Forgive Me

[ReluctantDebutant]

Something was said to me in another thread, a reply to a reply that bothered me. I am certain no offense was meant but yet I couldn’t help but take offense. Rather than possibly derail the other’s topic I decided to start a new thread.

What was said:
Originally Posted by ReluctantDebutant
I would take that pill. After 15 years of excepting my crossdressing it has yet to evolve into anything more then playing dress up in the closet. I don't feel female inside at all. And I would really like to know what I could do with all that emotional energy if I could apply it to something else.

If playing dress up with no femme feelings attached was all that it was for me, I wouldn't need a pill to stop....

Frat boys who had to wear a dress during pledge week don’t post here. Bob from accounts payable who dressed as his secretary once last year at the office Halloween party isn’t a member of this site. The guy who’s girlfriend want to do something kinky and have him wear her panties during sex doesn’t lurk on these boards. Member of a sketch comedy troupe (I never know why they never have any girls) don’t register a name here.

The People who do join and post on sites like this are those with a deep seeded urge to dress in the clothes of the other gender. The source of those urges can come from a sexual desire or a need to finally feel comfortable in one’s own skin. Regardless of their differences they both are powerful and cannot be just willed away.

I am ok with where my life is now. I crossdress when I get the urge, it doesn’t interfere with my normal life. I don’t live in a depressed mood over it. It’s balanced I get the one joy the crossdressing gives and the many joys not crossdressing gives me. But still…
Yes I’d gladly take that pill. Because forgive me if I don’t think the fear that someday I will have to tell some woman I love (if I am telling here she’ll be “the one”) about my crossdressing and she leaves me because of it or she leaves me because I didn’t tell here in time is worth playing dress up. Yeah forgive me for wanting that pill.

PS and don't give me the "if she didn't accept your crossdressing she couldn't have been the one" stuff. Because if she was the one sans crossdressing well that's just another strike against crossdressing and another reason for the pill.

[natacsha]

Hi Reluctant. I think that you were looking into it a bit too far.....didn't you see me flying and replying through that list of people? I was just having fun with it. I am sorry you took it personally and wasn't intended to be offensive. If you haven't noticed, I am kinda harmless. I may get carried away with words sometimes but I just try to be light hearted about things and have fun with them...people who know me know that I don't ever do anything just to spite someone. It's not in my nature and I actually spend most of my time helping and defending those who won't or can't for themselves. That's my life..

Having said that, if you are looking for some deep seeded meaning to my comment that is rooted at the core of all things holy, well, I don't really think there is one. Everyone is different and all I was doing was saying that I wouldn't need a pill if I had no feminine side because, for me, my fem side is why I dress. That's not saying that you are anything like me. I enjoy being who I am, and more so now than ever before. You need to do what ever you feel you need to do in order to achieve your own level of comfort within you. All I know is that people have a funny way of reaching out sometimes. And, if by some miracle, you just woke up one day and didn't feel the need to dress, you and I would both be happy because it obviously seems like that is what you want. You and I both know that isn't gonna happen but yet you still wish it would. It is a this point that I feel I can no longer say anything that would help because despite all the hardships I went through, go through, and will continue to go through, there is nothing I would want to do to change who I am because I love myself exactly the way I am. I'm not sure what you are looking for but I would not take anything I say personally. So do understand that I meant absolutely nothing by it. just gicks and shiggles lol xoxo friends?

[ReineD]

I agree with the others, Reluctant. I think you're reading more into it than was meant. The person who commented responded to your written word only (you did say it hadn't evolved to anything more than dressing in the closet), since in that post you didn't get into your feelings to the same depth you are doing now. Some people can read between the lines to deeper meanings, but not everyone can.

A good way to have handled this would have been to PM this person and explain your feelings. Or perhaps quote their one-liner, and expand more on your initial response the way you're doing now.

I read in this post that you are afraid the CDing will impede a potential relationship with a life mate. I don't blame you for fearing how a future love might take this, but if it will help any, here are just a fraction of the posts from members who are in relationship with accepting wives. And I have spoken to many GGs who love their husbands, and who want to learn more about the CDing so they can navigate all of this well in their marriages. Supportive women are out there, they really are.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ccepting+wives

[Karren H]

If you take anything said on this or any other public forum personally... You need to log off and not look back... People opinions and comments will run the gamet from simple complimentary to aggressive opposition.... And it will drive you crazy... At best its entertaining and if you make a few friends here or learn something that's great. But don't let things upset you.. I don't any more...

[Tina B.]

Reluctant, you are not the only one that would take that pill, and you have every right to feel as you do. Just as other have the right to feel it would be wrong for them. I've always said, I wouldn't care if I was male or female, but would love to of not been born TG, not that I mind being a TG, it's just being one or the other would have been so much easier. I don't feel blessed by this, and I don't feel cursed either, it just is, and it would be so much easier if just wasn't.
I didn't see anything you need to apologize for. Oh, and Reine is right, there are accepting women out there, I know, I found one.
Tina B.

[docrobbysherry]

RD, I blab a lot on this site. This first thing u and everyone else should know is, DON'T take much of what I say too seriously! Because I certainly don't!

Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. And, that doesn't count the couples that r NOT happy but that don't get divorced for a number of reasons!

If u r worried about your closet dressing interfering with a relationship that doesn't exist yet, I believe your over thinking it! Either that or, there's a lot more to this that u haven't mentioned here!

[Amy R Lynn]

Being single, a CD, and dating is a very tricky area. I am all of those right now. I really want to find a GG that I can settle down and grow old with. But it is vital that she understands that Amy needs to come out every once in a while. I have a fear about this as well. I have read so many posts on the internet advising CD's when they should tell, if they should tell, etc.. There are so many different opinions about it. It is a very scary thing to be put through. The potential for rejection is frightening! But they have to be willing to understand that this is something that we can't just put in a trunk and bury.

As for people having opinions about us. They are opinions and the only one that counts is your own! don't read to far into other people's opinions.

[NicoleScott]

I am certain no offense was meant but yet I couldn’t help but take offense.

Why did you take offense if you are certain none was intended?

[ReluctantDebutant]

Natacsha I am sorry if you felt that this was being directed back at you personally. It is why I didn't mention your name. I knew full well you didn't intend offense which is why I started it off with "I am certain no offense was meant". The words had hit me the wrong way at the wrong time. Knowing full well Natascha wasn't being mean in her statement it would have been wrong and unfair to get angry with Natascha. So I remained focus on the words and the idea it invoked in me.


Let me break this down: the quote made me feel like that there is an attitude that the type of crossdressing I engage in isn't really serious (Again I know Natacsha did not mean it like that. Again not angry with Natascha) Still felt angry at what it implied. I Began by illustrating examples of non serious crossdressing and that those people aren't going to join this website. Ergo because I joined here I don't see my Crossdressing as a fleeting thing. I then just reiterated my stance form the other thread.

[ReineD]

I get it. Natacsha inadvertently pushed a button, and rather than derail the other thread you wanted to talk about your feelings here.

It's not so much about what Natacsha said, but your fears about how the CDing will affect your life and your future relationships.

Makes sense.

[ReluctantDebutant]

Yes thank you for understanding

[Barbara Ella]

Reluctant. It is the burden we bear by being here. We all recognize that nothing should be taken too serious, but certain phrases, words, or comments totally unrelated can trigger an emotional response, good or bad. It is good to have fears, for they can provide control and make us pause. you have paused and received opinions which you can read and forget. If even one happens to make you think deeper and feel better, than it has all been a success, more than that, and you are a winner. Which you are regardless...

We are all across the board here in our feelings and actions, and our words and thoughts come from that varied background, so sometimes they dont quite fit with one is thinking about a topic. It is what I love about being here. It makes me think outside my closet, and thinking can be good.......getting outside the closet is better..........lol

Hugs, Barbara

[Laura912]

Sometimes our posts seem like Russian dolls, the matryoshka, or an onion...dolls within dolls within dolls...layers within layers. Let's go have an adult drink and talk....

[ReineD]

I get it. Natacsha inadvertently pushed a button, and rather than derail the other thread you wanted to talk about your feelings here.

It's not so much about what Natacsha said, but your fears about how the CDing will affect your life and your future relationships.

Makes sense.

Yes thank you for understanding

Please have a look at Reluctant's last two paragraphs in the OP, since THIS is the point of the thread rather than what anyone said in other threads.

It's about Reluctant's fears about how the CDing will affect his life.

[KellyJameson]

Hope it is OK to ask but what did this pill do?

[natacsha]

Yaay my psychology final is over with!! Umm...i have a million thoughts that are screaming to be told but rather than have people who are genuinely trying to help try to read in between the lines, i will just keep them to myself and allow the breakdown of semantics to run its course. But we all have issues that need to be adressed and its a wonderful place to be here to allow myself the freedom to be myself...COMPLETELY! Its with that in mind i say that you are definitely in the right place but you seem to be selling yourself short. These incredible people have done soo much for me in such a small amount of time. Mostly because i was honest, open and ready for any and everything from: the good to bad, honest to dishonest, manipulative to genuine and more. If you take what you need, this place will help you in ways you can't imagine. After all, you, like myself and most everyone here is searching for answers to something, or support....what have you. And thanks for trying to keep me anonymous! Lord knows, if i didn't read what you quoted from me, I'd still be trying to figure out who that crazy nut is lol Just let go of whatever and let them help. You may not always hear what you want but i promise you will learn something and then you'll be in there like swimwear. Have fun with it!! Once you are happy with YOURSELF about it, that pill you speak of??.....well.....at least you'll have a better understanding of CDing and you can make a more informed decision. Hope this helps Mr tuff guy!! Lol and feel free to PM me whenever you like...just put "natacsha! PM me!" in the title of the Thread! hahah xoxoxo