Hi Karren. Ugh. I just typed a whole response to this on my phone and i hit submit and boom! Internet connection lost. Sucks for me. Anyways, i just want you to know that i am very empathetic to your situation because I've put myself in situations where my own deceit led to that feeling of which you speak. The hardest part for me to deal with was dealing with the fact that it seems hopeless. It seemed as though no matter what i did, i couldn't be more honest or even try to keep things at an even keel because it seemed like no matter what i did, it got twisted into some form of more mistrust....and when you know there isn't any reason for her to mistrust you, it just hurts.
---if you don't have thick skin you may not want to read the next part---
First girl i was with knew, loved and accepted it wholeheartedly. She was awesome. However, after 5 years of such extereme highs and lows i broke it off with her and cleaned up and stopped dressing. I ended up with another girl not long after (mary). She is the one i refer to. I kept it a secret but mainly cause i didnt wanna dress anymore. Well......(pause for dramatic effect).....the dressing bug came back hard after about a year. Eventually, I told her a couple years into it. Mistrust insues. After a couple years of relentless fighting and suffering I came to the realization that it was over....i just knew. 4 years with her and i really liked her a lot. But i handled it well because i accepted long ago that there would be possible repercussions from keeping it a secret. Its not her fault. Put yourself in her shoes (lol no pun..) some girls just dont want a guy like that. I know it may not be what you wanna hear and im sorry for that but im just explaining how i got through it. Best case senario is that she wakes up and realizes what a beautiful person you are inside and out and i do hope that's what ends up happening. All my best to you sweetheart. XoXoXo