so, men's rest room or women's?

[NathalieX66]

In New Jersey, it's legal for transgender folk to use the bathroom of their choice. The key word in the law is "gender expression".

[Kate T]

Probably doesn't help many of you ladies but the local (well, 4 hours away local) CD group meeting they had a Police officer do a short presentation. I did not attend but my understanding from the discussion on our forums was that certainly in NSW, Australia, you are legally entitled to use the womens rest room if you are presenting as a female. It falls under our anti-discrimination acts.

[gender_blender]

Whichever is closest. I can easily validate my presence in either one. Always walk in like you own the place.

[AnitaH]

For me when I'm out dressed enfemme it's first a family restroom or the ladies. I agree that it could be asking for trouble using the men's room dressed if the wrong men are there. If using the ladies room, happens most times I'm out, small bladder, my preference would be a more private ladies room such as in a resturant but I have used those in the mall when needed. In this state, New York, they recently passed a state law making it legal to use the facilities of the gender of your presentation.

AnitaH

[NadiaEvelina]

I am surprised no one is talking about the law. In many states you can be arrested if you are a man and enter a ladies room (even dressed as a woman). The law does not change based on the clothes/makeup you wear. For those out there that are crossdressers (not transitioning) I hope you are being mindful of the law. For me it is the unisex family restroom.

I have never thought deeply about this issue. Anyone know the position California takes on this? I once saw this old tall middle eastern man enter the ladies room like nothing... it was upsetting. Usually unisex bathrooms are the best choice but if you have to chose one and don't want any problems with the law (if you are male in the eyes of the law) you should use the mens. I have never went to a public restroom in drag, but I have seen transwomen using womens room. It is a situation I want to avoid. If I cannot pass as a woman convincingly, there is not point in going to ladies room. Yet it also would be very uncomfortable going in mens in drag... (like peeing with a skirt, you might ask for unwelcome attention. I don't know, anyone has gone through this?

[christinac]

I forgot what city I was in, but the had restrooms in a lot of places clearly marked Transgendered.

Years ago back in the early 90's I lost a bet and had to wear a hot pink skin tight jump suit to a club. Well back then I had long hair and apparently I was very passable because at the club I went to release a few cans of beer and I just started in the door of the men's room when a bouncer grabs my arm and goes ma'am the ladies room is the next door down.

[ReineD]

I am surprised no one is talking about the law.

We live in a state that has anti-discrimination laws. Still, my SO (who has been going out publicly for years), prefers to use single-user bathrooms designated for women. She knows where they are, so it's not difficult to plan things. If, however, we're in a new area and there is no choice but to use a well-attended bathroom, she will use the women's, but she doesn't dally. She has no wish to risk offending women who might not understand. I admire my SO tremendously for this.

[Antoinette]

I never knew of a law either. I've seen women rush to the men's room sometimes when it's too crowded (and boy does it get crowded). Never been an issue atleast to my knowledge.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Well for me, i sure dont do the passing= blend in thing & im a woman & no hassles,

The waggon detail both doors open works well both for myself & dejarn so we'd pick a spot pleanty of trees around & as Dejarn is not keen on being seen . by others, shes 9.

...noeleena...

[Cassandra]

I have been a female now for two and a half years. And what I mean by that is I am a female, I am no longer a male. I always use the women's restroom when I am out because even though I was born a male I have gone through all the sex change stuff and am now a female.

[Vickie_CDTV]

For me when I'm out dressed enfemme it's first a family restroom or the ladies. I agree that it could be asking for trouble using the men's room dressed if the wrong men are there. If using the ladies room, happens most times I'm out, small bladder, my preference would be a more private ladies room such as in a resturant but I have used those in the mall when needed. In this state, New York, they recently passed a state law making it legal to use the facilities of the gender of your presentation.

Interesting, I thought they didn't pass the "bathroom bill" last year. Did it finally pass, or was it a different bill? (and does it cover non-GID diagnosed dressers or just TS/IS?)

[Lesley_Roberta]

Interesting replies (wish I had seen thread sooner, I might not have created mine)

I notice a lot of comments saying women are less a problem from being more tolerant. Hmmm I wonder how much of that sentiment is from us just not knowing what it was to be a female at birth and actually know what makes a born female tick. They say women can be incredibly vicious to each other, and that breaking up a female on female fight is actually uniquely dangerous. Granted, I guess if it was a born female looking at a person she considers a born male person, would that actually alter the response?

My experiences of ladies rooms (from work and cleaning them), is they differ from men's rooms in only one way. No wall space wasted on urinals. I suppose the vandalism comes with female slanted slurs put downs and imagery. But they are not cleaner just for being a female rest room. Men won't be plugging the toilet with feminine products, but ladies won't be throwing cigarette butts in the urinals and fouling them. Waste paper clutter knows no gender preference.

I've wondered, if after seeing a blockbuster film, is a men's room a faster choice even if means stand in line and then wow the guy beside you by hiking a skirt to show him you have the same gear he does. Men can cycle through using a urinal fairly fast (as all you 'guy' will know). I have never witnessed the speed at which the female traffic can enter the ladies room, get a stall, hike skirt lower panties squat pee and get sorted out and leave stall. But I suppose they take longer, which means 100 ladies waiting to pee will wait longer to pee than 100 guys.

But it still comes down to, comfort level. And alas, I don't expect to be uniquely successful at faking the female form. So it really just doesn't matter for me. I likely would feel like an obvious wrong choice in the ladies room. I don't think I would need fret over using a guys rest room in female form. Part of my dual personality means Leslie is always lurking deep down in the depths (moping too). I think if any guy attacked me, Leslie would likely react like someone had just attacked his girl friend. You do NOT want Leslie mad at you. He often scares me a bit. Full of dark thoughts and rage not to mention he has a real hate for men that hurt women.

About all I have going for me, is well Leslie has previous military service. He has utterly no problem watering the lawn But you can't always just find a place where you can just go outside eh.
Restaraunt, not likely, Mall not likely, downtown probably not, while out for a walk, maybe not so hard, small town, no shortage of places especially middle of town is sort of parkland ie no commercial worth. But you only need to go when it's a nuisance eh.

And I so dearly want to go dancing (heck Leslie wants to go dancing too), and would gladly swallow a few Tylenol as a pre emptive strike on my dancing wrecking me . But hmm a few beers and you gotta go. I would feel really awkward in girl mode needing to use the ladies room likely 4 times in just one visit. I mean talk about beating to death a problem.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I have been a female now for two and a half years. And what I mean by that is I am a female, I am no longer a male. I always use the women's restroom when I am out because even though I was born a male I have gone through all the sex change stuff and am now a female.

A long discussion potential I guess.

I myself am of the view, if you can lower your panties and declare, see I am not a male, then you are a female. Well in as much as they'd have trouble arguing the point.

[pacificblue]

I've only recently had to make this decision because I've only recently started going out in public. Whenever I do go out however I make sure to drink as little as possible to avoid the issue altogether. If pressed and desperate I imagine that I'd use the women's. My wife has told me before that she'd be kind enough to serve as a "lookout" of sorts, letting me know when the bathroom is empty or busy or what have you.

[TatianaJames]

Womens room is my choice immediately. Just walk right in, do your buisness, touch up your lips if you must and leave. Trust me its all about being natural and yes Ive been there with a few women and they mind their own buisness because after all the restroom is no place to stare at people.

[Lyric]

Whichever is closest. I can easily validate my presence in either one. Always walk in like you own the place.

Really? That surprises me. You're one of the most feminine looking TS people on the board. I'd think you'd draw a bit of attention in a mensroom.

[sierra_g]

A FTM TS that I used to work with posted this on his Facebook. He is a big activist with PFlag.
I thought it to be very fitting. It is something that I definitely worry about when I do go out dressed for the first time.

[ReineD]

^ There's an answer to this: single user bathrooms.

Small places (restaurants, cafés, gas stations) tend to have them. Not so much big places.

[chelseababy]

The one time so far that I went out for an afternoon I used the women's and didn't even think about it! I think it would just cause trouble going in the mens, for me its about passing and being accepted as a woman, if I go in the mens then I lose any chance of that happening wherever I am so I wouldnt see the point!

[katie_barns]

Always use the restroom of the gender I am presenting. Girl mode - womens / Boy mode -mens. Never had a problem.

I posted this on a similar thread here.
The one funny thing that happened in restroom once; there was a woman with 4 or 5 young girls in the restroom. While I was waiting for a stall one of the young girls couldn't get her bib-overalls buttoned. She asked me to help. The women with them nodded ok, because she was helping another one. So I did.
I think I cried in the stall a few minutes later. Nothing I have ever experience has made me feel more like a woman; than to have a child look at me as just another mommy to help her. A simple thing, but a very emotional experience for me.

[Lorenqt]

If I'm dressed I use the women's restroom.

[SusanQ]

I only underdress, so the restroom choice is simple, I only use the men's room (or a single sex room). But the problem I frequently encounter is lack of available stalls in the men's room. Because most men use the urinals, they don't usually build a lot of stalls...but when wearing panties, pantyhose, girdles, etc. it is more than impossible to use a urinal. So I find that I frequently spend quite a bit of time waiting for an available stall.

[Cheryl T]

When in Rome....
I've had some rather nice experiences in the women's room with women and prefer to be there than in the midst of a bunch of testosterone filled macho homophobes. You never know what's in a guy's mind....lol.