To the wives and girlfriends trying to figure this out...

[ReineD]

Won't work, Busker. Log out of the forum, and then visit it to see what the public can access. Any wife can read the threads in the CD, Transmasculine, TS, & Upcoming Events sections without ever joining the site. And we keep these sections public as a service for CDers/TSs/Transmen who are not ready to join.


Edit - Everyone, believe me, new GGs are told when they join about the breadth of the gender spectrum here. We don't need an announcement, anyone just needs to look at all the forum sections on the Index page. And every time a new GG posts in Loved Ones, there are lots of CDers who remind her of the variety of members here too.

If GGs come here and are too put off to even join and ask questions, there isn't anything that anyone can do. Who knows, these GGs may not be willing to believe the CDers here or their wives who are happily married anyway.

Really, the only way to balance this forum for those of you who object to some of the threads, is to post in these threads and provide your own views!

And last thing ... we keep talking about the contentious threads. But there are also some mighty fine threads here that cannot be ignored. GGs see those too!

OK ... this is really the last thing: if a CDer wants his wife to join but is afraid of her reaction to some of the threads, really it's up to HIM to hold her hand before she joins, go through a lot of the threads, discuss what applies and what doesn't, in short, do his best to explain who he is in contrast to the very wide spectrum here.

[Nicole Erin]

I am, however, greatly concerned that you will be put off by so much of the weirdness I see posted daily. I can only offer my perspective of crossdressing but the majority of what I see posted does not reflect my view of a "normal" crossdresser (The irony of using "normal" here is not lost on me). I fear that when you join and begin reading you may run for the hills thinking you entered a freakshow.

If one digs deep enough, they might find some weirdness. There are a few things that were said on here that have become the butt of a few jokes for me and my BFF here on the forum.

It is not so much the fantasy things like how they used to visit their aunt in the summer and had to wear a wedding dress as punishment or how they fantasize about being a walking DNA bank when wearing cinderella slippers, it is the serious comments some people make.

I can just imagine the train wreck if someone showed this forum to their wife who ws trying to understand and the first thread she came upon had something to do with a CD who likes to deposit DNA on dresses at the store or walk around town late at night in a ridiculous Swiss Miss outfit.

Oh christ can you imagine the threads that get deleted and we never get to laugh at, er, read?

[WifeofWrenchette]

Over that last several weeks I have read more and more posts from wives or girlfriends who have discovered their male SO is a crossdresser. I think it's great you are here and trying to get some perspective. I think you will find it.

I am, however, greatly concerned that you will be put off by so much of the weirdness I see posted daily. I can only offer my perspective of crossdressing but the majority of what I see posted does not reflect my view of a "normal" crossdresser (The irony of using "normal" here is not lost on me). I fear that when you join and begin reading you may run for the hills thinking you entered a freakshow.

I really feel a sense of obligation to extend help to any SO looking for information. I know your SO would want that help offered. I can feel the anger and sense of betrayal in so many of your original posts. My wife accepted me easily but I know that is not typical. Please don't read more into so many of the posts than what they are, an individual expressing random nonsense. The vocal minority often get too much press. Please feel free to ask any question and to call bullshit on posts that don't represent you as a woman, wife and person.

Thank you for making this thread. I'm sure there are new GG's out there that will appreciate it very much. It is good to see something like this here every now and again.

[Sandra1746]

Reine has it right that the "open" forums are not subject to filtering or censorship. This site has to be about the tamest and most "family friendly" site on the 'net. There are many more out there that can be found with a GOOGLE search that give me the willies.

I recommended this site to my wife to introduce her to my CD tendencies and I didn't try to filter her access. She's an adult and should be able to figure it out herself, it also encourages discussion. Besides, talking to her friends and others you get "...he must be gay", "...that is a sin", "...that is a mental illness". I would prefer her to run across a thread here that is a bit on the edge than deal with a friend who had any of the ideas I mentioned, the friend is not so easily ignored but the site is.

More information is always good, some is inaccurate but that's part of life. This site is one of the best around, keep supporting it.

My $0.02,
Sandra1746

[Taylor186]

A lot of good point here that I agree with wholeheartedly.

I would like to see the 'Loved Ones' section moved up to between the 'Intros' and 'MTF.' SO participation is important to me and that section seems to get lost below the radar when placed so far down the Forum main page.

[Beverley Sims]

One thing this forum has is a waiting time to enter.
Also the 10 posts achievement works well also.
The waiting time filter discourages the fly by nighters and graffiti artists and has a prize at the end of it. The 10 post mark helps people read responses to their views so as when they get more involved they can give more informed replies.
A fantasy section. Would be moderators put up your hands for a 3 year contract.
Difficult to administer, some stories here are fantasy others are plain fantastic.
Judge for yourself which is which.
I look at posts and accept them at face value and it is only after someone has pointed out it is fantasy for some underlying reason I read into it a bit more.
This is a good place to vent your feelings, get help and give your own homespun advice.
There are a hundred and one posts in the naked city and only about forty thousand here.
Start reading.

[Jenniferathome]

I would like to see the 'Loved Ones' section moved up to between the 'Intros' and 'MTF.' .... seems to get lost when placed so far down the Forum main page.

Taylor, I think this is a great idea. It is always the first section I check when I log in.

And to all of you who replied and sent me messages over night, it is clear that there are many here who care as I do. I do want to thank this forum for being here. It is a far better source for information than the real freakshow sites out there. It is because of this site and a few caring individuals that I was able to come out to my wife. My life is changed. I now have an obligation.

[Tina B.]

Let's all remember the name of this web site, it is not www.CD wives.com, We may talk about things that GG's may cringe at, but what did we come out of the closet here for if we are going to be stifled. I agree some of the fantasy stuff gets a little wild, but generally when it does get to far out there, members don't mind pointing out how unreal it sounds. I looked at dozens of sites, maybe hundreds, before I found this site, of all those I have visited, this is the only one I belong to, because it is the most decent, lest pornographic, most intelligent conversation I was able to find on the INTERNET, lets not over censure adults, and give them credit for being smart enough to figure out what sounds like there husband and what doesn't. I'm not against GG's on this site, I like it a lot, but I think most of them I have read on here are very smart women, and I bet they can figure out the crap just about as fast as those of us that have been reading it for a long time.
Look how fast Mandy got us figured out. And of course ReineD has had us figured out for ages!
Tina B.

[Ally 2112]

I truly think if you have come out to your SO and direct her to this site (if she is willing ) hold her hand and be there with her to maybe explain some stuff that you are not into .Just do not say hey go to this site it's great se ya tommorrow

[Marleena]

I truly think if you have come out to your SO and direct her to this site (if she is willing ) hold her hand and be there with her to maybe explain some stuff that you are not into .Just do not say hey go to this site it's great se ya tommorrow

Very good point Ally! If the GG's transgendered partner takes the time to bring them here they must take the time to say what does and does not apply to them. The onus is on the TG partner to try and explain that no two people are alike just like in the "real" world.

[Marilyn Beck]

I looked at dozens of sites, maybe hundreds, before I found this site, of all those I have visited, this is the only one I belong to, because it is the most decent, lest pornographic, most intelligent conversation I was able to find on the INTERNET....

The fact that websites promoting CD-related porn, fantasies and other "weirdness" vastly outnumber sites promoting "normal" CDing (like this one) suggests to me that the weirdness appeals to a substantial majority of CDers. I am among those CDers that occasionally visit CD/TG sites for erotic reasons, but I come to this site on a regular basis because it is about the only place where I can find rational discussion of CD and TG issues. I have reached the conclusion that the CD members who post regularly on this forum do not constitute a representative sample of the CD community at large. I believe the membership here is skewed toward non-sexually driven CDers that have no interest in the weird sites. I applaud this site for keeping the content amazing clean, generally free of the erotic content that is the mainstay of most CD sites. But I often roll my eyes when members seem to assert to their SOs that CDers who dress (or visit CD websites) for erotic purposes are part of a fringe element that is not in the mainstream of the CD community. I truly believe that this is the best site for an SO to learn about CDing in general, but I think it is disengenuous to assert that the content and membership here reflects "normal" (in the sense of being statistically average) CD interests and behavior. I suspect a number of CDers who have bizarre sexual CD fantasies and frequent erotic websites refer their SOs to this website to convince them that most CDers (like themselves) really aren't that weird.

[Presh GG]

Jennifer,
and all who wished well to the new GG who is really befuddled by this news in their home [ after thirty + years of marriage]
Thank you !

Erin,
I don't understand 1 thing, how does CD.com make revenue [ Money] from the guests lurking when there isn't any advertizeing ? Please can you explain [ I'm not all that good on the computer age ]
Thanks

Presh
Good night everyone

[kimdl93]

Good advice, Jennifer. There is quite a diversity of opinions and preferences among those posting here, but certainly its better than majority of what are basically porn-oriented CD sites. But you're right to point out that some of the diversity might be a bit off-putting for wives newly exposed to Cding. I suppose the same might be said for any website that deals with subject where gender and sexuality over-lap.

[JeanneF]

I truly think if you have come out to your SO and direct her to this site (if she is willing ) hold her hand and be there with her to maybe explain some stuff that you are not into .Just do not say hey go to this site it's great se ya tommorrow

That's good advice. When I came out to my (now) wife, I pointed her in the direction of information that I had already read and filtered. She still doesn't know about this site, and I would like to keep it that way.

The problem with SOs coming to terms with their partner's TGness is that there is a whole lot of tech out there, and a lot of it is really bad or not applicable. I think that the general public tends to pigeonhole us and assumes that everyone's gender journey is the same. I've had a hard enough time just explaining to my wife that there are times when I have zero desire to dress and there are times that it's the only thing I think about, 24/7.

This board can be a scary place for an SO, especially one who is just starting to get accustomed to the shock that her partner is TG. I think that many of us have spent so much time in the closet that being in an environment where one can finally express herself leads to an abuse of that freedom. Let's face it, there are quite a few members of the TG community that are downright weird...either emotionally damaged from the stress of not being able to express their true selves or just strange, awkward people.

[ReineD]

I want to share something.

I was looking for online support when I found out in the beginning. I found this forum without immediately realizing there was a section for GGs. I started to read all the threads in the M2F and I was just so impressed with the camaraderie here and the genuine support. I think in one thread people were planning to go to a convention and they all seemed so friendly, so "normal". I quickly showed this forum to my SO because I knew she was looking to meet people near our town.

Had the forum been primarily about meetups or sex, there's no way I would have shown her this forum. She joined, and I joined a week later after having discovered there was FAB. Still, it took me about 6 months before I had enough posts to join FAB. Instead I poured over the M2F trying to learn and I must say that the "I want to be a woman who has sex with men" threads (in the CD ... not the TS section), didn't cause me to break it off with my SO or anything, but she was rather going through many changes herself and reading these particular threads combined with all the sex sites out there made me question (sometimes ) whether or not our relationship would survive.

We did survive my SO coming out of the closet however, mostly because we talked about this forum (sometimes). Had the CDing been a DADT situation with us, there's no telling what would have happened.

I likely wouldn't be here now.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

An excellent thread Jennifer. I believe you were the first person to PM me when I joined and I was so encouraged by your "normalness" . Your friendship and advice has helped me enormously in my acceptance of the whole CD thing.
I now have a few CD friends here and all of them are lovely people, and they are normal people, the CD'ing is just a non-issue to me now and its mostly due to these lovely people offering help and support and allowing me to "run things by them" when I needed to.

When I first came here I was a bit shocked at some of the threads and did start imagining that this was my husband, he was secretly wanting to do these things and would start dressing 24/7 etc but of course, that was just over-reaction to what I was reading. when I told my OH about some of the rather unsettling things I was reading he just said "that's not me, dont think everything you read applies to me"

Hopefully new SO's & GG's landing here will have the stomach to stay here and get to the point where they can, like the rest of us, see through the bullsh*t and fantasy and occasionally call it where they see it! In the overall picture, this site has so much to offer, I'm glad I stayed the course.

[Jenniferathome]

I believe you were the first person to PM me when I joined and I was so encouraged by your "normalness" .
In the overall picture, this site has so much to offer, I'm glad I stayed the course.

That's me, just a "normal" crossdresser ;-). I'm glad you stayed too. I hope every wife or girlfriend coming here has the same result because this site can help.

[Debglam]

This is a good thread and IMHO I do think it is a fine line between censorship and driving off the extremely valuable input from the GG's and SO's. My wife has an account and although an infrequent visitor, has gotten some good information from the forum, FAB in particular. Of course, one of her first posts was a valid question about breast forms and some of the "tools" on the forum bit her head off for daring to ask about such a thing! Fortunately (for me) she is pretty tough and wasn't run off by some of the responses.

Yeah, some of the stuff I read on here has me shaking my head but to each his/her own. I DO wish that some people would take a deep breath and THINK before they respond. Is the OP a newbie, a GG or SO, or somebody that needs to be handled with "kid gloves?"

We have all been there. . .

Thanks Jennifer.

Debby

[scarlett]

I truly think if you have come out to your SO and direct her to this site (if she is willing ) hold her hand and be there with her to maybe explain some stuff that you are not into .Just do not say hey go to this site it's great se ya tomorrow

Maybe your experience was different but I can speak for many here when I say that the first reaction was not to "hold your hand" but "don't touch me". So these fantasy posts about homosexual contacts and even "worse" are deal killers even when they can only see the topic as in the gm only forum where they can see "have you ever wanted to be taken?",. Yeah, they love that and lots of luck explaining that that isn't you, that you are not a member, and on and on. Of course our mods are more concerned that you might hurt someone's feelings by pointing out their lack of capitalization and punctuation as though anyone who could afford a computer, find this site, and post on it was some how pitifully illiterate and must be coddled.

[scarlett]

Won't work, Busker. Log out of the forum, and then visit it to see what the public can access. Any wife can read the threads in the CD, Transmasculine, TS, & Upcoming Events sections without ever joining the site. And we keep these sections public as a service for CDers/TSs/Transmen who are not ready to join.


Edit - Everyone, believe me, new GGs are told when they join about the breadth of the gender spectrum here. We don't need an announcement, anyone just needs to look at all the forum sections on the Index page. And every time a new GG posts in Loved Ones, there are lots of CDers who remind her of the variety of members here too.

If GGs come here and are too put off to even join and ask questions, there isn't anything that anyone can do. Who knows, these GGs may not be willing to believe the CDers here or their wives who are happily married anyway.

Really, the only way to balance this forum for those of you who object to some of the threads, is to post in these threads and provide your own views!

And last thing ... we keep talking about the contentious threads. But there are also some mighty fine threads here that cannot be ignored. GGs see those too!

OK ... this is really the last thing: if a CDer wants his wife to join but is afraid of her reaction to some of the threads, really it's up to HIM to hold her hand before she joins, go through a lot of the threads, discuss what applies and what doesn't, in short, do his best to explain who he is in contrast to the very wide spectrum here.

Ain't gonna work. The GG SO who comes here in shock from the news that her former macho man want's to dress like a girl isn't going to be analytical and she is not going to want him to hold her hand. Her attitude is more "don't touch me". If you don't eliminate those posts that support her fears, it will reinforce her fear that her husband/boyfriend/SO wants men, wants a sex change, or is just generally a pervert.

[ReineD]

Ain't gonna work. The GG SO who comes here in shock from the news that her former macho man want's to dress like a girl isn't going to be analytical and she is not going to want him to hold her hand. Her attitude is more "don't touch me". If you don't eliminate those posts that support her fears, it will reinforce her fear that her husband/boyfriend/SO wants men, wants a sex change, or is just generally a pervert.

Women have different personalities, Scarlet, and couples have different dynamics. Granted, this approach won't work for an angry wife if she finds out after 20 years of marriage and she holds traditional views of gender roles, especially if she found out by finding her husband's femme profile on a dating site looking for "gurlz" and saying he's bi. But it does work if a husband tells his wife when his need to CD becomes stronger, before having established online profiles and accumulated trunkfuls full of clothes. And it works admirably well at the beginning of any relationship if he has been CDing for a while and he knows himself well.

[CINDYO]

thanks Jennifer
your post will probably help a new GG/SO. It takes time, lots of reading, lots of love and understanding. When I found out about crossdressing, first thing i did was google "crossdresser". Have you ever done that and seen what come up. OMG talk about mind blowing, esp since it is about your husband that you are seeking this info. It is perverted, sick, homosexual activity with men dressed is sleesie lingerie, and then you join a site and read about all the crossdressers that dress in womans lingerie and what they like to do when they are so dressed, again mind blowing to a GG that has always thought she had a normal marriage. Only with time, communication, self education- lots of it, and sifting thru posts and being able to identify and trash which posts are for.. shock value, from creepy wierdos,from a closet dresser letting him imagination run free, can a SO begin to understand. There are many many differend types of crossdressers and for different reasons. The sexual aspect, the going out in public dressed like a women, the dreaming of getting attention from men or being with a man when dressed, is very difficult for a wife, just like it would be for a husband should the role be reversed.