I've seen many of the TS's on here state that started out believing they were a crossdresser, but later realized that they are actually transsexual. What was it about crossdressing that didn't complete your journey of who you are on the inside?
I've been trying to figure myself out for a long time now. I'm constantly depressed, I feel really empty, and I really don't enjoy life. In the standard definition of things, I'm a crossdresser (I hate labeling myself, and I hate labeling myself a crossdresser even more). I come on the transsexual threads because I feel I relate more to transsexuals, that it isn't about the clothes, and there is something much more that is missing inside of me.
The whole aspects of crossdressing that I don't care for is the fact that so much is artificial. I hate going around with a wig on, I hate the pound of makeup that I need to use. I hate having to constantly pluck my body hair, I hate covering up all the male body parts with the female aspects I'd much rather be with. When I do look in the mirror, I do like what I see, and I'm happier to look at myself in that angle. I do hate taking off the clothes as well.
I know that transsexuals have body issues, and that going to a counselor and starting on HRT is not a magic bullet for body concerns. I know that many still must wear a wig and put on heavy makeup to cover beard and continue with the male body hair removal, and other aspects of the male body do need to be continued to be dealt with.
However on the inside I just don't feel right, and it continues to get worse.
It's as if there is a massive void in my soul that life isn't right. I'm really tired of being depressed, I'm tired of not knowing who I am and constantly thinking about it when I'm at work or in social settings. The depression also leads to me not being as productive as my potential is. It can be disruptive as well, I've been closing myself off more and more as well, and less social. I've noticed that in my mind I jealous of women because they are what I'm not.
As a transsexual, can you women on here who started out as a crossdresser relate to these feelings? Or am I just depressed and really need a good dose of Prozac?