Ask-a-gg

[BernieGF]

Hi,Sarah.
This is a difficult question to answer. I've never felt like one of those "ribbons and bows" girls. I've had boyfriends who expected that I should love all that stuff, but I don't. The fact is, I have sought out relationships in my life with people who are quite diverse, so that self expression is accepted. At some point, you have to do the same, but recognize that we all have to make compromises in our current society for purposes of safety, or employment,etc. I can't even wear my nose ring at work. I know that's not the same thing, but you get the idea. Having a few understanding people in your life makes a huge difference. People who really Will love you no matter what. Ultimately, it's about you,though. I've found most people to be far more tolerant than you might think.
Much love to you

[Dutchess]

Actually I am with Reine on this one and it sort of merges with Kitty really . We would still be ourselves. I exersize ( no matter what I can NEVER EVER spell that word right, even if i copy and paste out of the dictionary) racing horses for a living . Every day, 30+ years .I am in mens wranglers and Ariat workboots with leather fingerless gloves,body armor, helmet and goggles. Yeah you can see my hair is long and blonde, but so are alot of guys , everywhere , so what . mine has to be braided and put up . Fingernails get glued on when I am going somewhere that it matters , which is rare otherwise very short so they don't get ripped off. I am as girly girl as you can get yet I dress and have to be as tough as the boys every day and NO makeup its part of the job. So in a way I am half way there already and I don't feel like killing myself because I have to look like that instead of a secretary on Mad Men. When I am actually ON the horse from a distance you cannot tell WHAT I am . I dress like a gypsy when not off the track . NOT like I am going to a funeral or wedding or a cheap motel. I am me, I like horses boys and music - and boys that play music

[Marcelle]

Hi ladies,

Before I ask my question I want to preface this with my situation. My wife is fully supportive of my dressing and has always maintained that I am still the same guy she married just dressed differently. Now I only spend about 25% of my time "en femme" and the remainder "en boy". We decided early on that when it comes to intimacy "all boy" with that I have no issues. Now the concern.

When I first started dressing around my wife it was with trepidation as I was not sure how her opinion of me would differ (EEK . . . my husband is wearing a dress and girl undies ). We take one hour each week and discuss all things CD and she will request either boy me or girl me depending on the question. Intimacy has become a bit of an issue now. Nothing serious but not as frequent as it used to be. We discussed this and I asked her if my dressing was creating an issue with intimacy (i.e., she no longer sees the same guy even when I am "en boy"). She emphatically denied this was an issue and the problem lay with her physically as she is beginning menopause. So, I did not think anything of it and let it go.

However, the intimacy thing is still an issue and while she has on several occasions said it is not me or the dressing but the menopause, I can't help but wonder. I don't want to keep beating a dead horse with her and keep asking is there a problem when there is not. My question to you, is am I being a bit paranoid. Don't get me wrong we still have relations and when we do they are great and loving.

Not confused, just looking for a GG perspective on this.

Hugs

Isha

[Sandra]

When I hit the menopause everything seemed to stop now it's when the feeling hits well I'll not go into detail lol,so I would say that your wife is telling you the truth and that it isn't you...and if you are still having relations then that should tell you something about her and that it's not you. Make sure that she knows you are there for her and I don't mean for the sexual side for everything, as going through the menopause can make some women feel really crap.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sandra,

Thanks very much for your response. Yeah she is going through a rough patch right now emotionally and I try to ensure she knows I am there for her. But it is a bit of a balancing act as sometimes she wants me to be super supportive other times she prefers to be a bit standoffish.

Hugs

Isha

[Sandra]

Yep can see all of that in me I guess you could say it's a bit like having two sides, I can go for months and feel great then all of a sudden all hell lets loose, I get nervy, everything is blown out of proportion and emotional and when Nigella comes near I can be a bit abrupt. Just keep what your doing and take the lead from her, if she's giving of signals that she doesn't want and supportive or cuddles etc then don't push it. Menopause is hard not only for the women but her SO as well as they go through it with them.

[ReineD]

I'm with Sandra. You and your wife communicate well, so please believe her. Menopause can lead to changes in sexual functioning.

One possibility, however, is that your wife is subconsciously reacting to changes in the CDing but doesn't know it yet. If so, eventually I'm sure this will come to light and when it does, she will tell you .. there is nothing to gain by not discussing this. But until then, there is nothing to do but to keep the lines of communication open.

Note that by "changes", I mean possibly your wife's perceptions of shifts in your priorities and not the CDing itself, if you've had a period of rapid growth.

[kittypw GG]

I have gone through menopause and have never had a hot flash either. My moods don't swing and my sex drive has actually increased because my estrogen level has dropped and my testosterone is at the high end of normal. It could be the cross dressing subconsciously affecting her feelings towards you? You did say she no longer sees you the same way. For me it was my marriage that killed my interest in men. I went through the dating scene and met a couple of guys who want to date me but they are boring and don't make me laugh. I just can't make an intimate connection with someone like that and I certainly don't need another man like my ex. You know your wife better than anyone so unless she has given you reason to mistrust her then believe her. I think it's sweet that you are concerned about it. Maybe you should try to make her laugh, take her on a few dates just man and women no cross dressing talk and see what develops. Actions speak louder than words. be an observer.

[Marcelle]

Hi Reine,

Thanks much. My wife approached me yesterday as she has been having a hard time at work so we spent a better part of last night talking through her work related issues. My CDing did come up in the conversation but only in that she wanted to assure me she has no issues with it and still sees me as her guy. In her words she just needs to work through what is happening right now both physically and with work. When it comes to menopause I let her know I am here for her if she needs me and if she is distant I will respect that. WRT work, we spent a lot of time talking about ways to deal with some of the stressors and she seems a bit happier now.

Hugs

Isha

[mykell]

ok long story short,
had reveal with MRS. in january, DADT result, shes at ease with comments ect. since but not directly with us, things are back to nomal,

today at breakfast i was busting chops, she calls me a nag and says i should have been the one wearing the skirt, door open "yes" or "no",
of course she is busting back.
i respected the i dont want to know nuttin i dont want to see nuttin agreement. so i made no comment,

should i still approach it this way or was that a foot in the door, dont want a back step,
any thoughts....

[Di]

Isha, I think since you both seem like you can talk about anything to each other She would tell you if it was anything else.

mikell, I would see if she brings anything else up....to talk about and not just a teazing manner.She might be sorting things out a bit in her mind and just by teazing you was trying to say...hey I love you.
If she says something else....then straight out ask her.

[Jenniferathome]

Ladies, I have an ear piercing question. Now, setting aside your husbands or boyfriends, if you saw a 40 to 50 year old guy with both ears pierced, what is your first impression?

Mid life crisis?
Hipster doofus?
Cool as hell?

Something else?

Thanks

[Ria Lynn]

Chances are that if I saw a guy of any age with pierced ears I probably wouldn't think much of it at all. What would influence the impression I get more than a guy having his ears pierced is the jewelry he chose to wear in them. It's basically the same way I look at women with ear piercings; I don't really think "oh she has pierced ears" so much as I think "those are pretty earrings".

[MatildaJ.]

If I don't know him, then I don't know how long he has had them pierced. So I wouldn't jump to "mid life crisis." I might think either "cool" or "trying too hard to be cool," depending on everything else about his presentation.

If I do know him, and he just got them pierced, and he's my age, then, yes, "mid life crisis" would cross my mind. But now I'm used to everyone I know having mid life crises, so it wouldn't seem shameful or embarrassing. More like: "oh, hey, join the club!"

[Sandra]

I probably wouldn't even notice but if I did, I wouldn't think anything.

[ReineD]

Jennifer, it would depend on how well he'd pull it off. Some guys can rock pierced ears, while on others they look goofy. If he pulled it off I'd think, "How cool!" (but then I've always thought rocker guys were sexy ). If he didn't pull it off I'd get the impression it was a mid-life crisis thing.

Mikell, sorry but I don't quite understand your wife's reaction at breakfast. I don't know what motivated her to say that you should be the one to wear a skirt. Was she being honest or sarcastic? I agree with Di, ask her what she meant.

[kittypw GG]

When I see a middle aged guy with just pierced ears and short guy hair I think cool. When I see a middle aged guy with long hair and pierced ears I think A. Immature B. cross dresser or both. My eyes would pan to the hands to check out nail length.

[mykell]

hi Reine,
was teasing the MRS. about the choice of breakfast she prepared,
of course she teased me back,
since my reveal i question some of the comments as things have returned to more normal,
so i guess the question is- is this a Freudian slip, or her feeling totally comfortable,
and would i be wrong to give the honest reply given the DADT status, dont want to muck up the water....

[ReineD]

Mikell, we don't know your wife. You should ask her what she meant.

[giuseppina]

This is a question I have resulting from Donnagirl's thread

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ause-or-Effect

I know there are genetic ladies out there who think crossdressing leads to transsexualism including hormones, SRS, BA, and FFS. The empirical evidence says otherwise, but the fears must be dealt with in a sensitive manner.

Would it make any difference if your husband/BF did some formal gender testing administered by a qualified and licensed individual specialising in this sort of thing resulting in the verdict, "Has some feminine tendencies and thought patterns but not sufficient to qualify for the process of transition?"

[Di]

I know there are genetic ladies out there who think crossdressing leads to transsexualism including hormones, SRS, BA, and FFS. The empirical evidence says otherwise, but the fears must be dealt with in a sensitive manner.

Would it make any difference if your husband/BF did some formal gender testing administered by a qualified and licensed individual specialising in this sort of thing resulting in the verdict, "Has some feminine tendencies and thought patterns but not sufficient to qualify for the process of transition?"

I think most GGs go through worrying about all this when they first find out after things calm down and things do not escalate‎ alarmingly and there us openness , talking, understanding between the couple.
If the hubby says they do not know- well that still is NOT the end of the world.
You still might have the odd GG that gets an idea in stuck their head and no matter what the hubby says So I think formal gender testing would not help in this case as they would poo poo any results anyways. There just are black and white people people in this world....unbending and their way or the highway.
Most the GGs I know do not dwell on this ( after the first trying to understand)
but it is more about love and the quality of the relationship
and Cding really becomes a none issue.

[ReineD]

Giuseppina, good gender therapists don't decide for the transperson whether he or she "qualifies" for transition. They simply evaluate the person to make sure there are no co-morbidity issues and they also screen for any underlying mental disorders that might make a non-TS believe that he is TS.

At any rate, it is my experience that time helps more than anything else. A SO is more likely to think her husband is on his way to transition as long as he keeps raising the bar and/or hide things. If things are all above board (no lying and no surprises), and stable for some years, then I think that most GGs will relax and believe that it is not going any farther.

[Brittany CD]

Hi ladies

I agree with the idea that a guy should let his girlfriend know he is a crossdresser, but what I want to know if why being aware of this is very important and why many women would be freaked out or turned off my her man dressing in women's clothing. Keep in mind I'm a guy who dresses up for fun

[Di]

Hi ladies

I agree with the idea that a guy should let his girlfriend know he is a crossdresser, but what I want to know if why being aware of this is very important and why many women would be freaked out or turned off my her man dressing in women's clothing. Keep in mind I'm a guy who dresses up for fun

I think telling is important when you start seeing things are getting serious......that way the few that would be dead set against it have the choice to continue the relationship or not..
I do not agree many would be freeked out.....in our local group and on this forum, most GGs I meet are more freeked out about the not knowing for most is the hardest thing for most to get over.
In alot of cases I think the dressing starts out as a fun thing done once in a while but for some ( I think most) it develops into a big part in someones life and then they are scared of telling.
So my tell when it starts getting serious go through the journey together find out then if you are compatible ....before things get deeper and deeper, kids, life and so on.

[karyn2000]

Has anyone here had their legs done with laser hair removal? I've had other areas done and it took a long time...over two years to really get things completed. I'm wondering if using the Tria Laser would help with regular laser visits to speed it up.