Attention from Guys

[Shananigans]

I didn't even notice when I went out with my SO while she was "en femme." I don't think my SO noticed either.

I think I have learned to ignore men when I go out. Usually it becomes harder in like bars or something when alcohol makes men think they are more attractive than they actually are...and, gives them some sort of weird motivation to try something. I think I have tuned out men checking me out, but I still notice aggressive things like butt grabs. These usually result in a slap or throwing of a drink. I'm going to get Snookied one day.

I don't like getting checked out like I am a piece of meat...but, I think guys just instinctively look at women. I have more or less tuned out that kind of attention. But, I am pretty scrappy...if I saw some guy overly checking out Cami, I would probably say something to him.

[kellycan27]

Given this information, I wouldn't let it flatter or bother you, since looking up is an instinctual response not unlike blinking. If on the other hand you have the body shape/sexy clothes/hair/etc that merit a second look, then you can decide how you feel about it. But, I should think that anyone who dresses that way does so because they enjoy the attention?

This may be true in some cases, but in my experience one does not need to dress sexy, have their hair done up or have a terrific body in order to get attention by men. The mere fact that they are female often times will suffice. Not sexy to some is going to be sexy to someone else. Remember... it takes all kinds to make the world go round. I know that you didn't mean it in this context, but your statement does sound a bit like... Well she's was asking for it because of the way she looks or because of the way she is dressed. There have been plenty of times where i have taken my kids down to walk on the boardwalk wearing jeans, a sweatshirt, no make up, and tennis shoes and there's been some guy who's checking me out like I am on the menu. No do, no sexy black skirt, no black stockings and wearing a wedding ring with a diamond who's shine could be spotted from outer space. With my kids for CS! it's not whether you're frumpy or fantastic.. it's men and and the way they are wired.. gotta love them though. ( for the most part)

Kel

Thera Home Your testosterone is showing . If I wanted to duke it out with every guy who payed me unwanted attention I mights as well set up shop in a boxing ring. You just can't do that.. besides fighting isn't lady like!

[Lorenqt]

I love it when guys check me out.

Be careful with this. Some guys become violent when they discover the "girl" they were admiring is really a guy. There are unstable people out there who can easily become violent and this is the sort of thing that might push someone over the edge.

Guys can be complicated sometimes. If the guy finds out the girl he's been looking has a penis, he might try to distance himself or he may become violent. Even if the guy might be into special girls he may turn hostile or even violent because he's worried about what his friends may think.

[Girl]

I like it! It makes me feel even more feminine.

[ReineD]

I know that you didn't mean it in this context, but your statement does sound a bit like... Well she's was asking for it because of the way she looks or because of the way she is dressed.

No. lol. I was saying that if a woman is quite ordinary looking, in most cases after the initial first glance, she will be dismissed. If she's beautiful and has a good body, she will get that longer look no matter what she wears. I dare say that most of us, in our day-to-day, banging around appearance are quite ordinary looking. Also, age plays a role in this.

I was also suggesting that unless a CDer naturally has the type of body that is eye-catching, if she dresses to blend and just goes out looking like a regular female (especially if this CDer is the average age in this forum which is in the 40s or 50s), she won't get glanced at any more than the ordinary woman. If, on the other hand, she has the big breast forms, curvy hip and butt pads, waist cincher, dressed in clothes that particularly enhance this, then yes, she will get that second look but again, if this is her choice of appearance, is it because she wants to be noticed as a voluptuous woman?

[Marleena]

I don't want attention from guys, in fact it worries me. Are they interested because I look female or because they know I'm a guy in a dress?

When I go out it's for me to feel comfortable and enjoy myself. I might be in the minority, not sure.

[tracigirl_tv]

The first time I went out locally as Traci to a club having a tg-friendly event, I drove downtown and parked on the street. Walking down South St., nervous as all get-out and certain everyone was staring at the freaky guy (i.e., me), I walked past a convenience store. One of the employees was standing at the front door and he made it a point to make eye contact with me. He smiled and said "Niiiiiice." Well, I was (and am) hooked on the feeling I had at that moment *lol* As I walked away from him toward the club, I'll venture to say there was just a little extra wiggle in my walk *smile*

[Shananigans]

He smiled and said "Niiiiiice." Well, I was (and am) hooked on the feeling I had at that moment *lol* As I walked away from him toward the club, I'll venture to say there was just a little extra wiggle in my walk *smile*

That's so funny...I would have had a complete opposite reaction. Kind of like when construction workers whistle at you. (Like...seriously...are construction workers following their stereotype, or is it just how a lot of them really are??) I usually give a look that says, "Dream on...don't even try it."

It's really interesting to see how different people respond to attention from people.

But, I also think that maybe CDing and getting attention from someone that you look good is self-affirming. I think it may be hard for GGs (like Reine and I) to relate to that feeling since we don't need a lot of affirmation on how feminine we look.

[ReineD]

... nervous as all get-out and certain everyone was staring at the freaky guy (i.e., me),

... He smiled and said "Niiiiiice." Well, I was (and am) hooked on the feeling I had at that moment *lol* As I walked away from him toward the club, I'll venture to say there was just a little extra wiggle in my walk *smile*

You know, this brings up an interesting point. Up til now I've assumed the CDers pass as females, as I've always assumed was the intention.

But, we all know there are admirers (there have been countless threads about this but a good description is found here: http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html). And if a guy looks at a CDer and winks, "Niiiice", well, is it safe to assume he is straight and he appreciates the CDer because he feels she passes as an attractive woman, or is he just into kink or guys who wear dresses? And would this matter to the average CDer (if there is such a thing as an average CDer lol)

And when people stare at a CDer walking down the street, is it because they read him or is it because his presentation is impeccably that of a beautiful woman? Maybe there are just way too many variables to discuss this coherently.


Edit - I brought this up because you said in your post that you looked like a guy and despite this, the employee at the convenience store eyed you appreciatively.

Also, looking at Lori's post under me (I don't feel like clogging up the thread with yet another post), I do feel flattered when someone appreciates how I look. There are subtleties, however. There are men who genuinely find some women beautiful and they let them know. I'm thrilled when I get an appreciative glance and a genuine compliment, and there are other men who are quite crass about this, giving the woman the impression he's just looking at her a$$, boobs, or other parts of her body, in other words he is looking at her like a piece of meat.

[Lorileah]

I walked past a convenience store. One of the employees was standing at the front door and he made it a point to make eye contact with me. He smiled and said "Niiiiiice." Well, I was (and am) hooked on the feeling I had at that moment *lol*

That's so funny...I would have had a complete opposite reaction.

I wonder sometimes when GG says that if they remember being say 13 or 14 and "boy crazy" and how when a boy. a certain boy in particular said "niiice" did they at that time feel objectified.

I know that may sound strange but consider a couple things.

1. most of the TGs here are used to NOT being noticed. We blend in on an everyday basis. We are not movie stars looks or athletes or male models. When we dress we either like what we see or we freak out that we are men in a dress. When a man or woman says even something as simple as "you look good" it is something we are not used to. And it feels good. GG's have become jaded (maybe) and have become hardened to the over attention so they either ignore it or reject it.

2. In many cases here when we do dress up it takes us a looooong time ( ) and having attention is the reason (at least for me because if I want to be ignored I will stay home or just go out in my daily clothes...which are from the women's department but no one notices cuz they are shorts and polos and slip on shoes and you get the point). GG's dress more for their SO's (or to attract a SO) and they only want the SO to notice but the nature of going out puts you where there is collateral attraction. Wouldn't it be nice to wear a neon sign that says "This ain't for you..it is for my sweet babboo only". I am sure that to a certain extent a male dressed in a nice suit at a bar or party gets the same thing , it is just that men, in general don't pay attention unless the woman is on their radar.

I for one like attention from both sexes but since I venture mostly to gay venues I guess I kind of feel safe that gay guys may say nice things but they won't attack me and the lesbians may like me as a friend but there is NO way they want more. Sort of a force field for me. "Straight" guys (and I say that sarcastically because c'mon so very few of "us" are good enough to not be read by even the most causal observer) who hit on me or even remark about me are not straight I don't care what they say. Still it is nice when they tell me how "pretty" I am.

I think that maybe the TG (read those in the CD area) are kind of stuck in the age area that the GG's were in when they were tweens. Some of us mature and we do the same as the GG's, we ignore the obviously hormonal and sociological driven looks and comments. But as I said before, if I spend two hours getting made up and dressed someone better notice.

[Shananigans]

I wonder sometimes when GG says that if they remember being say 13 or 14 and "boy crazy" and how when a boy. a certain boy in particular said "niiice" did they at that time feel objectified.

I know that may sound strange but consider a couple things.

1. most of the TGs here are used to NOT being noticed. We blend in on an everyday basis. We are not movie stars looks or athletes or male models. When we dress we either like what we see or we freak out that we are men in a dress. When a man or woman says even something as simple as "you look good" it is something we are not used to. And it feels good. GG's have become jaded (maybe) and have become hardened to the over attention so they either ignore it or reject it.

2. In many cases here when we do dress up it takes us a looooong time ( ) and having attention is the reason (at least for me because if I want to be ignored I will stay home or just go out in my daily clothes...which are from the women's department but no one notices cuz they are shorts and polos and slip on shoes and you get the point). GG's dress more for their SO's (or to attract a SO) and they only want the SO to notice but the nature of going out puts you where there is collateral attraction. Wouldn't it be nice to wear a neon sign that says "This ain't for you..it is for my sweet babboo only". I am sure that to a certain extent a male dressed in a nice suit at a bar or party gets the same thing , it is just that men, in general don't pay attention unless the woman is on their radar.

I for one like attention from both sexes but since I venture mostly to gay venues I guess I kind of feel safe that gay guys may say nice things but they won't attack me and the lesbians may like me as a friend but there is NO way they want more. Sort of a force field for me. "Straight" guys (and I say that sarcastically because c'mon so very few of "us" are good enough to not be read by even the most causal observer) who hit on me or even remark about me are not straight I don't care what they say. Still it is nice when they tell me how "pretty" I am.

I think that maybe the TG (read those in the CD area) are kind of stuck in the age area that the GG's were in when they were tweens. Some of us mature and we do the same as the GG's, we ignore the obviously hormonal and sociological driven looks and comments. But as I said before, if I spend two hours getting made up and dressed someone better notice.

Oh, I remember being 13. I think about that time I was pretty sure I was going to marry Justin Timberlake/lived in my own fantasy world. (No, seriously...I really thought I was actually going to marry JT). It was a rough time in my life...I wouldn't go back lol.

If I had been walking by JT and he eyed me up and down, saying, "Niiice..." I think I would be a little disappointed. Maybe I wouldn't feel I was *objectified*...but, I'd be a little let down that the man I wanted to notice me had nothing more original to say. I mean, I still live in somewhat of a dream world...I would have appreciated JT saying, "I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful tonight."

It's rare that a man does that. I have unrealistic standards...I realize this. But, then, women write the romance novels that I read...so, the male characters that I love actually originated from a woman's mind. (Oh, wait...I'm okay with that).

So, I wouldn't say that I am jaded or that I am walking around pissed that men are constantly objectifying women. It's just that I too have a fantasy...and, most men aren't it. And, the older I get...the pickier I get. It also takes me a long time to get ready to go out, and I appreciate that other people find me attractive. I wouldn't say it is ALL for my SO...it's also for me. But, sometimes men really eye you like you are meat...and, it gets real f*cking old. It seems like it was even old when I was 13, because I would have been sad if I ran into a less articulate JT.

I do appreciate proper men when I am out on the town. A few guys that are more...suave, I guess...have figured out more of what women really want. So, instead of oogling at us in a corner or saying one word compliments...they actually come up to us and say something polite. I'll give two of my favorite examples of men that have complimented me about my looks, but did not creep me out or get a "go straight to Hell" look. One guy came up to me when I was sitting at the bar with one of my friends and said, "I wanted to let you know that how you are dressed is amazing. My friends and I thought you looked like an actress...you look so different than the other girls here, and they don't hold a candle to you." (He was commenting on the fact that I do a 1940s-vibe thing...but, I'm not sure he knew the decade of style). But, it was one of the sweetest things that a stranger has ever told me...and, I was just so tickled that some random person would say something so sweet to me. Another example is of a guy who desperately wanted to buy me a drink. I kept turning him down and he finally said, "I'm going to be straight with you...I think you are the prettiest girl in here...and, I know you might not want to talk to me again, but I would really like to buy the prettiest girl here a drink." So, I let him buy me a drink.

So, those are my two examples of guys that have really stood out in my mind that have said something that really floored me. Guys rarely do this...so, that's probably why they stand out in my mind. I'm sure the last guy was at least 2 years ago. Quite a few guys come up and try to talk to me, and I really do appreciate it if they aren't being creepy. But, those two guys that I mentioned previously go down in my Suave Hall of Fame. (Whatever that is...I just came up with it, actually).

But, I just get floored when someone says something that is really meaningful. I appreciate when someone says something nice, instead of just looking at me like I am meat. I appreciate it when men find that I am attractive. I'm not *jaded* that it happens so often. It's just that I take a lot of time to look very nice when I go out, and I appreciate it when men take time to string words together to make sentences...instead of just staring at me, or saying something half-assed.

It's not that ATTENTION isn't appreciated...it's just the wrong attention is unappreciated and the right attention is more than appreciated.

It may also be harder for people to understand here, because y'all have always been very polite to me. Whenever me or my SO are complemented, it has been very sweet. So, maybe y'all are just more in-tune with the "right attention." It's very subjective, but it's just my opinion. True compliments are always nice to receive...but, stares and half-assed remarks are just as bad as they sound.

[Kate Simmons]

The beauty of your inward self is beyond compare Shan, notwithstanding the beauty of your outward self which ain't bad either my friend.

[Melissa Rose]

I'm very out in the mainstream on a very frequent basis and in almost every situation. I may be in the minority, but I do not want to be noticed differently than any other appropriately dressed woman of my age and body shape/style. I dress to blend in, but that does not mean sloppy or boring. Usually I'm not paying much attention to how others are looking at me especially in safe venues and environments. I've moved past that mainly due to experience and being totally comfortable. The grand majority of the time, I get basically ignored like any other person and that makes me happier than getting positively checked out by some guy. You develop a sense based on experience when attention is beyond the norm. Based on my interactions, women pay more attention since it tends to come up in conversations as comments, questions or compliments about something I may be wearing or buying. Lines at cash registers or for the restrooms seem to be the most popular conversation places. I don't mind the attention, but it has to be genuine and done with the proper intentions and in the proper way.

It may take a while to distinguish it, but, at the risk of making a big generalization, some gay males are sarcastic when giving a MTF trans person a compliment about their appearance. You can read it in their voices and body language or unintentionally overhear other comments, but you have to know what to look for. Sometimes it is quite obvious. I've seen a cross dresser walking on air after an apparent compliment not realizing it was sarcasm, and I did not have the heart to tell them nor was it my place to ruin their high. Have your sarcasm detector on since even a positive comment may not be what it seems to be.

[Rebecca Star]

Someone better look when I walk into a room...

lol... Good to know I'm not the only one who thinks like this