A little help and support

[leliani]

Hello ladies. It's been a long time since I posted, but I need some advice.

I have been dressing for a long time now. For a while I thought it was just a phase I was going through, but as I've been dressing for almost half my life now (I'm 32), I'm realizing that it's just something I enjoy.

Anyway, about 4 years ago, I finally got the courage up to tell my wife about my dressing. She didn't freak out, but she kind of blew it off as an activity that I had been doing because I missed her ( we were on long distance relationship for four year). She said that she didn't really want to be part of it. As we haven't talked about it since, I think that she may think that I've stopped / given up.

She was gone again back home for 3 months previously, and so of course I jumped on the opportunity to go all out and have some fun on the weekends. But now that she's back, I can't do that anymore.

What should I do here ladies? I'm worried about the obvious things if I tell her I haven't given up. Does anyone have any advice on how to bring it up again? Or is anyone in a similar situation or had a similar situation?

I just don't know what to do...

[Kelly_Gurl21]

Well, you will never know unless you talk to her! I can't imagine being in your situation. On one hand you love dressing, but on the other you love your wife. If it is truly who you are, and it makes you happy then you have to let it out. Perhaps just bring up up, don't outright tell her you enjoy it now, but see if you can find a light hearted way to bring it into conversation. like "hey, remember when.." (you'll think of something). If she didn't freak out, then there seems like there is a good chance that she will understand, though it may take some time.

[RainyNightGirl]

I think you have to be calm and tell her. This is part of you, it is who you are and also who you always will be. I was very, very concerned about telling my SO about this but I am glad I did. She is a rock on which I lean and more. I think you may be surprised about how supportive she is. She may just need some encouragement to know that you are also still her husband. Most of all just take it easy with her, little by little and do not rush it. My best wishes to you, hugs Natasha. Please let us know how it goes

[Rebecca Star]

I'm in agreement with the other ladies.

She knows you've CD'ed before and didn't leave, which I dare say that's what concerns you. On the flip, how long can you go hidding your desire to dress? It's obviously bugging you being in the closet so to speak.

I told my SO early on in our relationship, why? Well cause I'd rather lose her then than lose her after years and years. Cold hard truth is some GG's can't handle knowing their SO is a CD. Though there are others who either embrace it or at least except it and try to give support. To me it sounds like you wife wont freak out. She may not understand it but I don't see her leaving - she didn't before!

Either way I think you already know the answer to your question.

You know your SO better than any of us, so I believe the best solution is to plan a suitable dialogue with her and go fo it.

Add - If I've learnt anything about GG's they hate being lied to and righly so.

[docrobbysherry]

I must disagree with u, Leliani! I think u know EXACTLY what u should do! So, answering your thread simply becomes a mental excersize doesn't it? Just do THE RITE THING for u and her!

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

I must disagree with u, Leliani! I think u know EXACTLY what u should do! So, answering your thread simply becomes a mental excersize doesn't it? Just do THE RITE THING for u and her!

I agree with you completely Doc. She just had to write it to hear it. A conversation between them is needed, but don't start the conversation with, "We need to talk."

[WifeofWrenchette]

IAdd - If I've learnt anything about GG's they hate being lied to and rightly so.

You are so right Rebecca. That is the one thing that we hate the most.

It's best to just be honest with her, especially since she didn't freak out before. A lot of us are accepting or even embrace the idea.

[Cheryl T]

If you feel the need to discuss it then just be honest and open.

[Kate T]

Obviously you need to talk to her.

It's not really something you "give up" for a majority of us. It is a part of who we are. Trying to explain that to her will be the toughest thing.

[mscatie85]

I think the base of a great marriage is good communication. You need to sit your wife down for a serious conversation about this topic. Before the conversation you have to sit down with yourself and ask: Why do I crossdress? How does it make me feel? and Can I live without it?. The answers to these questions should help provide a basis for the conversation with your wife.

[Tina B.]

Maybe you could suggest another long trip for her?
Tina B.

[Jenniferathome]

Well, you have to talk about it. Since she already knows, it will be fairly easy. "Honey, I need to talk to you about something." and you're off

[Stephanie47]

I think the consensus of opinion is to discuss your desires with her. If she was away for three months, I have to assume she made a fairly accurate guess that you were dressing. You may want to disclose to her the extend of your dressing in her absence, and, how dressing made you feel. If you were able to dress 24/7 for three months, whether you did it 24/7 or not, you cannot stuff Leliani back into the bottle. Even in a DADT relationship there must be some guidelines and boundaries established, whether discussed or implied, that make both comfortable. I wouldn't sit around my house in a dress and heels in front of my wife, but, she knows I do dress in her absence. She may have legitimate fears concerning jobs, friends, family and neighbors that need to be addressed.

I am retired and my wife still works. I get adequate en femme time. However, I am not looking forward to the time she fully retired which should be in another nine years. My bridge to cross in down the road.