ANY LADIES THAT STARTED OF DRESSING BUT THAN DECIDED To become transexuals?

[Chazity]

I have the desire to dress more,and im just worried that one day I will want to become a full time woman...... My wife said if I wanted to that it would be ok ,but we would become roommates or girl friends..... And she would have to have sex with someone else,because she is in love with.. the man not the woman.so wherewould that leave me ?i dont want to have sex with a man ,but I would still have a sexual need im assuming ...i dont really knoe about that because hormones have side efects like the ability to get an errection....im so confused right know

[MandyGG]

I may be completely wrong with this, so forgive me ladies of the TS community, if I am.....

But, if you are worried about your erection, then you are NOT transexual. From what I have learned, a TS woman feels that her "thing" is a deformity or mistake and she doesn't like to look at it, let alone use it! You really need to think long and hard about it before any decisions are made.

Could you possibly be in a "pink fog" right now, and this is where these thoughts are coming from?

I don't know how to advise you on the subject, so I am sure that someone will soon come in with wonderful commentary to help you.

I wish you luck in your journey within yourself.

[joanna4]

I don't how to explain it nor how far I would have gotten but I my dressing got very intense from 2010-2011. I was leaning towards becoming a transsexual. I was ready to tell my family about my dressing. I met my gf last summer and have only kept dressing.

[Shelly Preston]

I dont think you can decide to become transexual. You may discover your are TS over time.

You can decide to live full time as a woman if you wish but this wont make you TS.

Gender & Sexuality are not the same thing.

I notice you seem to be worried about some time in the future, most of us have enough trouble coping in the present. It is also possible nothing will change for you. Deciding to take hormones is a big step for anyone and needs to be done under medical supervision.
Slow yourself down an consider these points before getting too worried.

[Kaz]

My advice is to slow down and stop analysing it. Talk to people on this site... there is a wealth of knowledge and experience here. My take on it all is that these categories are arbitrary and cause more problems that solving them. We are all unique individuals and we all need to find the path that works best for us. Categorisation leads you into a pathway that is not necessarily the one that is right for you.

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Kaz. The best way to go is get in touch with your feelings and find out who you are as a person first and take it from there.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you don't "decide" to be transsexual!!

so don't worry about whether crossdressing can change you....it won't...

it could turn out you slowly come to a realization that you are transsexual... but pls be confident that it won't be because of crossdressing...

the more you "enjoy" your penis and erections the less likely it is you are transsexual..but make no mistake, lots of us were very into sex with women and our penis prior to transition...its just a way to prove your manhood for some...

[Cheryl123]

Relax Chazity! It seems like you answered your own question when you said you don't want to have sex with a man. We are who we are. No amount of cross dressing will change that. Heterosexual male cross-dressers and transsexuals are really very different (we just look the same!). Many cross dressers live as full time women -- check out the Tri-Ess organization (formerly the Society for the Second Self). The founder of Tri-Ess is the late Virginia Prince whose writing I'm found to be very helpful -- "sex is what's between my legs, gender is what's in my heart." (Some are available for free at Google Books). So .. relax, take a deep breath and find joy in each day (in heels and skirt!)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Cheryl can i correct one thing you said.....

NOT wanting sex with a man means nothing to your gender... many many transsexuals did not feel sexually attracted to men and discovered through transition that this was only part of the facade of a male life...
of course there are many hetero cross dressers too...i'm just saying feeling you are hetero is not a factor...

Tri-ess is more heterosexuality focused than most religions..

[deebra]

Go to the Yahoo web site, click on Yahoo Search and type in ******** or shemalepics, becoming a ******* sounds like this fits you. You can become a female but keep the plumbing that would allow you to have sexual intercourse with your wife but also be the woman you want to be. If you go this route and down the road you decide I want to go back, you can have the breast implants removed, stop the hormones and return to male.

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Chazity,
Where to start.... You said your wife is OK with you becoming a full time woman, BUT you would become roommates or girlfriends? She said she'd have to have sex with someone else? And you are OK with this arrangement? I looked at your profile; what about the 3 children? Would it be worth it to give up? Is the need or desire so strong that you are ready to end the status of being their dad? If you love your wife, are you ready to see her in the arms of another man? Are you ready to watch the kids grow up with a different man as their father figure? All these things are possible and even probable if you decide to give in to whatever level of gender issues you may feel. Like others have said, sex and gender are 2 very different things. You make it clear that you are not attracted to men. Most TS's will tell you that HRT will not change that. Could this be a serious case of PINK FOG? Most TS's will also tell you that you feel like you were born in the wrong body and that in fact you are a female inside; Further, most will tell you they felt that way from very early childhood. Is this how you feel? I am not a TS and never felt I'd like to transition or even live full time as a woman. I enjoy being the man that I am. I'm happy being a part time female, or emulate them as much as I can. But never would I consider giving up on the woman I love and having intimate relations with her just to satisfy my need to dress and act female. I would not want to be less a man to my children and the potential pain it will bring into their lives. Many TS's have risked it all because they had to. It was not a simple choice for them. Are you ready for a life of emotional pain and giving up or losing what you have in the way of a wife and children? You need to do some very serious soul searching and add up the emotional cost of transition. Not only on you, but your wife, your children. If it's a very real pain living in your male body, then maybe you are TS if to you, the pain is worth it. I know I could not and would not do this to myself and those that depend on me and love me. I'd try being happy being a crossdesser and make the best of my life if there is any doubt about my gender. The cost is to high. Perhaps you need a professional to help you sort out your feelings. But I also agree with others...Your continued crossdressing will not make you a TS.
I wish you the very best in what you decide. I hope your wife and children will not go through the pain a bad decision will put on them. They don't have a choice. It's up to you.

[Jenniferathome]

Crossdressing does not cause transsexualism. It is coincident for transsexuals. if you are worried about using your penis, you are not a transsexual candidate. A transsexual sees relief in removal of the penis because it does not belong on their body as they see and feel themselves to be.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Sometimes the quick answer is ask yourself to list priorities in the order you REALLY want them, and to then be blunt with yourself with your list.

Is your wife and family higher on the list? If yes you already know the answer.

Your wife didn't write the list YOU did. Your wife has only told you honestly what HER needs are. Now you need to be honest with yourself and not be surprised by what your choices create.

I am in the EXACT same position you are in, in my own unique way. Only difference is I have two people in my head. Leslie and Lesley. Leslie is not me, in as much as he has no desire to stop being my wife's husband. Meanwhile, I (Lesley) would not miss the man parts, but, I share Leslie's opinions on the value of a person's word. Leslie said some things during his wedding ceremony that matter to him more than his own comfort. And I share his needs where a person's word is concerned, so I am ok letting Leslie keep his word, even if it means I get to suffer along with him.

MY wife is ok with me (Lesley) or that is what I am getting. One of those "I love you regardless of who you are' types.
But of course, I wonder, so if I didn't have a male sex organ, and became female, and your sex life was lesbian or not at all, would she still think it was a good idea.
Well I look at our sex time. I need to be in her to reach climax, but she prefers a good fingering. I can finger her regardless of what is or is not between my legs. If I was a woman, she simply wouldn't be bathing aways a man's common mess from sex.

YOUR wife has made it plain, you WILL remain male, or you get to be nothing but a roommate.
Or put another way, she is accepting of your need to dress up, in the same way a woman might tolerate you having guys over to be loud and atypically male in front of the TV watching 'the game'. Some women will ditch you just for playing video games too long on your computer. Some will ditch you just for not spending ALL your spare time with them to the point your buddies rarely if ever see you. And yes, I have witnessed this first hand with my friends.

So I'm offering you the same advice I would offer a friend wanting to join my role gaming group(s). Can you actually attend regularly? Because even though it is just a game, it is OUR time that makes the difference, and we want to know you respect our time enough to show up ALL the time like we do unless something of inescapable variable intrudes (like work). And even then, if work makes you unable to be there better than hit or miss, the result is 'sorry man, life doesn't care if you want to role game with us'.
Work IS a voluntary choice believe it or not. You can always quit if the result doesn't matter to you. Just so long as you can accept the cost. Spending time with your kids is a choice. But will the choice be worth it?

YOU are worth what you say you are worth, but, YOU get to decide what your stated worth will mean to your life too.
If my wife told me to 'drop all this crap or else' for instance, my choices are either do so, regardless of how it bothers me, or deal with the 'or else' aspect.
My wife means more to me than life itself. Wearing a dress is lower on my list. It doesn't mean it would not hurt and hurt a great deal too.
But I think my wife sees that it would hurt me to the core and make my life a living hell. And I like to think she loves me as strongly as I love her.
My wife is not one of those complainers 'you play games too much, you don't spend enough time with me', blah blah blah.
But then I don't give her much reason to complain. I will buy her gift cards to her favourite stores 'here's a 50 dollar card to Pennigtons'. I have just made it so she has no choice but to treat herself as the money is already spent. I take her out to lunch as often as possible (it's one of her things).

You have to give back something to them eventually.

Sorry for the long reply. I don't really do short replies though

[Sara Jessica]

Sorry for the long reply. I don't really do short replies though

I can do a (semi) short reply...

No more than I could decide NOT to be a transsexual.

As Kaitlin put it, there can be an element of self-awareness that comes about over time. Or in my case, finally admitting the long-standing reality to myself. But crossdressing is an activity that is behavior-based, an experience that can manifest itself in some very intense and glorious ways. Transsexual is central to your very being and can also be very glorious if one is accepting of it and cherishes their rather unique world view. You'd know it if you were there.

Both CDing and being TS can be a royal pain in the neck as well, depending on how you manage things. And while I would speculate that being on the TS side of the fence is a greater burden (psychologically, emotionally, and/or affect on others) neither of these are hierarchal in any way, they are simply in very different places, different manifestations of gender variance and/or expression.

[docrobbysherry]

Sigh! I guess I do EVERYTHING backwards! When I began dressing some 16 years ago, I suddenly thot I wanted real breasts and fantasized about SRS, forced fem, and sex with men! But, over the years, all the fantasies have disappeared!

Now, I'm quite content to be a straight CD! Goes to show u! There really R NO HARD AND FAST RULES!

[whowhatwhen]

Go to the Yahoo web site, click on Yahoo Search and type in ******** or shemalepics, becoming a ******* sounds like this fits you. You can become a female but keep the plumbing that would allow you to have sexual intercourse with your wife but also be the woman you want to be. If you go this route and down the road you decide I want to go back, you can have the breast implants removed, stop the hormones and return to male.

Arrr, that be a dangerous road you're traveling there...
The thing is TS women who do porn are likely only doing it to afford surgeries that they require to live as women.

Have a read of the TS/Body issues section, hormones, or any medication for that matter is nothing to take lightly due to the risks associated with it.
I wouldn't take them and expect my male parts to keep working, actually I think them not working would be a bonus there IMO.

[Cheryl123]

For Kaitlyn Michele ... thnx for the correction. My bad! I can understand that because we live in such a sexually repressive society that our true self gets buried under many facades. Cross dressing can be a door through which we can step to discover who we really are. Thank you for the insight. It is greatly appreciated

[Vickie_CDTV]

Chazity, you could live full time as a crossdresser without HRT or SRS and remain with fully functional male genitals (would you wife still want to be with another man if you were still fully functional sexually as a male? Might be worth asking. I know as a hetero male myself, I would be CRUSHED if my wife didn't want to be with me ever again and wanted to be with someone else.)

At any rate, being TS (or even just living fulltime as a woman) often comes with a very heavy price, it is not something one does on a whim, and not something one does unless one absolutely has to. if you don't absolutely have to (and you sound like you are ok with your body as is), don't.

[TGMarla]

My propensity to crossdress led me to believe for a very long time that I was transexual. I badly wished I was a woman, and I still strongly wish I'd been born that way instead. I know I have some transexual tendencies that will never really go away. However, I will never transition, and I've learned to accept myself the way I am, relegating my desires to immerse myself in feminine splendor to the time I'm able to spend en femme.

There is a lot more to transexualism that a mere desire to wear women's clothing, or even a desire to have sex as a woman. It's a state of being. I came to understand that my wants and needs didn't add up to a good enough reason to transition. If one desires womanhood merely because one could then wear skirts, dresses, and high heels without any social ramifications, then one does not have enough of a reason to completely change, if not destroy, one's life. In fact, I likely enjoy wearing dresses a whole lot more, and do so much more often as a crossdresser than I would were I actually female. Women have a whole lot more to worry about on a day to day basis, just like anyone, than fixating on their hemlines and high heels. But for crossdressers, it's all about the clothing, and little more. We can go about our lives and take care of our business, and engage in our feminine interests as time allows.

Bottom line: if it's all about the cute little outfits, then it's probably not about transexualism.

[KellyJameson]

I can only give you my opinion as it pertains to me.

From that perspective I do not think we choose to become transsexuals as much as it chooses us by a mixture of physiology,psychology,fetal environment, environmental toxins, maternal stressors ,emotional bonding in childhood and social indoctrination (turning boys into men/ girls into women) and so it becomes more about consciously learning about yourself and uncovering the patterns of your behavior to see deeper truths.

I would be the same regardless of whether I crossdressed or not and I have never experienced the "high" of crossdressing. The crossdressing works like a second skin combined with the changes I have made to my physical features.

The clothes express a natural power that is already in me so I do not become sexually aroused by the sight of myself but it does feel like sexual power that is directed outward not inward.

I think there are many clues in childhood if you can remember your feelings and behavior which is difficult because there is so much pressure placed on men and women to conform to sterotypical behavior in childhood so they ignore (repress) who they are by ignoring what they want and how they naturally want to express themselves. They bury the truth of who they really are so that they may survive and so in adulthood it becomes a matter of uncovering these buried truths.

This is extremely confusing and difficult but once you have done it and you look back over your life the truth than seems obvious because you have now become what you already were and so you feel whole and not divided against yourself.

Think of a snake that sheds it's skin so it can grow or a caterpillar that emerges as a butterfly but in this case it is a psychological metamorphosis that parallels the intentional metamorphosis of the body.

If you take someone and force them to have a sex change when their gender identity does not correspond to the body they have now been changed into they may not survive psychologically because they will experience a type of forced GID. Some people can live as either gender but many (possibly most) must be one or the other.

Think about your relationship to your own body. How much do you really like looking like a man? Do you like the feeling of smooth skin and no body hair ? If you could change your face into softer features would you ? Psychologically is intercourse easy and natural or does it feel odd and awkward and you are most comfortable when the other person takes the active role during intercourse because it is in conflict with your natural energies of taking the world inside of yourself?

This is a generalization but being a woman is inviting the world into your life through active waiting and being a man is entering into the world unannounced and unasked without concern for waiting.

Men lead because they expect and force others to follow. Women lead by creating consensus. A man stands outside the group and pushes it, a woman stands inside the group and pushes it. This generalization is not dependant on biology and either sex can do this but the tendency is for behavior and biology to line up in stereotypical behavior.

[CONSUELO]

Slow down. Read as much as possible about transexualism and related conditions and seek out a good counsellor who really understands the subject. I too have gone through big emotional swings. I don't know why. Hormones? general brain chemistry? I have no idea. Finally don't worry and over analyze this. You are not alone.

[Voulez-Vous]

I dont think you can decide to become transexual. You may discover your are TS over time.

Exactly. You can't just "decide to become" a TS. It doesn't work that way. Either you are, or you aren't.

[Chazity]

Thank you have all helped me so much .i do think that I might have been having down swing of imotions at the time when I posted this .....they sit edited the title if anyone read it before or I upset anyone im truly sorry im still new here so please forgive me.also a lot of ladies here tell me to seek medical advise,but I cant afford it ,and everyone on this forum are probaly more helpful........and I will always remember my chidren they will not know about me until they are old enough to understand.

[ReineD]

There is a lot more to transexualism that a mere desire to wear women's clothing, or even a desire to have sex as a woman. It's a state of being.

[...]

In fact, I likely enjoy wearing dresses a whole lot more, and do so much more often as a crossdresser than I would were I actually female.

I'm quoting you to emphasize this, Marla. Thanks for sharing.

And Bingo on the second part.

[Beth-Lock]

There really R NO HARD AND FAST RULES!

I think the reason a lot of CD's remain CD's is that they are happily married. Otherwise, I suspect that they would transition and live as transwomen.