What are you looking for......

[Heather Daniels]

............ when you post pictures?
Marleena's recent thread got me inspired to ask this question. As CD's.....we naturally have a vain streak in us. We love pictures, both of ourselves, and other cd's. We love seeing our own progress and that of others. Nothing wrong with that at all. I do it all the time.
What I'm curious about though is......when you post a picture, are you looking for constructive criticism, or do you just want everyone to oooohhhh and ahhhhh over you? IMHO...theres not enough honesty in regards to comments about pictures. No one wants to offend the poster, so all the comments are "oh girl you can pass anywhere"....... "you can go out anywhere and not raise any eyebrows" " totally passable girl,,,hubba hubba". Ok....you get my point right?
We do have some very attractive cd's here....no doubt about that, but we also have some members that really could use some advice and pointers. Why can't we be honest,and in a tactful way, suggest some things that need improved upon? I for one, know that I have a lot of room for improvement and hearing some suggestions as to how to achieve that improvement, would be helpful. Don't get me wrong.... I love hearing compliments, but helpful suggestions would be nice at times too. I think we are doing a disservice to some of our less experienced members by gushing false praise on them. We are all here to make some friends, gain some insight, and most importantly.......know that we are not alone and have the opportunity to talk to others that share this personality trait. There are countless cd's in the world and we really are the only people that understand what we go through. No one can possibly understand what it's like being this way, except us !!
Soooooooo.....what is it that you want when you post a picture? False or half hearted praise, or constructive criticism? Just curious.

[NathalieX66]

I started taking pictures of me for the plain and simple reason of validating myself as a female side of me.
When I'm at work in the corprorate enviroment as my guy side, I am female in the world of cyberspace 24/7/365.
I also want to demonstrate to people, by my own personal experience, that you can go out into the public eye and you do it too. I do go out as a girl a couple times a month.

I also know that therre are a few photogs out there that will take lovely pics of anyone in the most challenging situations, and turn them into absolute dolls...... Amanda Richards in eastern Pennsylvania comes to mind.

[Nikki A.]

I guess I'm looking for validation and constructive criticism. I don't think I'm that good looking or passable but if I can do a little better I would try to do different things. On the other hand I do what I do for myself not for others.

[RenneB]

It's been a long journey from the closet to being out and about and I just want to give other site members the idea that you can go out and you can do errands and ...... and not get struck by lightning.

I know what I look like and although I'm not the 'sharpest stick in the bunch', I do a lot better than a lot of GGs I see in the mall and the mart store. It's all about the 'tude. Hopefully I can inspire a couple of us to make it to being a daywalker...

Renne.....

[Marleena]

Heather, Bree Wagner actually posted a similar question that made me ask for feedback on my pictures. I'm not good at pictures so some of the commments were what I expected. It is for affirmation that we are getting somewhere with our dressing (at least in my case). All one has to do is ASK for honesty when posting their pics.

However there are some girls that ONLY post pictures and don't interact with others. So the only thing that matters to them is their pictures.

[Bree Wagner]

Heather,

I'll admit that I can be a bit vain when dressed up, but that's not what it's all about as you said. The kind words are great but constructive criticism on how to improve my image is all the better!

My post that Marleena referred to is here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ack&highlight= and has a lot of interesting thoughts on a very similar topic in it.

-Bree

[Rachel Renee]

Ah, a very good question. Though I have only posted a few pictures, I have asked myself the same question. What motivated me to do so? I was very much against taking pictures for a long time. I didn't even start until maybe a year ago and even then I thought, no way I'll ever post them. I guess I just got to the point where I really wanted others to see the "girl me". Until I posted my first pic via my avatar, no one had ever seen Rachel. It felt good. It gave me a little shot of confidence, which I needed. Maybe it was also a way for me to test the waters vis-a-vis my comfort level as I contemplated going out in public. Well, I am going out for the first time on Monday. Pictures will be taken and shared, likely out of surreal excitement.

[Josephine]

I am in total agreement with what you are saying. I see it a lot, people are not being honest about some people's photo's. One of the reasons I first joined this site was to get some "Real" assessments of myself. I am always looking for ways to improve, and would much rather have people be honest and tell the truth. Anyone should be able to see that when you have 3 to 8 nice comments, but 600 people that have looked and not said anything. At least a certain percentage of these people are choosing to say nothing at all, instead of telling the truth. Again, I am with you. Help me look and feel better by helping me to improve. Or tell me, "with all due respects", "Don't give up your day job honey", or "stay in the closet" Don't let someone go out in public looking like a goon with beard and mustache, wearing a dress and forms. Unless the girl doesn't care and/or is a great fighter!!
Josephine

[Krististeph]

A little advice is welcome- but to me, it is a sign of trust- when i post pix.

I'll never pass as a pretty young thing, but i LOVE trying to get there.

Say, I wonder if that is not something there- that the journey is perhaps more fun than the result?

Or as Pete Townshend would say in my favorite song of his A little is enough: '... The perfume nearly beats the taste..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0fEEDr0o2k

Man I love that song- such energy, honesty- sharing of his deep feelings. as successful as he was, i still think he is underrated in general. That is meant as a huge compliment, BTW.

False praise? I do not think so- we all know we are not GGs and will never be- but we all do this thing in common- support is good- you need to have a place to work WITH you- there are plenty of places that will give you negativity- this is not one of those places.

If a member wants an opinion of a particular subject they will ask. Okay, there are lots of exceptions- but unless there is blatant dishonesty- we are supporting each other.

Hey. you would not go out of your way to tell a rather un-pretty child she needs to work on her image- in that sort of manner, would you? Same thing here.

Personally, I am in awe of those who dress female and can pass in every other respect except for their body frame- and they do so regularly- and they do not care if anyone notices they are not a GG.

we (as a society, and as a special group here) to deal with the fact that there are more than 2 genders- I forgot how someone put it- but there is the genetic self, the projected self, and the biological self- 3 sets of genders- 2 to the third power- 8 genders.
As for your last sentence- hopefully someone will like some part of the image- and if i ask, they will offer advice about what non-conformity is most prominent.

But having said all that- as long as no one slams me, or tries to make me feel little... I'd hang out with the people here sooner than my siblings. we are still in a growth stage as the CD community- the chinese curse of living in 'interesting' times. But we are growing- evolving.

Very nice, thought provoking question. Have you ever wondered if you would make a good therapist?

kristi

[jaye_cd]

Fashion tips! Someday I will probably post in an outfit that garners at least one reply of "Please do not ever wear that again. I would rather scoop out my eyes with a rusted fork then see you in that."

But seriously, I like to think that if I can feel how I feel about my own self image and then find the courage to share it with others here, then maybe it will help give someone else the courage to be themselves and give them a little more confidence.

[Heather Daniels]

Validation. VALIDATION!!! That's what I was missing. It IS about validation !
......... at least I think it is.....it's late....I better sleep on it.

[Simply Joslyn]

Oh I love all the nice comments I get, when I post pictures I mostly see just the guy in me wearing a dress so constructive criticism would help alot I'm always looking for my flaws and hope someone will point out any they find, criticism helps us grow, for example your not exactly gonna hit the gym till that first person calls you fat correct, we all accept who we are and most of us are happy with ourself but if no one tells us something is wrong how do we know? Now I appreciate the compliments as much as any girl around her does, but like you said to grow we need that criticism to further ourself, i just hope I don't look like a bag of trash and you all are being the most accepting sanitation department int the world. (we take all trash, whether it be nuclear, toxic or just plain stanky, so come on down to bobs trash world and start disposing, decomposing, and de...de...detrashing? today!)

[Heather Daniels]

Kristi,
Me a therapist ? LOL

[Joanna Maguire]

I think most of us girls are vain both us CDs and ggs. After all we must try to look our best at all times if we are to appear even slightly beautiful especially in public
Hours spent of choosing what to wear or buy. Doing our hair and makeup etc. touching up our lipstick or face powder Mirror mirrors on the wall furtive glances in reflections in reflections in glass windows as we passby. Don't want others to stare at us Yet we want to be seen in all our glory.
The most " vain" place I have been and admired my self and compared myself to other girls and how we are dressed is in the ladies powder rooms at The Sydney Opera house Wall to ceiling mirrors about at the very least 20 metres long on the back wall Over the wash basins vanity mirrors to the ceiling. Us ladies can see our full length reflections front side and rear s All so well lit so we can see every detail. We can admire ourselves and not so secretly admire or bitch about the other ladies in the crowded room before ,in between acts and after the show. There are at least 4or more such ladies powder rooms that I have visited several times in the Sydney Opera House. No one commented anytime about me being a man in a dress. Us girls often chatted and talked to each other Admiring each others evening dresses or bitching about other ladies in the room both unknown famous rich and poor. A ladies heaven where no man in drab would ever dare to enter. Indeed when in Sydney to dine near the Opera house climbed the long front entrance stairway in my high heels Ive visited the powder rooms there just to admire myself in the mirrors. After all The mirrors are for us to admire ourselves Never been in the Mens there.Why would men need such mirrors any way as they are in too much of a hurry to admire the ladies in the foyer and to buy them champagne. Several times men have tried to buy me and my partner drinks. Which of course we often accepted.If we as usual did not like them We would hastely retreat into the theatre or dash back into the long que into the ladies powder rooms where as I said no man would dare to go Oh! as we all know its fun to be and go out in public when we get up the courage to take that first step s out the door at home or the car to go out where the ladies all congregate Act like behave a dress like a lady amongst ladies and you will treated like a lady. Ive never had any problems even when I know a few ladies inevitably realise I am not what I seem to be Even snooty waiters and Matre'ds as long as we have books a table An expensive wonderful night. A new dress need for every occasion and a visit to a hairdressers maybe even for a full make over if needed.
Joanna

[Jane G]

I'm still very much in the closet after 45 years of dressing. One of my happiest moments was the pure joy I experienced reading the positive, if slightly bias, comments that I received from my first ever picture post on here, a few years ago. I've read some cruel, if honest, feedback on other sites and I for one don't seek that from the members here. If someone specifically asks for constructive criticism then I do try to give it.

However from a personnel perspective, keep the rose tinted spectacles firmly on please.

[Chardonnay Merlot]

Mainly, I look for 60% tips to improve my look and/or ideas for an out fit and 40% "damn girl, YOU BETTA WORK!"

I'm vain in my male clothes (I call it "Decepticon Mode" I never could understand the term "drab". I feel special and dynamic no matter which gender I'm presenting in ) But there is something about the creativity involved in building that look that inside your imagination and seeing it come out before you. That's one of the reason why I enjoy dressing up and having a good girl out.

To have others point out that you look good or they like the outfit? Its the beautiful, affirming thing amid so much ugliness, rancor and disapproval that out there in the world.

[suzy1]

All the compliments I can get! I am the vainest b***h on the forum.

And the most honest one when commenting in this thread perhaps?

Isn't life fun!

[sierra_g]

I totally admit, my thread about my (hopefully not!) failing marriage was neither the time nor the place to ask for comments on my avatar. The avatar is my eyes when my wife did my makeup for the first time. I truly felt like a million dollars, and it was a moment when my SO actually accepted my lifestyle choice to a point.

I used to be a member of Fark, Hacker Network, Gaia, and Science Forum, all great forums. When I changed my avatar, there was nothing less than 10 posts and/or private messages about it. It truly was gossip, pure and simple. Rarely did I ever get real feedback, what I was essentially looking for. I guess that is always what I am looking for, both here and everywhere else. Bad or good, please let me know what could be done differently, in your opinion (and don't get mad if I don't follow your suggestions). I went to art school for game design. I love constructive criticism. It is truly the only way I get better.

[noeleena]

Hi,

The only time ill show a photo of my self is to show others what i look like so when they see me they will know who i am, ooops my avata , or to show some of my period garb /clothes i wear.

other than that no & to put it quite bluntly i dont like how i look never did , though im a woman i dont have female facial features .

Two weeks ago we had a night out 30 of us many from our Edwardian group , yes all dressed up. & a sit down meala nice evening , in rememberance of the sinking of the Titanic , i do the photography for our group & many others,

Now dont get me wrong i dress nicely & my outfit was nice & yes i get lovely comments . my point is one of our members took a photo of me while i was doing my photography , & she gave me a copy,. well i did not like it though she said it was good.

i know what my problem is im ashamed of how i look. its not the clothes its just myself, i know i dont look right im a women whos too masculine facial wise. body wise is great no probs there,.
Thats the main reason i dont do pics,or show them.

im off to Austraila in 15 days & yes to a dressers & trans get to gether, 80 of us , im in charge of photography. so there wont be many pics of my self,

as it is im feeling out of it before i even go. yea i get very embarrist about how i look , i am a very strong woman , yet this throws me , well , im being very honest. so there you have it, most if not all of our group will be dressing to the hilt & i know they have lovely outfits . so im just glad ill be behind my camara's .
just writeing this churns me up. i live with it ,doing any thing about this is another matter,

Ill be traviling about 5400 miles by plane 's 4 of, car, trains 2 off,, On one plane flight ill be wearing my wench outfit yes Renaissance so yes ill be looked at by allmost every one, & iv done it before. so i know what to expect. that i can handle .



...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

Not much Hon. Basically just to show others that, hey, if I can do it, anyone can.

[Piora]

I started taking pictures of me for the plain and simple reason of validating myself as a female side of me.

That's a good perspective, Nathalie. I think that's true for me, and most others on the site.

I guess I'm looking for validation and constructive criticism. I don't think I'm that good looking or passable but if I can do a little better I would try to do different things. On the other hand I do what I do for myself not for others.

And yet another good point. I don't often post pictures, but I am honestly looking for constructive criticism. I would not want compliments if they were not sincere, and on the other hand, I hope that I would receive comments and suggestions of the constructive sort.

Heather, Bree Wagner actually posted a similar question that made me ask for feedback on my pictures. I'm not good at pictures so some of the comments were what I expected. It is for affirmation that we are getting somewhere with our dressing (at least in my case). All one has to do is ASK for honesty when posting their pics.

Yes, that's true. I don't think that we are being fair with our fellow members if we just post flattering comments, and don't gently make some suggestions about how they could have improved a look, or better accessorized an outfit. When I comment, I am sincere, and really do mean what I say. I don't give positive comments, simply because I have a friendship with a particular member. Also, when I post how much I like a look or an outfit, I am genuinely thrilled that they look good or are wearing something that flatters their figure.

Oh I love all the nice comments I get, when I post pictures I mostly see just the guy in me wearing a dress so constructive criticism would help a lot.

Well, we all have a tendency to be our own worst critics, right? However, Midnight - your avatar shows you to be far distant from looking like a 'guy in a dress'. Truth be told, I do enjoy the positive feedback when I post pictures, but I always appreciate it when someone has a suggestion about how I could have improved my look.

[Sarah C.]

Good question, especially since I just shared a bunch of pictures recently! I've only posted pictures from 2 events so far - the first was dressing at home and the second was from a recent photo shoot.

I posted the first ones I think mostly so that people can put a face to my name. I'm trying to get more involved in the forum, and I know I like to see a face to go with comments - for me it just helps to make things more personal. I was also lookng for some feedback as well, as I really want to work on becoming as presentable as possible.

The second pic's I posted, well, I have to admit, there was some vanity there! My photographer did such an amazing job, and I did want to show off a bit. The positive feedback I received did make me feel very good about myself, so that was a great boost for me.

I do intend to share some more "everyday" type pictures, and when I do, I'll be looking for constructive critisizm. Makeup and putting full outfits together are still things that are quite new to me, so I definitely would appreciate any help I can get!

Cheers!
Sarah C.

[Cheryl T]

For me it depends on the pic I post.
Sometimes it's to show a particular outfit, sometimes to show that I indeed do venture into the world since I frequently tell others it's not so horrible, sometimes it's just to participate in the theme of the thread (Risky Business for example) and other times just 'cause I want to. I'm not soliciting comment or critique, but I accept all that is offered in the spirit of friendship.

[Karren H]

Actually I'm looking for a used John Deere lawn tractor..... But when I post I photo I want everyone to rave over it and tell me I'm pretty! Lol.

[NicoleScott]

I like the idea of putting a face to the name, as Sarah C. said (post #22). I like seeing pics of other CD's, but I respect the many good reasons why some CD's don't want to post their face.
Heather, whether intentional or not, your post seems to focus on only one aspect of CDing, trying to look as passable as possible. There are large numbers of others whose aim is different. Some like to dress only, that is, no wig or makeup, because they like the feeling of wearing the clothes. If criticism was offered only with the object of passing in mind ("Hey dude in a dress, get some makeup and a wig"), it would be unfair. Same with those who like to display pics that show their particular interest or aspect of CDing, such as specialty wear like cheerleader, maid, or schoolgirl outfits, or the androgynous look, or showing only their particular interest, like legs or shoes or nails.
Other CD's would love to blend better but are inhibited by their size, hair, mannerisms, and other features that limit their passability. Still, they want to show who they are. Hey, if we wanted criticism (in the name of honesty) we don't need to come here, we can go public or in some cases, just stay home.
I have been handed criticism that was not solicited, like "too much makeup". I don't respond, but if I did I would ask "too much for what?" Well, for passing. That's not my intent. I love the over-the-top look, and I recognize that it doesn't pass well. There are plenty of other CD's like me who dress for reasons other than to blend in public. My pics show who I am, and my particular area of interest.
The rules aren't different for CD's. If we are asked for constructive criticism about anything, then it's Ok to give it, nicely and constructively, and not used as permission to slam.