Could a purge ever really work?

[Kate Simmons]

A purge is only as good as the person purging Hon. Purges are usually due to either feeling frustrated that the feelings produced are not feminine enough or feeling ashamed as a "man" shouldn't be doing this stuff. In each scenerio it's a case of a person not really knowing themself and not really in touch with their feelings. Until issues like that are resolved purging may continue periodically whether it is effective or not.

[Stephanie47]

What's the expression? "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" I do think it is possible for your friend to totally stop cross dressing. I say that because "one exception negates the universal quantifier." One in a 10; one in 100; one in 1,000. I did not think at all about cross dressing for several years. No one desire; not one thought. Of course, the environment I was in at the time was free of feminine distractions, i.e., military overseas service. No Radar O'Reilley!

There are different levels of cross dressing enjoyment. Just panties? Just add another article. Soon you're totally en femme. Frankly, I think for most of us the self loathing, denial, guilt, deceit, whatever is injurious to our mental health. I would venture a guess and say your friend will be OK for awhile. Maybe a long while. But, eventually his self isolation from cross dressing will gnaw at his internal well being. I read on this forum of cross dressers who are content with being en femme infrequently by my standards. I am able to dress five days a week for seven hours. I do not necessarily get en femme that often, but, at least I know I can.

I would recommend letting him recede at his own pace, and, if he wants, be there for him when he wants to re-engage. As to purging, it may be expensive. Maybe, you can hold 'her' feminine attire in trust for 'her' re-emergence.

[Ressie]

Don't buy ice cream at the store and you won't be tempted to eat it everyday. But eventually there's the compulsive urge to go to Dairy Queen. How long can one go without ice cream, knowing what it tastes like, and knowing it's not hard to find. How can a crossdresser completely stop thinking about slipping into something a little more comfortable?

Some type of aversion therapy is the only chance. Get hypnotized so that your stomach will turn at the thought of wearing panties.

[elizabethamy]

And he could just go back to doing this alone too, not necessarily stopping entirely?? I guess that's a very real possibility too, he might just not want to share these things with me? But why still want to talk and be friends though?? Maybe I never helped a thing, it seems like I made things worse for him!? He was fine with it hidden and now it's out and he's worried or stressed and ashamed, who knows but that's a whole different bad feeling to have?

"Containment" and purging are two very different things. I'd guess it will be much easier to cope with the dysphoria by dressing under controiled conditions than to purge and pretend you don't want to. The analogy to addiction breaks down here, IMHO. Alcohol and tobacco are drugs you are trying to quit putting into your brain; whereas for most of us crossdressing is not the addiction but is in fact the treatment for the problem within the brain/self. There's a lot of real estate between nothing (purged) and full transition. We all have to find our own comfort levels and cope accordingly...

elizabethamy

[janet54]

In a word NO!!!!! You will just do it all again.

[KellyJameson]

I see crossdressing as a search for self or the masculine act of worship for women that is born and bound up in heterosexual desire and positive female role model experiences.

For some identity is fixed at birth and they are predisposed to strongly identify as male or female and it becomes traumatic to try and change their identity and usually this identity matches their genitalia and external appearance but when it does not great internal conflict is experienced.

For a very large part of the population (particularly male because the male is built from the female so masculinity is more tentative) identity is not fixed at birth and is fluid and crossdressing can create confusion about identity creating a push-pull affect between identifying as female or as male and I think of this as the experience of dysphoria.

Think of dysphoria as an electrical current passing through the brain (anxiety) but it can be so mild you barely notice it or on the other hand so extreme you feel as if you are strapped into a electrical chair being executed.

Your thread has the tone of someone who became frightened by the experience of dysphoria and felt their sense of self threatened. Part of this experience is the fear of what others will think because we use others to create our identity and need them to support it's continuation.

Crossdressing challenges a person on several levels but most are in relation to others and what they will think of us.The risk is greatest to those males born with a fixed predisposed identity to be female that makes it impossible to adopt an identity as male. You than float through life struggling to be a part of it but do not easily find people you can relate to because identity and it's accepted corresponding behavior is easy for them and does not cause them the internal stress of feeling inauthentic from trying to "act" male to gain inclusion into the group or intimate relations.

Crossdressing is an excellant way to create and discover where one falls on the continuum between female and male identity because so much of this identity is false and institutionally created and supported and should be challenged to protect ones psychological health.

In my opinion based on personal experience if a male is predisposed by birth to identify as female than the need for self understanding is critical. If I was your friend I would be seriously questioning myself about how I feel in my own body and about being born a man instead of a woman. It is a long difficult confusing painful path but the alternative is worse.

A purge is in indication of internal stress between conflicting wants influenced by threats external and internal, understanding the reasons will lead to increasing awareness of self and until this is resolved the purges as part of the push-pull, love-hate relationship to crossdressing will continue.

[Being Paige]

I purged twice in the past, after the 2nd time I swore I would never purge again. Sure the new cothes and everything was nice but it was a waste of money. I don't know why, well I know that they were for the wrong reason's and they were not for myself. Now if I end up not dressing or not wanting to dress I just don't and my stuff stays in the dresser drawers.

[Jenny Beth]

I have never really tried to purge but I have put my things away for months on end and not even thought about dressing, not because I don't want to dress but because other things in life are important too. Then one day you see a nice dress or a blouse in a window display or a woman wearing something you know you'd wear in a flash and there you are seeing what's in the closet and opening the lingerie drawer. Does purging work forever? Not from my point of view but I suppose if someone's marriage or career was on the line as has been the case with many here I suppose it can.

[Jorja]

Just have him repeat this for you.

Repeat after me:
Purging is silly
A waste of time and money
The next time I purge I will purge all my guy underwear and cut them up and use them for cleaning rags.
A metaphor for wiping away all the memories of when I thought I was not a girl

Usually the urge to dress does not go away. Is it possible for a purge to work? Yes, but not likely.

[Joann Smith]

Could a purge ever really work?

Hell naw !

[Alaina R]

CDing for many is a very intimate activity. He has shared this part of himself with you but not with his long time partner. Further it sounds like you both had some great times together sharing this secret. In the cold light of the next day this (rightfully) probably feels a lot like cheating to him. The solution of purging may be so that he does not feel like he is going behind his GF's back with another woman. What are your your feelings toward this guy? It sounds to me like there is a lot more going on here than just dressing and purging.

[Barbara Ella]

A purge work, NO. There is more than just a purge at work here. If he can reallly and truly talk with you about his true feelings, you need to know. If not, step back and let it unfold.

Barbara

[k lynn]

purged twice didnt last to long wasted money along with some nice panties and bras