In this case I probably would not tell. I did not tell my wife and I was discovered almost 2 years ago and when I thought she was gaining acceptance the window closed. I dont know where our relationship will end but if ends and decide to begin another relationship I will be upfront while dating of who I really am.
I am dealing with same issue, at my house too!Originally Posted by Kerigirl2009
He said to me a while ago really hit me wrong and I think that's part of what bothers me, he can't wait to be alone? It's like he waits for her to die so he can be who he wants. It sounds to awful even to type it, and he never actually SAID IT, but it was implied very clearly. How could you live with someone who you wait to die or go away for the week at least so you can be who you really want to be? I know he loves her, or maybe he loves the "normal" she gives him but that is an awful way to live your life, waiting for the time when you can be yourself. I'm sure a lot of you know that feeling all too well, but why live with that!?
The way i see it is that there are three issues to consider , a moral one, a love/relationship one and a desire to cross dress one .
You could say that it is morally wrong to hide it and not tell but out of the three being immoral is the easiest as it takes little effort to be immoral in fact you can do it without even thinking about it especially where love is concerned which brings us on to love/relationships, is it wrong to hide something from you partner because you fear it will destroy your relationship if found out , then there is the cross dressing side of it and that will depend on whether you have enough free hidden time to dress when you what to .
So taking all that into account would I tell , if I thought that it would totally destroy the relationship/marriage No, if I thought that it should be OK then Yes, and that would be based partly on the desire to share with my wife/partner , partly so I would not have to hide it away all the time and partly so that I would hopefully gain in having more time to dress ( OK a bit selfish maybe)but remember that there are two emotions out of the three that are very powerful, Love and Cross dressing and I am sorry to say that they quite often override any moral issues you might have .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
Yes, I think that's the best way. From what I understand, not telling them is held in the same frame as cheating, or makes them feel deceived. Sometimes either way its a lose lose situation. Easy to say tho especially if you are in a long term relationship. I told my wife about two weeks after we met, but she is a fairly open minded person.
After re reading some of the other posts, I just had to add some more. This is my opinion and how I feel and what my lady tells me how she feels, not an attack on others opinions, so please take no offence. There is always differing circumstances for each situation as well, that has to be taken into account. I think that if you can't be honest in a relationship then there is something very wrong. To spend time, in some cases a lot of years with someone and have all these deep dark secrets says something to me. Maybe I am naive and simplifying things here, but you either want to share your life with someone or you don't. Deceit is a nasty thing and I can see why a lot of partners lose trust and respect when they find out. I realize that some will just not be able to handle the thought of their "man" dressing up, but I think for a lot of partners, it is the trust thing that may trip them up - 'if you have been doing this, then what else haven't you told me and can I ever trust you to not keep secrets again?'
In the end, we all have to live with our decisions and actions. I love my wife and tell her everything, the good and the bad. Some of our decisions are what I want and some leave me a bit disappointed. But a relationship is a compromise and I love my wife and wouldn't have it any other way.
Last edited by Lori Robins; 05-02-2012 at 04:41 PM.
IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT!!
I agree! Life is way to short to wait and that is wrong, it is doing an injustice to both parties, no matter what the hurt involved in a split is, living like that can't be healthy
IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT!!
I told my girlfriend, mother, brother and some of my friends. I told because I fear that the one day I go out en femme i'd be spotted by one of them. In the case of my girlfriend I don't ever think it's a good idea to keep secerets about yourself. I'd hate to find out something way later in life about her that I should've known earlier. Out of everyone though only my brother, mother and gay friend are cool with me dressing up. My girlfriend lost respect for me (we're broken up now, but for other reasons). My friends don't like it and don't want to see me dressed, which is fine, we still remain friends.
I say it's never a good idea to keep it hidden. It will bite you in the ass later or cause you to go crazy. Then again I'm the type of person who doesn't give a damn what negative comments someone has to say about me. They don't have to like it but atleast show some respect
I told my wife to be early in our dating; No problem.
This friend of yours knows his wife a lot better than you.
Just give him support and let him deal with his marriage the way he wants to.
Rader
I think your reasoning is the best, what possible good will come from disclosure.
Well just a little update.
We talked today and he doesn't want to come over to dress anymore. He said he just can't do it. I am really sad but told him I understand which I do and that we can still chat and text of course.
I told him to please be honest with me and he said he was. It is so sad though and I won't ask him to come over because I don't want to push him in any direction, but I left the door open if he wants to. I guess maybe it was all too fast?? Or maybe he just wishes it was with his GF instead of me?? We'll still be friends of course but it's like that chapter is done. I don't know but it sucks.
If he believes living with a secret is less stressful than telling that secret, then he shouldn't tell.
DonnaT
While I agree with your statement, there are some GGs who do not see the distinction between "being selective" and "lying." For them, full disclosure of anything that could affect them is mandatory and if this is not done they will assert they have been lied to.
Of course, some CDers are pretty good at telling actual lies. That's not right either.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I used to feel strongly that people who were hiding this from their wives were wrong and that they should suck it up and come clean. Over the last ten years though, I've seen some of those folks loose their wives when they were discovered and so my opinion has changed. It is now my opinion that people should use their best judgement. They know their spouses and probably know best if the spouse is gonna tolerate or accept it or not and they should use their own best judgement. If your guts tell you to keep quiet, then maybe you should listen to it.
I realize that the following is not what you were really asking about, but for the benefit of those who are not yet married, I would like to add the advice that you SHOULD tell a woman you are considering marrying BEFORE you get married. It's not fair to either of you to start a marriage with that kind of secret. I dont care how scared you are at the idea, if you really DO love her, you owe her that respect and decency.
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