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  1. #1
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Ask-a-gg

    During 2010 and 2011 we had a thread series that involved the CDers asking the GGs a number of questions that weren't directly related to relationship issues (which would normally have been posted directly by the CDers in the Loved Ones section) about a variety of topics: makeup, clothing, the different aspects of being a GG, what GGs think of the CDing, if GGs ever have CDing fantasies themselves, questions about specific GG experiences, in short over 75 questions in all.

    Here's the thread that is now closed, with links to every question that was asked of the GGs:
    http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...G-s&highlight=

    There has been some interest in reviving a question/answer thread. The mods got together and decided to create a sticky in the main M2F CD section where this time the GGs can answer directly. It's less complicated that way. We're keeping this thread as a sticky because the majority of our FABs do not pore over each and every thread in all of the M2F areas on a daily basis and so it will be easier for them to find the individual questions. And we're keeping it in the M2F since this seems as good a place as any, given the wide variety of subject matters.

    So, have at it folks, I'll post an announcement in FAB asking the GGs to check this thread periodically in order to answer your questions.

    Note to the CDers: this is a question/answer thread only. You may ask any question you wish within the forum rules, but please do not comment on individual answers so as to not cloud up the thread with potential "discussions". If you must respond to a particular GG about what she has said, please do so via PM. If any of the questions/answers strike you as being "discussion worthy", please start a separate thread for this in the M2F section with a link to the specific question or answer as a reference point, if necessary.

    Enjoy!
    Reine

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    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

    So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    Last edited by BRANDYJ; 05-01-2012 at 07:15 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post
    I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

    So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    I actually like the MTF board the best, I come here to understand the CDing mind and who better to ask than the people who do it daily! I have learned SO much and everyone has been very supportive. I also check out the beauty club and the photo board, what GG doesn't like make up and clothes!

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    Member LaurenB's Avatar
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    Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?

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    FAB Moderator/ Eryn's GG Mimi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenB View Post
    Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?
    It wouldn't bother me to have my spouse involved in different activities from me if we didn't share the same interests. There is nothing worse than a resentful spouse at an activity that bores them when they are attending the activity because it is expected that they have to do everything together. At the same time, it is important for the couple to also find things that they do enjoy doing together, so there is a balance--her activities she does without you, your activities you do without her, and the shared activities you both enjoy. It is also important that you both feel free to discuss what you did at your separate activities so there is no feeling of secrecy, or that one of you is hiding something from the other.

    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post
    I think this is a fantastic idea! Thank you Mods! I miss reading the questions and the answers from out GG members in the old format. Frankly, I enjoy reading anything from a GG then from other CD's. Hey, don't hate me for it, but I get so bored with some of the what are you wearing type threads. To get into the minds of our beloved GG members is educational and very interesting.

    So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    I prefer the Loved Ones forum to the other sections because I feel that I can relate to more of the posts. Much of what is discussed in the MtF forums doesn't apply to me. That's fine--I'm not bothered by it, I just don't read many of the posts. As for support--I do get more support from FAB because that's the purpose of FAB--a place where we can vent or ask questions or be there for each other without fear of offending or upsetting the other members of this site.
    Last edited by Mimi; 05-02-2012 at 01:46 AM.

  6. #6
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post

    So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    For me when I first joined and now I get more support from the FAB section. As for loved ones I don't read a lot in there unless something catches my eye, I do read the MtF a lot though as being a seasoned GG not much in that forum phases me.

    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenB View Post
    Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?
    I would be fine with it. I do agree with Mimi in that couples also need something that they enjoy doing together
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    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Posted by Brandy J
    : I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    Just speaking for me . I feel in the loved ones and Fab we can interact more....listen to each others pov.
    In times past.....in other sections...I felt like I was talking to a wall. ......when we GG's were trying to explain a different way of looking at things and having a talk between us all...we were ignored ( felt like anyways)....with the cders just saying you go girl ect to each other.
    Disclaimer...not always but sometimes it happened...making you feel...why bother.

    [QUOTE Posted by LaurenB
    Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?]
    [/QUOTE]
    I would be fine with it because I get the why...you feel that way and I am not insecure whatsoever. But you know your wife best......if you think she might be a wee bit insecure...I would explain it just like you did to us.....and see what she feels about it.
    Last edited by Di; 05-02-2012 at 07:16 AM.
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    Arell Roberta Lynn's Avatar
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    There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

    My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

    What do you 'see'?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post
    There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

    My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

    What do you 'see'?
    I see my friend, but happier! He feels better and acts differently, it's great to see him get to let it out!

    I think that's a good point though, you need to see past all of the glitter, makeup and heels and just see the person on the inside, man, woman and any combination of the 2.

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post
    I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    I've learned so much here from everyone, the GGs, the CDers, the TSs, the staff, and everyone in between, lol. I can't say there is a section that I prefer over the others, although in times past when I've poured out my heart, I did this in FAB and got amazing support from the ladies.

    But, I've also gotten amazing support from the other ladies in this forum too! We have many, many remarkable people here.

    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenB View Post
    So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you?
    I would not feel threatened if the activities were with groups of people. I wouldn't feel threatened if the meetings were with just a single GG, provided they weren't arranged without my knowledge and if there was also an open invitation for me to join my SO and this GG (if I wished to do so). I would have an issue if my SO preferred to meet this other GG without me, or without wanting to tell me about it until after the fact, especially if I had met her and felt she was after my SO.

    I'm not normally a jealous person, but if I ever got a bad vibe about a particular GG that my SO had befriended and I told my SO this, I would want my SO to respect my feelings and prioritize them over wanting to continue meeting this other GG.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post
    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?
    My SO is always the same person to me. Always, no matter how he or she is dressed. I don't know how else to explain it other than I see all of my SO's gender expressions as being a fundamental part of him/her, just as much as basic personality traits. It's not about binary gender for my SO or me.
    Last edited by ReineD; 05-03-2012 at 05:41 AM.
    Reine

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    GG WifeofWrenchette's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenB View Post
    Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?
    I'd be jealous if it was just one GG, but not a group. My SO has many "online" female friends, but not IRL female friends. Which is fine with me. The online thing doesn't phase me at all. Most of those women are married and they talk about cars or music. Also, the male friends don't bother me when they are married, bu the single ones do. I get jealous easily.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post
    There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

    My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

    What do you 'see'?
    I see "francesca", a beautiful, kind woman.

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    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post

    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?
    I see my SO as the woman and person that she is.
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    Junior Member DCChris's Avatar
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    I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCChris View Post
    I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.
    Hmm. I hope the other ladies with forgive me for answering in a general sense, but I do want to share a general observation. We've had tons of (younger?) GGs post in the new GG intro section over the years who've given the impression they loved their bf's CDing, and this was a major attraction factor for them. The trouble is, these GGs join the forum, post a few times, and then disappear forever, which leads me to believe it is the excitement of "new love" that colors everything with rose-colored glasses ... and that for a variety of reasons (the new love effect wears off?) the relationships break up after a while, which is why they don't come back.

    While there may be some GGs who are specifically sexually attracted to males who present as females (more than males who present as males or if they are bi, more than other females), it is my observation from reading tons of posts here that for the most part, hetero or bi GGs who enthusiastically support the CDing even in the bedroom do learn to love all aspects of their SOs.
    Reine

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    Aspiring Member Silentpartner GG SO's Avatar
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    So now, feeling honored to ask the first question: I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    Brandy I tend to home in on posts that look interesting, the "what colour panties are you wearing today" kind of posts are of no interest to me at all - I call them "the pink fluff" . The Loved Ones and the MTF CD posts draw me in - sometimes they annoy the hell out of me though - when people make trite remarks to a serious question or get going on a GG/SO bashing session.

    I find great support and empathy in the FAB forum and it is a great refuge for me when I'm in a black place. However, there are some really lovely people here, both CD's TS's, TG's & GG's - I've had some great PM chats with several people on here and they have been open, honest , helpful and very supportive. I've had more support than I had ever hoped for from so many lovely people.

    There have been many threads where some crossdressers state they are a different person when they are dressed.

    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?

    My wife and I have been together over 45 years. She's know about my crossdressing for almost that long. I posed that question to her. Which opened up a real great conversation between us. She basically said that when I'm dressed she still sees her husband, just in a dress. I love my feminine side but honestly, for me, She 'sees' me just fine.

    What do you 'see'?
    Roberta Lynne, I dont really get the "different person" thing - that kind of suggests split personality to me - with regard to my husband, I just see him, whatever he is wearing, he doesnt change his personality. I just see him as a guy who has this part of him that likes to be feminine some of the time, just like some of the time he is quiet and some of the time he is funny, or silly or unhappy - its just who he is.

    Here's a question then. I am a CD and TG. I feel a strong female presence in myself. But I'm not TS or thinking SRS or radical changes. My wife is on board and she has been just great through this slow emergence. I've now let my female side out (not really cding but, well, just being me - a woman in my world) to other women. I have interests that are more typically female (ie Gardening - I love gardening). So I am expanding those interests and consequently am now among groups of women (there is like 20% men). I feel very at-home in groups of girls. No pressure, not much competition - good conversations - we talk family, kids, food, life etc. It's so good. I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?
    LaurenB - I'd be ok with this as long as I didnt feel excluded or that my SO was hiding something. However, my SO doesnt really have any female friends as such or hobbies that would put him in that sort of situation so this doesnt really come up. On the other hand I have always had male friends, I see them at social events and things to do with my hobbies, I have on line male friends - my OH is quite ok with this as he trust me completely.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DCChris View Post
    I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.
    I think younger GGs would more easliy accept a CDer, but I am 41, so not exactly young anymore. My mom is also accepting of it, she's 68 (?) but isn't in any sort of relationship, we've just talked about it because she's a psychologist. I think it's just how I was raised to be accepting of people in general and I teach my kids the same thing.

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    I would like to ask Reine, and the others this question.

    What percent of the mail population ether CDs, or is in a Trans state, or has had SRS?
    It just seems by all the people on this forum, that the numbers have to be great.
    About how many members do we have?
    Rader

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    To Rader, no one knows the true percentage, since so many crossdressers are in the closet. And among the TSs, the only real numbers we have are people who seek medical attention for the gender dysphoria.

    Estimates of the TG community at large range anywhere from one tenth of one percent, to one percent, to five percent, to ten percent, although this last number seems high to me, when I compare the number of TGs that I've come across in my life. The number of crossdressers is far greater than the number of transsexuals, but again, there are no real numbers.

    The statistics for our forum membership are located at the bottom of our Index page. We have over 27,000 members and about 7,000 have posted in the last three months. If you wish to know what parts of the forum are most active (CD vs. TS), just look at the number of threads & posts: about 70,000 threads in the CD section vs. 5,000 threads in the TS section.
    Reine

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by DCChris View Post
    I can appreciate the fact there is a HUGE variation in how ggs look at CDs. And I genuinely understand most of the reasons in those variations. My question is really posed to any gg here who is actually attracted to someone who CDs. Why are you attracted? What is it about someone who CDs that draws you toward them, rather than just simple acceptance of someone who might be in your life? And if you don't mind, does your age make any difference; are you generally younger in age? Thanks so much in advance.
    I am 16 years older than him and am fifty. I was attracted to him as a male. I didn't find out he crossdressed until 6 months after meeting him. I stayed because I loved him. It's a weird coincidence because I told my boss some 15 years earlier that I wanted both a wife and a husband. Now I have both

  20. #20
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    GGs - Ever been a Belle of the Ball?

    I don't know how, or if, such things are decided, but have you ever been to a formal event--a dance, a prom, a really ritzy party, etc., and felt like you were the best dressed woman there?

    What did that feel like?

    What did you wear?

  21. #21
    Silver Member Babeba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adrienner99 View Post
    GGs - Ever been a Belle of the Ball?

    I don't know how, or if, such things are decided, but have you ever been to a formal event--a dance, a prom, a really ritzy party, etc., and felt like you were the best dressed woman there?

    What did that feel like?

    What did you wear?
    You know, it's funny... I have some very cute clothes, I have been to some very fun parties... But I really tend not to link the two in my mind. (I can think of times when I have totally judged someone else for what they were wearing... Like the woman at a ladies' formal Christmas Banquet in an old fashioned Club who wore a minidress about two feet shorter than the buildig's dress code, no underwear and tried to hang all over these offduty firemen who were there raising money for a children's burn unit... That's a little different sort of thing, however. I don't want to get into **** shaming, but it seemed rather odd and sad.)

    I think if you're having an absolute blast, you've won. If you get a kick out of your outfit that adds to it, that's great too.

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    I do remember what I was wearing on one of the most memorable nights of my life. It seemed like everyone was drawn to me, and somehow I knew just how to connect with every person I met. In fact, I met a someone that I was romantically involved with for years after, who would always remind me of how beautiful I looked that evening. The outfit? A clingy skirt that made me look fat, and a top that had spaghetti straps. One of them broke and I had to pin it, but I only had a very fragile safety pin, the teensy gold kind you get at the cleaner's. I had planned on checking my wrap at the door, but had to wear it all night in fear that the strap would break, so I couldn't dance or move around much. Also, the clasp broke on my necklace and I lost it. I cannot think of any time in my life that I felt worse dressed, but all the same, that was my night.

    The times I've been belle of the ball, it was about clicking with people. You know all the times you think of the perfect thing to say after the fact, or get caught off guard when you find yourself in the spotlight? Well the belle-of-the-ball feeling is when you think of all the witty comments at just the right moment, say them within earshot of all the right people and attract positive attention from those you want to meet, one after another. It's like being in a cloud of light, with every moment dancing into the next. Looking good is part of it, seeing appreciation or admiration in other people's eyes, but it's not the whole thing. It's an inner confidence and radiance that draws people to you. I don't really know where it comes from; it's certainly not something I have all the time. But I think every woman has it now and then.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post
    I wonder if most of the GG's feel they get as much help and support from us CD's as they do from their own FAB section?
    And am I right to assume that most GG's prefer the LOVED ONES section to other Forum categories ? ( as I do)
    I think actually that the only section I ever read is the M2F section. But I like looking at pictures too, although sometimes the pics make me jealous. It's a weird sort of jealousy though. I just realized today what was causing the jealousy. Before today, I thought it was because I was jealous of the way that every body looks, and I mean "body" literally... Like, for example, I am envious of a CDer's option to have different sized boobs every day if they want them. t I'm not jealous about hair anymore because we have so many wigs in the house and we share, so I get to change my hair a lot too. But boob size makes the difference in different outfits. Like to me it seems that a loose flowy bohemian top calls for big boobs, but a baby doll dress requires small ones. The best I can do is buy a minimizer bra and lose circulation in my my arms all day to the point of my fingers going numb by the end of the day and having a panic attack. I did that this week actually. But no, my jealousy of the pics is that I wish I had a nice friendly place to be sexy, post sexy pics, and not have 1) men hit on me or 2) women hate me and think of me as ****ty for posting them. I think that it is a wonderful thing to be able to express your sexuality here. And so those are my two favorites, M2F and the pictures.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaurenB View Post
    I don't want my wife to feel insecure in any way but I value these relationships with other women. I'm committed to my wife totally. Totally. But she and I have different interests outside each other. So: would you feel insecure or jealous or whatever if it were you? I do talk to her about it. Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else. Thoughts?
    The only reason I would feel jealous is if I was ever made to feel in any way unwelcome or uninvited to any events or 'spending time' with groups that involved other women. It's only the "unwelcome" feeling that would bother me. I have never understood 'boys night out' or 'girls night out' type things because I feel that there is nothing in the world that I would want to do where my SO should not be welcomed. and vice versa. He may not want to go to bellydancing class with me in particular, but he is absolutely welcome to go. I may not want to go to some particular movie with him and his friends or to some particular bar, but if I was told I could not go to a club with him, or didn't feel welcome by his friends, I would be suspicious. I wouldn't need to actually be invited in order to feel secure and welcomed, it's more like, if anything was said by him or anyone else that made it seem like they didn't want me around, then it would bother me deeply. If my SO was really into football, I would never go to any football events, for sure. Or Superbowl parties and the like. I hate football. Luckily he does too. But like, if I felt like... unwelcome... I would wonder what was going on to make them not want me there. In my experience, 'boys night out' is an excuse to 'escape' the SO and act single, and even pick up one night stands. I've had enough married men try to pick me up on their little boy's night out that I feel justified in feeling this way. I have had enough men confide in me that they have done the same to others, that I feel justified in feeling this way. If people feel the need to feel single then they probably shouldn't be in a relationship. But that doesn't mean you don't have different interests and still love each other though, not at all. Time apart with different hobbies can strengthen a relationship I think. Just as long as you are always welcomed, and she is also, then if she chooses not to attend because she is not interested, that's absolutely not a big deal. I hope that makes sense in some weird way. The only times I have ever been jealous or insecure in my life have been because of unwelcome feelings from previous SO's or the people they were hanging around...

    Except a warning. You say "Only she knows me in a complete vulnerable way and I couldn't imagine that with anyone else." The warning is this. I've thought similar things many times before. And then I learned that I was wrong. I started imagining. And then it happened. So I keep myself closed off from that kind of opportunity and sometimes, it can be really hard... The world is full of magical, amazing, wonderful, attractive, and willing people who have many common interests with you. In my entire life before now, I know that what I wanted was connections with all of those people, and it inevitably led to sex. I didn't want a marriage, I wanted to hang out with men that I had lots in common with, share wonderful intense bonds, and then part ways with lots of memories and learning. Now I want a marriage. And a marriage to me, means that my husband is always welcome, no matter what I am doing. I am always welcome, no matter what he is doing. But we do not always have to be together. I should know all of my husbands female friends, and I should know their history. And vice versa. And I should be allowed to speak openly about what I feel the other women's motives are, and I should be believed by my husband if I say that they are not just gardening. Call it a woman's intuition. It's not insecurity, it's intuition. And if I tell my husband that a certain woman that I think that another woman's motives in particular are not just those surface ones that you think you share, and my husband does not believe me, then I am right to also question his motives.

    This coming from a woman who has abandonment issues. So take it with that grain of salt.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roberta Lynn View Post
    How do you 'see' your SO? Is she a different person? Woman? girlfriend? Guy with a rather unusual hobby?
    I just lost my original response to this and I have no idea what happened, the screen flashed and it was gone. *POOF*. I will try this again, but it may not come out as well as the first time because it was reeally hard to answer. The best questions usually are.

    I knew when I first met my SO in like 1993 that he was special. And I knew that it had to do with gender. But I didn't know any more than that.

    When my SO is feeling masculine, I know it. Sure, he's unshaven and has long nose hairs. That's easy for anyone to see. But if there was no such thing as facial hair, I'd still know. It's in his eyes. When he's feeling feminine, his eyes are softer, they're shaped differently, and I'm not talking about makeup. It's in his stance, and not because of the skirt. It's in the way his feet pat the floor instead of pound. Even if he's wearing the same shoes as he was the day before. I know. It's in his voice too, even though he doesn't change his voice ever. It's just softer, more intimate. Less edgy. His sense of humor is different too, but he'd never know it.

    But that doesn't answer your question.

    Hindu mythology has many examples of deities changing gender, manifesting as different genders at different times, and this idea has always completely fascinated me. The gods are the same, no matter if they are male or female, they represent the same thing, but to me, the idea that they are both masculine and feminine symbolized completeness to me. Subtract time from the equation of the god and what you have is a picture of the complete.

    So without the paragraph above, if I had just answered that when I see my SO as a woman, I see him as complete, it would have given the wrong impression. It's not that he, as a person, is completed because he is wearing women's clothes. He is not made a complete person by this in my mind. What I see, is a symbol of the complete.

    And I know that I am in love with a superb being.

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