being TG been very good to me.

[cassandra54]

it's been a while since i've posted anything on here. my heart goes out to all of us here who have struggled, either by having to hide from loved ones or trying to find the look and clothes to fit.

before i joined this forum, i was well on my way. i had breast forms, wigs and makeup, but didn't realize that i was TG or what it meant. i do now and embrace it and my male half and can say without a doubt that the both of them are doing fine.

i've always thought that if you're doing something different and you're not quite sure that it's for good, then good things will happen to support it. as has been the case for me.

without going into a lot of detail, i've been working really hard in my job. it's going well. i've lost almost fifteen pounds. that's HUGE!! i am going to capitalize on it, by getting into even better shape.

finances have never been better for me, despite the fact that i've spent quite a bit on wigs, breast forms and clothes. somehow the money is always there and more.

probably sometime in the next year, i will be moving out on my own without my SO. it's a long story, but basically i've decided not to enable her anymore, unless her health deteriorates, in which case i will stand by her until she's better.

my five year plan? i finally have one. pay off my bills, save money for retirement and work a whole lot less so i can spend more time being Cassandra. i am hopefull that the company i work for will allow me to work 6-10 months out of the year to do this, otherwise, i am sure i can find similar work elsewhere.

yep, being TG has been good to me

[RADER]

Good luck on your endeavors, Hope all works out. Keep us in the loop. we are pulling for you.
Rader

[NathalieX66]

Being TG is a challenge.

I work in a very square sports-oriented enviroment full of golf guys. My company is a sporting goods company that manufactures sporting goods. My industry is too small because everbody knows each other, even beyond our industry. I get treated with a 1:1 matching 401k , and a pension, yeah life is good.
I also took a bunch of ribbing from my company president for growing my hair long, but I finally won the battle. I won't look great until mid-fall. i am also round 8 of beard laser.....and I spend my weekends looking like a girl . This ain't no laughing matter, it's a pain in the butt, and a challenge.

Transition could happen in myt retirement, but I am undecided. I'll make that decision when it's time.

[Barbara Ella]

Congratulations on the realization, Cassandra. I truly hope this good run continues for you, but please realize that you made it happen, and it is all due to your hard work, and being TG is really just along for the journey, and if anything, like Nathalie says, it is another big challenge that you have to work with. You need to be proud of what you are doing. I know we are.

Barbara

[ReineD]

How will you stop enabling your SO? How do you enable her now?

[Helen Grandeis]

Being TG is a challenge.

I work in a very square sports-oriented enviroment full of golf guys. My company is a sporting goods company that manufactures sporting goods. My industry is too small because everbody knows each other, even beyond our industry. I get treated with a 1:1 matching 401k , and a pension, yeah life is good.
I also took a bunch of ribbing from my company president for growing my hair long, but I finally won the battle. I won't look great until mid-fall. i am also round 8 of beard laser.....and I spend my weekends looking like a girl . This ain't no laughing matter, it's a pain in the butt, and a challenge.

Transition could happen in myt retirement, but I am undecided. I'll make that decision when it's time.

It must be great to have a full head of hair. I am sure it will be your crowning glory in the fall. Beard must be well on its way to oblivion also!

[PretzelGirl]

So is it really that being TG has been good to you or are you TG and life has been good to you?

And like Reine said, what is the enabling? If you plan on separating, you may want to consider backing off the behavior incrementally as those that get enabled have a bit of a backlash effect when it is just pulled away all together. As usual, some good talking can make the process easier. If you feel you are enabling something, tell her and tell her you are going to end it.

[cassandra54]

How will you stop enabling your SO? How do you enable her now?

i should make this another thread, but i will try to be brief.

i think our whole relationship was created out of co-dependency and enabling. i feel fortunate that i've been able to come to a greater understanding of myself and can recognize it and stop it. for her not so much.

she has a basic inability to be intimate, either by communication or by physical means. she won't talk about herself, period. she is not wanting to be affectionate or anything beyond. she won't go to counseling or even research these things when she is alone. she is not willing to realize there is a problem. even at the very least, for her to talk to me and for us to try to solve some of these issues would be progress, but that will never happen.

so beyond that, we live together as a couple. our neighbors and her friends view us as a couple. many think we are married. she takes full advantage of that, along with the fact that i fill the role, even though it is limited. she gets a companion, handyman and errand boy when she needs it. i've been pretty good to her by all accounts.

we tried an open relationship for a while and for a while it was good. i found a very nice lady that lived close, and out schedules were compatible. the two women were jealous of each other and i had to end it, simply because the one i live with now is sick and would eventually need my help, which she did.

my SO has been sick and on disability for two years now. i understand that she is sick, but she has had two full years of being at home with not much to do. and trust me, she has not done much except read. she was thinking about taking classes, she has crafts, but basically she just watches t.v. and reads. so, i've asked for her help finding me a better job, (shopping my resume, trying to find a headhunter etc.) and trying to find endeavors, web-pages, some of my creative projects, etc. during her free time. as an example, she's had 3 pairs of shorts in a cabinet for over two years that need buttons. somehow she can't find the time to do them. it took her three months for her to file my taxes. (she has a degree in accounting and an M.B.A.)

she has a little bit of money. she loaned a friends son $15k to buy an existing restaurant. she can absorb the loss, no problem. but two things. 1. she did this in secret, and i found out by accident. 2. although she considers me her "friend", not anything i've ever suggest to her that would involve us investing her money and us doing something that could make us money has always fallen on deaf ears. this is not surprising because the things i described in the paragraph above, would cost her nothing.

so i hope this is clear, but i've come to some conclusions. 1. she does not consider me to be a friend on the same level as her other friends. 2. There will never be an improvement in this relationship, even in just simple terms of her just talking to me and being close. 3. She tolerates my dressing, not because she is accepting, but because basically i put up with her.

i know i need to move on. i think the only real reason that i've stayed even the last two years is because she is sick. i think it would be bad karma for me to bail on her now.

[stacycoral]

Cass, girl sounds like you have really tried. i will say it is really great you helping her while she is sick, wish you the best!

[ReineD]

Cassandra, it sounds like she is suffering from depression. Maybe the relationship didn't turn out the way she thought it would either, and maybe you've both been enabling each other.

Does she know that you're planning on moving out? It would be a good idea to tell her.

[cassandra54]

i haven't made any firm plans yet to move out. if i do i won't even think about it for the next 6-12 months and that is if her health remains good.

[ReineD]

I kinda got sidetracked when I saw the "enabling" bit, so to bring my comments back to topic, I never did say that I'm glad you're getting a lot out of being who you are.