The only thing I would say is just make sure it is a total agreement , so there are no "surprises".
The only thing I would say is just make sure it is a total agreement , so there are no "surprises".
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
And then to completely rain on the parade, among many other reasons for not liking the idea, I have treated too many STDs to be comfortable with the concept.
My wife used to swing when she was married to her first husband. He ended up leaving her for another woman that he had been with.
Brandi
When I was married we were swingers (pre computer age). It worked for us because of the rules we had. No meets alone. Only sex in the same room. We came together, we leave together. No playing around behind each other. These rules worked for us.
Diane Elizabeth
Swinging is just an other way of trying to legalize cheating. If you both cheat on one another, the
cheating is some ways cancels out.
I do not think so. Cheating is still cheating, I love and respect my wife, and at the same time,
seeing her with someone else, and me at the same time with someone Else is a slap in the face to the
promises made to each other when you where Married.
My two cents worth, maybe a whole nickle.
Rader
Rader, I don't think swinging is cheating when both parties agree to the arrangement called swinging. It is only cheating when either of them do not know about the other's outside sexual escapades. I could not and would not agree to such arrangement, but IF my SO and I agreed to it openly and honestly, then it is not cheating. However, I think both partners are cheating themselves out of a stronger and more spiritual bond. Sex is the most intimate act we can do. I don't want to share that intimacy with anyone else.
I would think long and hard about this. Some people can handle "the lifestyle" but an awful lot do not. There's a lot of added potential stress in a relationship when other intimate partners get involved.
what's the big deal? get one and let her swing. you might also enjoy it.Originally Posted by Chazity
Couple of things: 1) Swinging can be a lot of work finding compatible playmates etc. A good way to get your feet wet is an off-premises swing club where you can mingle with like-minded people etc without the pressure of "performing" (although there's lots of foreplay type stuff on the dance floor); and 2) like the rest of the population, very few swingers are going to be interested in a TG, assuming you would prefer to participate en femme. Unless you can find another GG + TG couple, don't expect much acceptance.
I just finished posting a comment on a different thread! All I would like is some mild form acceptance from my wife in the form of her buying me a pair of panties. Swinging???? After forty years of marriage I still cannot wrap my head around the concept of 'swinging.' I'm sorry, there is something wrong with the concept. My personal opinion.
You should be asking her why and what's missing in your marriage. The answer may surprise you. You indicated you cannot wrap your mind around it, but, maybe will go along with it. Wrong decision!
I have not suggested to my wife that she participate in my cross dressing because she cannot accept it. It is a solo activity for me because of her non acceptance of the "concept." If I were to become a cross dressing militant, that would be wrong. To swing without being into it will not work out for you.
I suspect there is some deeper issues you need to explore. My person opinion only!
Just for fun go back through some of the the posts above and change the word "swinging" with Crossdressing" and see if you can understand why so many SO's have an issue with "us". I find it interesting where lines in morality are drawn. I made a rule years ago, never say you don't like something until you try it. If my SO asked me to join her in a swing group,I (personally) would try. I think I would freak out and not be able to Perform but I would attempt to see her point. The same with open marriages. I know several people who have these and they are thriving, yet I am sure many of the same anti-swing people here would find it heresy. It isn't human nature to be unemotional and accepting. But it is a civilized way of living.
For all that think that Swinging is a sign the marriage is in trouble,why? And don't you believe that crossdressing can be seen by the SO as a sign the marriage is in trouble also?
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Lorileah, I get your point and agree to an extent. To compare a wife's desire to engage in swinging is not a fair comparison to us being CD/TG. We know that our urges to dress is a compulsion that simply does not go away. Unless that need or compulsion to be involved in swinging could not simply go away, then I agree. But I don't see that compulsion being as strong as our need, desire and compulsion to dress fem. But I'm sure if faced with it, and I felt her desire was so strong that it won't go away, then I'm sure I'd try it with agreed upon ground rules. I know it would hurt me,. But I love my SO so much that I want to make her as happy as she makes me. There is not much to compare to her acceptance, understanding and involvement with my crossdressing. So in wanting to keep her and make her happy, I'd try. I've done wilder things in my past, so who knows. If the love, respect and trust van hold up, then I'd agree to at least try.
I think they're different things, Lorileah. When a woman says she wants another man, it's easy to understand why a guy might be worried. But when a Cder dresses, he's not saying he wants another woman. A GG might interpret the act as his dissatisfaction with her, but a CDer who loves her and is faithful to her can straighten her out on that.
I'm not saying that GG's aren't right to be worried. I understand their worries. I just think they're different sorts of worries.
Monogamy is not a natural state in mammals (some birds do mate for life). Swinging is actually probably a greater compulsion for a male where in nature the idea is to produce as many offspring as possible. Polyamory has been suppressed (like crossdressing) by society. Even at that it has not become the absolute norm. Look at all the affaris that people have. Monogamy was more important from a woman's side because she could know who the father of her child was and expect that male to care for the child (yeah right). However, by having multiple lovers a woman can increase her chances of getting pregnant and even more the chance that one male will survive long enough to care for her and her offspring, so polygamy works from the female perspective too So I don't think saying swinging is not a compulsion or need similar to what we feel is correct. Our aversion is based more on what we have been taught. It is also based on emotion and the human desire to OWN what you have.
That is sort of the same as what SO's tell us, right? They cannot see our crossdressing as being so compulsive that we "need" it. So your view here is not unlike what wives and GFs feel about us.But I don't see that compulsion being as strong as our need, desire and compulsion to dress fem.
And I believe that if you ask the GG's here who appear accepting they will tell you the same thing. They may have started it as a way to show just how much they love their mates. I think many who go along for years have found that there is an enjoyable component that maybe they didn't see before. In the case of dressing it isn't focused so much on sex though and I believe that swinging is more an adrenaline rush for the participantsBut I'm sure if faced with it, and I felt her desire was so strong that it won't go away, then I'm sure I'd try it with agreed upon ground rules. I know it would hurt me,. But I love my SO so much that I want to make her as happy as she makes me. There is not much to compare to her acceptance, understanding and involvement with my crossdressing. So in wanting to keep her and make her happy, I'd try. I've done wilder things in my past, so who knows. If the love, respect and trust van hold up, then I'd agree to at least try.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Now thats my type of Swinging. And that is a mighty fine looking swing you have there.what's the big deal? get one and let her swing. you might also enjoy it.
Rader
Not for me (or us). If my wife suggested it, I'd feel as though I was not enough for her and she needed another man to fulfill her sexual needs. I wouldn't go for it but that's me. However, if you thought about it for yourself and you are both on the same level I guess there is nothing wrong with it. You BOTH need to want it. Don't do it just for her. BIG trouble for you.
Knowing why will be as difficult as members here being able to give definitive answers as to why they dress. We all know some of the answers but what it is that is at the centre of our passion, our desire, that which leads us down this path, do we ever really know? I would suggest asking what it is that your S/O hopes to get from embarking on that journey. What is the "fascination" that swinging offers. Perhaps it's an emontional "rush" akin to our first time in public.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
It isn't for me. I could rationalize all the reasons why it was OK but emotionally I know I couldn't handle the jealousy. Its a bit like having sex with a friend and thinking you'll just remain friends with no jealousy or relationship expectations, or maybe that was just a Seinfeld episode.
It really doesn't matter what each of us thinks of someone else's lifestyle. As I understand it, the OP is asking for some help getting her head around this. Reine has (again) hit the nail on the head: You both have to discuss this issue so that you are both comfortable with all aspects and possibilities (the "rules of engagement"). Without that, emotional disaster will clearly be waiting around the bend.
May the choice the two of you make further your relationship!
tina
I can only add to the confusion.
First, this is not the best place to ask. Nobody here knows why your wife wants to have sex with men (I assume) other than you. My advice to you is for you both to see a marriage counselor.
That said, and some posters have touched on this, marriage is supposed to be a sacred vow of fidelity between two people (in most states, one man and one woman). If either or both of you are haveing sex or even affairs with other people, you don't have a "wife", you have a roomate with benefits.
Personally, I ruined two marriages by being unfaithful. I don't recommend it.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Lorileah in my opinion there's a world of difference between having sex with a stranger (swinging) versus a guy putting on a skirt (CDing).
It does seem rather unusual for the wife to be the one to initiate an interest in swinging. In that situation, I couldn't help wondering if she simply longed for interaction with a man's man, so to speak. But it could just be an interest in kink. In my own limited experience, the subject came up with my ex during a moment of pillow talk, and she was quite receptive. We were both highly sexual people, and turned on by lots of different stimuli. When we decided to pursue it, we agreed on several rules, including limiting ourselves to soft swinging (no intercourse with other partners etc.)
This was all prior to my own interest in feminine expression, although we both expressed some vague bi-sexual urges. One of my first discoveries was how incredibly stimulating it was to see my wife being so overtly sexual with other people. That was as exciting, if not more exciting, than the chance for me to be sexual with other women, although I was not willing to miss out on the fun altogether. This dynamic eventually emerged as the thorn on the rose -- although my ex was a sexually charged person who loved attention, she was also a very jealous person. She was fine as long as it was just her getting attention from other men, but she bristled when other women showed an interest in me.
Our first forays produced an unexpected but very welcome reaction: it brought us closer. For some reason, the swinging encounters sort of rekindled our appreciation of each other, and it was a relief to drop the hang-ups (most of them, anyway) and just have a good time in ways that came naturally to each of us. But ultimately, her self-centered jealousy was a spoiler we couldn't seem to get around and brought an end to the swinging. And for my part, I must confess that although I never crossed the boundary we had agreed upon, the soft-swinging restriction eventually started feeling like an exercise in frustration. She felt that too -- she would have liked to have taken her own interactions to the next level, but just couldn't handle seeing me with another woman in that way.
Voulez-vous
I like your style.Very nice.
Thera
Maybe I've had nothing but bad experiences, but when a woman has asked for an "open marriage" or to "swing", she's already been adventuring around behind your back and is tired of hiding and sneaking around. Now she wants to be able to do it with having to sneak around. She wants you for your paycheck, but wants someone else because they make her feel exciting - she wants the adventure.
Eventually she dumped me after I had cosigned loans for a new car and paid off her bills, and then in an odd twist, the guy she left me for dumped her. So now she's sleeping with whatever she can find.
Like I said, maybe I've had nothing but bad experiences, but that's all I can say about it. And you might say I have trust issues these days.
Melissa
I woul love the excitement and variety of having a different partner, but not if it put a train on our relationship. It wouldn't be love just fun. I don't think I could really swing tho, because of STDs.
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