[SIZE="2"]“There’s an old Spanish saying: “If it has a beard, it’s a man; if there’s no beard, it’s a woman...” This expression is incredible, isn’t it?” (Pablo Picasso)
I was at Walgreen’s the other night, accompanying my sister on a pharmaceutical expedition, and I found myself wandering around the store, looking at anything and everything. I was gazing at the magazines, and one of the covers featured a rather leggy young woman in a very short dress, smiling as though she was embarrassed, uncertain, or surprised she was revealing so much. This got me thinking, since we’re being shown something, in a certain way, for a certain reason – are women obliged to show their legs? I wonder. THEY are the ones with the obligatory short dresses, short skirts, and short shorts, so did someone, at some point, decide that females reveal and not conceal themselves? Who is rendering a service, and for whom?
OK, let’s get out the dictionary – to oblige is to constrain by physical, legal, or moral force, or to bring under obligation. When you oblige someone you do them a favor, or you accommodate them in some way, in fact you are compelled or constrained to do so. The more I think about this, the idea of obligation seems to be at the heart of all the problems MtF crossdressers face in the so-called “real” world. The latter is full of obligations, namely those contracts, promises, or moral responsibilities that bind everyone. You are obligated to do your “duty,” legally or socially, and everyone is watching you. You are compelled to be obliging, unless you’re a miscreant, always ready to be of service, civil, eager to please others, and unswervingly complaisant...
Let’s get back to that young woman in the short dress – in regards to moral responsibility, or an unwritten law that compels her to reveal her body, is she obligated to be so...exposed? I assume that males, somewhere along the way, laid down the guidelines for obligatory behavior, so they, I assume, wish to see female legs. Are females obligated to have longer hair than males? Are they obligated to wear clothes that are impractical for cold weather, all in an effort to satisfy these obligations, these societal accommodations, which push the genders apart and keep them there? If I see a female out in the world, she is invariably revealing something, rendering a service in the process, either by encouraging other (male) obligations, or simply wanting to make others happy. Is SHE happy, constrained by her obligatory presentations?
Enter the MtF crossdresser, and he (I mean she) likes to wear female clothing. In doing so he (she) is appropriating female obligations, or turning them upside down in an unintentional effort to upset societal mores, moral responsibilities, and legal constraints. Pity the poor male – he is obliged to have facial hair (see the quoted text above), turn away from anything even remotely effeminate, eschew softness for toughness, worship “cool” at the temple of his choosing, and go to great lengths to fit in with the rest of the male cattle, no doubt decorating his skin with the appropriate branding (via tattoos). Poor booby – they even took the nice colors away from him, replacing them with obligatory drab hues that express suppressed emotion and a need to root out and destroy all weakness. When in combat, or an athletic contest of some sort, the male is obliged to apply paint under his eyes, making him look (and feel) like a warrior. If, however, he wishes to apply paint ABOVE his eyes, all bets are off...
MtF crossdressing is, at heart, a tacit turning-away from obligations, doing your “self” a service in the process. This is good, but it upsets the proverbial apple cart, going, as it does, against all those societal contracts you entered in to along a “normal” life path. Here in my little Kansas town, I bought a house, and I live in a quiet neighborhood. I am obliged to be a model citizen, not bother anyone, not frighten the children (who have yet to learn of their obligations), and not cause a societal wake by wearing my favorite girly outfits in public. I desire to see others happy, and I wish to be happy myself, so I oblige them. In my way of thinking, I’m doing both of us a favor, since outsiders are not obligated to understand crossdressing, and I am not obligated to be the designated spokesperson for deviancy. In other words, I constrain myself...
I’m not married, and I have no children, but what if I was married? I will have entered into a contract (of sorts), stating that I am male, and I really, really, really should REMAIN male for the good of the contract, and the relationship. The other party, the female, expects this (my apologies to proponents of same-sex marriage). When he wears, or desires to wear, her clothes, what happens to those promises you made, or the outward appearance you were obligated to put forth for HER benefit? Have you breached the contract by dressing against your gender? It is indeed a slippery slope, and I hope she is compassionate enough to throw you a lifeline, maybe even seeing love as a kind of obligation, compelling one to forgive, accept, and move forward. From my vantage point as a single crossdresser, I see males and females kept apart by obligations, some of them downright stifling, but these constraints seem to fuel the progress of civilization, itself a façade built upon obligatory assumptions and immorality...
One more thing – when you’re dressed, and look in the mirror, do obligations get in the way of enjoying your crossdressing? There are times when I think, “What happened to me?” only to smile and swish my girly skirt around, giggling like a pre-adolescent. As a male, I am obligated to not like these pretty things; in fact I am obligated to see females distantly, like sexual targets, while I move in for the socially-acceptable “kill.” I am obliged to want to bond with other males, go places I really don’t want to go, and do things I would rather leave to less gender-adventurous types. I am also compelled to watch sports, enjoy violence, look up to all leaders, and distrust my individuality. But, something is wrong, and I am obligated to obey my inner yearnings to be softer, gentler, civil (I admit it), yielding, quiet, and all things males are not supposed to be. To me, it is more important to obey these deep-seated longings, even though doing so will cause friction with outsiders steeped in their own obligations...
So, I continue to apply paint (shadow) above my eyes, in direct defiance of my obligations as a male. I also paint my lips, style my overly-long wig hair, dangle dainty earrings from my ears, alter my curves with all the necessary enhancements, and step into shoes that are impossibly tiny and impractical. Of course, once I’m dressed, there’s plenty of leg showing, albeit in a carefully orchestrated display of feminine modesty – after all, a girl must be aware of her obligations, right?
What do you think about obligations, specifically YOUR obligations?
PS – As far as I know, Picasso never grew a beard during his long life – does this mean he was actually a woman?[/SIZE]
Originally Posted by Frédérique
[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
[/SIZE]
