Fears for Thought

[Understander]

I'm gonna slim this one down since some of it too convoluted personally. Essentially, I, as an SO of a CDer, am currently being stalked on and off by my ex's new partner for reasons I cannot explain. Either way the stalking itself is intense and volatile. She wants to destroy me and everything I hold dear.

Since she has managed to find me in every way shape and form and I cannot seem to get away from her I have started to worry that she may discover my partner's hobby. Now, I love my partner but I would NEVER want his lifestyle to ever be a weapon against me but I know if she stumbles upon it she'd use it like a machine gun, tell my ex and let the entire world know because she needs the validation that her relationship is perfect and mine isn't. I also know that with the progress made that result would destroy him because he'd feel like he's the gun.

To clarify, I feel my relationship is perfect and I wouldn't change it (and I certainly wouldn't go back). Its the spite that I cannot stand and my biggest fear is this, something so intimate from one so nurturing being used so maliciously.

Has anyone else had an ex find out or had it used in such a manor? How would we cope?

[Persephone]

I haven't had the experience, although I have been "outed" a couple of times, once in the past and one that is going on right now.

I don't know how you and your ex feel about each other, but is there a way to explain to him what is happening? After all, if she is doing this with you there is a very strong chance that someday she will turn and do it to him. Perhaps you can find a way to give him a heads up without seeming to be vengeful yourself?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Understander]

He's been thoroughly aware of it, every inch of it and even asked him about asking on here. He said 'sure' so here I am. I believe he understands why it worries me. She is really single-minded and hellbent on destroying anything associated with me, which includes him. I am coping as well as I can but if he got dragged in I wouldn't know how to handle it at all. I know I'd feel guilt for him being seen as guilty by association.

I want him to take his time, he might enjoy the secrecy and therefore never tell anyone he feels doesn't need to know. One day he might want to come out to everyone but it's still the same. It should be on his terms not hers or even mine, but she won't see it that way at all. She might think I don't know and hope we break up over it, which is a horrible thought. She might hope the supposed embarrassment would proclaim her as the better female with the better male - she is like that believe me...

Its just a frightening thought because she has gotten close to other personal information before and I've felt violated, I don't want him to go through that at all.

[Jenniferathome]

Firstly, call the police and the FBI. They are here to help you. Secondly, should your SO be found out by this deranged woman, simply say that YOUR Ex was also a crossdresser. That ought to set her back on her heels

[Understander]

Haha! That would be brilliant and the first lie I'd be aware of telling. I'm hoping to go to the police tomorrow but I'm worried, I have tried contacting her to get her to stop all. People also kept sending me to sites that proved she was looking at my blogs. This could be used by her to counter my stalking claim. I've written about things that she's seen as aimed at her. Hand on heart they weren't but she just digs that deeply into things. She's claimed a friend of mine is fictitious, despite her putting up a picture of herself saying 'I am not Griff', being Asian and speaking fluent Chinese.

My SO has just made an account for his CDing for a photogenic online CDing community. It has made him so happy and so confident that it feels like if that were the root it'd destroy all possibility of ever rising again. He is a sensitive soul and my best friend. I don't want to be his reason for hurt. Ever.

[kimdl93]

At a minimum seek legal advice. This kind of behavior suggests that you're dealing with a rather deluded individual. Burlt she may hurt herself more than she can harm you. People tend to disregard the assertions of crazy people.

[Stacey Summer]

It sounds like this woman has absolutely no self esteem. She also sounds like a very sad and lonely child. On the other hand she could just be mental. The first thing you should be doing is making all of your blogs private or firends only, if you can. That will stop her reading them. The other thing to do is keep a log of all activity you feel is harassing and threatening to the emotional well-being of you or your SO. Has she said anything to you herself?

Unfortunately harassment and stalking are not crimes per se, they're more of a civil matter. The police will only directly intervene if you feel like you are in danger of being physically harmed. The most they will likely do is seek a court order, a blanket restraining order that will hopefully stop her doing this. If she then breaks that order she will be arrested and charged. I do urge you to go to the police though, at the very least they should be aware of this.

I hope everything works out for you.

Stacey.
xx

[DonnaT]

If she's made any online or email comments which you believe are harassment/stalking, you can file a civil complaint.

Record/save files etc.

http://www.nss.org.uk/advice/uk-civil-law/

[GingerLeigh]

Talk to the cops about the stalking. Get her name on file, that way you have something that can later be used against her if she goes completely overboard. Tie up your public life on the internet so she is in the dark and discuss NOTHING with any shared acquaintances. She sounds like a nutter to me. If she finds out about your SO and blabs, there is not much you can do. If she gets way out of line and it looks like a hate crime, you can get somewhere with it.

[Ellyn]

Firstly, call the police and the FBI. They are here to help you. Secondly, should your SO be found out by this deranged woman, simply say that YOUR Ex was also a crossdresser. That ought to set her back on her heels

The last people I would tell anything about anyone being a crossdresser to is the Police or FBI. That will just get the crossdresser onto their list of potential sex criminals that they consider to be perverts.

[docrobbysherry]

Why do I get the feeling I'm reading the first paragraph, (written by only one of many of the protagonists), in a long, Harry Potter type of detailed, complex, and convoluted saga?