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Thread: Where do I fit in a relationship?

  1. #1
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    Where do I fit in a relationship?

    [SIZE=4] I don't post here much, but like in a kinda funky mood lately concerning a future relationship. PLEASE, I don't want anyone to be reading wutever into my words here, there are no "hidden" agendas here, I'm not even trying to "pi** off" ANYONE. So just take the following at face value with a grain of salt. After like 2-3 years of effort I think this is mostly geared by me to a true 24/7, TG/TS who is/has transitioned to full time status, although ANYONE can respond...in a nice way. Once you've reached the point where you're like so totally NOT going to or can go back. Where you're on HRT and got apparent physical and mental changes, living and being female all day every day for the last 3-4 years with intentions to full surgery just ASAP after you win the lotto. All your basic paperwork and ducks are in a row including w/court ordered name changes and letters. Where you're OK, no real problems concerning yourself, it's the rest of the world wut's nuts lol. Maybe even those that are post-op I should ask, IDK.
    Ok, so like here goes. You're older, don't look like a 20-30 cutie or wutever, look pretty good for almost 66 years young though, extra pounds and all, financially stable of sorts and are tired of living alone. You sorta come to the conclusion one clear day that OMG! Bi**h, you've boxed yourself in, IE: a straight male or straight female (in general....not counting those already involved like here who came in before the show started...read current SO, BF, GF) doesn't want anything to do with you, especially a macho guy who is like "no way am I gay". A gay guy doesn't want another guy w/boobs and a dress. A lesbian women doesn't want a women with a penis, and it seems most TG/TS/CD don't know wut they want concerning another like themselves.....and for good measure so totally toss in being over age 50....WTF over 60. The majority though it seems wants that "love, caring, acceptance, understanding, friend, SO, partner, yadda yadda" stuff though, just as I do. So, in my personal case, living in Podunk, USA, (hummm could THAT be the problem?) with little to nothing to participate in (and YES...I do my day to day female stuff and "own" it) with no relevant results all these years outside of the usual flirting at the stores, movies, libraries, local PFLAG type groups, hobby groups/clubs....yeah there are those who are "interested" and talk the talk and like wanna "get together" at a later date after exchanging phone #, but as far as walk the walk that's another story when push comes like to shove and you take 'em up one day on the offer. Suddenly most are too busy with this or that, even into the future. Wutever....so you turn to online sites to meet others. The majority ($$$/cost factor being set aside here) don't even have a drop down box for "I am/ I'm seeking" TG/TS and some nothing for the GLB much less a "T". Those that cater to us though of course do, but honestly most are meat (pun intended) markets and most also want $$$. Ok, so assume you join a few (which I did) and you're like me...a OMG equal opportunity girl lol...so you're willing to accept every box there is on everything and put out wut you figure is a knock 'em dead profile w/ full glossy 5 X 10 color prints. Well, maybe it's the age thing or wutever but it seems you only get 20 year old something guys with the "you're beautiful/cute/sexy/nice legs/nice tan (pick one) and even once in a while older neanderthals that can only form 5 word sentences using grunts and one syllable words and usually the word fu** is actually used as an adverb. Every now & then you get a older kewl guy but he bails out after the first one or two exchanges w/ some so totally lame excuse. Hardly any women respond on any site and honestly, like I'm not going to New York or Tennessee or even New Mexico any more than these people are coming to me in Arizona. I'm willing and even offered to drive up to 3-4 hrs after a few nice (and rare) exchanges with another, but never hear from them again. It seems most only want to like collect "friends" like face Book, lotsa pictures and be on line, long distance "buddies". And NO....NO....although I sound desperate here, it's truly a case of aarrrggghhh....so totally FRUSTRATED. Like wut do these people want? Why do they even join these sites if they're too shy or scared of rejection or pie in the sky aspirations and do they all think they'll just whip up a 20-30 yr old cutie for themselves?
    Ok, this sorta turned more into a rant or wutever, but I'm just wondering is it only me that doesn't like wanna die alone in life???? .
    [/SIZE]

  2. #2
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    There was a point in time when I had the same feelings as you do. I thought there is no way anyone would ever want to spend the rest of thier life with me. Life was going along as usual, then it happened. I met the most wonderful man in the world. We dated a few times and had so much fun together. Well, I knew I had to tell him I was a transwoman before things got out of control. It didn't matter to him. Seeing as how my birth certificate said female, we got married a few months later. We spent 15 of the most wonderful years together before he passed away unexpectedly.

    You just never know with who or when that magic is going to happen. Don't ever give up hope.

  3. #3
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by My Lady Marsea View Post
    [SIZE="4"]You sorta come to the conclusion one clear day that OMG! Bi**h, you've boxed yourself in, IE: a straight male or straight female (in general....not counting those already involved like here who came in before the show started...read current SO, BF, GF) doesn't want anything to do with you, especially a macho guy who is like "no way am I gay". A gay guy doesn't want another guy w/boobs and a dress. A lesbian women doesn't want a women with a penis, and it seems most TG/TS/CD don't know wut they want concerning another like themselves.....and for good measure so totally toss in being over age 50....WTF over 60.[/SIZE]
    Yes. This is a very sad consequence of making the decision to live a life that very few people in our society understand, let alone support and embrace. The dating pool is greatly reduced. This is one of the first things that my SO told me, when we met. I don't know if this was a deciding factor in her decision to maintain a gender balance in her life.

    For TSs, I do think that once the turmoil of full transition is over with (SRS & FFS, together with a strict approach to diet and exercise in order to help the male body achieve a more feminine form) and the TS is stealth, the chances of finding someone are better than not achieving a full physical transformation. But, maybe the rigorous transition steps aren't for everyone.

    But as Jorja says, please don't give up hope and do keep trying. Hopefully you'll meet someone too.
    Last edited by ReineD; 06-18-2012 at 08:06 PM.
    Reine

  4. #4
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    Hi,

    Great advice so far.. I am single also my last GG was a lesbian , it ended about 8 months ago she found women again. Since then I have not been looking but I can understand the need for the "Complete Me" partner.. I have been on singles sites in the past and you are right they are not that great.. wish I had words of wisdom to offer other than good luck and I hope you find someone..
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  5. #5
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Who we are is more important than who we seem to be to most. Only someone who can sense another's feelings from the heart can appreciate who they are as a person, be they man, woman or anything else. We all have these abilities Marsea, unfortunately very few of us take the opportunity to learn to utilize them. You will be fine Hon, I can tell you that with confidence.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  6. #6
    Gold Member
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    Marsea;
    You make many valid points; But what do you put first, the chicken or the egg?
    Do you find a girl/mate, or trans into being one.
    I agree at our age, (Also 65) It is a hard decision.
    I ma glad I have a Wife for over 18 years now that is OK with my dressing.
    At this age, I see no reason to go further that wearing a dress around the house.
    I guess you can say; I have counted my chickens. LOL
    Rader

  7. #7
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    I think the most important thing is that you're committed to being yourself. You've done that and you should allow yourself to feel very satisfied for making a difficult decision. Now, its easy for any of us to say that there's someone out there...but in reality lots of mature people end up living alone. But that doesn't mean you have to be lonely. I think you're on the right path - being open to meeting and engaging others through groups or on line services. Keep trying, but as a wise friend once advised "don't get caught up in outcomes" ...another way of saying that live for the journey, not for the destination. Meeting and making new friends may lead to a special someone, but even if it doesn't you can enjoy expanding your world...and the great thing about on-line relationships is that you don't have to move...unless the spirit moves you.

    FYI, I met my wife on line, and ended up moving to Texas to be with her. Its been 13 years now and we couldn't be happier.

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