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Thread: Feeling Disconnected With CD/TG Communities

  1. #1
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    Feeling Disconnected With CD/TG Communities

    I’m feeling disconnected within communities. Being an androgynous person, that is gender-queer/gender-fluid, I find it very hard to relate to a lot of transgender/cross-dressing people. I think it’s for multiple reasons, there might be an age difference, since often people are older than me, also my sense of style and interests are different than a lot, but most of all my gender identity seems different than most. I don’t feel like just a woman, and I don’t feel like just a man, I feel like these two worlds are colliding together, and that makes who I am. There is no pink fog, no switch of mentality, however, my appearance does shift between masculine and feminine, with it quite often falling in the middle, but I do have days where I look completely like a man, and others where I look like a woman. The biggest problem I have is being unable to relate to people, sure I can relate on some levels, like oh hey we wear women’s clothes, but it’s quite depressing not having people really understand your situation. Gender is a unique spectrum with infinite possibilities, so I don’t expect to meet friends that are completely like me. However, if you’re between the ages of 20-35 and feel you sort of relate to this post, especially if you are in the New York area, but you can be in any state, please send me a message. I just sort of want some friends that I can talk to and trust.

  2. #2
    Member Kimberlyfaye's Avatar
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    Aw I'm sorry to hear that Ayame. I would love to offer advice to you but I wouldn't fully understand the situation you are in. But if you do need someone just to chat I would be happy to talk to you. I don't like people being upset :-(
    Oh and you look super pretty in your avatar hun ;-)

    Hugs x

  3. #3
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I suspect there are a lot of folks here who can relate to your situation. If your main concern is finding friends, I've discovered that the people who have the most friends are the people who don't worry about being liked or understood. I have very little in common with any of my best friends, but so what? I enjoy their company, and I assume the reverse is also true. Be cheerful and friendly to everyone you meet, and a lot of people will want to be your friend.

    CK

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ayame View Post
    I don’t feel like just a woman, and I don’t feel like just a man, I feel like these two worlds are colliding together, and that makes who I am.
    I can relate to this. In a way that's how I look at myself.

    One thing I've learned is this: if I get a good idea, I can be sure that at least a million other people have had before me. And if express one possibility, I can be sure that lots of other people have got there before me.

    Ayame, you can be sure you're not alone. Be patient. You will find others like you, or close enough as makes no difference.

    Best wishes, Annabelle

  5. #5
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    I don’t feel like just a woman, and I don’t feel like just a man, I feel like these two worlds are colliding together, and that makes who I am.
    Clash of the Titans eh, I can't say I feel the same way you do as we all feel different, my personality switches can occur only when I'm all alone, my parents wouldn't approve of Joslyn, I too constantly feel both they're presences at once, but Josh bores me nowadays and sooner or later he'll be disappearing. Not sure I can offer much help like this, but I live in nj and turn twenty next month so I hope I'm close enough in your range to talk, I've always been a great listener and would love to hear bout you, so if you feel so inclined send me a message I'm always on and always looking for a good story, can't wait to hear from you

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    Ayame, your situation is that of many people your age, and there are some of us olde folkes who actually envy you. You have the ability to enjoy publicly walking in between the worlds of masculine and feminine and be accepted by most in doing so. You likely don't have to keep your assigned-gender friends in the dark about your other side as we more traditional CDers do.

    Rather than concentrate on our differences, focus on the things that bring us together. I think that we can understand your situation better than you think we can!
    Eryn
    "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
    "She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
    "Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]

  7. #7
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
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    I do not relate to all of my friends the same, some more, some less. You will find people here that you just might like to talk to, just to talk. I know you will find others that you can relate to on some level. It may be difficult, just never give up trying, and chatting with others. you never know when you might connect. The more you chat, the better your chances.

    I admire your fluidity, I am not able to do that. The important thing is that you enjoy it.

    Barbara
    He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
    - Friedrich Nietzche -
    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

  8. #8
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Like any population there are outlyers.... Outside a couple standard deviations. Personally I don't feel disconnected. Cause I never connected. I just don't feel the need for any kind of organized support system...
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    I just don't feel the need for any kind of organized support system...
    You mean you don't wear a bra? Oops, that's none of my business. I apologize, Karren.

    Annabelle

  10. #10
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annabelle Larousse View Post
    You mean you don't wear a bra? Oops, that's none of my business. I apologize, Karren.

    Annabelle
    My bra draws is definitely not organized! Lol.
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  11. #11
    Member reflections-of's Avatar
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    I can relate to what you are saying. I am an androgynous person myself as well. I have felt disconnected from the cross-dressing/transgendered community. For me I have always felt that I fall between both genders, two spirited if you will. There is an interesting article speaking about creative personality types that I found solace in.

    This is a exert from the article:

    Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping. When tests of masculinity/femininity are given to young people, over and over one finds that creative and talented girls are more dominant and tough than other girls, and creative boys are more sensitive and less aggressive than their male peers.
    This tendency toward androgyny is sometimes understood in purely sexual terms, and therefore it gets confused with homosexuality. But psychological androgyny is a much wider concept referring to a person's ability to be at the same time aggressive and nurturant, sensitive and rigid, dominant and submissive, regardless of gender. A psychologically androgynous person in effect doubles his or her repertoire of responses. Creative individuals are more likely to have not only the strengths of their own gender but those of the other one, too.

    I agree with you that the spectrum of gender is unique with infinite possibilities. I always seem myself being in the middle. There are times when I enjoy doing what is considered girl things, but also times when I enjoy male activities.

    There are times when I greatly enjoy dressing up, going shopping with my girlfriend, go clubbing enfemme. Then there are times when I want to hit a Rehab show; get in the pit and get crunked.

    There are times when I am dressed in my male attire and then there are time when I am completely dressed as a female. Then there are times when I am right down the middle, masculine and fem looking at the same time. My nails are polished, usually black and I am wearing eyeliner. So I can relate and understand what you are going through.

    I’ll shoot you a friend request, if you like to accept it that be cool.

    By The Way,
    While I live in Florida now, I grew up on Long Island, Lake Ronkonkoma to be exact.

  12. #12
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    "I’m feeling disconnected within communities."

    I feel this all the time. I feel it a bit here, I sure feel it a bit elsewhere on the internet (even when it has nothing to do with why I arrived here).

    I seem to rub some of the CD the wrong way, as I don't consider it cross dressing, I consider myself to be wearing the wrong body in the right clothing.
    I don't care to ever be 'pretty', I'd settle for average.
    My objective is not to 'dress up' but to be able to convert to female clothing all day and all week.

    My problem is I am not one mind, and one person wishing to be another gender, I also have a male half that wants to remain genuinely full on male.
    But as Leslie likes to sleep in the nude, and all he wants to do is have sex in the morning to fullfill that need and then he is basically gone for the day that means he really doesn't need any clothes eh.

    But it is frustrating seeing myself in the mirror. I just look soooo damned male. And I feel so damned female. And I KNOW my friends are only seeing Leslie, even if they are not ****ing clueless and realize it is not some weird stunt.

    I feel like I am being ignored.

    My question to you, is, were you born male? (I confess I don't currently know every person on the forum in detail).
    Some of humanity just doesn't really look like either gender. But, generally speaking, we are all born with male or female parts.
    You are either androgynous and male or androgynous and female. And society will likely be harsher to an androgynous male in female clothing, than harsh to an androgynous female in male clothing.
    One of the few times life is not fair to men rather than the other way around as it usually is.

    I'd likely rather be androgynous and female if I had to pick.

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