The Letter

[SallyS]

Recently I have been suspicious that my eldest daughter may have an idea that not all the women’s clothes in the wardrobe are her mothers

This has come about because of recent questions about transgendred people etc., that she keeps bringing up.

Now this could be all innocent or maybe she has a friend who might be TG?
Anyway I got to thinking that maybe sooner or later she will find out about my female side.

I personally have no problem with this, and knowing my daughter I think she would pretty cool about it!

However I have decided to write a pre-emptive letter, explaining this side of my personality, should the need arise.

I have done this, because I feel any initial disclosure may be distorted by emotions. I want her to clearly understand what I am (or not), so she gets the full picture.

Writing the letter has given me the opportunity to really think it through and give her the best information I can. I would hope that any initial concerns will be dispelled very quickly.

But as we all know, things very rarely go to plan. She might just say 'Dad, I've know about it for a long time and that's OK!'

Does anyone else have a pre-prepared script, should the need arise?

[Beth Mays]

I shave started one severeal times but never finished it.

[Michelle 51]

Hi Sally
I just went through this and if you have a lot of Sally's things around the house I would bet she knows more than you think.My daughter said she has known for 3 yrs and had talked to her mother about it.I'm glad my wife explained that I had been like this all my life.I have several daughters and asked if they knew and she told me she didn't think so.I asked how she found out and she said lots of small things.Things I had left laying around.Me dressing when I thought she was asleep.Smalll things on the pc.I guess its hard to hide it forever

[Sophia Claire]

Because I'm very much alone most of the time, my imagination runs pretty wild and sometimes I think about what would happen if my parents ever found out. Several scenarios play themselves out in my head, and so I have the opportunity to act them out in my mind, which frequently devolves into me talking to myself. I guess you could say I rehearse for something that I hope will never happen. But then, I'm in the military and that's basically 75% of what we do. It's natural for me. I don't write anything down, though, because this mainly happens when I'm driving.

[jillleanne]

Wrote one years ago before coming out and would always keep it with the stash of clothing so that if my wife found the stash, she would be able to read the letter and realize why there were other women's clothes in the house.

As for your daughter, this is the opportune time to ask your daughter a simple question, " How you you react if you found out your mother or father was transgender/crossdressed?" If she included in her reply, " Why, are either of you?" you have the opportunity to enlighten her or lie. Don't wait until it's too late.

[Cynthia Anne]

I can see where the ''letter'' is a good idea for some people! It's much easier to be prepared in writeing then in speaking! For me when I was in that prediciment I've always spoke my peice!, saying; 'this is the way it is! Get over it! Or don't! Your choice'! Hugs!

[suzy1]

She keeps asking about transgendered people? If that’s not a dead giveaway then I don’t know what is!

If I was a betting man [I meen woman] I would put money on that reply 'Dad, I've known about it for a long time and that's OK!' Is exactly what she will say.

Tell her face to face and give her a hug, You will be fine.

Good luck


SUZY

[JessHaust]

Face to face in person is light years better than a letter. Talk to her, you might be surprised.

[StaceyJane]

My daughter beat me to the letter. She left a letter for me explaining that she knew about me and everything was okay.
I had a heart attack and a stroke at the same time when I found the letter but it was the first step in coming out to my family.

[kimdl93]

I did it the old fashioned way - by talking to her. But I think the letter is a good idea, since its we tend to sort and clarify our ideas in the process of writing them down.

[Eryn]

I think that a letter is a very good way to organize your thoughts and make sure that you haven't missed anything. Keep it on the shelf and if the subject comes up in a FTF situation you could always have your daughter read it. It might answer all her questions or, more likely, prompt positive discussion.

Yes, our children likely know more about us than they are letting on. Luckily, they are also much more likely to be accepting and supportive.

[Megan_Renee]

I often write letters for various high-stress things. I'm in academia, so high-stress meetings come far too often. I find that writing the letter helps me to organize my thoughts and situate my feelings before the 'event' (whatever it is). This means I can stay much calmer and stay much more on-point than I have in the past.

At any rate, Good luck to you!!

~~Megan

[Vickie_CDTV]

I had to do something similar; I had a letter prepared for my father for years in case he found out (and things turned ugly.) In your case, it might be a good idea to have the letter written, clearly stating what you are and are not ready to go, stored with your clothes (in case she finds them) addressed to her.

[Vanessa5]

This sounds like a great idea. I like it. Just like Megan I think that writing helps keep the stress down and IMO may be theraputic for whomever is doing the writing. Keeping things in order or organizing points before as opposed to getting off track. I believe I too shall write one.

[Stephanie47]

Sally, your daughter is probably a lurker on this site. Oh, that's a different thread!

If my precedes me in death, I'll have to consider something. If I die first she can donate or sell all my clothing and made a lot of money. Or, maybe I'll tell them to lurk on this site to see how harmless good old dad was.

[TGMarla]

I think a letter is a good idea. I wrote a rather lengthy one to my wife when I disclosed this all to her. It at least allowed me to say what I needed to say, did so in the right way, andI didn't have to trip over my tongue when I said it.

And you know what they say: Luck favors the prepared.