I don't know that this is necessarily denial. I very much have a live and let live attitude with my SO, in fact this is why I am so accepting.Originally Posted by hope springs
I don't know that this is necessarily denial. I very much have a live and let live attitude with my SO, in fact this is why I am so accepting.
Reine
She accepts but chooses not to think about it, ponder it, engage it, ask about it etc. Thats the denial part. She has said herself she is in a low level form of denial. Even so, we do hang out dressed and she offers input and advice. So a perhaps it would be more succint to say she is OK with it, but not all in. Which is fine.
As of right now, none of the above. He still has a beard, no wig, no makeup and no female persona so the other stuff doesn't even register anymore. It's easy for me to see the "guy" that I met. His CDing is sexually based (at least from what I can tell) and we don't live together so I'm not dealing with it on a daily basis.
Hope Springs,
I hope you really wanted honesty? ...... In the beginning I knew nothing about cross dressing and participated with little expectation. I did not know if I was ok with it or not. I just was willing to see how it went. Every time after the first the anxiety mounted. I had to prepare myself mentally especially as I became more knowledgeable about the topic and what it really meant to my husband. I had to prepare much like an actress playing a role. It was ok at the time because I considered it a temporary situation but it progressed...... It seemed that cross dressing was the only thing my husband thought about. I stopped asking him simple questions like "What do you want to do this weekend?" because there was only one answer. He never initiated any activity other than cross dressing. I became a weary anxiety ridden, trapped women. He never cared about things that were important to me so I just said to H#ll with participating in the cross dressing and literally the same with my marriage. It drove me to want him to leave. When I did participate I would try to push thoughts out of my mind and just be in the moment but there were times looking back at the event and think WTF??? What am I doing? What in the world is he thinking? Why would he really want to do that? I deep down knew he was gay and perhaps pretended that he was the girl and I was the man when we were intimate. Once he took on the female role and without going into detail I almost threw up in my mouth because I knew deep down he had either done this with a man or thought about it a lot. It made me feel creepy. It was always about him being her and her satisfaction. I just could not wrap my brains around it.
Last edited by kittypw GG; 08-28-2014 at 05:02 AM.
Thank you kitty, of course i want honesty. I can see how his obsession with CDing would overshadow other parts of the relationship.. in fact thats exactly what im trying to avoid. As of now, if im being honest, i think the wife is weirded out. So i dress once a week or so and talk girly stuff maybe 2-3 times a week.
So sorry kitty it was a destructive force in your life. I hope there are greener pastures ahead
To the GGs.
Would you recommend this forum to a SO?
Does it scare you or make you more educated on the subject?
I'm thinking it might be both.
Sarah, I think it is both as well. We have a lot of posts in the CD section that can be misconstrued by GGs, who are apt to take everything literally. The only way this place can be educational for your SO, is if you ask her to show you the threads that concern her so that you can tell her directly where you stand on the issue being discussed.
Reine
Yes it is definitely both. At first the support was great, then I started reading threads that scared the bajeebers out of me for several weeks, especially because my SO's CDing was escalating. Now, most of the time it's OK. I am learning to take a lot with a grain of salt but it can be frustrating at times.
Yes I would recommend this forum, but I would warn her not to take to heart all that she reads, and not to think that because Mrs Mop has said and done this that her SO will want to do the same.
It can be scary for new SO's who join here but also it can there is a lot of support and most do learn a lot here.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
I would recommend it to GGs and most our Fab members tell us how glad they are they found us. I do know alot of new GGs ....new to cding get freeked out by some of the posts in m2f / but after awhile see not all cders are alike and to discuss and have a open discussion with their partner.
If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.
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Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
Administrator
Thanks Ladies for the replies, I really appreciate it. Some great advice there.
OK, so this one might seem like a stupid question from a CD but here it is:
Why do / would you (i.e. GG's) wear a dress / skirt?
It is arguable that dresses really have very little function in terms of clothing. Pants are warmer and easier to work in. Short skirts are possibly cooler but Shorts are again much easier to work in and there is no problem with hems riding up or underwear showing if you don't keep your legs together when bending or sitting down. Both pants and shorts can be worn with short or long sleeve tops (though obviously the same can be said of skirts). It is abundantly clear that both pants and shorts can be made in a "feminine" style. Pants are often socially easier as well in that a good pair of dress pants and a blouse is probably the most versatile outfit i.e. you are less likely to be either "overdressed" or "underdressed" for a function per se. So what is the attraction of a dress? Is it a workplace requirement? Is it a social thing? Competition with other women for attention? Competition for male attention? Perhaps to enhance / express body shape to make you feel comfortable / proud of your body? Is it genuinely just more comfortable? Or perhaps (even likely) it is some other reason?
I am genuinely and seriously just curious.
Adina
Where to begin....what I choose to wear each morning generally starts with !) what DOESN'T need to be ironed 2) am I in the mood for heels today? 3) what undergarments am I in the mood for today and are they in the laundry? 4) I'm bloated so picks 1, 2 and 3 are out of the question 5) what am I doing at work today (getting on my hands and knees to fix the copy machine? - quite possible) 6) haven't worn this in a while, I think I'll wear.... Just remember on hot days shorts are not always acceptable in the workplace wear as a skirt is. I'm in a n office where the airconditioning and hear are completely unpredictable so I keep a cardigan on the back of my chair.
If it's not work it's usually about what is appropriate. For a formal or semi-formal even a dress is a must, just like a tuxedo or suit and tie is necessary for a guy. A business casual event maybe a skirt or slacks... honestly most of the time it has very little to do with being "girly" although I admit, sometimes it is. We can be girlie in a cute pair of walking shorts, a pretty blouse and flats. The difference is, I can go out in sweats and it doesn't affect my mood one way or another - it just depends on what I am doing.
It's all about the situation.
Last edited by Sandra; 10-22-2014 at 03:58 AM. Reason: No need to quote the whole post
Hi Adina. It's not a silly question from anyone. I like to feel feminine and comfortable too. Living in a desert like region it's all about dresses. I especially like light weight sun dresses or halter style dresses. I'll add hose if we are going out.
Exception is deep cleaning with lots of kneeling and weird positions or painting. :O On the odd cooler day I will wear yoga pants for warmth and comfort. And if I am helping out with car maintenance it's jeans and a tee.
Bonus points for the reaction from my loving hubby when he sees me in yet another dress.
What a profound significance small things assume when the one we love conceals them from us.
Marcel Proust
I dress mostly to fit into an environment.
If I don't have to go anywhere, I wear jeans and comfy sweaters. In the summer I wear a lot of very casual cotton skirts with sandals because they are cooler than jeans. I don't consider the mall, the grocery store, the bank, etc, places to dress up in. I don't dress up when I go out with friends for pizza, when I have friends over, or when I go to their houses for dinner. I do dress up if I go to a wedding, a classical concert, or a restaurant that is more than casual dining. I dress up more often when I visit larger cities than I do in the small town I live in now. In other words, I dress to blend.
When I shop for dresses, skirts, sweaters, etc, I do have an eye for fashion and I choose (obviously) outfits that are current, that appeal to me, that look good on me, that are good quality material (I'd rather have 2 good skirts than 5 cheap ones), and that are suitable for my age (no more short, short skirts and skin-tight tops, or shorts in the summer).
At work, I wear skirts and nicer sweaters or blouses, jackets, etc, to look professional. I don't wear high heels. There are plenty of very stylish flats or 1" heels around and I want to be comfortable. It's not cold yet, but this winter I plan on stocking up with a few nice pairs of slacks to wear to work.
Reine
I have never been one to wear many dresses or skirts, but as I get older I am finding that I love to have a nice Maxi dress for those really hot summer days. I mostly wear a dress if I need to. Like going somewhere nice for dinner with my SO. I mostly wear what I like and that is tank tops and shorts on the summer (no farmers tan here) and nice warm clothes in the winter. The more comfy the better
Don't often visit this part of the form - silly me - but reading through a couple of the earlier threads about feeling feminine got me thinking. My wife and were talking a bit about this, and I came to the conclusion that when I dress, perhaps I do so to feel elegant, beautiful (dream on) and for some reason relaxed. As for feeling feminine, I wouldn't recognize that if I tripped over it. I simply have no real frame of reference there, except from the visual, which is an illusion anyway.
Any thoughts?
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
When I'm by myself, I don't feel particularly feminine or masculine. I just feel like me. This also holds true when I am in the company of other women. When female friends and I are hanging out somewhere and talking, it feels like I'm with people who speak a shared language. We may look and dress differently, but to me these differences are only superficial. Fundamentally we are of the same ilk, so I feel like "me" who is in the presence of a bunch of other "me"s ... not particularly feminine or masculine.
The society that I live in tells me that I AM feminine when I do certain things or look a certain way. I suppose this is true to an extent. I won't argue the idea that certain clothes are more feminine-looking than others, or certain ways of speaking, sitting, or sashaying down the street are more feminine than others. But, when I'm by myself sitting in a certain way and wearing these things, I feel no different than if I were wearing blue jeans and had my legs propped up on the coffee table while watching TV. I just feel like me.
I feel my "femininity" only when it is in contrast with something else, namely, masculinity. This is when the difference between myself and the male who is in my presence is emphasized. I don't feel as if I'm with someone who is in my camp, so to speak. I don't know how to explain it other than to say that the gender contrast between me and a male, this "thing" that is so difficult to define other than intuitively (vibes maybe?), is intensified when I'm in the presence of a male.
On a very few occasions in my life, I have been in the presence of women who've given me a "male" vibe. And I've been in the presence of men who gave me a "female" vibe. But I need to say that it isn't about the way they dress or how they look. It is deeper than that.
Reine
What goes through my head? Adoration, I love my husband, we are unique because I have known since we met that he CD, we met so I could help him pick makeup and clothing. I am sometimes amazed at how 'easily' he can become a she, how he can go from my husband to a beautiful woman. There is no shock or disgust, I love the calmness he carries when he dresses and I enjoy every second of it, wish there were more of those moments.
Question: Do you ever wish you had a "Get out of jail free B-slap" card?...A "B-slap" was a prominent part of the TV show "How I Met Your Mother"....
I know that you are all here trying to understand, and offer your own understanding as "gently" as you can....And THANK YOU for that!!!...But honestly, even I wanna B-slap some of my fellow CDers sometimes when they fail to understand terms like: balance, boundaries, perspective, consideration etc....
This whole CD Thang is a learning experience for all of us involved....But still...Sometimes...."To the moon Alice"....
Edited to add: Xtra points to anyone who wants to answer; "Yeah, Jaye, I'd like to B-slap her, but am afraid that she'd enjoy the slap and want to incorporate a whole new element into our already complicated enough sex-life"...
Just wondering:-)
Jaye
Last edited by JayeLefaye; 12-12-2014 at 04:05 PM.
Satchel was right, something is gaining on me...And God bless the creator of e-cigs!
Hi Sarah21. I'm a GG and new here. I started out on a smaller forum when my husband started CD and found it to be helpful, and a good place to bounce my ideas off other people. I WOULD recommend it, though some of the first reading I did here and my first experience with a Mod was very off-putting. Now that I've gotten to know some people it's better. I think it would be good to have a section just for new incoming wives of CD. We could bypass all the scary "Your husband is going to transition" stuff and instead ease into it slowly and give people hope that things can work out and the support to build their relationships instead of scaring them apart.
Adina, we wear skirts and dresses to feel more feminine or for a change of pace. I think the reason so many CD wear them is for comfort and to also appear more femme. You have to overcome a male bone structure by slightly exaggerating your hair, make-up and clothing and aiming for a very female appearance. I didn't realize that at first and it worried me as a wife that my husband dressed so girly, but now I can see why. If he wore jeans and a tee he'd still look like a man, but add the make-up, bra and wig and it's much harder to tell. If you like a dress, wear it. If you want a nice pant suit, go for that. Every woman has to find her own style.
Last edited by Lorileah; 01-28-2015 at 11:35 AM. Reason: Merged posts into one. Please use multiquote or reply to all posts in one post.
Ladies, what is the best way to both tell you of a person's crossdressing, and what should they do to help you feel comfortable (if anything at all) with the crossdressing?
Speak from your heart and tell your truth. Please do not try to figure out what someone else wants to hear and limit your explanation to that.
As to what you might do to help her feel comfortable, you'll need to ask her what that is. We're all different, we all have different levels of understanding and tolerance based on lots of different variables.
Reine
I have a question for you gg's. Is it relatively easy for you to spot a crossdresser? I guess ive outed myself to girls before, with stuff like.....i love your makeup how did you get your eyes to look like that?
It is for me. I've been exposed to the members of this community a lot plus I paint and draw so I'm familiar with the subtle and not so subtle differences between male and female physiognomy.
Reine
