getting so close to telling my wife

[Stephanie47]

This is so true. At times I wonder if this is the part that makes me so angry. Until I came to this forum (only this past week) I felt totally alone. I couldn't even talk to my best friend about problems I was having with my husband because I would "out" him.

Marie, you are a very insightful woman. After years of marriage my cross dressing desires surfaced. My wife even participated in the early years with bedroom play. We are in a DADT relationship because she refuses to communicate. Yes, there are numerous times, when a simple omission in household performance of duties causes out of proportion responses. She refuses to confront the issues surrounding cross dressing. Now couple the "abnormal" behavior of moi with other non cross dressing issues that may surface. In my case there are issues that arise from PTSD from combat decades ago. There are issues my wife has from her youth. Some of my issues and experiences, but not cross dressing, are discussed and in therapy. But, the fear of discussing the inner feelings of both parties puts unnecessary strain on a marriage.

I commend you and other GG's, who realize there is still a loving husband under his clothes, be they feminine or masculine.

[outhiking]

When I told my wife, I tried to help her realize that I was inside the same person she fell in love with and married. Part of what made me attractive to her was all of me, masculine and femine. However, visually she's not into it, so I keep it to myself and we rarely discuss it, but at least I was able to hold onto that part of myself that I feared she would insist had to go.

[Presh GG]

Please ,
I have to join in here.
What about your wife ? All I've heard here is how it effects YOU. What about her feelings ? She knows something is ... what ? She doesn't know , doesn't understand.
She can only wonder WHAT is differant in OUR marriage than my friends. Why is there so much anger ... And Please don't tell me there isn't.
How can she grow to accept and [Probably / possibly support the elephant in the room if she doen't know WHY ?

EVERY post here sounds SO So selfish. Why are we not talking about the rest of her life. [ Did she magically get more than one ?] You AND your wife deserve to be happy.. To meet [ or not ] somewhere in the middle.

Give her a chance [ the truth ] She may well surprise you BECAUSE she loved you enough to marry you.
Go ahead , shoot
Presh GG

[RADER]

Yes so very true, we never ever want to keep it a secret .We are just so worried about hurting our wives. I wish so bad I would have said something when I first met her but thought it was something that would go away. I finally realize that it's something that will always be there.

Thing about how you are going to tell her, Go slow, answer all her questions, But tell her.
I thing her worst fear is you are either Gay or want to Transition.
If that is not your wishes, than tell her.
Like you said, you do not want to keep secrets, and at the same time you do not want to hurt her.
If she found out another way, she would be devastated, and hurt more by you not confiding in her.
You would louse all her trust, and you do not want that to happen.
So, Please think about what you are going to say, write it down so you get it correct.
And tell her.
Good Luck.
Rader

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I wouldn't hint around at anything IMO that just sets you up for her negative opinions & she'll have no idea she's upsetting you. Like bringing up crossdressing is you see it somewhere to judge her reaction, not a good idea. Of course her reaction isn't going to be a desired one because she doesn't know any CDers. BUT she knows YOU!

IMO go in with all your responses ready, answer the gay, transition questions before they are asked, set her mind at ease before it has a chance to take off with wild ideas. She is probably not famaliar with any of this so spell it out for her and even ask her to sign up here & talk to people about it.

And honestly I would tell her no matter what I think will happen, I know a lot of people don't agree and I don't have a secret so what do I know, but it's better than lying for the rest of your life and never being able to be you. I'd rather be me alone than hide with someone.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.