustrating. Some days it seems nothing makes sense. You do have a place to go...here. Vent, rant, rave. We are all in this boat together. But know you are not alone, you are very much like the rest of us. And some day you wuill b posting about something wonderful that happened to you

[Kristy_K]

Accepting yourself is probably one of the hardest thing for some people to do. A good therapist can help some people do that.

[jazmine]

to hell with what everyone else is doing. Be yourself, and do what makes YOU happy. Set little personal goals on things you want to do. Then work toward them. But.... I kinda know what you mean. I feel that sometimes too. There are a lot of girls on here that i'm like...."ah man, i wish i could look that good"....or "Gee, I wish I was doing that kinda stuff". Hell, i just stopped lying to myself not too long ago, that I wish I was actually a genetic girl. I finally somehow reached a place that I am happy. I may have become to fond of my guyside to kill him off now, & I might not be living it up like a lot of the girls here, or looking as good. ....but there's nothing that says I have to be at an actual, physical "point", or "place" to enjoy, feel-like & be that beautiful girl. I walk this rock actually considering myself a woman now, that has to present as a guy a lot of times. Yeah, it's hard to goto weddings & formal events and see actual genetic girls in all their beauty and pretty dresses..........but it sure is inspiring. Plus that guyside of me is pretty cool.

[NathalieX66]

Oh....and
Smoking kills 5.4 million people a year worldwide, crossdressing kills zero.


That was my old signature, btw.

[Barbara Ella]

Hey GB, guess what? You have discovered the reason for having this forum, and for you joining. You just got on, had to vent on some personal stuff, and you did it. You expressed some internal feelings, and you communicated them to others and you have elicited some responses. That is what it is all about. So just do it again.

I hope you really really read them and take them to heart. Very few here are living la loca vida you describe. I certainly am not. I would venture that you have more time in grade as a cross dresser than I do. I think perhaps I am just frantically running so fast to stay ahead of my troubled mind that I am trying anything and everything, and I have less time left to find out who I am. You are in that process now, and just hitting a slow spot. I was there this past week, and trying to get past it this weekend. No desire to dress whatsoever, so yes, a bit depressed compared to the week before. So I will just get from day to day and see what develops. Time is on our side, and i expect to be enjoying a skirt, hose and heels again.

There is no reason you should not be here. You are a cross dresser. you wear women's clothing. You are concerned about your place in life. You have things to learn, but we all do, and knowledge will not come overnight. Just reach out and grab some, look at the videos, and just begin to do it, fail, get up and do it again, fail, get up and do it again, and get better each time. Most of the fun I have had comes from the many times i did something but no one saw it but me. Some I liked, some I didn't, but these things were something I did, me, mine. And with time I found a few i could share, many I would never share.

Just jump in and have fun with it and dont expect to be joining the uppercrust of over achievers so soon (and I say/mean this in a most friendly way girls. I do admire what you do, and am attempting to become one also). These girls are just doing what they feel. That is all you or I or anyone can do, and everyone should be applauded when they do what they feel.

Keep doing what you feel.

Barbara

[SoMuchToLearn]

Great advice Lorileah

[MonicaJean]

First understand that the majority who are members here are not doing all the things you read. The people who post are most likely at each end spectrum. The highs and the lows get posted. Most people are in the center like you, wondering, reading, maybe hoping.

Next very few have it figured out. It may look that way but we are tap dancing as fast as we can also. That is the way of life in general. Many times those who try and make you believe they have it figured out are all using smoke and mirrors. There are no true answers to any of this.

The go see a therapist thing I think is over used. Having gone that route once for a different issue, I found that other than having someone to bounce things off of, it was a waste. Especially when they asked what I wanted them to do. Some people will use this, others figure it out for themselves. You do what you need to do.

Make up, hair, walking, whatever is overrated also. When you try and fit a box, you often end up getting frustrated. Most of these things can be overcome with hard work and practice. But when you do get that then what? Life doesn't become rainbows and unicorns.

I know it is frustrating. Some days it seems nothing makes sense. You do have a place to go...here. Vent, rant, rave. We are all in this boat together. But know you are not alone, you are very much like the rest of us. And some day you wuill b posting about something wonderful that happened to you

I couldn't agree more. Reply of the year!!

Some of us only get the chance to dress up in *anything* but a time or two per year. If that. It's frustrating yes. Part of the journey....

[Kate Simmons]

Just to add one more thing, the more we learn about ourselves and go with the flow of feelings, the more adventures we will have.We are just people after all, nothing more or less and we are here to learn.

[ronda]

Joker i have been on this site since 2005 there is a lot said about what other have done or are going to do but every now and then someone will say something that helps me understand my self a little more but if you think that will happen everyday sorry not happening so advice is keep reading and every now and then you will find something that helps. we all have been where you are and some of us will be back ther again when our life changes because the only that you can count on is that all things will and do change like it or not that is life so hang in there

[Marleena]

@ Joker I'm a little puzzled why you feel you don't belong. You are CD, right? The topics you'll see are just part of being a CD or TG.

If you explain where you're at on the scale it might make more sense.

[Maria 60]

I am no expert but it seems like we are in the same world but fighting our own wars. I read about who go's out all dressed and passable, meeting other cders and i know i can never pass and think how lucky they are. Then i read about the cders who are totally hidden from there wife's and i feel lucky that i have someone to share this with and to shop with. Even in our male life's we have our ups and downs and we always figure our way out. You are a crossdresser and you do belong here!

[Gaby2]

I'm glad you're here, GBJoker. Gaby

[Kaz]

Hey Joker (love the handle), "life is a beach and then you die" (sorry if I upset anyone with this - PM me, don't blast the thread)... Yeah, I have a great life, tell me about it!

I am a mess... most people here are too... just like you. The thing is that we believe in oursleves because we are a community of like minded, if diverse, individuals. Hang in here and post... you will make friends (and probably enemies)... but it is a great place to be if you are CD.

[Inna]

I dunno anymore. I just feel sad and depressed whenever the subject of transgenderism comes up lately, and I'm beginning to wonder if either I'm doing some thing wrong, or missing something here, or what. I'm trying to be nice and all to every one who responds directly to any post I make, but clearly, nothing is working.

Hi Hon, I am sorry you don't see the resolution in sight, but I also want you to know that no such resolution presents it self to transgender person at an onset. For most it takes a life time of regretful denial and forced conformity. Only when pain is merely unbearable we make a decision to let the chips fall where they may. One of the hardest decisions to make in life, no doubt, decision to finish one life and begin another. I am not talking about Crossdressing, one can crossdress and forever remain a man in a skirt, thinking like man, feeling like man, and only seeing him self as a woman in fantasy world. There are those who choose despite their internal struggle to remain acting and living out mans lives, even though they truly feel as a woman within, they do these for family, loved ones, job, ect. But then there is a threshold only some will cross, and most wont, a threshold to internal equilibrium, that of a woman within being able to experience life in its fullest in flesh and bone.

WHY THERAPY?

Transgender therapy is vital to establish exactly what you are after, to have an understanding of your internal values and mechanism which makes for your gender dysphoria, which by the way, You Do Have!
But these processes are not visible to the conscious mind and reside in subconscious, not a place one can visit with ease. And the therapy I suggest is not a any therapist but very specific to Transgender issues.

I write here not because I am brushing you off, I have come here on my own, and I do hear the anguish in your writing, I do want to help, but what I can offer is words, that's all, and you need way more then that. All my love hon, and get your Bu.. to the therapist on the double, lol......

[elizabethamy]

Some people have it figured out (sothey say or think) and some of us are struggling, swimming against the current, trying to balance our quests for self-knowledge with the depressing onslaught of daily life. Therapy helps but it isn't magic. Being here, reading, contributing -- to me, that really helps. Sometimes I'm not "doing" anything but I feel I am moving forward. To where, to which gender, to what degree? I don't know a lot of the time. But this is a safe place, an honest place, a helpful place. Be welcome here, however you feel.

elizabethamy

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hin Joker, Nobody ever said that being a lady was going to be easy drop
the feeling sorry for yourself attitude and enjoy the special gift that you have.

[Wonderwho]

This is the guy side, slide back the frustration and ride the thought that you May be a little different, we all are. This is the female side relax, there is no right way to think that will get you into the next day. You will face a lot of weird feelings for the rest of your life. There is no right or wrong way to view your life. What you feel is hard to put into words but many of us have been thru every feeling there is. Stay here for a while, look around and go back to some old posts, there is so much to learn here. Not everything will help you but no matter how bad or confused you are there is someone here that has been there before, you are not alone.
Some of us are working so hard to exist that it is hard to be a CDer and live also. You will get old and you will die someday but untill then live like you mean it, love everday and wear what ever makes you feel good!!!!!!
Wonderwho
PS You think you have problems, look at my name.LOL

[Edyta_C]

Please don't give up. We are all at different points in the TG spectrum. I learned a lot about myself from reading the others posts and joining in sometimes. While the advice of seeing a therapist might help you at a different point in your journey. If you're a CD then mostly the problems dealing with secrecy and guilt. You may be able to deal with that yourself. If you are further toward TS, then a therapist might be of help, but not until you are ready. Be yourself. Enjoy the posts you like and ignore ones of less interest. But I wouldn't leave, give it some time.

Edy

[PretzelGirl]

There is a reason why everyone is here.... to learn something. One of the things that is good for perspective is to realize that each and every one of us is in a continuous learning cycle. I know I take away things here on a daily basis. It is what makes it such a great place. And there is no one that can tell you the pace that you should be absorbing things. We are all living life differently with different goals. So hang around and learn bits and pieces when you are ready and when you want to. It will all come.

[Cheryl T]

Your profile says you are a student so I will "presume" that you are young.
Believe me when I say that at a young age there were few of us that were skilled in the arts necessary to complete a look that made us confident enough to venture into the world as women. All of the things needed are learned and as a student you should be aware that people learn at differing rates.
Many of us took decades to reach the point we are at now. For those younger ladies who have had the internet all their lives the learning curve has been much faster as there has been a wealth of information available to them quickly and easily.

Our lives are far from perfect. What you see in that direction is what was fought for and won, sometimes at a high price. Some were lucky enough to have great support at home, others lost everything trying to be who they are without being scorned. We have all struggled with this aspect of ourselves and it hasn't been easy no matter what anyone says. Though we try to escape it, this is who we are, not what we do. The guilt and the shame is a common theme amongst us. Those of us that are happy with ourselves and content with our lives have come to terms with that struggle and realize that without blending ALL portions of our being we can never be happy.

Some may require more help than others and for them perhaps a therapist is a good fit. For others such as myself, I just needed the support and understanding of my very loving spouse. There is no one cure all. Just realize that you are not alone in this. There are MANY of us and we are all in this together.

[Tina B.]

Joker, you have to lighten up! You don't fit in, I don't fit in, no one does, to fit, there has to be a proper size, and we don't have one, this place is one size fits all! Don't knew about make up, there is a section for that, and it's just a matter of practice. Getting out and having adventures, there is as many or more of us that are in the closet than out of it. and really complementing someone is not that hard if you think about it. More than anything Else's, I see this place as a social place, so just read along, until you feel you want to say something, then jump in, the worst that can happen is someone might disagree, but then others, will agree with you, the longer you are here, and the more you join in, the more people will get to know you, and be able to relate to you.
Stick with us! And I don't want to see a therapest either, sandra. Joker, if you wear womens clothing, or even want to, you do belong here.
Tina B.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Go at your own pace. It took me 50 years to find this place. I was lost for years and didn't know who or what I am. I am still learning. So do like everyone else and be yourself.