Marie, you are a very insightful woman. After years of marriage my cross dressing desires surfaced. My wife even participated in the early years with bedroom play. We are in a DADT relationship because she refuses to communicate. Yes, there are numerous times, when a simple omission in household performance of duties causes out of proportion responses. She refuses to confront the issues surrounding cross dressing. Now couple the "abnormal" behavior of moi with other non cross dressing issues that may surface. In my case there are issues that arise from PTSD from combat decades ago. There are issues my wife has from her youth. Some of my issues and experiences, but not cross dressing, are discussed and in therapy. But, the fear of discussing the inner feelings of both parties puts unnecessary strain on a marriage.
I commend you and other GG's, who realize there is still a loving husband under his clothes, be they feminine or masculine.