C A U G H T !!!

[Emily Ann Brown]

Of all the adventures in my fertile brain that I want to write about in the next year, this is not the one. We never dream of this day. First Karren and now me.

Thursday I decided to live dangerously and wear my ladies diamond pinky band to work. Have before so it's no big deal. When I leave work I took it off and put it in my pocket. Friday morning I went to get it out of my pocket to wear again....it is NOT THERE !!! I searched everywhere...no luck. I am praying as I go to work that it is lost anywhere but at home.

Friday midnight she (wife) comes into the den and waves the ring in my face (OH CRAP !).....Who's the other woman !!! (Very loudly). I did the what's that number and got you know what this is. She found it behind the toilet (why didn't I look there....I thought I did?) I tried the "there is no other woman honey" but she wasn't listening. She stomped off to the bedroom and shut the door. CRAP AGAIN !

Saturday morning she came out and announced that it could be my daughter's who was there a couple days back. She heads for the phone and starts dialing.....I recognize the number....my daughter's. Okay, if this is gonna happen I don't want the kids knowing so I took the phone from her and hung it up.

"IT'S MINE."

I can't believe I just said that. I'm now whispering a prayer to be spared a painful death.

"Yours?"

"Yes....MINE."

She stomped again around the house gathering her purse and keys. She leaves. My heart is about to pound it's way out of my chest. Quick emailed Karren and told her I was caught. She thinks I'm joking. Great. Now what do I do. More praying for God to keep this from becoming a divorce. How much do I tell her? I'm feeling guilty now....because my toenails are painted. Oh geesh. What timing.

When she gets back she asks me to join her in the den. Okay, here we go.

"Your ring huh?"

"YES."

"where did you get it?"

"eBay."

"How much did you pay for it?"

" $9 plus a couple for shipping." (What is all this ???)

"Liar."

"$9 "

"For a diamond ring huh?"

"Yes, the lady said she thought it was Zirconium."

"So you're buying my Christmas present on eBAY huh?"

At this point I'm starting to figure out she and I are on two pages and her page looks much better than mine. So I decide to read my lines off her script. I confessed to being on eBAY again, to being so cheap as to shop for her there, to keeping secrets from her, to trying to hide the face that the ring was mine........and then she put the ring on and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
And the only hurricane in the states was Wilma.

I am still not believing how close that was.

Emily Ann

[TGMarla]

It's amazing how sometimes the way out presents itself with a nice big "EXIT" sign in bright red neon. You were thinking on your feet, dear. But I've been to a lot of personal sites, and have my own experience to add to that....probably sooner or later you will truely get caught. It can get pretty ugly, but it's not always the end of the world as you know it. Good luck in the future!

[uknowhoo]

[SIZE="7"]O M G ! ! !
[SIZE="3"]
Talk about dodging a bullet. Your story sounds like something out of a Lucy and Ricky (or should I say Rikki) show. Congrats on making a near miss out of a almost sure direct hit. That being said, if you're ever going to tell her, sometime quite soon may be advisable. Continued good luck, and thanks for the heart-stopping story. Hugs, Tammi[/SIZE][/SIZE]

[Wendy me]

next you will notice that she will notice all them little things that you thought no one ever noticed ...oh by the way haveing a ring dosen't mean she knows abought your dressing.... but lets say she just might be looking a bit more closer.....

[JoAnnDallas]

I remember one time, I was sure I was caught by the wife. We lived in WV and the house had a finished basement. The basement was my domain. I had my radios, computers, model railroad and JoAnn's stuff all down there. I would spend hours down there. Wife didn't come down a lot. She has MS and stairs are hard on her. She and a GF were gone for the day, so JoAnn got to dress up all day. Well I made the mistake of getting naked upstairs and then going down stairs and getting dressed. Wife came home early and since the stairs was a circler stairs, she came to the stairs and shouted at me. I did not hear her come into house, so here I am all dressed up. I prayed real hard that she would not deciede to come down the stairs. She just wanted to tell me that she was back and was going to the store for a few things and would be right back. I said "OK" and as soon as I heard the back door close, I undressed, went upstairs and redressed, came back down and put JoAnn's stuff away. Made a resolution, that I would always have boy clothes down stairs.

[insearchofme]

Boy (girl) are you lucky!!! Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good!

Hugs, Dana

[Faye Emmette]

Em, what would your life be like now if the whole truth came out back then?
I don't know of your situation but my getting caught,though not by a wife but a girlfriend, turned out for the better fo me. I can only think back to that afternoon and remember the "Oh F*&k No!" feeling and the relief in finding it was OK with her.
Maybe, maybe and I hope for the positive.

[Stephenie]

It's alway nice to know what book the wife is reading from. After all CDing is not a book that a wife would reach for first.

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

I noticed that 62 people had read this post, and only 7 had replied, and yes I know that happens quite a bit, but for the sake of not wanting to go through the rest of the day arguing with myself, over whether or not I should have been brave, here is my reply, and please, if any of you want to attack me could you stick to the facts of what I write and not try and psychoanalyze me, thanks.

Whilst I FULLY recognise your right to live your life the way you see fit, and I REALLY do mean that, am I allowed you think, to voice the fact that I totally do not recognise your right to lie and deceive your wife?

I know with many on this list I will be seen as .... well I guess you'd stone me if you could get close enough... but I have many morals that I try to live up to.. I don't always manage it, but one is very important to me.

I try very hard never to tell people what they want to hear, I tell them what my heart tells me they need to hear.

Making jokes and funny comments about what happened over this ring, is I believe the last thing in the world that you need to hear.

You need to hear your wife crying herself to sleep when she finds out your explanation about the ring was all a lie.

You need to hear the divorce lawyer reciting the said incident in court when she takes you for everything you have.

Sorry Emily, but this ain't no joke, and I don't mind getting blitzed by you or even kicked off this board if need be, not if it means at least one person has told you that this aint cricket, it aint funny, and it aint what marriage is about.

I am sure you know all these things, I am just not sure how important they are to you.

I won't ask for your forgiveness, only understanding that doing what you believe is the right thing isn't always easy, this sure aint easy.. but that lady deserves the truth, and you had a guilt edged chance to give it to her, and you bottled it. Now you have one more lie, that one day you may just have to explain..

question is Emily.. how many more?

Yours Sincerely
SammyJo
<-- goes to stick crash helmet on and awaits bouncing sound

[Nyx]

Er.

Well. I'm clearly not in your situation, but I think you older CDs sometimes take too much risks. Seriously. You live with her, she's your wife, and in my opinion, you shouldn't have any secrets to her. She should know that you crossdress.

If she doesn't like it and can't get her mind around it, then it's possible you married the wrong woman, but why in the hell would anyone want to live a double life?

I personally don't think the "I was cheap and bought you a $9 ring on ebay but forgot it behind the toilet" is the most romantic thing to let your wife believe. She might still have doubts about it, in fact... Soo... Maybe you should try to introduce the truth into the picture. Just something to consider.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Let me jump in here to say that I have talked with Sammy since her post, and told her I appreciated her honesty. Anybody wants to flame any sisters who post an unflattering opinion here come see me. I am glad some sisters aren't afraid to kindly say what is on their mind. I didn't post this to brag, I wanted honest opinions. I have been numb ever since this happened. A part of me wishes she had been smarter and forced me to do the hard thing.


Emily Ann

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

Wanted to add that I really apreciate Emily talking to me in private and that I have been where she is at and I know that numbing feeling, flippin awful position.
Wishing you the VERY best Em,
SammyJo

[JamieDP]

I am really angry I just typed a great response and got timed out on my browser - i don't have the energy to type it Again. But consider that w/o out being honest with her about it now can lead to more accusations later about the smallest of things. And if you admit to the truth later, she will feel incredibly betrayed and threatened. No one wants to feel that not her, not you. Put yourself in her figurative shoes, and think very hard if you had a feeling she had been or was couritng with another man. You woul;dn't want to believe it, but imagine a month down the road you find something else that implied her being with another man, but actually found out that she was keeping something from you, especially something that meant alot to her ad was dear to her, but had been afraid to share it with you b/c she thought you would reject her for it? You would feel hurt to simply on the fact she didn't trust you enough to tell you and give you a chance to accept her and the other side of her. You might feel betrayel, and wonder what else she is keeping from you.

The human psyche is great and making excuses for things it doesn't want to see, which she may be doing. And though it is not an affair of the traditional sorts, she may very well once admitted later have the very same feelings and hurt and betrayel of you being with another woman...in a sense you are not only being with another woman, but being another woman.

Think hard about the risk you are taking, and think about this also as a great time to maybe take your relationship to the next level in trust....could you imagine your relationship with her with absolute 100% trust in both ways, trust enough that you could feel CDing anytime and be secure about it?

But again this is just my opinion.

[JamieDP]

BTW - if you need an ear, please messageme. I am at the end of a 2.5 year divorce where CDing definitely had an effect on that relationship from day one. I've been betrayed, I've been rejected probably like so many of us....but I've also been accepted....and acceptance is marvelous.

[Maddie]

Girl you need to check your shoes and see what you stepped in.
when you figure it out stand in it all day. you lucked out be more carefull or sit down and talk to her

[Odette30UK GG]

[SIZE=3]I read this thread over an hour 1/2 ago and wanted to jump right in but decided 1: to calm down and 2: rethink what I was going to say.

I agree with some that you shouldv'e come clean.

It seem like you had a while to think things through before she asked you to join her in the den.
Did you at anytime (during those hours) ever think that this could have been a weight lifted of your shoulders? Another words, Did you feel relieved? Or did you sit there and think about lieing to her?

I suppose given that your wife came back to you means that she is has some guts to face you and that she really really loves you.
At that moment in time she was open to any explanation, other than I'm having an affair....
She was vulnerable and fearful, her heart open wide and yet you sat there and lied to her.
If I were your wife right now I would be thinking that, 'that was too easy'.. and 'Why didn't I let him explain it to me, instead I dictated to him, omg he couldv'e lied'
Please don't think that this is over between you two, as there is defiantly going to be doubts in her mind, and I dare say a few heated discussions.

I hope I am wrong and that your wife is as gullable as you make her out to be. But don't under estimate the power of a woman with doubts.

I have full sympathy in that you were in a tight spot, but just think of what you put your wife through in the time it took her to COME to you....

My hugs go to both of you at this time and I hope that this will make you think about telling her before its too late. I say this because if she finds one more thing of Emily's then she is going to burn you at the stake... And you won't get away with it as easy as this time....

Forgive the way I put it... not really that good with words

Hugs and Kisses
Odette
XxxxxX[/SIZE]

[Phoebe Reece]

Emily,

I am only surprised this hasn't happened sooner. You may have dodged a bullet, but you won't be able to deal with the artillery shell that will come your way when you really get caught. She may have indicated she bought your story, but maybe that's just what she wants you to think. Her suspicions are very much up now and she will be looking at everything around you to either confirm or refute those suspicions. Make no mistake about it - sooner or later you will get caught. And when you do, she won't buy another lame story about e-bay.

I remember many, many years ago when I was gathering up my nerve to make a dash out to my car in broad daylight, fully dressed, to go to a meeting of other CD's. My wife was rather annoyed at my terror and said to me, "If you're going to do this, be a man about it." She was right and that thought has gotten me through more situations than she could have imagined at the time. Now, my advice to you is the same - If you're going to do this, be a man about it. Go to your wife tell her the truth now. Don't wait to get caught and make the situation infinately worse. Simply tell her you lied at first because you were afraid of her reaction. You can do this. You should do this. Save your marriage.

If you need some further support, PM or e-mail me direct. You are in my prayers Emily.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Let me say I had no intention of lying to her when I went into the den. I had already told her the ring was mine. Was surprised when I didn't get pressured to keep talking then. And no, I wasn't cooking up lies while she was gone.....I was just praying she wouldn't kill or divorce me, or have a stroke herself.

Since Karren's discovery I have been preparing what I would say when my turn came. I know it will go better (hahaha) if I start the confession rather than be caught. I had rehearsed it once while she was out. Then she started asking questions and I just started answering them. I know nobody believes me (but Sammy) but I am less relieved than I am numb, and mad at myself for jumping through the open door, and wondering what is coming next. I'm surprised I have made it 4 years now without being discovered before.


Emily Ann

[Joanne08]

Yeah, Emily, I'm in the same boat as you (haven't been caught though). Luckily I haven't made any mistakes recently with my wife about CDing, but I know that numbing feeling and I hate it. I simpathize with you. I also know the freedom and support a SO can bestow upon a CDer, so I know the other side as well. For me right now, there is more risk in telling my wife than keeping Joanne in the closet (I'll elaborate in another thread). I have searched my sole and have concluded that this is the best way to handle it, at least at this time. Maybe you and others in our situation have compelling reasons not to tell. I wish I and all of us could be completely honest and open to our SO about CDing. In my case, I value my relationship with my wife and I don't want to jeapordize it until she shows a better attitude towards the TG world.


Love, Jo

[Toni]

[SIZE=4]Hi Emily,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]You had a perfect opportunity to tell her the truth, you blew it. Maybe next time (There will be a next time) you will do the right thing and tell her. If she loves you it will be o/k. Best of luck.[/SIZE]

[Lauren_T]

Real life, once you pass the age of 8 or so, is not black and white. There have always been and will always be those times when the old adage "Better a harmless lie than the hurtful truth" applies. It was no less than the great Oscar Wilde who said, "The truth is seldom plain and rarely simple."

Emily Ann, no one here or elsewhere can grant or deny you the right to act as you see fit, you already know that. If you feel it's better all 'round to avoid a greater harm by telling a small untruth, then you should do so. As the one who's 'on the spot,' only you can make that decision. Your moral choices are yours.

Advice - that's a different thing. I would advise you to say or do what is necessary (within reason, of course...) to prevent unneeded difficulties from straining your relationship.

Do let's all remember that we may not approve of another person's choices - but we all, every one of us, as the price of being free ourselves, are obligated to respect - and 'recognise' - other people's equally valid right to do as they feel is right and proper, whether we 'approve' or not. The world already has far more than enough evil and misery, most of it caused by people who refuse to recognise others' right to make their own moral judgements...

Emily Ann, this may be your best opportunity to open up to her... but it's still your call. Either way, I hope things go well for you.

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

Lauren..
I wrote a ten minute reply to this then deleted it.. can not even finds the words to say how mad I am ... "Better a harmless lie " trouble is. you actually believe this.... and we wonder why the world is in the **** hole it is?
Enough.. I am off this thread before I lose it totally..
Sorry Em, can not deal with this anymore
SammyJo

[Bonnie D]

Emily Ann,

I am in relatively the same situation as you but have not been caught, close but I found any errors I made before she did. Of course my major error came before I was married, I told her about my crossdressing but put the situation in the past to test the waters. She accepted it as long as I was not still doing it. I took the loop hole and told her I wasn't. I tried again after we were married and she took a fit and made me throw out the few things I had. What do I do? I decided to live a double life. It is not easy and truly is not a way to live. I regret my decision to lie but do not regret my life with my wife and the two beautiful children that we have. I will tell my wife about it some time and then I will leave our marriage, well she will understandably toss me out of it. I think I have been a good husband to her and a good father to my children. I have always been there for them when they've needed me and they have been there when I needed them.

I know that if I told my wife the truth before we were married we would not have been married. I saw myself as her saviour from her life (controlling family) and I saw her as my saviour from my life (drugs).

I agree with SammyJo and am glad that she spoke her mind, this is very serious. I may at times take it too lightly but I do know what I am doing and what I have done. The truth will hurt my wife and my family and myself. Please forgive me but I am not ready to face up to it.

Bonnie

[Laura Jane]

Let me say I had no intention of lying to her when I went into the den. I had already told her the ring was mine. Was surprised when I didn't get pressured to keep talking then. And no, I wasn't cooking up lies while she was gone.....I was just praying she wouldn't kill or divorce me, or have a stroke herself.

Since Karren's discovery I have been preparing what I would say when my turn came. I know it will go better (hahaha) if I start the confession rather than be caught. I had rehearsed it once while she was out. Then she started asking questions and I just started answering them. I know nobody believes me (but Sammy) but I am less relieved than I am numb, and mad at myself for jumping through the open door, and wondering what is coming next. I'm surprised I have made it 4 years now without being discovered before.


Emily Ann

Emily,

I think Bill Clinton didn't mean to lie about what he got up to with Monica, but was given what seemed liked a good way out when a judge said oral wasn't sexual relations and he went on TV speaking like a lawyer to the public who took his words literally.

You did not lie to your wife, but you did not tell her the truth and so when it comes out she will feel you lied.

You have blown a great oppotunity here, being caught with a ring is a much softer and easier introduction to cross dressing than being caught in a bra and pants.

Saying you like wearing female jewellery would not have your wife running to divorce courts!

[Donna]

Emily Ann,

Your wife may or may not really believe that you bought the ring for her. She wants too and so she has verbalized that thought. But she may still have the other one - that you are seeing someone else. Don't be convinced that she accepts the gift excuse 100%. After all, why would you loose a gift behind the toilet?

I hope your right and she bought it lock, stock, and barrel.

Donna