It depends on the mood im in.
Sometimes I can get dressed, and I truly dont feel sexy
although I have a really good hour glass figure for a 50 year old lol
But its the way my H looks at me that makes me feel sexy.
If i have to dress I bring flat shoes and put these on after a few mins.
I would never ever dress up girly unless I really have to.
I run / jog a lot so im mostly in running comfy gear.
I am Loved because I am me, not just because I accept.
I honestly cannot wait to get out the clothes and get the makeup off...it's just not for me they don't make me feel uncomfortable or stressed I just don't like being dressed up to the nines.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
I dont even own a dress so getting glammed up is really not something I do at all. I always like to make sure my hair, make-up and nails are ok though. I much prefer comfy clothing that - as others have said - doesnt need constant adjustment to feel comfortable.
To Jennifer's wife: please do join in, I am sure you will have lots to offer and as the wife of one of the most sensible, down to earth, 'normal' CD'ers here you must surely be a very rational and tollerant person.
I have turned nowadays to a feminine dresser 24/7! not girly though. But I wear dresses on a day to day bases when going out to shop or dinner. Work clothes are a different story as well as home clothes college trousers and t.shirts... However in party mode, I wear the same clothes as in normal town mode combined with heels and make up. it makes me feel quite glamorous even though it is the same dress. I guess it is the heels that does it for the feel and its the make up that does the finishing touches. I don't wear make up during the day, sometimes when going out to town for shopping. Jewelry I don't wear much in general and modest in all occasions. I rather have a few quality pieces than a lot of glitter and glam from the 1 dollar store. The final cherry on the cake is when I curl my long hair. That makes me feel like a princess
Girls just want to have fun. Yes also the GG ones
I dressed up before kids, though I wasn't wearing a cocktail dress or anything - just the usual nice fashion of the moment. Now it's not practical to wear dresses and heels (I don't wear those anymore as my kids would escape me, lol) and to be honest I don't miss the dressing up as life is just more comfortable and simple now.
When I do get dolled up for a night out with a girlfriend, I guess I do feel sexier and better about myself even if I do feel physically a little uncomfortable and miss my jeans and flats. As I wrote in another thread, part of the allure is knowing I might turn a male head or two, or the hubby's if he's lucky
Which reminds me, it's been forever since we did that!
Last edited by Tinkerbell-GG; 05-04-2014 at 10:52 PM.
I used to dress up in suits and dresses for work ( heels) but nowadays I wear jeans or skirts and more casual shoes for everyday.
Dressing up is fun sometimesFeel special but really can not wait to take them off lol.How do you feel on those occasions when you DO dress up in special or fancy clothes? Do the clothes make you feel special or sexy, or do they make you feel uncomfortable and stressed?
Just always feel like me.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
F.A.B. Forum Access
Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
Hello Ladies!
I would like to add some more jewelry to my meager collection which only consists of a pair of triple pearl/gold dangly earrings and a couple of dollar store pearl bracelets. Do you buy according to "what you like" (with no regards as to whether the item will go with a current outfit), or "what you think might look good with a given outfit", or a combination of both? I know we usually don't buy anything that we don't like but I'm wondering if there's a "system" or "correct" way to buying jewelry.
Also, Bracelets...........typically worn on only one wrist or both? Is there some "rule"?
Thanks for your help!!
I used to buy jewelry if it was pretty or interesting, but now I mostly am trying to fill gaps -- if I have outfits I like, I look for particular jewelry that will look striking with that particular outfit.
I don't have a lot of jewelry, but I have enough variation in necklaces (3 or 4 different lengths) to go with any neckline (there are just so many possible necklines that a top can have). I also have earrings of different lengths to go with different necklines. Most of my jewelry can go with everything that I wear ... either gold or silver and in neutral colors if there is a stone. I will avoid, for example, buying bright pink earrings just to go with one bright pink top. This is not practical for me, and is also too "matchy-matchy" (not interesting).
You can wear bracelets on either arm, and in any combination and style that you like. You can even wear multiple rings on each hand if you want to.
I stay away from the glitzy bling type jewelry. It looks too gaudy for me, especially on someone past college age. And I think that a woman CAN wear too much jewelry. Less is more in my book, for example if I'm wearing a more elaborate earring, I'll forego the necklace. Or, I'll forego the necklace if there is some embellishment on my top. The eye needs a focus point to go to and when there is too much, it takes away from the possibility of a stunning effect.
Reine
I definitely do both. I have some "statement" necklaces that definitely don't match with a lot or that I just have to wear a solid shirt with, and I also have more simple short necklaces with a small pendant on them, or a more simple long chain necklace. If you're only buying a few staple pieces for yourself, it's probably better to just get more simple things that you can match with more items of clothing. There's definitely no correct way of buying jewelry, you're drawn to what you like but you have to be practical sometimes too.
In terms of bracelets, you can definitely wear on both wrists. For me personally, I always wear a watch on my left wrist, so I tend to only wear bracelets on my right wrist. There's no rule that I'm aware of, but I'm also no fashion expert haha.
Fyi- Not sure if they have these stores where you live, but I get a lot of really cheap jewelry at forever 21. I got a pack of a few bracelets for $4 yesterday, and I've gotten necklaces for $3. So if you want some stylish things that aren't too expensive, that can be a good place to look!
Thanks a bunch on the jewelry info, Ladies! I will shop with confidence now!
Why do nonsupportive SOs do this??
I was reading some posts at another forum where women rant about how the problems they have with their CDHs. There seems to be three major themes:
1. Why did they conduct this deception against me for so long? This is generally followed by saying that they couldn't have been heterosexual and they have serious mental problems. (Actually most CDs did not tell their SOs because they never told anyone. They tried and tried to heal themselves, and they hoped it would go away once they got married. By the time they tell their SOs it is because they have decided not to fight this anymore.)
2. Then the women blame themselves for their man's condition. They believe they should have been able to fulfill all of their man's sexual needs, and if their man is getting gratification from cross-dressing then he must be cheating. He is using objects as a substitute for his need for human intimacy. (Actually most cross-dressers have been this way long before they hit puberty. This condition was hard-wired into their brains before they were conscious of their sexuality. So its not merely a matter of fulfilling a sexual need.)
3. Finally the women see their husband's female alter-ego as competition. They'll say, "He's a narcissist - he is in love with himself as a woman. How can I compete against that?" Then they give their cross-dressing man the big ultimatum, "either 'she' goes, or I do." (No cross-dressers would ever have this "either/or" perspective. They want both/and. They want their gg to participate in their cross-dressing adventures. They fantasize about shopping, and socializing with their wives when they cross-dress.)
If more women would understand that this condition is (1) not part of insidious deception, (2) not their fault, and (3) not their competition, then we (cross-dressers) would have much less problems with non-supportive wives. Am I missing some other major issues? I would be interested in your perspectives and interested in your recommendations about how these problems should be resolved.
@Confucius,
I don't think my husband's cross-dressing is some huge deception; I don't think it's my fault; and I don't think "she" is my competition.
Nevertheless, I don't like spending time with her -- it feels to me like spending time with a new person, someone I don't particularly like. She does not feel like my husband. She feels to me like a different person, like that annoying colleague who you wish would just quit already. I get less time with my husband than I want, but as time goes by, that bothers me less and less, as I get used to living my own life, while my husband does his own thing.
I still get enough time with him that I'm not deeply unhappy. But I'm definitely less happy than I used to be in this marriage. We'll see where it goes; I can feel myself adjusting to the idea of living without him, if it comes to that.
JessM thanks for your thoughtful response.
It sounds as if your husband's personality changes when he crossdresses. That is something that doesn't happen to me or many others. I just see myself as a man in a dress. I really don't understand the need to use a female name, or change into a feminine personality. I understand that many crossdressers inadvertently finds that their personality changes. They become more chatty, display more social empathy, and are overall nicer persons. If so, then I believe that is due to the oxytocin neurotransmitters. I believe we have our brains hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. Then the brain releases a host of transmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and others) which are responsible for the sensations of well-being, gratification, pleasure, comfort, and bonding.
I believe that for a healthy husband/wife relationship there must be continual open lines of communication. The wife should set the boundaries for her husband's crossdressing, and the husband should do his best to live within her tolerances. I would expect my wife to let me know whenever something disturbs her, and I would honor her judgement.
I think you should let your husband know that his female alter-ego is annoying, and that his male side actually has a more pleasant personality. Tell him you would appreciate it if he maintained is male personality when he wears a dress. I like Grayson Perry as a good role model for crossdressing. He is an accomplished artist in England (winner of the Turner prize as well as appointed a Commander of the Order of the British Empire) and is married to an accomplished psychotherapist (Philippa Perry). Here is a link to an interview with Grayson where he expresses many of his thoughts - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G-2rgFLYzo
Hope this helps.
It's not the dress that changes him, it's the wig. And he knows how I feel, which is why he doesn't wear the wig much around me. Without the wig, he still feels like a man in a dress, and he acts like my husband.
But with the wig, he seems to feel like a woman, and he acts like a different person. He enjoys feeling like a woman, but I don't enjoy being with her.
Overall, I think we have a balance that works okay; I just know that I can't predict the future (because I never predicted we'd be at this point), so I don't take our future together for granted any more.
Suppose you were spending time with someone important to you, whether spouse, old friend, parent, child, whatever -- but instead of them bonding with you during your time together, you got the feeling they were bonding with their own alter-ego ("actual contact with a female"). Can you see how that might be off-putting?Originally Posted by Confucius
Thanks JessM
Earlier you said, you did not consider your SO's alter-ego as competition, yet in your last message you indicated that "she" actually WAS your competition. That is disturbing.
I understand that some crossdressers actually do fall in love with their female alter-ego and consider "her" needs as a real person (autogynephilia). If that is the case then he does need some professional help. He needs to be aware that you feel like his second love. He needs a little reality check to make sure his priorities are right - you should be the most important thing in his life. The situation reminds me of Charlotte von Mahlsdorf's autobiography,"I AM MY OWN WIFE". It is one step away from being a transsexual.
Keep the lines of communication open with your SO. Ask him about the changes in his personality associated with wigs. See if he feels "contact with a female" only when he wears a wig, or with other clothing (dress, lingerie, make-up, etc.). Talk with him about your insecurities with his apparent love relationship with his own alter-ego, and the possibility of him being a transsexual. Ask him if he would be okay in a relationship where YOU set the boundaries and limits to his crossdressing. (That's what I do, and it seems to work.)
I hope everything works out for you. Life is an adventure. Enjoy the ride, and keep in touch.
Nope, you misunderstand me -- I don't compete with "her" just as I don't compete with my husband's work, or any other way he chooses to spend his time.
You are the one who proposed that neuro-transmitters in a cross-dresser's brain let the CDer "bond" with his female alter-ego. I found that disturbing as an idea -- did I misunderstand you?
He's not in love with "her"; he enjoys being "her," the same way he might enjoy dressing up as a Klingon, learning to speak Klingon, and spending money traveling to Klingon conferences. Or dressing up as a Renaissance knight and going to Ren Fairs, or dressing up as a Civil War soldier and going to re-enactments. It makes him happy, and it doesn't hurt anyone. But it doesn't interest me, and so it means we share fewer interests than we used to, when he didn't have this interest.
Obeying your wife's boundaries may work for you. In my marriage, it wouldn't work for me to set boundaries for him. (We have a kinky BDSM relationship, where he is my dominant and I am the submissive.) I'm not interested in setting boundaries; I want him to do what he wants. But I let him know how I feel, so he can take that into consideration. As I said, he doesn't wear the wig around me much, because he knows it makes me uncomfortable. But if we go out together when he's dressed, he has to wear the wig to feel comfortable, so then I just suck it up and deal with going out with "her."
I'm sorry my situation disturbs you, but I'm not personally disturbed by our arrangements and I don't feel "insecure." Our lines of communication are open and fully functioning. I agree that life is an adventure -- but adventures aren't always delightful picnics. Sometimes they involve danger, and sometimes they involve loss.
Thanks for your good wishes.
Last edited by MatildaJ.; 05-14-2014 at 05:31 PM.
Hi JessM, and sorry for jumping in on your conversation with Confucius but I wonder, would it make a difference to you if your cross dresser husband was completely passable as a woman, what if he had long hair and not need a wig and just by doing his hair, could change into convincing woman, would that change your perspective on the issue you have with spending time with 'her'? Is it the fact that you find the whole CDing thing a little too absurd, like fun for laughs but a little pathetic to see your loved one pretend to be someone he's not? Thank you for your honesty
@JessM - A followup question to LittleMissJoanna's - is it that when your spouse presents as fully female, and her behavior shifts to "girl mode", the dynamic between the two of you changes in various ways that aren't comfortable? For example, if you enjoy being with a "large and in charge guy", but instead sometimes have to deal with an "giggly insecure teenage girl" instead, that would be uncomfortable for many women, and the bdsm aspect might suggest you are getting less of what you might want from the relationship, at that moment. (This wouldn't be limited to kink though - I know my own wife wanted to be married to a "John Wayne" type of man. A woman of any sort simply wasn't going to cut it with her.) Am I on the right track here?Is it the fact that you find the whole CDing thing a little too absurd, like fun for laughs but a little pathetic to see your loved one pretend to be someone he's not? Thank you for your honesty
I don't think so. I fell in love with a particular person, who walked and talked in a particular way. I don't believe we ever really get access to other people's souls -- we only know their personas, the way they present themselves. The more he looks (and sounds) like a different person from the one I married, the less connected I feel to him (even if inside, he's the same).
In contrast, changes due to aging are slow, and I don't find them hard to handle. But going back and forth between male & female presentations is hard for me. (Again, it's not the dress or the panties or the shoes -- it's when his face changes because of the wig, and when he speaks in a higher register to pass.)
He's never been a John Wayne guy, but yes, as a guy he carries himself with confidence and I like that. I'm not attracted to the tentative, insecure, badly socialized woman he sometimes presents as. Maybe over time his female persona will develop more self-confidence, and I'll be able to tolerate her better. But mostly that's up to him. I have an actual teenage girl in the house, and although I put up with my husband's crossdressing, I'm not able to act as his mother, his sister, or his BFF.
I also wanted to say that I don't think I should be the most important thing in my husband's life. Adults need to look out for their own needs. Loving myself is my first job, because I can't love anyone else if I don't love myself. And similarly, my husband needs to love himself (even the parts I don't care for) before he has can feel healthy and strong enough to love me.
Last edited by MatildaJ.; 05-14-2014 at 09:18 PM. Reason: remembered another point
I tried to post this with a quote of the relevant post earlier today, but teh intertoobz had other plans. I have a question for the ladies about wearing pantyhose. (Well, equal parts question and straw poll...)
When wearing pantyhose, is it considered "proper" to also wear panties with them? As an only child I obviously never heard the etiquette one way or the other, but in my dressing, I've always preferred without. When I suggested the idea of going without to my wife, she thought I was nuts. I always thought that the cotton gusset was there for a reason.
There can be dozens of reasons. They don't want a divorce for financial reasons, or because their children are young, or it is against their religious principles. Or they hope that the CDing is just a phase. But, no matter why these wives choose to stay, they must then rationalize the behavior. They don't realize that the CDing is a need to express a softer self, they think it's a sex thing. Or, it may even be a sex thing for their husbands.
To answer your three points, I think it is natural for a wife to feel upset if her husband hadn't told her earlier. The CDing is a pretty big thing, even if the CDer doesn't think it is. I also think it is normal for (some) wives to blame themselves. Even Ross Geller in the sitcom Friends, blamed himself when his wife left him for a woman. Last, if you've never been married to a CDer who went through a period of Pink Fog, where within a short period of time just about everything else took second place to the CDing (or so it seemed), then I can see why it would be difficult for you to understand why a wife would feel that she must compete with the CDing for her husband's attention. We have some wonderful husbands here who are considerate and who do a great job balancing everything. But, there are some CDers who don't and chances are, the women who complain the loudest are married to some of those CDers.
I don't think this would make any difference to a non-accepting spouse. If a spouse has it in her to accept, however, I should think she would prefer the non-fetish/non-street-walker wear, an absence of the platinum wig, and makeup that doesn't look painted on, if this is what you mean by passability.
Have a look at the following article. Near the end, it mentions why women wear panties. If you don't have any of those issues, then go without. But I should think you'd want the underwear to hold things in?
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/h...h-your-panties
Reine
Why do you not like "her"? Is there something in particular? I might be completely wrong but it seems as though you accept your husband being dressed as another person, so what is wrong with this 'other person' that you don't like? I'm curious because I have someone I'm in a relationship with and I came out to her (before the relationship went any further...) and she seems to be ok with the idea, but she's never met Melissa. What I don't want to do is become "that annoying other half" to her that turns her off and makes her unhappy.
Thanks,
~Mel
~Linebacker Melissa
I won't answer for Jess, but I can tell you why other wives have said the same thing.
Some of the CDers who become preoccupied (or seemingly obsessed) with the CDing, act like teenage girls. It seems as if it's the end of the world when they break a nail or if the hair isn't just right for example. They (some) get into hissy fits when things don't go their way and it seems as if all they want to do is talk about and do girly things. Some of the CDers actually change their behaviors when dressed (they become all gushy and "tee-hee"-like). And most wives don't want to be married to someone who behaves like a teenage girl. One GG told me once that she would not choose to be friends with high maintenance genetic women (the women whose priorities seem to be the shopping, the grooming, etc), and so why should the wife appreciate those qualities in her husband.
Reine
What Reine said is valid for me too -- "she" isn't a teenage girl, but she's not a competent, confident woman either.
Also, it's creepy that she has all my husband's memories and tends to touch me casually the way my husband would: she doesn't feel the distance between us that I feel, because I'm not the one who looks different. She acts like we're married, but it's weird being married to someone I don't know.
(That aspect doesn't seem like it would come into play if your new relationship meets you in both guy and girl form from almost the beginning, and gets regular doses of both. In that case, my main advice would be to follow your new partner's lead as far as topics of conversation, avoid talking too much about makeup/fashion, and try to project confidence and happiness in both modes as far as possible.)
Last edited by MatildaJ.; 05-15-2014 at 09:26 AM.
