[SIZE="2"]“It was no coincidence that [he] reviled [normalcy] as a tissue of pernicious fictions, and turned instead to the arts to satisfy his need for transcendental experience.” (from The Romantic Revolution by Tim Blanning)[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]You don’t have to look it up – pernicious means destructive, hurtful, mischievous, evil or deadly. This time around I wish to discuss the misconceptions we MtF crossdressers have to live with, a veritable smorgasbord of prejudice, untruths, and outright lies. We wish to crossdress and be happy, but those who worship normalcy keep putting up barricades to block our progress. Come closer, come REAL close, and let’s talk these divisive issues...
I don’t really care if most people wish to be “normal,” but you need to know that this blandness, this banality, creates creatures like me. I don’t want to belong, and I’m not alone in this regard. Oh, it would be nice to live in a world where crossdressers were seen as artistic geniuses, or a kind of spiritual being in touch with previously forbidden desires, but, from my vantage point, I don’t see the kind of person I would like to be, so I might as well create “her” from scratch. We are allowed to be creative, correct? Well, then, let’s stop looking at crossdressing as some kind of problem, and start seeing it in terms of creative expression. Speaking for myself, as an artist, I can tell you that destruction is the last thing on my mind when I’m shaving my legs...
Looking around on this site, on any given day, I see many threads and posts where one’s SO is mentioned, or alluded to. You know, “I had a talk with my wife...” or “My SO doesn’t want me to dress anymore...” or even “I am the SO of a crossdresser...” Well done, if you ask me! Many of us have significant others, we talk to them, and they talk back, which tells me that there is much more communication going on than in any “normal” relationship. Is this because there is a CD’er in the mix, and he (now she) cares deeply about this inexplicable thing he’s doing, to the point of...gasp...TALKING about it? Personally, I would hug the guy, I mean girl, so why would a GG be “put out” by her SO’s willing suspension of masculine disbelief, or willingness to talk?
I mean, he could be affecting manly airs, which include playing the field and entertaining the idea of conquest in a “love ‘em and leave ‘em” format. In many quarters, these kinds of males are seen as heroes, while the lonely crossdresser is shunned for staying close to home, near the closet, and remaining faithful to his commitments. He’s not trying to be hurtful, he’s just interested in finding out who (or what) he is, doing his experimentations right under the noses of those who cannot, or will not, understand such behavior. Speaking for myself, I’m not playing the field, and I don’t look at every woman who crosses my path as a potential sexual partner. I look at women, of course, mainly to see what she’s wearing, or how she’s wearing it, whatever it may be. I’m also interested in comportment, posture, poise, and many other characteristics. I’m less interested in what she is either hiding, or displaying, since I’ve already been through all that. Is this BAD?
This leads us to the next pernicious fiction, namely the idea that all MtF crossdressers MUST be gay. GAY is synonymous with weak, undesirable or bad these days. Some people insist that transvestites are homosexuals. I beg to differ; in fact I’m getting tired of having to point out that what you see may not be what you get. Some men dress as women to attract men, true, but the larger, more interesting truth is that you can be straight, gay, or bi, dress to your heart’s content, and remain male. In other words, you can’t fit all MtF crossdressers into a neat box and expect accolades for your “insight.” Of course, being a crossdresser makes you think about things you had never thought about before, which leads me to believe that there is a much larger truth about same-sex relations that is hidden from everyone. You’re supposed to love your fellow man, but I had to become a “sister” to love my brothers. There’s nothing evil about love, darlings...
Crossdressing supposedly makes a man less of a “man,” and this alarms any GG who has a certain idea of what being a MAN entails, correct? No doubt about it, I’m less of a man, but I’m more of a human being these days, ever since I mixed femininity with masculinity – I’m not sure which was more inherent, or present from day one, but I believe the emergence of blessed femininity was a foregone conclusion. So, “she” is there, alongside HIM, as it should be, but am I really less of a man? I’ll tell you, I would show up in a crisis, local, regional, or national, and do my part, or my manly "thing." I would defend myself, my family, and my lifestyle if need be – being an incorporated boy/girl has enhanced me for the better. The world sees us as selfish individuals, but I KNOW we are just as capable as other, more “normal” males, albeit with compassion thrown into the mix by way of empathy and self-reflection. I give, and I don’t expect anything in return – crossdressing has been an asset in this regard, but the world sees me as a mischievous individual. It’s just not fair...
Rather than see a SO’s crossdressing as some sort of disease, or an unwelcome invasion that threatens gender roles, why not visualize the boy/man in his workshop, rounding the rough edges off of his masculinity? Things can only get better, unless you insist that males be overtly masculine for YOUR sake – some may buy into this idea, while others actively seek to alter or re-wire the tangled mess they’ve inherited. Meanwhile, masculine types detect our purported “weakness” and turn their backs on what they could be. We MtF crossdressers suffer as a result, and the pernicious fictions keep rolling along, making understanding and/or tolerance that much more difficult to achieve. Am I really hurting YOU in some way?
I am very real, and my “invented” self is equally real, and yet we are at the mercy of numerous misconceptions that cloud the truth. I am not the least bit interested in destroying someone’s fragile “take” on reality, nor do I wish to hurt people – I, on the other hand, have been hurt repeatedly by individuals of both sexes who see the world as an opportunity to follow the same path and never question things. To them, I am a deviant being, a mischievous abnormality that needs to be straightened out before I can infect others with dangerous ideas. But, tell me something – am I deadly in some way? Do I represent something that catastrophic? I mean, all I’m doing is wearing clothes I’m not supposed to wear, all in an effort to bring forth happiness by blending the genders together – the panties, the dresses, the wigs, and the lipstick are all essential tools in my “kit.” I can build you a better male, or a better boy, but you need to trust me...
Don’t you get tired about being misunderstood?
"Write it down...it might be read...nothing's better left unsaid..." (Keith Reid) [/SIZE]
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
