the time has come when i need to stop being submissive to my wife.if i dont stop soon i will become totally under her control.and i believe the only way i can do that is to give up crossdressing.nothing gets me more submissive than when i dress.i wonder if it will be possible to give it up.any advise will be very welcome
You can't escape the Force.. Luke.... I'd divorce her! Now! Sure there are plenty of girls here that would marry her in a heartbeat!!
To each there own. I happen to be submissive to my SO (not married), and I like to be and choose to be. My crossdressing has nothing to do with my desire to be submissive to her. I might add that she is the only one I am submissive to.
I have officially heard it all! A wife that is too accepting that the CDer wants to quit CDing! It sounds like what Karren said, there are MANY members here that would love to be in your heels!
Real Men (Among Others!) Wear Panties
So true Mandy. As if we can stop crossdressing to begin with. And you are right, many men CD or not a CD would love to be in his/her shoes.Originally Posted by MandyGG
mandy my wife does not aprove of my dressing, she gets pissed whenever she finds out.but she does love giving me orders. my roll at home is pretty much do all the cooking cleaning lundry,plus work 12 hour shifts.it gives her time to go out parting.i would love being sub to her if she would feminize me and dissipline me.but she just likes giving orders
Hate to say it, but that sounds more like her being dominating....not good. Not the same thing as being dominant. Being submissive to someone does not mean just taking orders from them. my SO and I have defined roles in each other's lives. She knows she is dominant and likes that power over me. She earned it. I happen to enjoy my submissive role in her life.
There are other names for what you are talking about. The more gentle one is hen-pecked. The other is P*ssy-whipped. I could never be in such a relationship. Those are more of men just trying to keep peace, but not enjoy it.
This is not good. I can never wrap my head around dom/sub relationships, because I love being treated as an equal. Maybe someone that knows this type of relationship would have better feedback. Because, all she sounds like to me is a B**ch.
Real Men (Among Others!
You may wish to read about "trauma bonding"
Here is an example of the effects
If a person is unable to escape chronic, traumatic abuse, they will eventually begin to bond with their perpetrator(s). This has been well documented in the literature. It will occur because of the dehumanization of the victim, who may reach a state of feeling that they are "robotized" or nonfeeling, combined with a disruption in the capacity for intimacy caused by the trauma.
The sensitivity of the individual will determine what is experienced as trauma so each person must decide for themselves if they are being harmed.
For some tone of voice can be traumatic where for others they are so removed from the conscious experience of life that nothing touches them and their minds remain in a primitive state.
Your words sound like someone trying to not lose their existence and in turn will for life.
In my opinion it is not the crossdressing that is the problem but that you are being psychologically dominanted much like a victim of bullying or form of servitude and you are using the clothes as a symbolic representation of this.
Many people are empowered by crossdressing and feel emotionally stronger not weaker because it is the expression of the relationship the person has with themselves and their relationship to life expressed through the clothes.
Being submissive is an act of trust but the person you trust must be worthy of it.
Lol. Hell... Giving up crossdressing won't solve that!! Its what married women do! I'm still back to my "get a divorce" idea...
There are to ways of looking at this.
You need to divorce the woman and man up.
Or you just love it and you are making a section of the members here feel a little hot if you know what I meen.
Sounds like a match made in hell. If she is that dominaring and does not except your dressing, and wanats to party without you then I think it is time to say good-by
Now let's imagine that your wife was actually the husband and you were a GG, the little wifey always at home slaving away. I wonder what the feminists would have to say about the situation. I think we'd all agree it was pretty horrendous. And that's the way I find the situation. I don't find it healthy, that's for sure. You can't change your crossdressing, but you can change your situation at home (can't you?). It's up to you to decide.
Best wishes, Annabelle
I think this is well-said.
However, I would like to say that you are neither a slave to your wife NOR a slave to your crossdressing. I would be very, very wary of giving anything absolute control over my life to where I have no say in it. Giving your wife this sort of power is just as unhealthy as giving crossdressing that type of power.
No one and no thing controls you but yourself.
I would sit down and talk to my wife. I would tell her that sometimes I felt stretched thin and that I am not appreciated. It sounds to me like you feel that she doesn't appreciate what you are doing. I would also tell her that I felt I needed some help. (Obviously, this is a bit generalized, but I was trying to give examples). Sometimes, people just need to be made aware of their actions. Talk to your wife and see what she says about this. If she is not willing to help you or compromise, does she ultimately respect you as an individual?
It sounds like you have a hard time standing up for yourself. I'm not sure that this is related to crossdressing, though I am sure it may be *easier* to banish crossdressing than it would be to deal with your issues head-on. I think though that you will find that giving up crossdressing has not changed your situation, or your personality.
I wish you all the best. There is nothing wrong with being submissive in the true sense of the term. But, there IS a problem with letting people walk all over you. You can be who you are naturally without allowing yourself to be another person's doormat.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
I can understand the OP's feeling more submissive when dressed in fem, but it seems like he wants a trade off. He will be submissive only if his wife will let him dress. So to me, that is a game he wants to play. When he is not dressed, he would not want to be submissive. That's exactly why the Internet is full of listings for professional Dominatrices. Men pay to submit to them. Go figure! And these Dommes (pronouced Dom -may) don't even engage in sex with them and demand $200.00 an hour or more.
For me, I once thought I wanted to be submissive born out of the fact that I was a CD. And that was in the realm of fantasy play or weekend bedroom games that many play. As I got into it, I discovered that my crossdressing had very little to do with it.
The point is, there is a big difference in role playing D/s with your partner and living it 24/7. Once a woman has earned my total respect, admiration and love, I discovered that I like her in a Dominant role regardless of how I am dressed. And yes, there are women, like my SO that enjoys being a loving Domme to the man she loves and cares about. It's not a game to them either; It's who they are.
Don't confuse a loving D/s relationship with abusive, dominating, un-caring relationships that many are in and don't even have a name for it.
EDIT: After posting the above, I saw Shananigan's post. My compliments Shan, very well said.
Last edited by BRANDYJ; 06-07-2012 at 02:25 PM.
If You wanna' take orders all day then work in a fast food place! Otherwise take Karren's advice and get the heel outta' there! Hugs!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
Giving up CD won't solve the problem. Seems even when you aren't dressed, she still has all the power. Which means you are submissive no matter how you are dressed.
You need to figure out why that is.
Have you always been submissive to females?
How is your self confidence?
Are you embarrassed about your CDing, and find yourself cowing to your wife so she will keep it a secret?
Are you afraid to divorce her because of the secret?
It's time for you to own you, all of you. Be more confident. Accept your CDing, and don't be afraid of who else may know.
DonnaT
It seems to me that you have to solve this problem...not by quitting CDing, but by refusing to be a doormat.
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