I took my morning walk and I noticed, in the quietness, an emotional tension in my chest and tightness in my back muscles and arms. At the same time I was thinking about my mom and dad and their rejection of me as TS (it's against God, they said). Actually, they are repulsed by me. I was thinking, how do I get past and relieve this tension I feel? There is nothing I can do, other than just sit through the sadness of their rejection and hopefully some of it will be relieved, in time. The last time I talked to mom, she couldn't even say she loved me, when we hung up. That makes me feel so sad.
Even with all the therapy I have had, it's still so hard to allow myself to sit through the pain with out trying to find some way of avoiding it. The tension in my back and arms have been increasing in recent weeks and starting to get me down. I've been going through cyclic depressions. I know I have to spend quiet time every day sitting through the sadness, because that is the only way for me to get through it. It's just so hard to do.