It sounds like a DADT situation then.... Those are tricky, and I don't know any wives that are in one to ask!! Just try to keep the lies to a minimum still! You never know when her mind might change, and you will want to have an honest slate if she does.
Real Men (Among Others!) Wear Panties
I must have been in a bitchy mood, sorry Steffi. I like Mandy's advice.
Also remember sometimes GG's have the willies with the CD'ing because it is just a reminder of the lies. I suspect sometimes they don't even realise it themselves but a part of the reason they hate the CD'ing is that every time you do it it just reminds them of all the lies you told about it before. I genuinely believe most truly loving SO's want to and do continue to love their partners but there is some damage to trust and respect that has to be repaired.
Karren,
I've read and re-read the posts in this thread and like everyone else here my heart goes out to you. You've been such a source of support (not to mention all of the laughs!) that to hear about your situation makes it all the more poignant. I guess we all deal with hiding things from our wives / SO's, and feel the guilt that we hurt them with the lack of trust and honesty.
But I find it hopeful is that you both have made and are making the best of it, as several of your posts indicate:
I think you've said a lot for you both here.Originally Posted by Karren Hutton
Even with the pink socks and hockey stick?
This sounds like a major sacrifice!
.. and I think this says volumes too.
Sadly, we have. I just wish there was sort sort of magic wand we could wave to fix things, but there isn't any single solution. Every couple is different, and faces a different set of circumstances and feelings. Guess the best we can do is offer encouragement and empathy.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
Karen I find it rather sad that you are in this position - I do understand the trust issues as my husband told me after almost 30 years of marriage. It was more about the lying and sneaking than the clothes that bothered me. But having thought long and hard about why he hid this from me, I now understand and know that he didnt do this to decieve me - it was more about not wanting to reveal this part of him that might have damaged our relationship - I can really get that now.
As for an affair being preferable - I can only speak from my viewpoint but no, it certainly wasnt for me. My husband had an affair some years ago and it nearly drove me to suicide. It was far far worse than the CD'ing. It was without doubt the most horrible, hurtful and degrading thing in my life.
His dressing is quite acceptable to me and even something we can both share - it doesnt take him away from me and yes, I did have issues about only wanting one female in the relationship but I realise now that it just isnt that big a deal.
I wish with all my heart your wife could move past the mistrust - I know its not easy but if she could just see what a truly lovely person you obviously are and that you have no desire to hurt or deceive her. I often get the sense from your posts that you are just a little bit sad that things are the way they are and that makes me a little bit sad too.
That's the problem Karren. My SO is much the same way, not out of a desire to hide anything from me, it's just the way she is and has always been. She keeps her emotions and many of her thoughts about more personal things to herself. For example, a few years ago she went to the BeAll conference, an entire week of full-time with tons of other people, a makeover & photoshoot, interesting lectures, social outings, etc. Her account of the whole thing was, "yes, I enjoyed it".She had prepared for weeks, in fact a week before the event she had told me to deal with an issue I was having with a girlfriend because she had to pack.
Had it been me, I would have described in detail a near hour-by-hour account of all my impressions. lol I was intensely interested in not only what the various aspects of the conference were like, but more importantly how it affected her emotionally and her impressions of others there, who she felt more in sync with, what she thought about the talks. She didn't even want to tell me what talks she had attended. And in the absence of any feedback, my only recourse was to fill in the blanks by myself (despite my knowing the chances of getting it right were slim). You can imagine where my mind took me. I trust my SO implicitly, but I had all these nagging feelings based on stuff I read here and elsewhere. I wondered if going to such an event made her regret being a GM. I wondered if she had been attracted to anyone there. I wondered what lectures she had attended, the more policial trans-rights talks, or the talks about FFS & SRS. I knew I shouldn't have felt this way, but I couldn't help feeling that if she did not care to discuss such a momentous (in my opinion) event, it was because she didn't want to upset me, and so she instead preferred to keep an important part of who she is to herself. And so I imagined the worst.It's been quite a few years now and I have a much better idea of who my SO is, but at the time I did feel hurt by her reluctance to be more open.
If you (and my SO) became more like an open book, it would leave much less for us SOs to imagine and (being human), possibly fill in the blanks with the worst. If this makes sense.
Mandy you bring up a good point, but I've seen GGs devastated when their husbands made them believe they were having affairs (when the GGs found panties in the car for example) rather than tell them about the CDing. Just saying that some of us would rather hear the truth.
Last edited by ReineD; 05-29-2012 at 12:45 PM.
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